Power of Three Parody
by Blood Red Mind
Summary: The entire Power of Three arc- except with everything fans wanted that the Erin Hunters didn't put in, more humor, and, of course, more fluffiness. Begins in the middle of the second book (Dark River) because the author was stupid. And skip the first few chapters if you don't want to experience failure, I'm warning you.
1. It Begins

"Jaypaw!" Firestar yowled.

"What the heck do you want?" Jaypaw snapped.

Firestar ignored his remark. "I'm going to raid your herb storage to get high on catmint while you go out on a super-secret perilous adventure. Sound good to you?"

"Don't you have a patrol to do?" Jaypaw asked, trying to find a way out of his situation.

"You dare disobey your leader?!" Firestar snapped.

Jaypaw glared at him. "Yes, actually I do. Why do you want to live your life in hangovers?"

Firestar waved his tail. "Oh, this and that." His expression hardened. "This an order from your leader, Jaypaw. I can do whatever I want to you because I'm awesome and I have a lot of power. I practically control your life, so it would be best to obey."

_ The moron. Does he want to lose his dignity? _Jaypaw thought about this for a moment. _Well, in case he dies early from catmint, any leader is better than this jerk. _"Okay, fine. Gosh," Jaypaw muttered as Firestar dived into his den.

At that moment, Jaypaw heard Hollypaw and Lionpaw come back from a patrol with their mentors. "Hey! Guys!" He bounded over.

"Yeah, what?" Lionpaw asked.

"We're going on a super-secret perilous adventure while Firestar raids my storage for catmint. Firestar's orders. And no, Hollypaw," Jaypaw meowed as she opened her mouth, "It's not against the warrior code.

"Well, fine, then," she mewed, annoyed.

"Come on," Jaypaw beckoned with his tail, "We're going to go to the tunnels that Lionpaw used to see some WindClan chic."

"He WHAT?" Hollypaw yowled.

"Hey! I told you not to tell her!" Lionpaw protested.

Jaypaw shrugged, "She'll get over it."

Hollypaw rounded on Lionpaw, "You broke the warrior code!"

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "Are you just going to stand here yelling at me for the rest of the day, or are you going to obey Firestar's order?"

Hollypaw glared at him but didn't say anything.

"I thought so," Lionpaw mewed.

Jaypaw stood by impatiently, "Are we going or what?"

Hollypaw held up her tail, "Just one more question."

"What?"

"What are we going to say when the clan finds our that Firestar's drunk?" Hollypaw asked.

"Nothing. Now let's go!" Jaypaw bounded away.

Hollypaw glanced at Lionpaw. "What's he so enthusiastic about?"

Lionpaw shrugged. "Beats me. Maybe he just wanted to see the tunnels."

"But he can't see-"

"I'm trying to think of a good reason, okay?" Lionpaw interrupted. Then he realized how rude he sounded. "Oh. Sorry."

Hollypaw sighed. "Come on. We need to make sure Jaypaw doesn't bump in to something." At that moment, Hollypaw heard a screech that sounded a lot like Jaypaw.

"Sounds like he already did," Lionpaw meowed.

…

Jaypaw stood up and shook himself. While running, he had bumped into a tree. _Stupid!_ he thought. Jaypaw sensed that Hollypaw and Lionpaw hadn't caught up yet, so he took advantage of the time to think.

The idiot that they had to call leader was raiding his storage of catmint. Again. Firestar had been lucky last time not to go high, but his supply of catmint had been low that time. _Oh, well. Let the retard suffer for his choices. He deserves it. _Jaypaw couldn't care less about what happened to Firestar. What he was really worried about was that Firestar would mess up his storage of herbs that he had been collecting, and the catmint would surely be out by the time he got back from his "super-secret perilous adventure".

Jaypaw growled. Why the heck did _he_ have to be medicine cat? It was basically just a bunch of time nursing sick and complaining cats. Plus, many things he did _not _want to be a part of. Like when queens gave birth. Disgusting. All these medicine cat duties dumped on him all the time because he was blind, and StarClan was always confusing him with these stupid prophecies. Seriously, they _never _made sense. And then there was those dumb rules about how medicine cats can't do blah, blah, blah. What was the point of making those useless rules? More drama? _Yeah, right._ Jaypaw thought, _They probably just-_

"Jaypaw!" Lionpaw burst through a bush, panting. "You… you scared us!

"Yeah," Hollypaw appeared next to Lionpaw, "The least you could do was wait."

"Well, the least you two could do is stop bickering!" Jaypaw snapped and padded away.

"Hey, wait up!" Lionpaw called, but Jaypaw ignored him.

_ I don't need them!_ Jaypaw thought. But then he realized; he _did_ need them.

Jaypaw swerved around. "Come on!" he spat.

Hollypaw and Lionpaw caught up.

Suddenly Lionpaw snorted.

"What?" Jaypaw asked.

"Just think of what Firestar would be like when he's high," Lionpaw snickered.

Jaypaw found this somewhat funny, but Hollypaw seemed to be disgusted. "Eww, that's wrong!"

Lionpaw shrugged. "He's going to be like that when we get back anyways. We'll probably find him going crazy and claiming that everyone was his mate."

Hollypaw's eyes widened in horror. "He can't do that!"

Jaypaw snorted in contempt. "Well, the last time I checked, going high on catmint wasn't against the warrior code." _But if only it was, _Jaypaw silently thought.

The sun was sinking by the time they arrived at the tunnels. All three littermates stood in front of the narrow tunnel. It was so… normal. Too normal. It was just a hole in the side of the hill.

Jaypaw was the first to react. "Well, are you two just going to stand there gaping at it? Let's go in!"

"B-but we might find something bad down there!" Hollypaw stuttered.

"What, are you a scaredy-cat?" Lionpaw teased.

"I am not!" Hollypaw retorted, "I'm just… taking cautions."

Jaypaw snorted. "Yeah, right."

He tensed and stepped inside. Immediately, he felt a sinister coolness, and there were weird echoey sounds coming from every direction, like whispering. _Well, that's strange,_ he thought. He stepped back outside. Everything turned back to normal. He stepped back inside. Weird. He stepped back out again. Normal. He repeated this process multiple times. _Why's that?_

Then he noticed his littermate's prickling stares on his pelt. They must've thought he'd gone crazy!

Jaypaw's mind whirled, thinking of an excuse. "I… uh… don't know… where to put my paws…?" he stuttered.

Lionpaw and Hollypaw glanced at each other. "Uh, that's fine, Jaypaw, we understand," Lionpaw mewed.

Jaypaw was surprised. They fell for that junk? He pushed that to the back of his mind. That wasn't their main focus. Right now, they needed to follow Firestar's orders, no matter how stupid, idiotic, or dumb they sounded. Plus, he wanted to explore the tunnels that Lionpaw had often talked about.

As Jaypaw padded inside, he realized that Hollypaw was right to worry. What would they find down there?


	2. Onestar's Crazy, Too

"Heatherpaw! Breezepaw!" Onestar yowled.

Heatherpaw and Breezepaw padded over to their leader.

"You heard of the kits that went missing, yes?" Onestar inquired.

They both nodded, confused.

"Well, I'm sending you inexperienced apprentices to find them," Onestar announced.

Heatherpaw and Breezepaw's mouths fell open with shock. "B-but Onestar-"

"You dare disobey your leader?!" Onestar snapped.

"Of course not, but-"

"Then you will find them. Now, go." Onestar dismissed them with a flick of his tail.

As they padded away, Breezepaw murmured to Heatherpaw, "Sometimes I wonder if Onestar's got a dent in his brain,"

Heatherpaw snorted. "Tell me about it."

…

The moon had just risen by the time they got to the tunnel entrance.

Breezepaw sniffed. "So, why are we here?"

"Uh…" Heatherpaw groped around her mind for an actually _sensible_ reason. "Because StarClan told me so."

That was stupid, but so what? Breezepaw believed anything.

Breezepaw's eyes widened. "But it looks so evil-like!"

"Well, fine then, if you want to stay behind, I'll go alone and leave you out here in the dark." Heatherpaw replied.

Breezepaw flinched. "No, no, I'll come," he mewed reluctantly.

Heatherpaw nodded. "Good."

And with that, the two apprentices padded into the tunnels.

…

"Ouch!" Heatherpaw exclaimed, "You're treading on my tail!"

"Sorry." Breezepaw mumbled.

They had emerged into the place where she and Lionpaw usually met.

Heatherpaw flicked her ear. Was that other cats she heard? She sniffed. ThunderClan! And someone familiar…

"Lionpaw?" She mewed, surprised.

"Heatherpaw?" came the reply, "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you _doing here?" Heatherpaw retorted.

"I asked first." Lionpaw countered.

Heatherpaw sighed. "Onestar sent us out to look for missing kits. You?"

"Onestar sent out apprentices?" Jaypaw asked.

Heatherpaw looked at Jaypaw. She hadn't noticed Lionpaw's littermates were with him. "Yes, he did."

"Well, Firestar sent us out on a super-secret perilous adventure while he got drunk on my catmint." Jaypaw explained. "Looks like both out leaders are crazy."

Heatherpaw shook her head. "Is no one else in this world sane?"

In the dim light, Heatherpaw could make out Jaypaw shrugging. "Beats me."

"We could help." Lionpaw mewed. His eyes flickered towards Hollypaw.

Hollypaw shrugged. "Well, it's not against the warrior code to help other clans to find kits," she stated flatly.

Lionpaw looked at Heatherpaw hopefully.

"Well, sure you-"

"We don't need any help, thank you!" Breezepaw snapped.

"But we need to go on a super-secret perilous adventure!" Hollypaw protested.

"So?" Breezepaw spat. "What does that matter to us?"

"Hey, guys, check this out!" came Jaypaw's voice. He was standing in front of one of the tunnels, apparently interested in something on the ground. While the other's had been talking, he had wandered away to explore the cave. Jaypaw beckoned with his tail. "Come on!"

Hollypaw padded over and sniffed at the shiny golden chunks on the ground. "They're so pretty," she murmured. She nudged one with her nose. "And heavy."

Jaypaw looked confused. "What? Oh." He brushed the chunks away with his paw. "That's not what I'm interested in. _This _is what I'm talking about." He indicated something farther down in the tunnel.

Hollypaw looked over and jumped. "Holy Jesus! What the heck is that doing here?"

"Wait, since when did you turn Christian?" Jawpaw asked with narrowed eyes.

"Uh…" Hollypaw stuttered. "Cloudtail was going around trying to make everyone belive in that religion…"

Jaypaw cursed.

The others rushed to see what Hollypaw was looking at.

Lionpaw's eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't notice that earlier," he murmured.

Heatherpaw glanced at Lionpaw. She knew what he was talking about. In the tunnel was a rotting carcass of a giant dog. "I wonder how that got here?" she asked.

"Well, I don't know and I don't care. It's not my problem." Breezepaw mewed. "Aren't we looking for the kits?"

Heatherpaw had to wrench her gaze away from the dead dog. "Er, yeah, let's go."

"But we can help, right?" Lionpaw asked.

Breezepaw was about to say something, but Heatherpaw slapped her tail across his mouth. "We need all the help we can get, okay?" she snapped.

Breezepaw nodded.

Heatherpaw turned back to Lionpaw and his siblings. "Yes, of course," she mewed.

Jaypaw sniffed at the air. "They went that way," he pointed with his tail, "But they smell strange."

Heatherpaw nodded. "I thought that when I first smelled them, too."

Breezepaw blinked. "You smelled them?"

"Of course, stupid!" Heatherpaw snapped. "You can smell their stench a mile away.

Breezepaw nodded reluctantly. "True…"

Jaypaw was already hard on the kits' trails. "Follow me." he mewed and bounded off.


	3. Sibling Rivalry Is Really Overdramatic

Lionpaw felt like they had been walking for hours. But then he realized. They _had _been walking for hours.

"Hey, Jaypaw!" Lionpaw shouted.

"Yes?" came the reply.

"Are you sure we're going in the right direction?" Lionpaw asked.

"Of course I am!" Jaypaw mewed indignantly, "Do you think I'd want to walk this much for nothing?"

Jaypaw was usually lazy and complained like and elder, so he had a point there.

"Well, the kits have been missing since dawn, so they must have been wandering around for quite some time." Heatherpaw observed.

"And that means more walking," Breezepaw grumbled.

"Oh, come on, fatty! The only exercise you really do everyday is patrolling and training. After that it's just eat and sleep," Heatherpaw mewed. "You need this."

Breezepaw started mumbling something about how he worked harder than that, but was silenced by Jaypaw.

"Shut up!" Jaypaw snapped. "Can you hear that?"

Everyone pricked their ears.

Hollypaw shrugged. "I can't hear anything."

Jaypaw sighed. "That's probably because you don't have my awesome gift of blindness, thus making my senses sharper."

Hollypaw rolled her eyes. "Well, go on then oh great one. What do you hear?"

Jaypaw snorted with annoyance. "I hear another cat, that's what I hear."

Lionpaw was suddenly interested. "What? Who?"

"You're going to find out," Jaypaw mewed.

"Come on, your never dang right truthful," Lionpaw retorted, "And you obviously know who it is."

Jaypaw was silent for a moment.

Suddenly, he tensed and stood stock still, causing every cat to bump into each other. His mouth hung limply open. Then he shook his head and moved on.

"What was that?" Hollypaw asked, scrambling off of Breezepaw.

"Oh, my face!" Breezepaw moaned.

"You can worry about your precious face later," Heatherpaw spat, "Get up!"

Breezepaw obeyed. "My jaw feels numb…"

Heatherpaw glared at him. "Oh, well, don't pay attention and live with it."

"Jaypaw?" Hollypaw inquired. "What was that?" she asked again.

"Nothing," Jaypaw mumbled.

Lionpaw could tell Jaypaw's mind was somewhere else.

"Something's up, Jaypaw. Tell us," Lionpaw urged.

"You wouldn't believe me." Jaypaw mewed.

Lionpaw snorted. "Our leader's an idiot, StarClan is real, Mousefur thinks one plus one is window, and we were declared the most unluckiest clan in the forest the last gathering. I think I can believe anything."

"Well, I can't tell you anyways," Jaypaw meowed.

"And who told you that?" Lionpaw asked. "The wall? You can tell me!"

There was a pause. "Stop wailing like a kit, it's getting you nowhere," Jaypaw replied stiffly.

Lionpaw was getting annoyed. "Why are you always so secretive? You don't have to live life alone, you know. We're your littermates! It would be nice for once if you just-

"Well, I'm not going to tell you, so can you just shut your freaking pie-hole and stop nagging at me?!" Jaypaw shouted.

Lionpaw was silenced for a few moments.

"What's a pie hole?" Breezepaw whispered.

"Well, obviously it's the number pi with a hole in it," Heatherpaw replied as a matter of factly.

Hollypaw rolled her eyes. "Toms. They're always getting into stupid fights."

Lionpaw glared at her, then looked back to Jaypaw. "Why won't you tell me?" he asked.

Suddenly, he whipped around and faced Lionpaw like he could really see him, even though Lionpaw knew he couldn't.

"Uh-" Lionpaw started, but Jaypaw interrupted.

"Well, maybe it's because I might want a life like you. Maybe it's because I hate being a stupid medicine cat. Or maybe, it might be because I don't like you. But whichever reason it is, it doesn't matter. I have my secrets, and you have yours. Agreed?" Jaypaw mewed.

Lionpaw tried to regain his composure. "Um… Yeah, okay…"

Breezepaw scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Really, I don't like being in the middle of all this sibling rivalry, and I hate drama. So, if you could do me a favor, you could, one, commit suicide in a really tortuous, slow, and agonizing way, or two, keep going and get the heck on with it."

Heatherpaw looked surprised. "That actually made sense," she mewed.

Hollypaw was surprised, too. "I thought he was just a walking body with a big mouth."

Heatherpaw nodded in agreement.

Suddenly, Jaypaw shouted. "Fallen Leaves!"

Everyone stared at Jaypaw.

"Uh, wha-?" Breezepaw started.

"Yes, that would be nice," Jaypaw mewed. Jaypaw had stopped walking again. He seemed to be having a conversation with thin air.

He stopped talking for a moment as if letting someone else speak.

"You know how?" Jaypaw asked.

Silence.

"How long?"

Silence.

"Wow, you're old! Oh, sorry."

Silence.

Suddenly, Lionpaw felt as if he had to break in. "Er, excuse me Jaypaw, but who are you talking to?" Lionpaw asked, but Jaypaw just waved his tail for silence.

Jaypaw nodded. "Okay," he meowed, and he started walking again, but with renewed confidence.

"What did he just do?" Heatherpaw asked Hollypaw.

Hollypaw waved her tail, "Oh, medicine cat stuff."

Heatherpaw nodded in understanding.

Breezepaw's eyes flickered to the two she-cats. "That's it?" he asked.

Heatherpaw looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"You're just going to let _that_ explain your question?" he mewed.

"Well, he's not one to share his thoughts," Hollypaw explained. "Plus, he's lazy and he thinks explaining things takes too much work."

"You know I can hear you," Jaypaw growled.

Hollypaw looked embarrassed. "Oh… heh… oops…"


	4. Firestar Plus Catmint Equals HORROR

"Squirrelflight! Wake up you, midget!" Firstar shouted. It hadn't taken him long to find and eat all the catmint. And to think that his daughter was a midget.

Squirrelflight padded drowsily from the warriors den. "Great StarClan-"

"Jesus!" she heard Cloudtail shout.

But Squirrelflight wasn't listening. She was staring with wide eyes at her own father high on catmint. "Sandstorm!" she called. "I think you should see this."

"What?" Sandstorm yawned as she padded out of her den. Then she caught sight of Firestar running around restlessly. "I knew I shouldn't have mated with a retard," she grumbled.

The rest of the clan was awakened by the disturbance. They all stood in shock watching their leader run around.

Cloudtail looked around and shrugged. "What, you didn't realize that he was a dumb leader and secretly gay yet?"

"I realized that moons ago," Mousefur croaked. "He gave me a soaking wet mouse and didn't apologize."

Brook stared at Cloudtail in surprise. "Uh… gay? With who?!"

Cloudtail yelped as Brook chased him out of camp in search of answers to her ever "innocent" mind.

Stormfur stared at where Brook disappeared. "And that's why I love her," he meowed.

Firestar was now licking every tree he saw for no apparent reason.

"Leafpool! How could you let him get to the catmint?!" Ashfur yowled.

Leafpool glared at him. "Don't look at me, I was collecting herbs all day."

Squirrelflight knew that was a lie.

Firestar paused from his tree licking to look at Ashfur. "Yes, and I sent out Jaypaw and his littermates on a super-secret perilous adventure so I could raid his storage by threatening him!"

Ashfur brightened up considerably, though Squirrelflight didn't know why.

"But Firestar, that's mad!" Brambleclaw cried. "They'll probably take it for granted and actually go on a super-secret perilous mission because of their youth and immaturity!" Brambleclaw gasped for air because of the long sentence he had just said.

Firestar wasn't listening. He was now ripping pieces of den material in his jaws and eating them, muttering things about peanut butter and mayonnaise.

Squirrelflight thought she had put up with enough. She needed her beauty sleep. She marched over to Firestar and grabbed him by the scruff like a kit, but his weight was more than anything she had ever carried before, and that was saying something. "Since when did you become so fat?" she managed through a mouthful of fur.

"Let go!" Firestar yelped in a kit-like way. He escaped Squirrelflight's grasp and ran across the clearing to Honeypaw and gave her face a big lick.

"Oh, eww, rabies!" Honeypaw cried and ran away to dunk her head in the nearest river.

Firestar looked up. "Who's next?" he yowled.

All the cats started slowly backing away.

Firestar looked to the nearest cat. "Dustpelt!" he shouted. "Come here!"

Dustpelt screeched as Firestar started chasing him around the clearing.

"Firestar wants to be gay with Dustpelt, eh?" Longtail muttered darkly. "I knew this day would come."

"Somebody, help me!" Dustpelt yowled.

But nobody stepped foward in fear of being licked by Firestar. What a bunch of loyal cats they were.

After a while, Dustpelt started to slow down from exhaustion, but Firestar, fired up by the power of catmint, showed no signs of stopping. He pounced on Dustpelt and smothered him in licks, ignoring his yowling protests.

"How is this guy even my friend?" Graystripe muttered to Spiderleg.

Spiderleg shrugged. "Ask yourself that question, 'cause nobody else knows."

"Can anybody knock him out?" Ferncloud asked, staring in horror at her mate. "I don't think I like seeing gayness."

Daisy shook her head. "Neither do I, but I don't think "gayness" is a word."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Then ask Brackenfur what the definition of gayness is!" Ferncloud challenged.

"Why him?" Daisy asked.

"Because he's basically a cat wikipedia," Ferncloud turned to Daisy, "Duh."

Now Squirrelflight felt like she really needed to do something. This was disgusting and she still really needed her beauty sleep. She bolted towards the nearest tree and ripped off a low branch with her jaws. Then she snuck up behind Firestar and hit him as hard as she could.

Firestar seemed to have felt nothing.

"Fox-dung!" she spat. "Will nothing stop this guy?"

Firestar looked up and seemed to notice Squirrelflight for the first time.

Leaving Dustpelt, he jumped on Squirrelflight and smothered _her_ with licks.

Dustpelt quickly scrambled away from the psychopath and headed to the medicine cat den.

"Bleh! Your breath stinks!" Squirrelflight complained as Firestar licked her face. She sneezed. "And your spit keeps getting up my nose."

"Hey!" Brambleclaw protested and leaped towards Firestar.

"No!" Squirrelflight yelled, but it was too late. Firestar had started licking Brambleclaw instead of her.

As Squirrelflight backed away, she heard her sister conversing with Sorreltail.

"Kind of makes you wish he weren't your father, huh?" Sorreltail mewed.

Leafpool sighed. "I don't even know how we're related."

"So, are we going to knock him out with some herbs or what?" Brackenfur asked.

Leafpool and Sorreltail jumped in surprise. "When did you get here?" Leafpool asked.

Brackenfur shrugged. "I was here the whole time." he answered. "So, are you going to answer my question?"

"Oh, yes," Leafpool mewed. "That just might work, but the problem is getting Firestar to eat it."

"Why don't you tell him it's catmint?"

"Gah!" Leafpool jumped again, but then realized it was just Stormfur.

She shook her head. "Seriously, you guys need to stop sneaking up on me like that," she meowed.

Stormfur looked confused. "But I was here the whole time."

Squirrelflight heard a loud screech and snapped her attention back to the center of the clearing.

Graystripe had gotten too close, and Firestar was now dragging his best friend by his bushy tail to the other side of the thorn barrier. Graystripe clawed at the ground helplessly, trying to escape Firestar's grasp.

Firestar finally dragged him to the other side of the barrier. There were immediately loud yowls and screeches coming from outside camp.

The clan stood in silence for a moment.

Millie was the first to snap out of the trance. "Graystripe!" she called and hurled herself to the other side. A few moments later, she was stumbling back inside camp.

Sandstorm pelted up to her. "What was he doing?" she demanded. "Tell me!"

Millie looked up. "Horrible things," she shuddered. "You don't want to know."

"Actually, I do," Sandstorm mewed stubbornly. "You can tell me."

"Go see for yourself," Millie rasped. "I'm going to see Leafpool."

Squirrelflight watched Millie drag herself over to the medicine cat den. Was it really that bad?

She heard Sandstorm pelt back to camp and turned to see her run into the medicine cat den as well.

_ Okay, if it scared Sandstorm, then it was _really_ bad. _Squirrelflight decided she never wanted to find out.


	5. Um, Yeah

Leafpool looked back to Sorreltail. "Okay, we _really _need to do something. My den is getting cramped."

Sorreltail nodded. "I think what we were talking about earlier might work."

"Yes," Brackenfur agreed. "But Firestar isn't one hundred percent stupid. More like ninety-nine percent."

Stormfur blinked. "What are you hinting at?"

"I mean that Firestar will probably know what catmint smells like," Brackenfur sighed. "If we give him some other herb, won't he recognize it?"

Leafpool could see his wisdom. But than again, he _was _a cat wikipedia.

It was true that Firestar wasn't completely stupid. If he were, he probably wouldn't be leader. In fact, he would probably be dead.

"True," Leafpool meowed thoughtfully. "But if we wrap catmint around the herbs he might be fooled. Catmint has a strong scent, and if we give Firestar a few stalks, we could do it."

"Great!" Sorreltail jumped up. "Do you have all the herbs?"

Leafpool shook her head. "No. Firestar ate all the catmint and I don't have any poppy seeds or thyme. We'll need to collect them." She looked to see the cats staring at her, then realized that they were waiting for her to tell them what to do. "Brackenfur, Sorreltail, you can get the catmint. You can find some in the abandoned twoleg place. Stormfur, you come with me to get the poppy seeds and thyme."

Sorreltail, Brackenfur, and Stormfur all nodded.

"Oh, almost forgot," Leafpool meowed. "Brightheart!"

Brightheart bounded over. "Yes?"

"You'll be in charge of the medicine cat den while we're out," Leafpool ordered.

Brightheart nodded. "Okay, but where are you going?"

Leafpool waved her tail. "Oh, you'll find out," she meowed. "By the way, we're running low on poppy seeds, so try to conserve them, okay?"

"Sure, Leafpool," Brightheart mewed and trotted to the medicine cat den to check on Cinderpaw.

Leafpool turned to Stormfur. "Now, Stormfur, let's go. Super style." And she ran out of camp yelling a bunch of random things with Stormfur on her heels, doing the same.

By now the whole camp was staring.

Sorreltail backed away. "Er… I have nothing to do with this…" She trailed off and nudged Brackenfur for him to do the same.

He got the message. "Yeah, we're just going to-" But he got no further because he and Sorreltail were already sprinting out of camp towards the abandoned twoleg place.

Mousefur scoffed. "Young 'uns these days. Always leaving the leaders going crazy with catmint to the older ones to take care of."

She turned to see Berrypaw staring at her strangely.

Mousefur sighed agitatedly. "Yes, Bluestar's gone high with catmint before."

Shocker.

…

"Leafpool! Wait!" Stormfur panted.

Leafpool slowed so he could catch up. She glanced at him apologetically. "Sorry. I got caught up in the excitement," she mewed.

"It's all right. I did the same thing," Stormfur replied. "So, where are these herbs?"

Leafpool was silent as she recounted her thoughts. "We'll start with the poppy seeds since that's the closest," she finally meowed. "But, for the fun of it, let's not make it dried."

Stormfur glanced at her. "Why?"

"Well," she began carefully, "it's probably going to give him a stomach ache, but what does that matter, eh?"

"Leafpool, I have never seen you like this before." Stormfur shook his head. "You're like Brook when she's in- er, one of her moods."

Leafpool blinked. "She takes out her anger by laughing about the misfortune of others?"

"I meant one of her hyper moods."

"Oh. Does that happen often?" Leafpool asked.

Stormfur stared ahead, as if lost in memories. "You wouldn't believe," he murmured.

Leafpool decided not to question him more.

It was some time before they found the poppy seeds. There was a small patch of the flowers between two roots of an oak tree.

"Here," she mewed. "Just pick a flower from the stem and we'll take it back to camp. We'll take the seeds out there."

While Stormfur bent down to do his work, Leafpool picked another flower to take to camp. It was better to be fully stocked of poppy seeds now than later.

Stormfur straightened his back with a flower in his jaws just as Leafpool had picked another flower.

"I wonder when the next time Firestar's going to sneak into my storage and steal my catmint," Leafpool sighed. "It's really hard to keep an eye on him."

Stormfur nodded in agreement. "You should've bought those security cameras when they were on sale," he mewed. "Then you could catch anybody."

"Yes, but even then, they were expensive, and you had to go through all the trouble of hiding it," Leafpool explained. Plus, there's always that awkward moment when you find out you've record two cats making out."

Stormfur looked disgusted. "Has that ever happened before?" he asked

"Well, yes, but I don't think I should tell you where."

Just then, they heard a rumbling overhead.

Stormfur looked up and a fat raindrop plopped on his face, soon followed by a fat squirrel that dropped out of its tree, probably scared when it heard the rumbling. For some reason, it hung on to his face no matter how hard he shook it.

It took all Leafpool's effort and self-control not to burst out laughing.

"Leafpool?" Stormfur asked as he stumbled around in panic, not knowing what to do. He suddenly slammed into a tree, and the squirrel dropped off his face, dead.

Stormfur shook his head to clear his mind. "Looks like it's raining squirrels tonight," he joked as he buried it to pick up later, though he still looked dazed.

She was about to reply when a plump raindrop landed on her head, soaking her.

Her eyes flickered upwards. "We should get that tansy before it starts-" Leafpool was cut off by a sudden heavy pouring of rain.

She and Stormfur were instantly soaked.

Stormfur glanced at Leafpool. "Yeah, I agree."

And with that, they both dodged beneath the trees toward where they suspected to be the nearest patch of thyme was with the sound of thunder booming in the distance. (Dramatic music… Just kidding. Yes, I have never taken writing seriously.)


	6. Rogues Suck

Sorreltail and Brackenfur pelted out of camp and didn't slow down until they had reached the abandoned twoleg place.

The two slowed down as they entered the clearing.

Sorreltail glanced upwards to look at the sky. "Looks like it's going to rain soon."

Brackenfur nodded. "Better get this catmint before it does."

As they entered the twoleg place, they stopped as they heard a voice.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

A cat stepped out of the shadows. He was a reddish-brown color all over his body except for the white stripe that ran down his back. The tom looked quite aggressive and very burly, though his eyes were misty gray, almost dead looking, but still very much working.

Sorreltail tried a friendly greeting, but it turned out awkward "Er, sorry to bother you, but-"

"SILENCE! You will not speak unless I tell you so!" the tom hissed.

Sorreltail flinched at the evil echoey sound his voice made. She could immediately tell that he wasn't the friendliest of cats. "But there's something we-

"Didn't you hear me the first time?" he snarled.

"Yes," Brackenfur meowed.

"Don't you sass me young man!"

Brackenfur looked the tom up and down. "No offense, but I think I'm older than you."

"Fool!" the tom thundered. "Everybody knows that when you say 'no offense', it just adds more offense to it!"

Brackenfur flattened his ears, showing that he was really annoyed. "Okay… Well, you still haven't given us your name," he muttered.

The tom glared at him. "Bacon," he replied tersely.

_Bacon? This guy's named after _food_? Wait, how did I even know what bacon was? I've never seen or heard of bacon in my life!_

Sorreltail glanced at Brackenfur questioningly. He shrugged.

"You better scram," Bacon spat.

"YEAH!" Another cat jumped out of the shadows.

This cat was formidably younger than Bacon, around the age of an apprentice, but he looked just as aggressive. His fur was dark cream with brown and red patches, and his eyes were the same as Bacon's.

Sorreltail guessed they were kin, but she didn't understand who would want to mate with that guy.

Brackenfur glanced at the smaller tom. "Who's your little friend?" he asked, though by his tone you could clearly tell that he didn't care.

"This is Hamburger." Bacon lashed his tail. "Now, we're done with introductions. Let's get to the point."

But Sorreltail was still reveling about the names these cats had. She knew what a hamburger was, but she'd never heard about them in her life? How was that supposed to make sense?! She was snapped back to reality at the sound of Brackenfur's voice.

"Listen," he meowed, regaining his formality. "We can all have peace if you just give us what we want, and we'll go our separate ways, never _ever _seeing again."

Humburger gave a huge gasp. "You-"

Bacon slapped his tail over Hamburger's mouth. "Quiet! I'll do the talking here, thank you very much!" He turned back to Brackenfur and unsheathed his claws. "You can't have it." he growled.

Brackenfur looked up at the sky as if seeking patience there. Sorreltail was annoyed, too. What did they need catmint for? Well, yeah, maybe if they were sick, but they seemed perfectly fine.

"Well, why can't we have it?" Sorreltail snapped. "I'd bet fifty moons of prey that we have a better reason than you to have it."

"Well, what's your reason?" Bacon snarled.

"It's a long-"

"TELL ME!" Bacon bellowed. His voice was so loud, that it shook the whole room.

Sorreltail and Brackenfur glanced at each other and silently agreed. Anger issues.

Brackenfur explained their issue of how their leader had gone high and that they needed knock him out.

Bacon and Hamburger were silent the whole time, but Bacon's eyes kept darting suspiciously around as if expecting an attack at any moment, and Hamburger kept flexing his claws against the floor impatiently.

When Brackenfur finished, Bacon spoke in a confused voice. "How would you use a stash of prey to solve your problem?"

It was then that Sorreltail realized that they were speaking of completely different things.

Brackenfur blinked. "No, no, no, we need the catmint," he explained.

"Then why didn't you say so?" Bacon snapped. "It could've saved a lot of breath."

"So can we have the catmint?" Brackenfur asked. "Or have you decided that you want to go high, too?"

Bacon glared at him. "Of course not. I can't go high with this little brat around." He cuffed Hamburger's ears with his tail.

Hamburger scowled at him, but he didn't seem to notice.

There was a moment's pause before Sorreltail decided that the two loners weren't going to say anything

"Ahem, so, are you… can we go get the… it?" Sorreltail asked.

Bacon stepped aside grudgingly, still glaring at them. Hamburger rolled his eyes and did the same.

Brackenfur and Sorreltail found a clump of catmint in a corner. They both picked a few stalks, trying not to swallow the sweet-tasting juice.

As they padded out, they noticed Bacon and Hamburger's glares on their pelts.

Brackenfur suddenly swerved around until he was face to face with Bacon and unsheathed his claws. "I have a lot of time that I can use," he growled. "And all that time, I can plot against you and your little friend there. I'll reassure you, though, I'm not one to fail."

Bacon and Hamburger glanced at each other and darted out the abandoned twoleg place and into the forest.

"Cowards!" he called after them.

He turned back to Sorreltail laughing quietly. "That'll teach them," he mewed.

"And now we can finally collect catmint in peace," Sorreltail mocked.

Brackenfur playfully shoved Sorreltail. "Your welcome," he teased.

They both stook still as they heard a rumbling sound.

Brackenfur glanced at the sky. "It'll come when you start to ask me a question."

"What do you-"

Bam. Instantly soaked. Well, not bam, more like patter… but that doesn't sound good, does it? And I'm ranting again. Alright, back to the story.

Sorreltail blinked rain out of her eyes. "Y… yeah, let's go."

Bam. Instantly gone.

**I'm not doing that well today, am I? NO. Of course not. That's because life just got crazier than it already is. And… and I'm lazy, so there. This chapter didn't really speak to me, so I guess I didn't really put all of my effort into it. Wow, I've just noticed that I use "…" way too much. That's probably not going to change, though. Heh. Don't expect anything soon. Bye.**


	7. Kits

Hollypaw was still wondering what Jaypaw had seen. Lionpaw was right, Jaypaw never told them anything, and if he did, it was very terse with not much information. Maybe another dead cat.

Hollypaw suddenly heard a strange sound. It sounded… what was it… rushy? Like a river. The sound was getting louder, too.

Jaypaw must've heard it as well because he tensed and picked up the pace.

But what was that sound?

Hollypaw felt something cold touch her hind legs. She looked back. Her heart jumped to her throat.

"Oh no…" she muttered. "Jaypaw!"

He stopped. "What?" he asked. By the tone of his voice, she could tell that he expected something bad.

"The tunnels are flooding!" Hollypaw shouted. "We need to get out right now!"

"No!" Heatherpaw yowled over the rushing water. "We need to find the kits!"

"It would make this more perilous," Lionpaw agreed, but Hollypaw had the feeling he just wanted to be with Heatherpaw longer.

"Okay, let's keep moving, then," Jaypaw decided calmly. "We'll think of a way out later."

Hollypaw snorted. _Idiots! You'll get yourselves killed! _Sometimes she wondered if her brothers had Firestar's brain in them. They _were_ related and all, so she had a right.

Jaypaw seemed to know exactly where they were going, even though the scent of fear blocked out a lot of any other scents. Or maybe that cat he was talking to was leading him?

She shook her head. No, StarClan couldn't have known about these tunnels, could they? They looked _down _on us, right? Everbody had always told her the StarClan would forever look _down _on them. Of course, they didn't know that Hollypaw had actually taken it for granted, but anyways, they couldn't have possibly seen this by looking down.

Besides, Jaypaw had sharper senses than other cats, so he must be able to separate the kits' scent from the scent of fear. The fear scent was still really strong. Bleh, and it was starting to smell bad.

Finally, Jaypaw stopped in front of a boulder.

At that moment, Breezepaw passed out from exhastion. How manly.

"Great, now we're going to have the carry the kits and this great lump!" Heatherpaw complained.

"Put him to the side," Lionpaw ordered. "We can come back for him later."

"Okay Mr. Commando," Heatherpaw grumbled as she dragged Breezepaw to the side.

Breezepaw groaned.

"Dang it, he's waking up!" Hollypaw spat.

Lionpaw stared at Breezepaw. "Pretty quick recovery if you ask me."

Hollypaw glanced at him. "You've seen someone pass out before?" she asked.

Lionpaw shrugged. "I think. But seriously, he was only out for a few seconds."

"Did just die?" Breezepaw moaned.

"No, you idiot, get up!" Heatherpaw ordered. Breezepaw staggered up.

Jaypaw sniffed the enormous boulder. "Nope," he muttered.

"Uh…" Breezepaw sounded dazed, "What?"

Jaypaw spun around. "Don't question me!"

"Hey, hey," Lionpaw mewed. "Even I don't know what you're talking about."

Jaypaw snorted. "That isn't really saying much."

"Let's move on," Hollypaw interrupted. She glanced backwards, "The water's rising as we speak."

Heatherpaw backed her up. "Hollypaw's right. We should be trying to get around this thing. Er-" she looked to Jaypaw, "You uh, had any suggestions from your friend?"

For a moment, Jaypaw looked like he was going to claw her face off, but spoke in a calm tone. "He left."

Hollypaw decided not to question him on why his "friend" left. "We might not be able to go around it," she mused. "But we could try going it over it."

Lionpaw leaped onto the boulder and managed his way up. A moment later he was lost from sight.

"Lionpaw?" Hollypaw called.

"I'm on the other side," came his voice. "The kits' scent is really strong here. They should be right- oh StarClan."

The group heard some hardcore cursing coming from the other side of the boulder.

"What is it?" Hollypaw scrambled over the boulder and to the other side.

There was a hole in the ceiling, probably too high to reach, but letting in some light. It illuminated the dead end of the tunnel. That wasn't the problem, though.

Against the wall were three colorful boxes with handles. They smelled deeply of the trail they had been following, but these weren't kits! Hollypaw didn't know what they were.

She heard Heatherpaw approach, followed by Breezepaw and the uneasy scrambling of Jaypaw.

Lionpaw turned. "What are _these_?" he gestured with his tail at the boxes. His tone sounded angry.

"Kits," Breezepaw stated.

"These aren't kits." Hollypaw was confused.

Heatherpaw looked at her. There was a look of exasperation on her eyes. "Actually," she padded over to the "kits", "They are. You see, Onestar-"

"Onestar gave birth to kits?!" Jaypaw interrupted.

_Um… ew_. That was disgusting, and as far as she was concerned, toms didn't give birth. Then she realized that Jaypaw couldn't see whether or not they were real kits. He must have been confused.

Heatherpaw eyed Jaypaw. "Of course he didn't!" she snapped. "Don't interrupt, please. Anyways, Onestar-"

"So, Onestar has a mate?" Lionpaw asked. "No offense, but that's kind of hard to imagine."

Heatherpaw looked really annoyed now. "It's hard to imagine because he doesn't have a mate and probably never will, so will everybody shut up and let me continue?" she asked, and didn't wait for an answer. "Onestar left camp one day for reasons we did not know at that time. He slipped out without a word, without any orders. We thought that seemed strange, and were just about coming to the conclusion that he was seeing a she-cat from another clan or something when he came back. It was an odd sight looking at him carrying these," she gestured with her tail to the "kits", "He had one on his tail, one in his jaws, and one dragging along on his fore-paw. After he put these in his den, he called a clan meeting and announced that he had found some green pieces of paper on lying around. A kittypet straying on our territory had told him that it was what twolegs used to trade for other things and that they called them dollars," she continued. "He decided that he had to find out how it worked." She paused.

"What?" Hollypaw asked.

"I'm waiting for the flashback to start," she replied.

"Oh," Hollypaw meowed, though still confused.

Heatherpaw paused for a while longer. "Oh, I forgot," and she pressed a red button with her paw that had suddenly appeared in front of her.

Just then, the tunnels started to bend and change colors until it finally focused into an image of Onestar padding out of WindClan camp with the dollars in his jaws.

Hollypaw was surprised to see that she could still see her companions next to her.

"There," Heatherpaw mewed in a satisfied tone. "I knew I could do it.


	8. Flashbacks and WindClan Rights

"Hey," Jaypaw spat. "You know I can't see, right?"

"Oh, yes," Heatherpaw waved her tail, and suddenly Jaypaw could see everything around him. "There you go."

"Wow," he stared at Hollypaw. "I didn't realize how fluffy you were."

Hollypaw glared at him.

"How come I can't do this?" Breezepaw demanded. "I have as much of a right as you to be able to."

"Actually," a floating book popped in front of Heatherpaw, "In this WindClan law book-"

"How do you know how to read?" Hollypaw asked in an amazed tone. "I thought that was only for medicine cats."

Heatherpaw glanced at Hollypaw. "In ThunderClan, yes. But in WindClan, everyone learns. Anyways," she waved her tail and the book disappeared, "There are many reasons why you can't do this, and all of them are valid by the law."

"Well, that's real nice," Breezepaw grumbled.

"Wait," Lionpaw interrupted. "If this is a flashback, then how did you see this? I thought you said you stayed in camp."

Heatherpaw shrugged. "I don't know."

"Hush!" Jaypaw snapped. "Let's watch."

All the cats turned their attention to Onestar.

Onestar was still walking with the dollars in his jaws.

"See?" Heatherpaw pointed with her tail, "On the dollars, there are symbols representing the number five in the corners. He's holding three pieces, making that fifteen dollars."

Jaypaw peered at the dollars. There were symbols on the corners, as Heatherpaw had said that apparently were the number five.

"Fifteen?" Lionpaw echoed. "I don't think I can count that far."

Hollypaw glanced at Heatherpaw. "He's not really the brightest cat in our clan. Battle's more his thing," she explained.

"I've noticed," Heatherpaw replied.

Jaypaw turned his attention back to Onestar.

He had stopped at a farm and was apparently waiting for something.

A monster appeared on his right, and to Jaypaw's surprise, Onestar jumped onto it.

Jaypaw was sure that something tragic would happen, but for Onestar's whole ride, nothing did.

"Wait," Jaypaw meowed, "How did Onestar know what to do with these dollars?"

Heatherpaw shrugged. "According to Onestar, StarClan told him, but everybody knows that's just a cover up leader's use for knowing things they shouldn't."

Lionpaw blinked. "Really? I thought-"

"Look!" Hollypaw shouted.

The monster finally stopped in front of a huge den with some blue symbols at the top.

"It's the place where twolegs trade their dollars," Heatherpaw explained. "Onestar said it was called a Walmart."

"What a strange name," Hollypaw mewed absently.

"Yes," Lionpaw agreed.

Jaypaw noticed Breezepaw skulking. He must've been upset that he didn't have the right to do things like this. _Oh well._ _With enough luck, he'll be so sad that he won't talk the entire flashback._

Jaypaw watched as Onestar went into the Walmart through a pair of magical opening entrances. All the twolegs were staring at Onestar as he padded in with the dollars, but Onestar payed no heed.

"And now he's going to a place in the Walmart called the toy section," Heatherpaw commented. "The Twoleg's kits usually get things from there."

Onestar was really that childish? Jaypaw shrugged it off. _Well, so is Firestar._

Onestar pulled three things from a shelf by the handle. Jaypaw realized with a start that they were the kits. But what did Onestar want with twoleg toys?

For a while, Onestar stood there, trying to decide where to hold the kits.

He finally settled down holding the kits the same way Heatherpaw had described him as he had entered camp. On kit in his jaws, another on his tail, and the last one around his fore-paw.

"When they want to buy something, the twolegs go to a place called a check out counter," Heatherpaw meowed.

They watched as Onestar leaped on the check out counter, bringing the kits and the dollars with him.

The male twoleg at the check out counter looked shocked when Onestar gave him the dollars.

"See that screen?" Heatherpaw pointed to a screen on the check out counter with her tail, "It shows that each kit cost three dollars and ninety-nine. And that-" she pointed to a weird shaped thing that was glowing red on one side, "-is a scanner."

The twoleg shakily picked up the scanner. It beeped every time he pointed the red light at a kit.

Onestar picked up the kits, restored them in their positions, and padded back outside, past the magical opening entrance.

The world started to bend again. Colors swirled around randomly. The mixed up colors finally settled down into the tunnels again.

Darkness slammed down on Jaypaw's vision.

Then a thought struck him. "The water!"

He felt a tail rest on his shoulders. "Don't worry," Lionpaw mewed. "The water's not any higher."

"We were only out for a few seconds, genius," Breezepaw muttered.

"What?" Hollypaw asked. "It seemed a lot more than that."

Heatherpaw flicked her tail. "Time goes more slowly when your in a flashback."

But Jaypaw wasn't satisfied with what he had seen. "That still doesn't explain what these kits are."

Heatherpaw sighed. "This is the stupid part about what Onestar did. The twolegs have these things for their kits to play with. It's a twoleg toy."

"What would he want a twoleg toy for?" Lionpaw asked.

Heatherpaw shrugged. "I don't know. I told you that was the stupid part. In fact, he doesn't even know the real name for these things. He just calls them kits."

"So," Jaypaw padded over to pick up a kit, "we're going to have to bring these back?"

"Duh," Breezepaw snorted.

Jaypaw paused for a moment. "We came all the way for _these_?!" Jaypaw shouted suddenly. "You lied!"

"All we said was that we were looking for kits," Heatherpaw countered. "We were telling the truth weren't we?"

"You didn't tell us that it was this junk," Jaypaw snapped.

Jaypaw felt Heatherpaw glaring at him. "Well, too bad, it's too late to turn back now," she countered. "You're on this train with us."

"What's a train?" Hollypaw asked.

Breezepaw rolled his eyes. "It's a tray with the letter "n" on it. Stupid."

"Well, let's go, then," Lionpaw mewed briskly as he picked up a kit.

Heatherpaw did the same. "Anybody thought of a way to get past the flood yet?" she asked.

"We could wait until it passes," Hollypaw suggested.

Jaypaw shook his head. "No, that won't work. The water's just going to keep rising."

Hollypaw looked questioningly at him. "How do you know?"

"Someone told me," he replied tersely.

_No way I'm telling them about Fallen Leaves!_

Just then, Fallen Leaves appeared in front of him. Yes, he could actually see him.

"Jaypaw," Fallen Leaves greeted.

Jaypaw nodded in greeting. "Fallen Leaves. What is it?"

He was well aware of the stare from the other cats but he didn't care.

"Looks like his 'friend' is back," Breezepaw muttered.

Jaypaw ignored him.

"I c'n 'elp ya get out," Fallen Leaves offered.

"Sure."

"First, y' gotta learn t' swim"

"What are we now, RiverClan?"

"Well, sure, kinda."

Jaypaw snorted. _Yeah, okay. _"So how do you do this?"

"Well," Fallen Leaves began briskly, "It's just like runnin', but in water. The more y' struggle, the more y' sink. Oh, and g' luck, mate! See ya!"

"Wait!" Jaypaw began, but Fallen Leaves was already gone.

Why'd he always have to leave like that? It's not like he has anything else to do. He was stuck in the tunnels for eternity.

"Okay," Jaypaw turned around, "Listen up. We're going to swim- yes, swim -out. No buts. Just do it."

"But I-" Breezepaw began.

"_I said no buts_!" Jaypaw roared. "Gosh, do you ever listen?"

Heatherpaw glanced at Breezepaw. "If he ever did, he'd probably have his rights to do flashbacks by now."

"The problem is, is we don't know how to swim," Hollypaw mewed.

"Oh, yes," Jaypaw repeated exactly what Fallen Leaves had said, "It's just like running, but in water. The more you struggle, the more you sink. Good- oh, wait, sorry."

Lionpaw spoke for all of them. "Uh, yeah, we'll take your advice."

But Jaypaw wasn't listening. He was trying to find out where all the cats were positioned. "There!" he mewed in triumph.

He dashed to Breezepaw's side, dragged him by the scruff, scrambled over the boulder, pelted to the water's edge, and tossed him into the flood.

A moment later, Breezepaw surfaced, but Jaypaw could tell that he was struggling wildly.

_Of course, because he never listened. _"Don't struggle!" he shouted. _Wait…_

"Struggle!" Jaypaw called. "Struggle as much as you can!"

Breezepaw surfaced again, kicking out strongly this time and not struggling.

"Idiot…" Jaypaw muttered.

Hollypaw dashed to his side, confusion surging off her pelt. "What did you-" she gasped, "You got Breezepaw to actually listen to you?!"

Jaypaw shrugged. "He didn't." That was at least the truth.

"Well, then," Hollypaw dropped the kit that Jaypaw just noticed she was carrying, at his paws, "You dropped this while you were flinging Breezepaw into the water.

"Well, you don't have to make it sound that cruel," he muttered as he picked the kit up.

"It actually was that cruel," Hollypaw retorted.

"Oh, yeah."

Lionpaw shoved past them. "Yeah!" he shouted as he cannon-balled into the water. He resurfaced later, swimming perfectly.

"Lionpaw, you mouse-brain, you could've killed yourself!" Hollypaw gasped.

"Yeah, but I didn't," he countered.

Hollypaw paused. "True," and she, too, hurled herself into the water.

She resurfaced gasping. "I can't do it!" she yelped.

Jaypaw noticed Heatherpaw pad over. "Stand up," she ordered.

Hollypaw did as she was told and found that she was only standing in belly-deep water. She gasped, "Oh my gosh!"

"What's so 'oh my gosh' about it?" Jaypaw asked none too politely.

"I'm an idiot!" Hollypaw yowled. Then in a quieter tone she mewed, "I don't deserve to live."

"Drama-queen," Jaypaw muttered darkly.

Heatherpaw padded towards Hollypaw and led her into the slowly rising water. Soon, they were both swimming like RiverClan cats.

Breezepaw waded into the shallow water. "Are you going to jump in or what?" he snapped.

Jaypaw realized that he was the only one left on dry land, then silently scolded himself for being so forgetful.

He slowly waded into the water, one paw step at a time.

Breezepaw was still standing by impatiently. "C'mon, you can go faster than that."

"Fine then!" Jaypaw spat and hurled himself into the water as Lionpaw and Hollypaw had done.

He felt his paws leave the ground, but only for a heartbeat. Jaypaw felt the water envelope around him as he sank to the ground.

Jaypaw remembered what Fallen Leaves had said about it being just like running and quickly came up with a solution.

He imagined that he was back in the forest. The trees cast mottled shadows across the path. The places where the sun touched were shining golden and bright.

Jaypaw kicked out and imagined himself dashing through the forest with as much sight as any other cat.

_Stupid genetics. You're the one that made me blind._

A moment later, his head broke through the surface.

He felt Hollypaw instantly at his side.

"Oh my gosh, the moment you hurled yourself into the water, I thought you were going to drown, and I don't want my own brother to drown!" she gasped in one breath.

"I can take care of myself," he growled. "No need to fuss about me."

Jaypaw felt Hollypaw's annoyance come off of her in waves. "Is it that wrong to worry about loved ones?" she snapped.

Well, she had a point, but Jaypaw decided not to heed her.

His blindness was a major setback though. _Especially in this situation,_ he realized with a jolt.

He made sure the kit was still in his jaws and called to Lionpaw, "Can you find me a branch?"

"Sure!" he called back.

Lionpaw returned a bit later with a good sized branch in his jaws. Where he managed to find one underground though, Jaypaw had no idea.

"Stick it in the ground," Jaypaw ordered.

Lionpaw did so.

"Why did you want me to do that?" Lionpaw asked.

"No reason." Jaypaw just felt like annoying somebody. "I'm also going to need your tail to guide me," he meowed.

Lionpaw sounded confused and shocked at the same time. "I'm not letting you chop my tail off! Besides, my tail doesn't know how to guide you."

Jaypaw rolled his eyes to show Lionpaw that he was dead wrong. "I'm only going to make it hurt, not chop it off, stupid!"

"But why do you need it?" Lionpaw asked.

Jaypaw's mind was blank for a moment, though he didn't know why. "Really?" he asked in a dangerously low voice. "Really, Lionpaw?"

"What?" Lionpaw didn't seem to realize how dumb he was acting.

_I'm blind! Duh!_ Jaypaw stared at him for a moment, just to creep him out, then decided that it wasn't worth it. "Just remember that if you feel a pain in the sole of your tail, it's me," Jaypaw muttered.

"Um, okay," Lionpaw meowed, still thoroughly confused.

"Guys!" Hollypaw cut in. "The water's flowing faster than ever now!"

"Then let's go," Lionpaw meowed.

Jaypaw dunked his head underwater and groped around with his teeth until he grabbed hold of his brother's tail.

He just barely heard Lionpaw's anguished yelp through the water as he grabbed hold of his tail.

Heatherpaw looked around "Anybody know which tunnel we-" She was cut off as a gush of water swept the whole group away down one tunnel.

Jaypaw was dunked under water many times and often hit the sides of the walls and floating… things, but other than that, he considered it a smooth ride.

After what seemed like a lifetime, he felt the relief of cool air against his face and knew that they were finally out of the tunnels.

"_Yesh_!" he managed through Lionpaw's fur.

Lionpaw yelped in pain.

"Oh, shorry," Jaypaw apologized.

"You better be," Lionpaw muttered.

**Haharr, a chapter two times the length as I usually post? Your welcome. It's the weekend, so I'm on a roll.**


	9. Wisdom Crazy

Not only did Lionpaw feel throbbing pain coming from his tail because of Jaypaw holding on to it so long, he also felt his muscles screaming for him to stop swimming. His only thought was, _What did I do to deserve this?!_

In the distance, he could see the shores of the forest. Of home. It seemed so far away right now.

He paddled forward with much difficulty, never having swam this long pulling another cat biting down on his tail because he was blind. Genetics. Stupid.

Lionpaw decided never to go on another super-secret perilous journey with Jaypaw ever again. Period.

At last, they finally reached their destination. Lionpaw let his muscles relax and felt Jaypaw finally let go of his tail.

The soft sand beneath his paws felt so relieving. The beautiful ground. Where would we be without it?

"Dead," Jaypaw answered as if reading his mind. Or maybe he was talking to himself. He muttered a lot of dark things like that.

Lionpaw pushed this to the back of his mind and flopped to the ground breathing heavily. He was so tired at that moment that even thinking was too much of an effort.

Lionpaw saw his companions stumble out of the water and do the same. Only Jaypaw remained standing. He must not have been as tired.

_Of course, because I was half carrying you the whole way._

Lionpaw felt like he could sleep a thousand moons. Well, he would if he lived that long. He probably wouldn't.

Lionpaw had just closed his eyes when he felt Jaypaw poking his side.

It was a while before Lionpaw answered. "What?" he mumbled.

Jaypaw stopped prodding him and sat down back down, waiting for Lionpaw to get up. "We still have to get back to camp," he reminded him.

Lionpaw grudgingly stood up. "Just… so tired…" he sighed.

"Our clanmates will be worried," Jaypaw answered. "Don't you think that they'd notice if we were gone the whole night?"

Lionpaw looked to the sun rising. "Or maybe they'll have their paws full with Firestar and his catmint."

Jaypaw growled. "I swear, I'm putting ticks in his nest the moment I get back. And mouse bile." He unsheathed his claws. "And thorns! The sharpest I can find." Jaypaw started ranting about a bunch of things that he could do to Firestar.

Lionpaw listened for a while. Well, it wasn't as bad as Lionpaw had thought it would be. Maybe Jaypaw was being soft because Firestar was their leader. Killing your leader is against the warrior code, right?

Lionpaw blinked several times. He was getting more like Hollypaw every day. Who cares about the warrior code? Well, he did care, but there were some circumstances, no, a lot of circumstances that you needed to break it. Firestar broke the warrior code, right? Fifty percent because he was completely clueless, fifty percent because he thought it was right. Actually, ten percent because he thought it was right. Seriously, that guy was really pretty stupid, but his intentions were good. Firestar was stupid, not an evil tyrant. But still… Lionpaw sighed. But still, he couldn't wait until Firestar died.

But, no, really, it wasn't the warrior code that restrained him, it was his loyalty. Loyalty kept him rooted to what was wrong or right. Most of the time, anyways. Sometimes, wrong or right were quite hard to determine. Lionpaw could think of many times that loyalty had saved him, but one time really stood out. When he had finally chosen being the best warrior he could be over Heatherpaw. It was actually a very hard decision, despite how obvious the answer had been. Being a good warrior was all that mattered. Being with Heatherpaw would bring his life nothing but despair. End of story.

Lionpaw couldn't help but wonder, though; he was just an apprentice- when he was a warrior, would things be harder? The hanging question echoed through his mind, refusing to be pushed out. He couldn't take it. That one question brought up a mixture of emotion swelling through his body.

He was finally saved from his haunting thought when Hollypaw padded drowsily up to his side.

Lionpaw quickly turned all his attention to her.

"Well, we'd better get going," she yawned.

She looked to where Lionpaw was staring at. Her eyelids drooped. "Pretty, isn't it?" she sighed.

Lionpaw nodded, but he wasn't really staring at the sun rising. He was just thinking. Well, yes, he kind of was staring at the sun, but he really wasn't really paying attention to it. The sun was just his focus point to channel his thoughts through.

He glanced back at the two WindClan cats. Heatherpaw and Breezepaw were gathering up the kits.

"You looked funny when you passed out, Breezepaw," Heatherpaw yawned.

Breezepaw picked up another kit by his tail. "Why do I have to carry two?" he complained.

"Because I'm a she-cat and you're a tom, that's why," Heatherpaw replied. "Come on." She started to pad away, but she glanced back at Lionpaw.

Their eyes met.

Heatherpaw looked away. "Bye, Lionpaw," she whispered so softly that Lionpaw almost didn't hear it.

_Whoa, dramatic._

Breezepaw seemed to have heard this and glared at Lionpaw. Lionpaw knew that that guy could really hold a grudge. Future trouble? He made a mental note on that.

Heatherpaw padded away with Breezepaw following behind.

Lionpaw stared at their backs until they couldn't be seen anymore.

He turned his attention back to his littermates. Hollypaw was grooming herself, but Jaypaw was staring at him. That always freaked him out. He put some more thought into it this time. Lionpaw knew that Jaypaw couldn't see, therefore, he didn't really ever have a reason to stare at anybody. Jaypaw was either trying to creep him out, like he normally did, or tell him something. He was going to go with Jaypaw trying to tell him something. But would Jaypaw want to tell him that couldn't be expressed through words or spoken in front of another cat? Lionpaw didn't have anything to hide. Not anymore. But Jaypaw? Yes, Jaypaw seemed like exactly the type that would harbor secrets.

Jaypaw broke Lionpaw's thoughts. "I hate romance," he muttered.

_Only because you can't experience it! _But Lionpaw chose not to get on Jaypaw's bad side this time.

"You mean you're not mad or anything?" Lionpaw asked, surprised.

Jaypaw averted his gaze and shrugged. "Eh. I got over it a long time ago. Unlike Hollypaw," Jaypaw chuckled dryly, "She can't really forget anything, can she?"

Lionpaw knew that there was more to Jaypaw than he was letting out, and that the joke was just to cover his true emotions. He wondered what Jaypaw was thinking of, but he hadn't the slightest clue. Lionpaw could somehow tell that it was something painful, though. A feeling so deep that he would almost never tell a living soul. Or StarClan. Or basically any other dead cat.

He blinked. _Whoa, dramatic. Again. _Why was this world suddenly becoming so dramatic? Why?

Hollypaw stopped grooming herself, having warmed up from the cold water. Her eyes flickered between him and Jaypaw, as if sensing the emotion. She gave Lionpaw a questioning look.

Lionpaw shrugged. Even he didn't really know what had just happened.

Hollypaw glanced at Jaypaw thoughtfully. Uh, what? Why?

Great, now Lionpaw couldn't figure out what _both_ of his littermates were thinking. It made him feel lonely. Were they growing apart? Could they no longer confide in each other or tell each other their deepest and darkest secrets? Well, maybe not like that- deep, dark secrets were understandable -but still; at least a nagging thought?

Hollypaw finally turned around and padded in the direction towards camp. Jaypaw followed.

Lionpaw looked at the rising sun, this time actually paying attention to it. The sun, so strong, always rising in the morning and going to sleep in the evening and letting the moon trade its place. What did it mean?

"Lionpaw!" Hollypaw called. "Are you coming?"

Lionpaw reluctantly turned away. He felt different, but he didn't know what had changed.

Then he realized. He was going wisdom crazy! Wisdom crazy was something that their generation had recently found out. It was when you suddenly payed attention to _everything _and tried to see more than what was on the outside, giving a lot of thought into it. Gladly, it didn't last too long, maybe a few hours, but those things that only happened to cats like Jaypaw and Hollypaw, not him! He wasn't that type of cat, was he? He didn't want to be a freak about the warrior code- no offense to Hollypaw, but she really was crazy about it -or a reserved, emo medicine cat! But anyways, wisdom crazy was not a thing that he wanted to experience often.

Lionpaw sighed. Life at times, weird and confusing. You can never have a perfect, peaceful one. No, wait, he did it again! Bah!

**Yes, yes, I know, very thinky-thinky and not very talky-talky. It's not considered a bad thing, though. In fact, I don't even know what you're thinking right now. There is a bit of minor foreshadowing in this chapter. Hah. And I promise that you will know what Hollypaw and Jaypaw were thinking of in a few chapters. Right now, I am expriencing wisdom crazy, thus why this chapter has so much thought.**


	10. The Mystical Backpack

Stormfur and Leafpool had finally stumbled upon a small patch of thyme. It was enough.

The rain was still pouring hard. The quarter moon shone brightly through the clouds. Even beneath the trees, the ground was muddy, and it squelched beneath their paws. The gusts of wind whipped the rain painfully in their faces and froze them to the bone. Thunder boomed loud as ever. In other words, not a good night to be outside.

Leafpool nipped a few stalks. Stormfur bent down and did the same.

By the time they had finished collecting, their mouths were filled with stalks of poppy flowers; far too much to carry.

"I hink weh nee hoo hind hohing hoo hol hese hings ih," Stormfur mumbled.

"Wha?" Leafpool asked.

Stormfur placed his things in a dry spot beneath a tree. "I said, 'I think we need to find something to hold these things in'," he repeated.

Leafpool placed her herbs next to Stormfur's. "Yes, we should," she agreed, "but what would we put them in?"

Stormfur and Leafpool stood there in thought for a moment.

What would they put it in? Leaves? No. What about tying them to themselves?

Leafpool thought that would look silly. It would be too much work as well. They needed a quick solution.

Something shiny behind a bush caught Leafpool's eye. Not the bright shiny, the wet shiny.

She bounded over to it.

The thing was a very odd sight. It was a mix of earthy colors and had multiple compartments. There were two handles on the back and one the top. When she touched it, it felt smooth and twoleg-y. The water rolled off it like it was a round pebble. Whatever it was, it seemed useful enough.

Stormfur appeared behind her. "What is it?" he asked. Then he saw the twoleg thing. He stared at it thoughtfully.

Leafpool could tell he was thinking the same thing. Maybe this was just what they needed to carry the herbs?

She blinked. How ironic it was, that the perfect thing would show up at the right time.

Leafpool peered closely at the thing, taking it every detail. She found many little round and flat objects with tiny holes a the ends of them.

Unsheathing her claws, she hooked one of her claws in a hole and pulled.

The thing made a sort of _zzzzzzip_ sound as it moved. Leafpool jumped back, bumping into Stormfur. "Ow…" he mumbled. He held up the paw she had jumped on.

"Sorry!" Leafpool apologized. She turned back to the thing.

Starting from where the little thing had been before to where it was now, there was an opening. She pulled a bit more. There came another short _zzzzzzip _sound as the opening became even larger than it had been before.

Leafpool met out a _mrrow _of wonderment. She felt inside the thing with he forepaw. It was dry.

Leafpool looked up to the sky. "Thank you, StarClan," she murmured.

Stormfur edged closer. "Uh, so is it safe or what?" Leafpool noticed that he sounded awkward asking a medicine cat if something was safe. That was usually a warrior's job.

Leafpool purred with amusement. "These little objects," she pointed to the flat objects with her tail, "open this twoleg thing- er, case, can we call it?"

Stormfur shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

Leafpool resumed her explanation. "Anyways, it might be the right thing to put our herbs in."

"Well," Stormfur looked considerably brighter, "good thing we stumbled upon this thing, huh?"

"We? You mean me," Leafpool teased.

"Fine. It's a good thing that _you_ found it," Stormfur scoffed.

Leafpool nodded. "That's more like it."

…

After packing all the herbs in the case, they set off at a leisurely pace back to camp.

Stormfur, using the joke to his advantage, forced Leafpool to carry the case since she had found it. It had been too heavy to carry in her jaws, so she dragged it along with her tail.

Leafpool listened to the thunder. When it got really close, it sounded so frightening, but when it was far away, it sounded more comforting.

A sudden thought hit her. Where would Jaypaw and his littermates be right now? What if they were in trouble? There were only apprentices, and what they thought of a super-secret perilous adventure would be very… well, actually a bit strange. He and his littermates were like that for some reason. Leafpool shivered. She didn't know if it was from the cold winds or from worry about Jaypaw, Lionpaw, and Hollypaw.

She continued to listen to the thunder.

When Leafpool remember when she was a kit, Sandstorm had always told her that when she saw a flash of light, to start counting because the number of seconds between the lightning and the thunder was how many miles away the lightning was. It was always good to know the thunder was far away. Leafpool decided to do the same now to distract herself from worrying, no matter how kit-like it was.

Flash. _One ThunderClan, two ThunderClan, three ThunderClan, four- _Thunder.

Leafpool waited for the next flash.

Flash. _One ThunderClan, two ThunderClan, three ThunderClan- _Thunder.

Leafpool sighed. All the memories she had with Squirrelflight in the nursery. Squirrelflight always got into trouble while she had always been the cautious one, the quiet one. Leafpool chuckled.

She was so lost in memories that she almost didn't notice the next flash of lightning.

_One ThunderClan, Two Th-_ Thunder. That was far too close for her own comfort.

She glanced at Stormfur. "The thunder is awfully loud sometimes, isn't it?"

Stormfur nodded. "Makes you think that the next one is going to hit-"

_BAM!_

There was a bright white flash accompanied by a deafening clap of thunder. No, clap was an understatement, explosion was the right word. It sounded like the loud growling of a dog, the angered yowling of a cat, and the roar of a monster all combined together. Or maybe even worse, whatever.

Lights danced in Leafpool's eyes. She shook her head to clear it and became immensely aware of a growing heat.

Stormfur was staring with a horrified look on his face at a tree to his right.

Leafpool followed his gaze.

The tree was on fire! Leafpool gasped. She still felt slightly relieved that it didn't hit them, but the fire from the tree might spread.

The fire licked hungrily at the wood of the tree, curling it's branches. Leafpool hoped that the rain would put it out, but the fire crackled on.

A gust of wind blew in and quickened the fire's pace. Next to it, a tree caught fire as well.

The tree the lightning had hit creaked and started leaning towards the two. Leafpool tried to move but was frozen to the spot.

She felt Stormfur's teeth grip her scruff, and she was pulled backwards. They tumbled into a bush, but not before they saw the bushes across the path catch on fire.

"Thanks," Leafpool breathed once they had disappeared into the bush.

Leafpool and Stormfur poked their heads out to see the flames on the fallen tree slowly die out.

"The mud must have put out the fire," Stormfur murmured.

He padded shakily out of the bush. Leafpool followed. A number of things were still on fire; a few bushes and two trees.

Leafpool saw Stormfur prick up his ears and she did the same. Two cats were running their way. She turned to see Sorreltail and Brackenfur approaching.

Sorreltail eyed the smoking fallen tree and the plantation that had caught on fire. "What did we miss?" she asked wearily.

Stormfur sighed. "A lot."

**By the way, if you didn't know, what Leafpool found was a backpack. Just wanted to clarify that.**


	11. Firestar Gets A Time Out

Sorreltail may have looked wary on the outside, but on the inside, her mind was whirling. A fire? What if the forest burned down? Would the rain put it out?

Brackenfur's voice brought her back to reality. "Any ideas?" he asked.

Leafpool glanced at the fires. "Well," she sighed. "We can only hope the rain will put it out."

"I say we run," Stormfur suggested.

"But I don't like the feeling that there's a fire and we did nothing to stop it," Sorreltail meowed, staring at the fire.

"It is out of our power," Leafpool pointed out. "We _can't_ do anything."

Brackenfur nodded and glanced at the earthy colored case Leafpool was carrying on her tail. "What's that?" he asked.

"Oh," Leafpool turned to grab it off but missed. Soon, she was spinning around in circles trying to get the case off her tail. She stopped and looked at Stormfur. "Stormfur?" she asked.

Stormfur had an amused look on his face but wiped it off as soon as he heard his name. He stepped forward an took the case off.

"Thank you," Leafpool sighed. She looked embarrassed by her recent action.

Leafpool opened the case, revealing the herbs and squirrel that were inside. "See?" she meowed. "The herbs inside aren't wet. This case keeps it dry."

Sorreltail stepped forward and sniffed the case experimentally. "It smells like a twoleg thing."

"It is," Stormfur meowed. "We- sorry, _Leafpool_ found it behind a bush." He glanced at Leafpool.

She chuckled.

Sorreltail looked back at the flames. Some of the fires on bushes were already out, and one of the two trees looked close to out.

Sorreltail sighed. What a relief. Something they never needed was a fire to wipe out the whole forest and starve them to near death. Did that happen before?

Brackenfur brushed past her. "We should get back to camp," he called over his shoulder. "They'll need us to get Firestar knocked out."

Stormfur chuckled as he followed Brackenfur's lead.

Leafpool followed but looked worried. "That was a lot of catmint he ate. What if even this doesn't take care of him?"

Sorreltail leapt over the newly fallen tree. "Then we'll give him more until he passes out."

Leafpool sighed. "It's a lot more complicated than that."

"Oh," Sorreltail meowed quietly. Medicine cat things were so complicated!

…

By the time the cats arrived at camp, the sun was just rising and the rain had subsided to a drizzle.

They were shocked to find the camp in an even worse shape than when they had left. Every warrior or apprentice looked either exhausted or sick, and Firestar was still going crazy. He had grabbed Mousepaw by his tail and was spinning in circles at an alarming pace. Mousepaw was lifted clear off the ground, shrieking. A few moments passed and Firestar stopped spinning and let go of Mousepaw. Mousepaw was swung so high up into the air that he nearly reached the top of the hollow. Luckily, a tree broke his fall, though it still seemed very painful.

Sorreltail watched in shock as Mousepaw his agonizing descent down the tree. There were many branches breaking his fall, but it still caused him yelp in pain. She kept track of the places the branches hit for Leafpool. Leg, side, head, belly… Mousepaw slid down that branch in a daze. Neck, nose-

_Thump!_

Mousepaw finally reached the ground, but had landed heavily on Thornclaw. By now, Mousepaw was only half-conscious. Thornclaw slid Mousepaw off his back to let Daisy take him to Brightheart.

Sorreltail was shocked to see that about half the clan had formed a line at the medicine cat den. Firestar was really that reckless in this state?

Leafpool stared wide eyed at her den. "It's bad enough that it's raining, but this?" She shook her head. "This is torture." Leafpool turned back to them. "Can you guys manage without me? I need to help Brightheart. Oh," she glanced at Firestar. "and I'll have those herbs for Firestar ready soon. I'll bring them out to him."

Sorreltail nodded. "Can I help you with those patients?" she glanced at the long line of cats, "It seems like you'll have your paws full."

"No, it's fine, I'll wait until Jaypaw gets back," Leafpool replied firmly.

"Stormfur!" Brook bounded over to him. "I saw you leave. Actually, the whole clan did. Where were you?"

Stormfur was led away, quickly explaining what had happened to Brook.

"Thanks for the help!" Leafpool called after him. She turned back to Sorreltail and Brackenfur. "Try to keep Firestar under control. Even better, get him to stay in his den. I'll see you later." She slunk off into the medicine cat den.

Sorreltail turned back to Firestar. He apparently had decided that flinging apprentices was fun and was grabbing the nearest ones he could find.

He was about to grab Hazelpaw when Brackenfur bowled into him. "Stop!" he spat. "Stop it right now!" He stepped off Firestar and pointed towards the leader's den with his tail. "You are being a very bad cat. Go to your den and have a time out!"

Firestar whimpered pathetically and dragged himself towards the leader's den.

"Wow," Sorreltail padded towards Brackenfur, "What made you think of that?"

Brackenfur purred. "I saw Whitewing and thought of when she was a kit."

"Dad!" Whitewing whined.

Brackenfur took on a face of mock severity. "No, Whitewing. Do want to have a time out, too?"

Whitewing's whiskers twitched and Sorreltail could tell that she was trying to contain her laughter, but Whitewing's voice was firm. "No, Brackenfur."

**Short, but I couldn't find other things to fit in this chapter... I'll make it up in the next one, yes?**


	12. Hollypaw Learns The Meaning Of Fun

Hollypaw could hardly keep on her paws by the time she and her littermates reached camp.

It was dawn now, meaning that she and her littermates hadn't slept the whole night.

They stumbled into the clearing to see half the clan piled up at the medicine cat den and the other half milling around restlessly.

Jaypaw seemed to sense this and whispered, "Oh, StarClan." He hurried to help Leafpool with her patients.

Lionpaw looked around. "Where's Firestar?"

Hollypaw had noticed Firestar's absence as well.

"Brambleclaw?" she called. "Where's Firestar?"

Brambleclaw looked up from his conversation with Squirrelflight. "Back from your super-secret perilous adventure, eh?" Brambleclaw winked. "Glad you're safe. Anyways, Brackenfur sent him to his den for a time out."

Hollypaw glanced at the leader's den. "Is he going crazy?" Brambleclaw nodded. "Catmint."

Lionpaw snorted. "He's such a dumba-"

Hollypaw slapped her tail over his mouth and padded over to Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight. "Do you have anything?"

"Have what?" Squirrelflight asked in a confused tone.

Lionpaw joined them. "A plan," he explained. "Do you have a plan?"

Brambleclaw nodded. "Leafpool, Sorreltail, Stormfur, and Brackenfur came up with a way to knock Firestar out. Leafpool's making the remedy right now."

Lionpaw's eyes shone. "Can we help?"

Squirrelflight glanced at the medicine cat den entrance. "Well…"

Hollypaw sat down and put on her cutest face possible. "Please?" Hollypaw pleaded.

"Just… try not to get in the way," Squirrelflight sighed.

Hollypaw jumped up. "Yes! Come on, Lionpaw!"

The two bounded away to the medicine cat den, their recent exhaustion forgotten.

Hollypaw poked her head inside. "Jaypaw? Leafpool?" she called.

She heard Leafpool sigh. "If you need some poppy seeds too, you'd best get into the line."

"Oh no," Hollypaw stepped inside, "We want to help with the herbs you're going to give to Firestar."

"We?" Leafpool asked.

Jaypaw scoffed. "Lionpaw's with her."

"Yup!" Lionpaw sprang inside.

"Well, okay," Leafpool sounded hesitant, "you can help, but I'm giving the herbs to Firestar."

Hollypaw felt slightly relieved. "Duh. I'm not going near that psychopath."

"Of course…" Jaypaw muttered.

"Come here." Leafpool beckoned with her tail, "You can help me mush the herbs."

"Why are we doing that?" Lionpaw asked.

Leafpool sat down. "Well, believe it or not, Firestar's actually not one hundred percent dumb."

Hollypaw gasped. She was really surprised by that. "Really?"

"Of course," Jaypaw snapped. "One hundred percent stupid means not being able to tell what the difference is between the sky and the ground."

"But Firestar doesn't know what the difference is between the sky and the ground," Hollypaw pointed out.

It was true of course because he'd often been confused about if he was going to fall off the ground and into the sky. At times like those, Hollypaw had guessed that Firestar thought that the sky was the ground.

"Uh, well," Jaypaw seemed to be searching for another reason, "He knows how to talk."

Hollypaw shrugged, then remembered Jaypaw couldn't see. "True, I guess."

"Here," Leafpool pawed over some thyme, "Chew this and spit it out onto this dock leaf," she ordered.

She gave a poppy flower to Lionpaw. "Shake all the seeds onto this dock-" she pointed to another dock leaf with her tail, "-And take ten to put into Hollypaw's thyme."

Hollypaw bent down to chew up the thyme. It felt sticky and tasted very tangy. Not the best thing she'd ever tasted.

Ten poppy seeds… that was a lot! From her brief experience as a medicine cat, she had only had to feed a cat one or two, but never ten. Firestar had eaten that much catmint?

She suddenly wondered how it was like to go high on catmint (not like she wanted to though, because she didn't). Did your vision go all funny? Did you start hearing things? Did everything just go black and you didn't regain your senses until it wore off?

She spat out the chewed thyme. The taste seemed to stay in her mouth, and she felt suddenly thirsty.

"Thirsty?" Jaypaw asked.

Hollypaw was about to say something, but a great amount of water was suddenly dumped onto her head from above. "Jaypaw!" she gasped. "What was that for?"

"I didn't do that," Jaypaw replied calmly.

"Then what-" Another splash of water hit her face, but not as much as last time. Hollypaw knew who it was that time.

"Jaypaw," she spluttered. "Really?"

She saw him shrug. "You were thirsty, right? You can lick it off your fur."

Hollypaw snorted and did as Jaypaw suggested. _Fine, be like that._ She paused from her licking. But how had Jaypaw know that she was thirsty? She pushed the thought away for now. Jaypaw was naturally a really creepy and weird cat, so she didn't worry too much.

Lionpaw looked up. "There's a hole in the roof," he observed. "There must have been a dip where a pool of water was. The pressure made it collapse."

Hollypaw was a bit impressed my Lionpaw's observation.

She glanced at Lionpaw's dry fur. "How come only I got hit?"

Lionpaw looked amused. "Bad luck, I guess."

Leafpool glanced upwards and sighed. "I guess I'm going to have to patch that, huh?" She shook her head. "More work for me," she muttered and went back to her herbs. "So, where were you three?" she asked casually.

Jaypaw opened his mouth to say something, but Lionpaw cast a pleading glance at him. Jaypaw seemed to sense this because he said, "Firestar said it was 'super secret', right?"

Leafpool's shoulders sagged. "I guess you're not telling me, then."

"Nope."

"Fine, then," Leafpool picked up the prepared herbs in her jaws, "I'm not telling any of you if this works or not. You'll have to ask somebody else."

Hollypaw watched as Leafpool padded out.

As the sound of Leafpool's paw steps receded, she looked back to her two littermates.

Lionpaw sighed in relief. "Thanks, Jaypaw."

"You owe me," Jaypaw growled. "In fact, you can pay me back right now."

Lionpaw sat down. "Sure, what is it, Jay?"

Jaypaw seemed to be staring Lionpaw straight straight in the eye. "Okay, first of all, don't call me Jay. It makes me sound small and weak like a bird. Second," Hollypaw saw a mischievous glint in his eyes, "You're going to help me spy on Leafpool."

"Seems easy enough," Lionpaw shrugged.

"No," Jaypaw meowed. "I'm not done yet. I want to know if Leafpool's plan works or not. Tell me everything that happens."

"Aren't you going to be there?" Lionpaw asked.

Jaypaw scoffed. "Heck, no! I'm telling you to do it so that when- I mean, _if _she sees you, I can't be blamed."

Lionpaw growled. "You think you're real smart, don't you?"

Jaypaw took on an innocent expression. "Oh, Lionpaw, I did something for you, now it's your turn to do something for me. And you can't possibly turn down a favor so simple. That doesn't seem right, does it?"

Hollypaw almost laughed at how uncharacteristic of Jaypaw that was.

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine," he stood up, "But if I get into trouble, just know that it's your fault."

Jaypaw was still playing on his innocent expression. "Of course, because it would be so hard to bear that for the rest of my life."

Lionpaw's expression darkened. "That only works when she-cats do it," he muttered as he padded out.

Hollypaw listened until the sound of Lionpaw's footsteps receded.

Suddenly, Jaypaw burst out laughing, making her jump.

"What?" Hollypaw asked, confused.

Jaypaw tried to catch his breath. "Oh, Lionpaw… Nobody spies on Leafpool and gets away with it!"

Hollypaw was still confused. "What's so funny about that?"

"Come on," Jaypaw nudged Hollypaw, "Don't you ever laugh a little? It's a prank."

Hollypaw found herself stuttering. "B-but-"

Jaypaw sighed in exasperation. "It's not against the warrior code to play pranks on your clanmates. There."

"It's not nice!" Hollypaw protested.

Jaypaw sat down and spoke in a serious tone. "Hollypaw, I'm going to teach you something new today. Something you probably have never experienced in your life. You know what it's called?"

Hollypaw shook her head, confused.

Jaypaw looked around as if making sure nobody was listening even though he was blind. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "It's called fun."

Hollypaw quickly pulled away. "I know what fun is!" she protested.

Jaypaw sat back on his haunches. "You don't seem to."

Hollypaw glared at him, something she always seemed to be doing nowadays.

"If you do," Jaypaw continued, "Then tell me one fun thing you've done in your life. Something _actually _fun."

"Well, of course there's" Hollypaw stopped herself and groped around in her mind to find something fun she'd done in her life but found nothing. She sighed. "I've got nothing."

"See?" Jaypaw meowed. "You can't let chances like this slide by. In this clan, fun is kind of hard to find."

Hollypaw raised an eyebrow. **(AN: Yes, I am well aware that cats don't have eyebrows, I just need something to get more expression out of them) **"Really?"

Jaypaw looked amused. "You mean you haven't noticed? RiverClan is always happily splashing in the water, WindClan is always frolicking in the daisies, and ShadowClan has fun being emo and whatever dark things they do. And what fun things do we do? Eat? This is a chance to have fun in _ThunderClan._"

But Hollypaw didn't feel any better. Lionpaw would get in trouble because of her. Well, mostly Jaypaw, but partly her for not stopping him. She felt guilty.

"Oh, come on," Jaypaw scoffed. "It'll be my fault, not yours. You don't need to feel like that."

Hollypaw looked up. "How did you know?"

"Know what?"

Hollypaw rolled her eyes. "Never mind," she muttered.

Jaypaw circled around Hollypaw. "Okay, let's settle this. Do you want to have fun?"

Hollypaw snorted. "Oh, don't start again."

Jaypaw's muzzle was suddenly a whisker away from hers. "Do you want to have fun or not?"

Hollypaw shifted her paws uncomfortably. "I guess."

"Then we'll have fun by Lionpaw getting pranked by me. Or," he paused, "us."

Hollypaw sighed. She decided to give in. Jaypaw was really making this impossible. "Okay, okay, I'm with you," she grumbled.

Jaypaw jumped up with enthusiasm. "Come on!" He paused at the entrance. "You can tell me what happens."

Hollypaw watched as Jaypaw bounded outside and warily followed. She still felt bad for going along. How was this even fun?

Jaypaw was sitting just outside the main entrance. "I can hear him," he whispered. "He's just outside the leader's den."

Hollypaw looked up, and, sure enough, Lionpaw was. He was creeping cautiously, as close to the entrance as he could get without being scented.

"Well?" Jaypaw nudged Hollypaw, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Hollypaw started. "Oh, yes, uh, he's right outside the leader's den now. I mean, really, _right_ outside." She squinted her eyes. "Oh, he's poked his head in." She paused. "He's jumped up like he's startled. Now he's going inside. You think Leafpool called him in?"

"Oh yeah," Jaypaw meowed confidently. "She definitely did."

Lionpaw padded out of the leader's den a few moments later, looking startled.

He spotted his littermates and stalked over.

Hollypaw nudged Jaypaw. "He's coming," she whispered.

"I know."

"Jaypaw!" Lionpaw yowled. "How dare you?"

"What did I do wrong?" Jaypaw asked innocently. "I only asked you to spy on Leafpool."

Lionpaw glared at him. "Only? You totally knew!"

"Knew what?"

"That you can't spy on her of course!"

"I don't know what you mean," Jaypaw replied in a mock confused tone. He was shaking with mirth now. Hollypaw could tell that it took all his effort to hold in his laughter.

_Well… I guess it is pretty funny._ A heartbeat later, she was trying to hold in her laughter too.

"Fox-heart!" Lionpaw cursed. "I'll get you back for this."

"Oh, you can try," Jaypaw chuckled. "But trust me, you wont be able to do a thing."

Lionpaw lashed his tail. "Just you wait," he spat. "You'll soon find out how wrong you are." He turned around and was about to leave, but Jaypaw stopped him.

"Lionpaw," Jaypaw called. "You forgot something."

Lionpaw whirled around. "What?" he snapped.

"You're supposed to tell me if Leafpool's plan worked or not," Jaypaw reminded him.

Lionpaw spoke through gritted teeth. "It worked and Firestar's knocked out cold. Now, if you'll excuse me," he turned around and called over his shoulder, "I'm going to sleep." He stalked away to the apprentices' den bad temperedly.

Hollypaw finally realized how tired she was. She yawned. "I think I'll go to sleep, too." She started to pad away. "See you later, Jaypaw."

"Wait," Jaypaw ordered.

Hollypaw turned around. "What now?"

"Did you have fun?" he asked.

Hollypaw paused to put some thought into this. Sure, it was funny, but did that mean it was fun? Well, there _was_ the word "fun" in funny, so she figured that might mean something. It all came down to the question. Did she just have fun for the first time in her life? Okay, wow, that sounded weird.

"Yes," she decided. "It was fun."

**Haharr, yes, I did something the Erin Hunters never thought of. Letting Hollypaw/leaf have fun. And she shall have more of it, don't worry. Your welcome, Hollypaw.**


	13. April Fools

Lionpaw was in a bad mood, so he decided to take it out on a worthless piece of moss.

_Stupid! You should've known she would hear you!_

Lionpaw added to his list of things not to do with Jaypaw. _Number thirty-six: Never let him convince you to spy on Leafpool. _And he thought Hollypaw was all goody-goody! Well, obviously, he'd thought wrong.

As he was tearing up the unlucky piece of moss, he heard someone enter the apprentice den. He figured that it was Hollypaw since all the other apprentices were in the medicine cat den, so he quickly shoved the moss back into his nest and lay down.

But the scent wasn't Hollypaw… No, it was Tigerstar. Bad timing.

He looked up. "What now?"

Tigerstar looked down on him with glowing amber eyes that made him feel like he was going to get killed at any moment. That was normal. "Well, I decided to tell you this when you were in a bad mood because I'm just that nice." He cleared his throat. "Anyways, I came here to tell you did the right thing."

"Did the right thing on what?" Lionpaw asked.

Tigerstar shrugged. "I don't know, but it was on my cue card."

"Oh, uh, well, 'night." He put his head back down on his paws and closed his eyes.

"No, no, no, wait!" Tigerstar poked him until he sat back up. "Ah, one more thing," He took a moment to regain his composure and went on in a serious tone. "You will never regret choosing to become a warrior."

"Yeah, I chose that a long time ago," Lionpaw muttered.

"Oh. You're right." Tigerstar took out some cue cards and pawed through them. He stopped at a hot pink card with sparkly purple writing. "Oh, here, sorry. Okay, remember, friendship is worthless because you will one day be so powerful that you will not need friends."

Lionpaw blinked. "Is that it?" he asked.

"As far as I'm concerned, yes."

Lionpaw narrowed his eyes. Tigerstar always showed up at the most random of times to tell him meaningless messages that nobody cared about. And he was evil. Weird.

Lionpaw sighed and settled back down. "Well, I'm going to sleep now." He opened one eye to see that Tigerstar wasn't there.

_Finally, some peace._

Lionpaw let sleep take over his exhausted body.

…

Lionpaw was woken up from his dreams by Hollypaw prodding his side. "What?" he asked.

"You slept a whole twenty-four hours," Hollypaw told him.

Lionpaw jumped up. "WHAT?!" he roared. "And you didn't wake me?"

"Nah, you needed rest. Besides," Hollypaw made her way outside, "you wouldn't be able to do anything if you were tired. Use your brain, genius."

She had a point.

Lionpaw hurried outside. "Well, what did you wake me up for?" he asked.

"Firestar called a clan meeting," Hollypaw explained.

Lionpaw glanced curiously up at highledge. "What for?" There weren't any kits ready to become apprentices, or apprentices ready to become warriors, or warriors to become elders, or elders ready to die. And there weren't any disastrous happenings as far as he was concerned.

Hollypaw shrugged. "Dunno. Come on."

They took their places beneath highledge between Ashfur and Squirrelflight. The rest of the clan eventually formed a crowd, though many complained about being woken up so early.

"Cats of ThunderClan!" Firestar yowled. "I have called you for a clan meeting at three o' clock in the morning because I have an urgent message that simply cannot wait. Today is the first day of April, and you know what that means." He looked around expectantly.

April? Since when did Firestar start using twoleg calendars?

The clan was silent except for Mousefur's comment. "Stupid," she coughed.

Firestar apparently didn't hear this. "April first is April fools! The time when cats play pranks on each other for no apparent reason. We celebrated it when I was a kittypet."

Brambleclaw broke the silence. "But why do you want to celebrate it?" he asked.

"Well, I've noticed the clan getting restless lately," Firestar began. "Like Leafpool knocking me out with herbs and Jaypaw sending Lionpaw to his doom."

Lionpaw stared at Firestar in shock. How did he know that?

Firestar must have seen his expression because he answered his unvoiced question. "Why, StarClan told me of course! Who else?"

Well, that seemed like an awfully strange thing for StarClan to tell him, but he went with it.

"So in honor of this sacred holiday," Firestar continued. "I am ordering each one of you to play at least one prank on each other or be exiled." Firestar waved his tail. "You are dismissed."

The clan separated into groups murmuring quietly to each other.

Jaypaw made his way towards his littermates. "Looks like I've influenced Firestar to a pranking fest," Jaypaw muttered. "How wonderful."

"You brought this upon yourself," Lionpaw told him.

"I wasn't being sarcastic," Jaypaw snapped.

Lionpaw blinked. "Oh."

"Guys!" Hollypaw interrupted. "Don't you know what this means? The whole clan will be distracted from what's really important."

"And what is that, Hollypaw?" Jaypaw asked, his tone suggesting that he was testing her.

"Duties, of course!" Hollypaw exclaimed.

"What did I tell you about having fun?" Jaypaw asked. "One day off isn't gonna kill us."

"But-"

Jaypaw slapped his tail across her mouth. "At least _try_ to have fun, okay? It will do you a whole world of good."

"Fine," Hollypaw muttered.

Lionpaw slunk off to go hunting. It would be easier to think of a plan to get payback on Jaypaw when there wasn't so much noise.

He set off at a leisurely pace. There wasn't any hurry. The clan basically had a whole day off. Well, except for the fact that every cat had to pull a prank on some other cat or get exiled. Yeah, that was kind of cruel. Only Firestar would think of something as stupid as that.

Now, what would really fool Jaypaw? What would really make him embarrassed? The answer automatically popped into his mind. His blindness. That was Jaypaw's obvious weak spot. Maybe he could make Jaypaw do something really clumsy. Or stupid. Or possibly both. Yes, both would be good.

_Squirrel!_

He automatically dropped into a hunter's crouch. Slowly, he stalked his prey. Then he striked.

The squirrel hardly knew what was going on until it was too late. It was instantly slain.

Lionpaw suddenly realized how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten since two days before when he had gotten back from the patrol. So much had happened since then. He finished the squirrel in a few famished gulps.

He went back to his pondering. There was usually a chain reaction to a prank, but he was no good at that. There was also the trip wire method. And since Jaypaw was blind, he wouldn't be able to see it. Perfect! Maybe he could dunk a bucket of mouse bile on Jaypaw's head. Yes, a bucket. Firestar always stole things from twolegs, so why not?

The plan started unfolding in Lionpaw's mind.

_Oh yes,_ he thought. _This will definitely_ work.

**Four reviews. What an achievment. (Sarcasm) Just kidding. And yes, there really is no point to this AN, I'm just bored.**


	14. Jaypaw Gets Outwitted By She-Cats

Jaypaw listened as Berrypaw padded into his den.

"Jaypaw?" Berrypaw asked.

Jaypaw turned around. "What?"

Berrypaw shifted uncertainly. "Um, I wanted to know the cure for death berries."

Jaypaw narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Uh…" Jaypaw could tell that Berrypaw was uncomfortable, which was completely fine with him. "It's not like I tricked Hollypaw into eating them by threatening that she broke the warrior code," he chuckled nervously. "Why would you think that?"

"I never said that."

"Oh… well… forget what I said," Berrypaw meowed shakily. "So, uh, you gonna tell me?"

Jaypaw sighed. "You could have made her eat mouse bile. You could have made her eat bones. But what made you think of death berries?"

"H-how did you know?" Berrypaw stuttered.

"You just told me, idiot!" Jaypaw snapped. "Now, answer my question!"

"Um… well, it was the closest thing I could find, so…" Berrypaw trailed off.

"Where is she right now?" Jaypaw asked.

"Just outside camp convulsing on the ground," Berrypaw answered quickly.

Jaypaw grabbed some herbs and hurried outside. He found Hollypaw where Berrypaw said she was, making some pretty painful sounds.

Jaypaw decided that it would be too late by the time that he could coax Hollypaw to eat the herbs so he did it the forceful and easier way. He took the herbs, shoved them in her mouth, and clamped her mouth shut until she ate it.

Jaypaw stepped back and the herbs do their magic. Their disgusting magic.

Hollypaw dragged herself into a bush where Jaypaw heard some gagging sounds and came back out with a sickly sweet smell warding off of her.

"So," Jaypaw sat down, "I just saved your life. You owe me an explanation, and I don't care if you don't want to, just do it."

Hollypaw flopped down to her side panting. "You want to long story or the short one?" she asked hoarsely.

Jaypaw paused, thinking. "The long one so I have an excuse for not being there when a bunch of other pranked cats come into my den," he decided.

Hollypaw shakily sat up. "Really?" she rasped. "Okay… Well, Berrypaw came up to me and said that he caught me, and I was like, 'What?' and he was like, 'Yeah, that's right,' and then-"

Jaypaw made a coughing sound. "Can you not use she-cat language?"

"Well, fine then," Hollypaw snapped, sounding offended. "Anyways, I thought he was talking about that one time that I met up with this WindClan- oh no."

_Ah, yes, confessions…_

"Who was he?" Jaypaw demanded.

"I'm not telling you!" Hollypaw hissed.

"I'm just kidding, I don't care."

"Oh. That's a relief. But I'm still hurt."

"Good."

"Pretend this never happened, please?"

"Pretend what never happened?"

Hollypaw nodded and cleared her throat. "Okay, so yeah, I started yelling all this junk about how I didn't break the warrior code, but he stopped me and told me to eat these berries if I didn't want to live in pain anymore. So I did, and the world went all funny."

Jaypaw nodded. "Okay, but you owe me one more thing."

He sensed Hollypaw's fear. "What is it?"

_Ha. She thinks I'm going to do something horrible to her…_

"Dibs on pranking Firestar."

"What?"

"I told you. Dibs. Go tell the whole clan that, and make sure they get the message."

"O-okay," Hollypaw stuttered, surprised. "But what would make good a message?"

Jaypaw snorted. "Easy. Just go over every clanmate's deepest fears and use them to threaten them into listening to you."

"But I'm not that type of cat!" Hollypaw meowed indignantly.

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "And if you want, you can say that I sent you. There."

He turned around, not waiting for an answer, and headed back toward the medicine cat den.

"Jaypaw!" Lionpaw bounded to his side.

"What do you want?" Jaypaw muttered.

"I have a book for you to read. It's about ways to get out of trouble."

"I can't read."

"It's Braille."

"I still can't read."

"But Leafpool taught you!"

"And you think I payed attention?"

Lionpaw sighed. "Whatever. Just give me the book back. It's in your nest."

Just then, Leafpool came out of the medicine cat den sneezing and screaming. "My eyes, my eyes!"

A sickly scent drifted to Jaypaw's nose. "Eww, what the heck is that?"

Lionpaw growled. "Dang it! That was supposed to be you!" Then he seemed to realize what he had said. "Oh, er, I mean, no…"

"You're still mad at what I did?" Jaypaw scoffed. "Wow, you can really hold a grudge."

Leafpool ran over to Jaypaw gasping. "Jaypaw! I…" She sneezed. "Why did you prank me?!"

"I'm pranking Firestar, not you," Jaypaw said.

"Do you know who did this to me?!" Leafpool gasped and sneezed again.

"It was Lionpaw," Jaypaw told her.

Leafpool turned on Lionpaw. "You dare release a ton of, pepper, mouse bile, and crow-food on me?!"

"Uh, it was supposed to be for Jaypaw."

"LIES!" Leafpool tackled Lionpaw out of camp.

Jaypaw heard Lionpaw's distressed yowl from the outside camp. "Holy StarClan, help me!"

"God! It's God, not your 'StarClan'!" Cloudtail growled. He hurled himself to the other side of the barrier.

Jaypaw just shrugged and, ignoring the shrieks and growls coming from outside camp, headed towards the growing line of cats in front of his den.

Brightheart stood at the front of the line soaking wet.

"Did you jump in the lake?" Jaypaw asked.

"Yes," Brightheart sighed. "Just give me a few poppy seeds and I'll be on my way…"

"Are you in shock?" Jaypaw asked.

"Well… a bit shaken up, I guess," she replied uncertainly.

Jaypaw felt the sudden urge to see what kind of torture had befallen her, so he went into her mind to see.

Brightheart was sitting on the shore of the lake, looking at the water for some reason unknown to him.

Ashfur appeared from the bushes. "Hello, Brightheart," he smirked.

Brightheart turned around. "Hello, what is it?" she asked.

"I found a cure for your eye. It's at the bottom of the lake."

The next moment, Brightheart had hurled herself into the lake and was struggling to swim.

Jaypaw was shot back out into reality.

_What an idiot… _

Jaypaw gave her the poppy seeds and waited while Brightheart lapped them up.

"Thanks, Jaypaw," she turned to leave.

"Wait, Brightheart," he ordered.

"What?"

"Don't go throwing yourself into lakes. You know that you'll never get your eye back."

Jaypaw felt Brightheart's surprise, but she said nothing. He waited as her footsteps receded.

Next to enter was Honeypaw, who was being half-dragged, half-carried by Poppypaw.

"Hi, Cinderpaw… the trees told me that you were flying…" Hazelpaw murmured drowsily to the sleeping form of Cinderpaw.

"Um, what happened?" Jaypaw asked.

Poppypaw sighed. "Well, see, some cats thought it would be funny to feed her a mouse stuffed with poppy seeds and catmint… yeah, it didn't turn out well."

"Hey, what's a tail?" Hazelpaw asked retardedly. "Mother said it was poisonous." She went on rambling about other unrelated things.

Jaypaw ignored her. "And who were these cats?"

"Nobody…"

"-and then it stabbed me in the thigh-"

"It was you, wasn't it?"

"Yup."

"-because he wanted to avenge his leaf-"

"Good for you."

"What, really?"

"Yes."

"-and BAM! It went up my nose-"

Jaypaw felt annoyance and angry disbelief crackle off Poppypaw's pelt. "Just tell me what I need to do," she hissed.

"Just let her sleep it off," Jaypaw instructed. "The effects will wear off after time."

"Oh, hey, you're kind of cute," Hazelpaw slurred.

It took Jaypaw a moment to realize that she was talking to him, and he instantly felt angry. "Poppypaw, get her out of here before she starts licking my face."

"Sure…"

"Haha, yes, I'm done!"

Jaypaw pricked his ears at the sound of Hazelpaw's voice. He turned around. "Hazelpaw, what are you doing in my den?"

Jaypaw sensed Hazelpaw's embarrassment. "Oh… oops…"

"Hazelpaw!" Poppypaw spat. "You were supposed to sneak out, not start yelling out your triumph!"

"Wait, what's going on here?" Jaypaw demanded.

"Well, at least I did it," Hazelpaw meowed, completely ignoring Jaypaw.

"But now he knows that _we_ did it! We were supposed to frame Longtail, remember?" Honeypaw hissed.

Jaypaw was confused. "What? Honeypaw? I thought you were-"

"Shut up!" they all hissed.

Jaypaw was startled into silence. Very unlike him, but it happened, so…

"You know what?" Poppypaw meowed. "I'm running. See ya!" Jaypaw heard Poppypaw's heavy footsteps as she bolted out of his den.

He turned on Honeypaw. "What did you do?" he demanded.

Honeypaw shifted uneasily. "Um… Hazelpaw'll tell you!" She scampered out of his den.

Jaypaw felt a growl rise in his throat as he turned to Hazelpaw. "Hazelpaw, you're going to tell me what you did or you wont be getting out of here without a few scars." Empty threats, but so what?

"I, um, messed up all of your herbs…"

Jaypaw finally snapped. "Get out!" he snarled. "And don't show your ugly face in here again!"

"But you can't-" she stopped, sensing her mistake, "I mean-"

"I told you, dammit, get out!" Jaypaw shouted.

"Whoa, watch the language," Cinderpaw yawned, having woken up from her sleep because of Jaypaw's yelling. "You know this is rated 'K+' for a reason, right?"

"Stay out of this!" Jaypaw spat.

"Fine, fine, I'm going!" Hazelpaw meowed, backing away towards the entrance.

Jaypaw lashed his tail and turned to his messed up herbs.

He suddenly felt something break over his head and the world went black, even though his world was already black.

Honeypaw dropped down from the hole in the ceiling next to Jaypaw's unconscious form. "We got him!" she called upwards.

Poppypaw landed next to her. "I told you the vase would come in handy!"

"Let's go!" Hazelpaw giggled.

"Um, hello? Am I invisible?" Cinderpaw meowed loudly.

"Oh yeah!" Hazelpaw squeaked, and turned to Cinderpaw. "Cinderpaw, can you wake him up? Thanks!"

The three she-cats ran off giggling like crazy and whispering to each other.

Cinderpaw sighed. "Okay, let's see… I'm supposed to feed you dock leaves, right?"


	15. Mousepaw

**BAH. I'm such an idiot. Rainfur pointed out my mistake of Whitewing's parentage, and... I'm sorry. Let's just move on, shall we? Pretend this never happened? Thanks.**

Hollypaw jumped as Lionpaw, Leafpool, and Cloudtail tussled in. They were apparently fighting… but it was a really odd mix…

She slowly backed away towards the thorn barrier, but instantly felt downcast by Jaypaw's- well, Jaypaw's order. She wasn't very good at the art of threatening. It sounded fun, though.

_Wait, what?_ _No! It is not fun! Seeing other cat's demise is definitely not fun! Shut up, little voice in my head!_

Hollypaw growled and went to do Jaypaw's bidding.

She padded up to Whitewing and cleared her throat. "Whitewing?"

Whitewing looked up from her conversation with Birchfall. "Yes?"

"Jaypaw called dibs on pranking Firestar…" she trailed off.

Birchfall stood up. "No way! We were thinking the same thing."

Hollypaw shifted her paws. "Er, well, Jaypaw said that only he could prank Firestar or… um…" She racked her brain for something threatening. "Or uh, he'll get Cloudtail to mate with Daisy and for Spiderleg to be your step-father."

Whitewing gasped. "What? Who told you that?"

"Jaypaw," Hollypaw meowed, though she felt guilty for letting Jaypaw take the blame so quickly.

Whitewing's gaze hardened. "I need to have a talk with that mister."

"Yeah…" Hollypaw mewed awkwardly and turned away.

_Who's next?_

She saw Squirrleflight emerge from the warrior's den.

"Squirrelflight!" she called.

She bounded over. "What is it, dear?"

"Um… Jaypaw said that he's going to prank Firestar and him only, so if you decide to prank him… Jaypaw knows a way for Brambleclaw to be gay with Ashfur."

Squirrelflight's mouth dropped open in shock. "That's disgusting!" She narrowed her eyes. "How's he going to do this?"

"Um…"

"Hey, Hollypaw, don't tell anyone this, 'kay?"

"Don't tell anyone what?"

"I got some apprentices to knock Jaypaw out. Fun, right?"

Hollypaw blinked. "Uh… y-yeah…" she stuttered.

"So consider your dear revenge already accounted for, 'kay? Now, I have some devious things to do that would badly influence your mind."

"Yeah… you do that…" Hollypaw turned away from Squirrelflight to seek out her next victim. She still wasn't enjoying it, but Jaypaw saved her life so that counted for something. It was just annoying how he always had a debt in order.

Mousepaw appeared at her side. "Hey, Hollypaw, could you-"

"Don't prank Firestar or your brother and sister die!" Hollypaw blurted.

Mousepaw looked confused. "What?"

"I mean, um, Jaypaw said that," she meowed quickly.

Mousepaw narrowed his eyes. "Okay… Well, anyways, can you help me prank Berrypaw? He's been really ticking me off lately, and-"

"Sorry, I've got work to do, bye." Hollypaw meowed hastily and turned away.

She would help Mousepaw with his problem later. Or she could totally backstab him. Eh… maybe.

_Oh, and now I'm suddenly taking things like this light- man, I told you to shut up, little voice!_

Hollypaw scanned the clearing. _Brook's turn! _She didn't know why, but the name just popped into her head.

Hollypaw called Brook over, who was sharing tongues with Stormfur. "Brook!"

Brook trotted over. "What is it, Hollypaw?"

"Don't prank Firestar or-"

"Okay."

"Yeah, bye."

"See you later, Hollypaw."

_Well, that was easy._

Hollypaw sighed as she looked around at all the cats in the hollow. There were just so many! It could take the whole day. Then she wouldn't have time for her prank…

An idea popped into her mind. She quickly pushed her way out of camp. Lionpaw, Leafpool, and Cloudtail were still fighting.

"How could you prank me?!" Leafpool yowled.

"And how could you believe in StarClan?!" Cloudtail snarled. "Eating fox-dung makes more sense!"

Hollypaw wrinkled her nose at the thought.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, just please stop it!" Lionpaw shrieked desperately.

"Guys!" Hollypaw shouted.

They instantly broke apart, looking guilty.

"Lionpaw, can you go around threatening other cats not to prank Firestar? Except Jaypaw," Hollypaw added, "he's the one that called dibs."

"Sure!" Lionpaw sounded relieved to be separated from Leafpool and Cloudtail. He jumped up and headed inside camp.

Hollypaw watched Lionpaw go and whipped her head around to face Leafpool and Cloudtail. "Don't you know it's against the warrior code to attack your clanmates?" she snapped.

Cloudtail shifted his paws. "Yeah, well, we were fighting with sheathed claws… most of the time."

Hollypaw sighed. She felt like she was talking to a pair of stupid kits! "Don't do it again," she snapped. "By the way, do you know where Mousepaw is?"

Leafpool looked surprised. "Why?"

Hollypaw smirked. "No reason."

"I think I saw him run past us towards the lake a few moments before you arrived," Cloudtail meowed. He looked at her thoughtfully. "Are you gonna stalk him or something?"

Hollypaw nodded. "Something like that. But thanks." She brushed past them and bolted in the direction of the lake.

_I need to catch up with him…_

She finally saw his gray and white pelt up ahead and slowed down until she was in step with him.

He glanced at her. "So, decided to help me?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I didn't do one yet."

_Yup, and that's because I'm doing it to you!_

Mousepaw leaped over a log. "Did you hear what happened to Hazelpaw?" he asked.

Hollypaw shook her head. "No, what?"

Mousepaw smirked. "They made her think that the world was ending. She was about to commit suicide by jumping off highledge when they told her it wasn't true."

Hollypaw laughed a little. "Funny! But who exactly are 'they'?"

"Oh," Mousepaw looked away. "You don't wanna know."

Hollypaw nudged him. "Duh. Of course I want to know!"

"Well, believe it or not, it was Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight."

Hollypaw nearly choked. "What?! You can't be serious!"

Mousepaw grinned and nodded. "Oh, it's true. When I saw it, I could hardly believe it either, but it's true."

Hollypaw was still shocked. "How did they think of that?"

Mousepaw shrugged. "I don't know, but then again, everybody feels like a kit today, huh?"

"I know! Berrypaw fed me deathberries." She shuddered. "Do not _ever_ eat deathberries. Trust me, they taste horrible."

"Deathberries? That's a little too far, don't you think?"

Hollypaw nodded in agreement. "I know right? But you should see what Jaypaw's going to do to Firestar."

Mousepaw's eyes widened. "He's going to go that far?"

"I know, weird, huh? You'd think that a blind cat wouldn't want to get into trouble."

"Don't let Jaypaw hear that," Mousepaw chuckled. "He'll claw your face off."

Hollypaw growled playfully. "Not if I get to him first. He forced me to go around threatening other cats because he saved my life."

"Well, I-" Mousepaw looked up. His eyes widened and he quickly grabbed Hollypaw's scruff and dragged her aside.

He and Hollypaw stumbled against a tree trunk. "Hey, what-"

_Sssthunkkk!_

Hollypaw glanced backwards to see a big branch sticking straight out of the ground where she had just recently stood. Her mouth dropped open. "Mousepaw-"

"Your welcome," Mousepaw meowed.

That was the second time that day that she had almost died… weird.

Despite this, Hollypaw grinned. "Well, you just saved my life. Do I owe you something?"

Mousepaw looked thoughtful. "Yes, I think there is a debt in order."

Hollypaw put on a mock face of horror. "Oh, no! Don't tell me your gonna make me change all the bedding!"

But Mousepaw sat down with a serious look on his face.

"What is it?" Hollypaw asked.

"I just want your, ah, opinion on something Berrypaw told me." Mousepaw looked around. "Can we do this in a more… appropriate place?"

Hollypaw was confused, but she nodded. Did this have something to do with sibling drama? She'd had enough of that from her brothers.

Mousepaw turned around and headed towards the lake, Hollypaw following. They arrived a few moments later onto the shores of the lake. Hollypaw was surprised that they had walked that far.

Mousepaw turned around. "Okay, so Berrypaw… is… having problems. She-cat problems."

"Okay…?" Hollypaw meowed. "But why ask me?"

"You're a she-cat."

"Oh."

Mousepaw looked embarrassed. "Okay, so he-" A bucket of mouse-bile dropped on his head.

Berrypaw's head popped out of the trees. "Ha!" He dropped down to the ground beside his brother. "I beat you to it!"

For a moment Mousepaw looked confused, but his expression turned enraged and his fur started bristling. "Berrypaw!"

Berrypaw seemed to sense his anger and slowly backed away. "Now, now, no need to get all fussy over this," he chuckled nervously. "It's just a little prank."

"_Just_ a prank? Berrypaw, I was about to-" he stopped himself. "Never mind," he mumbled.

Berrypaw was still backing away. "So, uh, yeah, I'll- I'll see you later." He turned around and bolted away.

Hollypaw turned back to Mousepaw. "You okay?"

"Er, I-I'm fine," he stammered then sighed. "It just… kind of ruined-" He hesitated.

Ruined? As far as she was concerned, there was nothing to ruin.

"Mousepaw?" Hollypaw asked after a moment's pause.

Mousepaw shook his head. "It's nothing." He grinned. "I guess that gives all the more reason to get revenge on him, huh?"

But Hollypaw was still confused about what exactly just happened. She hesitated then asked. "Mousepaw, what were you going to tell me?"

He glanced at her nervously. "I'll tell you later," he meowed hastily. "Now's not the time. Right now, I'm itching to get revenge on Berrypaw."

Hollypaw wrinkled her nose. "Not before you have a wash."

Mousepaw looked down on his pelt. "Oh, no-"

But Hollypaw was already dragging him towards the lake. She tossed him into the water.

_Does this remind me of someone? _she thought. _Oh, yeah. Jaypaw did this._

Mousepaw surfaced, spluttering, and dragged himself ashore. "Did I get it off?"

Hollypaw sniffed his pelt. "Not quite…"

Mousepaw put on a mischievous grin. "Well this time, you're coming with me."

Hollypaw barely had time to process this until she had been flung into the water as well.

She resurfaced, coughing. "Hey!" she shouted indignantly. Hollypaw looked around, but Mousepaw was nowhere to be seen. "Mousepaw?"

A splash of water hit her face. She turned to see Mousepaw treading water beside her. "Did I scare you?" he teased.

"You get over here," she growled and shoved into Mousepaw as hard as she could.

He resurfaced on her other side, laughing, and shoved her underwater.

Hollypaw grabbed Mousepaw's tail from underwater and dragged him ashore. They both fell on the ground laughing.

Mousepaw sat up grinning. "Well, Hollypaw, friends?"

Hollypaw nodded and smiled. "How could I say no?"

**Okay, they're "just friends," 'kay? Nothing romantic... yet... Gosh, I made it way too obvious.**


	16. How Firestar Makes New Warriors

Lionpaw had finished threatening all the cats in the clan. And it was hard work. They seemed to be all over the place.

Lionpaw was heading back towards the apprentice's den when he heard a high pitched yowl coming from highledge. He looked up to see Firestar hurtle out of his den, only to fall off highledge. Lionpaw thought he was going to die, or get injured at the very least, but was surprised when he only stumbled. Firestar then ran out of the camp, screeching at the top of his lungs with many cats staring curiously after him.

Lionpaw looked back to highledge to see Jaypaw emerge from the leader's den and carefully make his way back down.

He hurried over to his brother, curious to know what had made Firestar so freaked out. "Jaypaw, what happened? What did you do?" he asked.

There was a weird rattle-y sound as Jaypaw held up a round twoleg thing with his tail. "He thought this was a rattlesnake."

Lionpaw stared at the "thing". "Where did you get that?"

"Oh," Jaypaw shrugged. "A twoleg nest. You can find a lot of weird stuff there."

Lionpaw gasped. "A twoleg nest?"

"Oh, come on," Jaypaw snapped. "_Everybody _does it. Mostly you, actually."

Wow, how'd he know that?

"I… I guess," Lionpaw stuttered.

"Therefore, as long as we don't kill anybody, I don't see anything wrong with it," Jaypaw concluded.

Right then, Hollypaw and Mousepaw ran into camp, soaking wet and laughing.

Lionpaw glanced at the two. What was up with them? He glanced at Jaypaw questioningly.

Jaypaw seemed to notice because he shrugged and said stonily, "Nothing to do with me, so I don't care."

"Wh-what?" Lionpaw stuttered, shocked.

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Really, Lionpaw, you're so dense. I'm kidding. You really can't tell what sarcasm is when you hear it, can you?"

Lionpaw glared at him. "Shut up!" he snapped, embarrassed by his own stupidity.

Jaypaw seemed to ignore this and mewed thoughtfully, "I think I'll have to harass her for some information."

"Just let them be," Lionpaw growled. "You don't really have to always nose into other cats' business."

"But I have a right," Jaypaw countered. "I'm her brother. I'm practically meant to annoy her."

Lionpaw shrugged and sighed, not wanting to get in to another pointless quarrel. "Whatever you say."

…

"Lionpaw!"

Lionpaw sat bolt upright and found himself staring into two misty blue eyes. "Gah! Jaypaw! You could've woken me up later."

Jaypaw sat down. "You should be thanking me, Lionpaw. I got you out of training this morning because you're helping me collect mallow."

Lionpaw smoothed his ruffled fur. "I am?"

"Yes, you are," Jaypaw meowed as a matter-of-factly. He prodded him again. "Get up!"

Lionpaw stood up. "Okay, okay, gosh." He shook out his fur- even though he had just smoothed it- to show off, though nobody was watching. "Where do we find this mallow?"

"By the lake," Jaypaw replied. "I also want you to help me find my stick."

Lionpaw blinked. "A stick? Just a stick?"

"It's not _just_ a stick, Lionpaw," Jaypaw snapped. "It's also my portal to the past."

Lionpaw made his way outside. "Uh, yeah, okay," he muttered.

A portal to the past? Please! Jaypaw may have been a medicine cat, but he needed a reality check.

Jaypaw caught up to him. "You don't believe me, do you?"

Lionpaw shook his head. "Nope."

"Fine, then," Jaypaw snorted, "you can think what you want. But you don't know just how wrong you are."

"Jaypaw, I'd rather not do this," Lionpaw sighed as they exited camp. For some reason, he was becoming more and more self-conscious about their little fights.

"Not only is it my portal to the past," Jaypaw continued. "It also marks the lives and deaths of-"

"You know what, Jaypaw?" Lionpaw snapped. "Just drop it, okay?"

Jaypaw snorted and ran ahead.

"Wha- hey!" Lionpaw shouted. "You might bump into something!"

"Denial!" Jaypaw called over his shoulder.

Denial. Their short way for saying, "Yeah, I don't care, and I'm not going to listen to you."

The pair eventually made it to the lake's shore, and, surprisingly, Jaypaw actually didn't bump into anything.

"Told you so," Jaypaw meowed.

At this, Lionpaw flared up. "Emo!"

"Bossy!" Jaypaw retorted.

"Know-it-all!"

"Jerk!"

"Bit-"

"Hey, guys!"

Jaypaw and Lionpaw jumped.

Lionpaw turned to see Hazelpaw making her way towards them. "Um, sorry to interfere in your little fight, but did you know that Daisy just gave birth?"

"What?!" Jaypaw yelped. "And Leafpool sent me off to collect mallow!"

Hazelpaw shrugged. "She probably thought you were too inexperi- I mean, she probably really needed mallow."

Lionpaw's whiskers twitched, but Jaypaw growled.

"Anyways," Hazelpaw waved her tail. "Their names are Rosekit and Toadkit. So cute! And you wouldn't believe who their father is. Spiderleg! And I thought he hated her for racist reasons!"

Jaypaw sighed. "Hazelpaw, I may be younger than you, but I seem to be more mature for some reason. 'Racist', means someone having bad feelings towards another cat because of their pelt color. Spiderleg didn't like Daisy because she was pure of any clan blood."

"Well, fine you know-it-all!" Hazelpaw teased. "Keep on being like that and you'll find that you'll be lonely for the rest of your life. I mean, no friends of course, since you can't have a mate."

Jaypaw flattened his ears and growled.

"Gee, this guy. Can't take a joke, can he?" Hazelpaw shook her head sadly. "I broke a vase over his head and he didn't even giggle!"

_What?! But I couldn't even dump some stupid mouse bile on his head!_

Lionpaw decided to change the subject to divert his mind from his recent failure. "What are you doing out here, anyways?" he asked. "I mean… alone. You're, like, _never_ alone."

"I fully support that," Jaypaw meowed solemnly.

"Oh! Berrypaw, Mousepaw, and I are having our final warrior assessment!" Hazelpaw squealed. "So, actually, I'm not alone. My mentor's stalking me somewhere where I can't see him, but I can smell him in the bushes." She jerked her head towards a nearby bush. "Dustpelt's really bad at stalking."

"Good for you," Jaypaw muttered sarcastically.

But Hazelpaw didn't seem to notice. "See you later!" she meowed and bounded away.

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "Jaypaw, you could have been at least a bit more enthusiastic."

Jaypaw turned and faced him with a serious look on his face. "Lionpaw, stop for a moment and try to imagine me being enthusiastic. Do you think it makes sense?" he meowed.

Lionpaw paused for a moment to think. He shrugged. "I guess not. Maybe when you're about to ruin somebody's life; you're enthusiastic then."

"But other than that?" Jaypaw questioned.

"Um… yeah, I got nothing."

"Exactly," Jaypaw concluded. He seemed to be making a lot of conclusions those days. "Like you said, I am totally emo. Okay, you collect the marrow, and I'll go get the stick."

Lionpaw decided it was best not to argue. He stood up and looked around for a patch of marrow, even though he had no idea what it looked or smelled like. _Wait… I can't find marrow if I have no idea what it is!_

He turned around. "Jaypaw!" he called.

Jaypaw had pulled out his stick and was now running his paws over it's smooth surface. "You don't know what marrow is?" he guessed.

"Not a clue."

Jaypaw sighed. "Okay, fine, we can do this some time later." He ran his paw over the stick for a few more moments, then put it back into place. Swiftly, he stood up, and started walking in the direction towards camp.

Lionpaw turned around to follow but hesitated. "Wait… what? That's it?"

"Yes."

"But I thought Leafpool told you that you had to collect marrow?"

Jaypaw turned around and shrugged. "I lied. We're full of it."

_What? Seriously? So you just dragged me along to see some stupid stick?!_

"You-" Anger flared up inside him. "Words can't express how angry I am right now!" Lionpaw called.

Jaypaw narrowed his eyes. "But you're not."

"What?"

"You're not angry," Jaypaw repeated, slowly this time.

"Oh," Lionpaw tipped his head to one side, confused, "I'm not?"

"No, you're not."

"A-are you sure?" Lionpaw stuttered.

"No."

Lionpaw blinked. What was that supposed to mean? "So, I _am_ angry?"

"I'm just trying to confuse you."

Lionpaw paused, processing this in his slow mind, then growled. Really, where did he get his attitude from? Not Brambleclaw. Definitely not Squirrelflight. Tigerstar was Brambleclaw's father, but he didn't really have a snappish attitude. More like a, "What did you say? DIE!" attitude. And then you were dead.

Lionpaw sighed and shrugged it off. _Whatever. I don't care if you die of loneliness, like Hazelpaw said._ But he knew inside that that wasn't true, though he wished that Jaypaw could loosen up a bit. Well... no, that was too much to wish for. Even if StarClan used all of their powers against him, Jaypaw would probably never change. Lionpaw was most certain of that.

He finally got up and trotted after Jaypaw. Jaypaw might have been lucky on the way to the lake, but he might bump into something on the way back. Lionpaw wanted to make sure that his brother didn't grow a lump in his face for bumping into everything, no matter how amusing that would be. They had their quarrels, but they were still brothers in the end.

Lionpaw felt somebody jump onto his back. _Jaypaw! _he thought. He growled and fell to his side, thinking that would shake him off. His estimations were correct as he felt Jaypaw's claw slide from his back. Lionpaw quickly jumped to his feet and whirled around, expecting to see Jaypaw's indignant expression, but was surprised to see Berrypaw struggling to his feet. Lionpaw looked to his side and saw that Jaypaw was a few paces ahead of him with an amused expression on his face.

_Well... _Now that he thought about it, Jaypaw probably never had a chance of creeping up on him and leaping onto his back, no matter how much he would deny it.

"Lionpaw?" Berrypaw gasped. "I thought you were a bird!"

Lionpaw looked down at his pelt. How could he possibly have mistaken his golden fur for a bird? Either Berrypaw had been eating catmint or had really bad eyesight.

"It's fine," he muttered. He wasn't really in the mood for another conversation about kits and assessments. "Come on," he meowed to Jaypaw.

Jaypaw waited for Lionpaw to catch up, and trotted back to camp with a smirk still plastered on his face. _Still amused by Berrypaw bowling me over, I suppose. Either that, or he apparently thinks that me as a bird would be funny._

They entered camp, the sun rising behind their backs, just in time to see Firestar scramble on to highledge and call the clan together for a meeting. "Let all cats old enough to join the elders' den- I mean- bah, never mind, just come here."

The cats of the clan gathered beneath highledge, undaunted by Firestar's laziness. It was a pretty normal thing.

Berrypaw, Mousepaw, and Hazelpaw were already back from their assessments, and were sitting proudly next to Daisy and their mentors, their fur still messed up from the assessment. They had probably run back to camp in the excitement of becoming warriors. Jaypaw and Lionpaw hung near the main entrance, listening for what Firestar had to say.

"Um," Firestar began nervously, despite all of his previous experiences on highledge. "Today we have, er, two, no, three new warriors because the ones we have now are really suck-ish, cowardly, and downright mean. We need younger, innocent, and more stronger cats to whip them up into shape. Plus, I'm bored. No hard feelings, right?"

There were some angry yowls from the current ThunderClan warriors.

"Anyways," Firestar continued, ignoring the complaints, "those three cats are Berrypaw, Mousepaw, and- uh… sorry, I always forget the last one." Firestar paused for a moment to think. "Oh, yes! And Hazelpaw. They all had an assessment that lasted only five minutes, but who cares! By the way, raise a paw if you want to have a really long clan meeting."

Nobody moved.

Firestar nodded approvingly. "Good, because I'm going to skip all the minor and meaningful stuff and just tell these cats their warrior names. Sound good? Leafpool, you'll tell StarClan to acknowledge them, yes? Okay," he continued without waiting for an answer, "Berrypaw, your warrior name will be Berrynose because you always nose into other cats' business and make their lives miserable. Of course, that name would fit Jaypaw, too, except for the fact that Jaynose doesn't really have the right ring to it. And as far as I'm concerned, jay birds don't have noses. But berries do!"

Berrynose flattened his ears and growled, offended.

Firestar didn't seem to notice. "And Mousepaw, your warrior name will be Mousewhisker because, in my world, you have a moustache. Now, I'm not saying that you actually do, I'm saying that you would look good with one. You might want to go to RiverClan to cut you a moustache. Very good quality, unlike WindClan; their work is quick and choppy. Almost cut my tail off, so they did. And ShadowClan attempted to kill me, the bast- I mean- idiots. I forgot; got to keep my language rated G in front of kits, yes? Wait, do we even have any kits? Ah, yes, Fa- Foxkit, Icekit, Toadkit, and Whateverkit. Sorry, I forgot your name. Anyways, of course, that was back when Tigerstar ruled. Ah, Tigerstar. It was fun watching him die a slow, painful- oh, wait, am I ranting? I'm ranting aren't I? I must sound like an elder. Er, heh, well, I _am _old enough to be one… sort of. Ahem, so, anyways, Mousewhisker is your new name. Quite a mouthful, but be happy with it."

Mousewhisker glared at Firestar, clearly unsatisfied by the reason to his name. Well, that's what happens when you have an idiot leader. You get idiot names. It makes sense, right?

Lionpaw glanced at Jaypaw. He seemed bored. Typical. The only reason Jaypaw bothered to stay was probably he had nothing else to do, but that was it.

"Lastly, Hazelpaw. Your warrior name will be- er, how about Hazeltail? Yes, Hazeltail's a good name. Hazeltail because- well, actually, for no real reason. But it sounds good, yes? Got a nice ring to it, like Berrynose. And it sounds yummy. You know; candy. It sounds like something you would name candy after, yes? No, not really, I suppose. Oh, whatever." Firestar waved his tail. "Anyways, you can start yelling out their names now."

Hazeltail was the only one that seemed satisfied with her new name, what with her optimistic personality, and only had time to beam at Firestar until the cats crowded around her and her siblings.

"Berrynose! Mousewhisker! Hazeltail!" the clan cheered, though not very enthusiastically due to the lame-ness of their names.

"Hey, do you know where Hollypaw is?" Jaypaw asked. "I haven't seen her the whole day."

Lionpaw shrugged. "We've only been up for, what, thirty minutes? She must have gone on a patrol or something."

"It seems a lot longer than that," Jaypaw meowed thoughtfully. "I think I'll go raid some random twoleg place…"

Lionpaw pricked his ears up. "Twoleg raiding's my thing. Can I come?"

Jaypaw shrugged. "Whatever. But if you find a bell, give it to me."

The cats started to break up and attend to their duties. "Sure, but why do you need a bell?" Lionpaw asked.

Jaypaw stared at him with his blind eyes as if the answer was obvious. "So I can tie it on to Firestar, of course! We need to know where he is at all times. That guy's mixed up."

"Haha, nice one!" Lionpaw laughed.

"No, I'm serious," Jaypaw meowed. He paused. "But yeah, I guess it's kind of funny."

"Up top!" Lionpaw held out his tail.

"Um, no."

Lionpaw shrugged. Jaypaw was more of a solitary cat, so he didn't catch on to those sort of things. Plus, he was always stuck in the medicine den or out collecting herbs, so he didn't see those kind of things. Sorry, hear, or whatever he did.

"Okay, whatever," Lionpaw meowed, then grinned. "Shall we?"

"Why, of course brother," Jaypaw replied with a winning smile, totally out of character.

And they both ran off to the nearest unsuspecting twoleg place for a round of wonderful raiding.

**Um, oh my god. Sorry, just wanted to let that out. Err, okay, so what Jaypaw scared Firestar with was a maraca (is that how you spell it?), and I'm tired but I'll say one more thing. I'm probably going to make my chapters longer, longer to the point that it doesn't even make sense, so I can fit the whole arc in one book. 'Cause, you know... yeah. There's that 100 chapter limit thing, and if I have chapters that are short, I'll probably take up that limit in no time. Okay, peace.**


	17. Ashfur Is Lazy

Hollypaw purred. "Congratulations, Mousewhisker!"

Mousewhisker grinned, eyes shining. "Thanks, Hollypaw. You know-"

"Hollypaw!" Brackenfur called.

Hollypaw glanced over and saw him motion towards the nursery with his tail. She just stared blankly back at him, confused.

"Duties," he reminded her.

"Ah," Hollypaw breathed. "See you later, Mousewhisker."

He nodded his farewell, still smiling.

Hollypaw trotted over to the fresh-kill pile and picked up a plump vole and mouse. Oh, and a blackbird just for the heck of it. She then turned and padded towards the nursery.

Of course, it was very nice to be greeted two ready-to-be-apprenticed kits jumping onto her face. Not.

Hollypaw dropped her prey and staggered backwards. Was she getting weaker, or were they getting heavier? She couldn't say anything in fear of biting down on the kits.

"Icekit! Foxkit!" Ferncloud called. "Get your little butts over here!"

The two kits immediately sprang off her face and were sitting next to their mother in a flash, backs straight and chins held high.

Hollypaw bent down to pick up her prey. "Very… obedient kits," she commented.

"Yes," Ferncloud agreed, "but their a pain in the tail sometimes."

"MOM!" Foxkit wailed. "Icekit's picking her nose and wiping it on my fur again!"

"Icekit, don't do that. You can wipe your snot on Millie's fur while she's asleep. In fact, you can do it right now since she's taking a nap. And Foxkit, don't provoke her. Nope- no objections. You always provoke her. Don't think I don't notice it. Now, go and slobber over your meal."

_Great parenting skills, _Hollypaw thought sarcastically as she dropped the prey in front of each of the queens in turn, _I'm sure your kits grow up to be great little soldiers. _She shivered when she realized that sounded a lot like something Jaypaw would say. Ferncloud was probably tired of scolding her kits. She had, like, what, seven already? Seven kits! Half of them died, but still!

Ferncloud eyed Hollypaw contemptuously. "I know what you're thinking," she spat. "I'm usually better with them, but sitting here in this cramped den with kits bouncing all over your face for half your life can give you a bad temper sometimes." She sounded bitter.

Well, Hollypaw couldn't blame her; she gave up the life of a warrior for _this_ load of crap. Wow, seriously, she really sounded like Jaypaw right now. It was probably the smell that was getting on her nerves… milk, rotting moss, crowfood, and kit barf wasn't a really good mix. Not that the nursery was a mess, or anything, it seemed perfectly clean, it just smelled like that. And basically everyone in the den had a stressed expression on their face, save the kits. When Hollypaw was still a kit and in the nursery, she'd always thought that it was a place of happiness. Weird.

Daisy sighed and went over to prod Millie awake.

Millie jerked her head up. "Oh, hello, Daisy. I was having this wonderful dream about flying medicine cats." She turned and looked at the food. "Oh, hello, food." She took a big bite out of her vole.

Daisy backed away from Millie and sat down next to where Hollypaw was standing. "They act all silly when they first move into the nursery," she whispered. "And then they start getting a temper…"

"It must be a pain to have to experience that," Hollypaw sympathized.

"You kind of get used to it over time… but, yeah, it is a pain."

_And if I'm going to have to do this in my ambitious attempt to become leader, then I will gladly shun a mate._

Hollypaw turned around to exit the nursery, but was stopped by Ferncloud. "Hollypaw, don't shun a mate in your ambitious attempt to become leader," she meowed, voicing exactly what Hollypaw had been thinking. "You'll be missing out on a lot."

Hollypaw turned again to face Ferncloud. "Was it that obvious?"

"Hun, when all you do all day every day is gossip with other she-cats, you'll kind of get the hang of reading facial expressions, which leads to reading the actual mind. Yours was very obvious."

Hollypaw's face went hot with embarrassment. "It isn't a bad thing, right?"

"Of course not! I'm just saying that having a mate will ultimately _change your life._ Usually for the better. That is, if you find the right tom." Ferncloud winked. "Trust me, you have a mate, and you gain a lot of life experience from that. Keeps you rooted to your clan, too, instead of drifting off."

"MOM!" Foxkit wailed. "Icekit did it _again_! And she kicked me!"

"Icekit, how many times do I have to tell you? Do it to Millie! Ouch! Not me, Millie!"

Hollypaw decided that it was best to leave them alone and backed out of the nursery. When she turned around, she was confronted by Squirrelflight.

"I heard that you were ambitiously attempting to become leader," Squirrelflight meowed, as though it were nothing.

"Yes… were you eavesdropping?" Hollypaw asked suspiciously.

"Maybe, maybe. Or maybe I just know my daughter really well." Squirrelflight ruffled Hollypaw's head fur with her tail affectionately.

"Naw, you were totally eavesdropping."

"You're right, I was."

Hollypaw guessed that this wasn't the point of why Squirrelflight had confronted her. "So, what is it you wanted?"

"I didn't want anything, dear. I was just going to tell you that Jaypaw's scolding went formidably well. I don't think he'll be ordering anybody to threaten others for a while."

Hollypaw laughed, then asked, "Squirrelflight, if you're leader, can you have kits?"

"Nope."

"Oh."

"Sorry, dear, the deadline's when you become deputy. Anytime later than that- it just can't happen." Squirrelflight tipped her head to one side. "Why? You have your eyes set on some tom?"

"No, I was just curious," Hollypaw answered slowly, though surprised by Squirrelflight's guess. Wasn't she kind of young for that?

"Well, if you need me for anything, I'll be there, 'kay?" Squirrelflight swiped her tongue over Hollypaw's ear. "Firestar's going to call the clan together again even though he already did a few minutes ago because he forgot about Foxkit and Icekit's apprentice ceremonies."

Hollypaw laughed for a moment, then faltered, taking in what Squirrelflight had said. She had just seen the two kits, and they hadn't seemed to be aware of any apprentice ceremony. "Wait, really? How-"

"Cats of ThunderClan!" Firestar boomed. "I forgot something, so kindly take your places."

"Wow," Hollypaw meowed, surprised as she turned back to Squirrelflight, "you really know him."

Squirrelflight nodded. "I do. And also partly because Foxkit is going to be my apprentice."

"Oh. Well, that makes sense."

"We are having new apprentices today!" Firestar yowled once everyone had gathered beneath highledge. "And that means more slaves to do our work! Good, yes? And I finally remembered how to do the ceremony! Okay, Fixkit, step forward."

Though Firestar had said his name wrong, Foxkit stepped forward anyways.

Firestar continued. "From this forward day, until you receive your other name, you will be Fax- Foxpaw, sorry. And, ah, Squirrelflight!" He turned towards his daughter. "I trust you'll be able to manage this little rascal, yes?"

"Yes," Squirrelflight answered.

Foxpaw ran up to Squirrelflight and skidded to a stop in front of her, then hurriedly touched noses with his new mentor.

Squirrelflight drew back and rubbed her nose with her paw. "Enthusiastic, aren't you?" she laughed.

"And Icekit!"

Icekit stepped forward.

"From this forward day, until you receive your other name, you will be Icepaw, yes? Whitewing! You will be her mentor because your pelts match."

Whitewing looked excited.

Icepaw bounced over and delicately touched her nose to Whitewing's, purring.

"Foxpaw! Icepaw! Foxpaw! Icepaw!" the clan cheered.

As the crowd started to break up, Hollypaw heard somebody clear his throat. She turned to see Brackenfur waiting patiently.

"Firestar wants to go on a patrol with us," he informed her.

Hollypaw blinked in surprise. "Really? Why would he ever want to do that?"

"I was surprised, too," Brackenfur sighed. "Just remember; Firestar may be a complete idiot, but he still holds power. You must show him your respect. It is still very much an honor to go on a patrol with him, no matter how unintelligible he is. Besides… he at least has good manners. I mean, 'treat others the way you want to be treated,' right?"

Hollypaw nodded obediently.

"Good. Now, come." Brackenfur beckoned with his tail for her to follow.

Firestar had already made his way to the entrance and was waiting with his tail wrapped around his paws. "Are you ready to kick some butt?" he asked.

"We're just going on a patrol," Brackenfur reminded him patiently.

Firestar nodded. "I know that." He turned to Hollypaw. "Er, Hollypaw, right?"

"Firestar, I'm your granddaughter!" Hollypaw mewed indignantly.

Firestar nodded again. "I know. Now, come on. Can't let this wait, yes?"

"Um-"

Brackenfur shot Hollypaw a warning look and she was silenced. She followed Brackenfur and Firestar out of camp.

Hollypaw was greatly disappointed when she realized that Firestar was leading them willy-nilly through the territory. He often strayed a long way from the borders, but he didn't seem to notice the errors he was making. Firestar kept his head and tail held high as they trudged through their territory, never faltering or hesitating.

After a while, Hollypaw became tired of going through the same territory over and over again. She looked up and was surprised to see that the sun was already beginning to sink. She cast Brackenfur a pleading look.

Even he seemed tired, and he willingly acknowledged her request. "Firestar!" he called.

Firestar looked back over his shoulder. Hollypaw was surprised at how full of energy Firestar still was. "Yes?" he asked.

"We, uh, should check the ShadowClan borders and… be done with this, you know?" Brackenfur meowed.

"Ah," Firestar fully turned around, "you are growing tired, yes?"

"Well… yes, we are," Brackenfur admitted.

Firestar nodded solemnly. "That is to be expected, I suppose. Fine. Let us end this. Now," he looked around, "may you… lead us to this ShadowClan border you speak of?"

Brackenfur narrowed his eyes. "You do know how to get there, right?" he inquired.

"Alas, my memory has deceived me," Firestar admitted with a bit of a sigh. "I seem to have forgotten where the location of this piece of territory is…"

Hollypaw's whiskers twitched with amusement at how stupid Firestar was. How could anyone forget where their greatest enemy's border was located?

"I see," Brackenfur meowed with a hint of disapproval. "Fine. I will lead."

Firestar stepped aside to let Brackenfur pass. He looked back to Hollypaw as Brackenfur brushed by, and it took Hollypaw a moment to realize that Firestar was waiting for her to catch up to him. She was horrified at the thought of having a conversation with him, but she knew that she couldn't stall forever.

Hollypaw reluctantly slid into step with Firestar. "So…" she began, "your, uh leadership going well?" She knew that sounded stupid, but Firestar probably wouldn't notice.

"Oh, yes, it is 'going well,' as you put it," Firestar meowed. "I wanted to know, Hollypaw, are you experiencing anything… abnormal, so to speak?"

Hollypaw blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said, is what I meant, but if you insist I go on to more detail…" Firestar trailed off, then shook his head. "No, I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that. But do me a favor and answer the question, yes?"

Hollypaw was shocked that Firestar was actually acting _normal_ for once. And… maybe a bit intelligent. Just a bit.

She snapped out of her trance as Firestar's words sunk in. "Oh, yes!" she exclaimed a bit too loudly. "I mean, no, I haven't been experiencing anything weird… why'd you ask?"

"Just a thought…" Firestar murmured absently. "We're here," Brackenfur meowed. He stopped abruptly and pricked his ears. "Do you… hear that?"

"Hear what?" Firestar asked.

"That," Brackenfur meowed.

"I am afraid that I don't know what 'that' is."

Brackenfur sighed exasperatedly and turned to Hollypaw. "Do you hear it?"

Hollypaw strained her ears as hard as she could. She could hear the faintest sound of snarling… and yowling… and- oh StarClan.

Brackenfur nodded approvingly, reading her expression. "Let's go see what's wrong."

They didn't have to go far to find Birchfall and Berrynose fighting a ShadowClan patrol. The two were outnumbered, two to three.

"Idiots," Brackenfur muttered darkly. Hollypaw silently agreed.

Their patrol continued the creep up on the fighting cats until they were in full view. Now that they were closer, Hollypaw could see that the ThunderClan warriors were losing, though they were evidently giving it their all.

Brackenfur straightened his back. "I think I've seen enough. Birchfall! Berrynose!"

They didn't seem to hear him.

"Allow me." Firestar cleared his throat. "Berrynose!" he yowled.

Hollypaw flattened her ears. Firestar could be pretty loud when he wanted to.

Berrynose and looked up from the battle, ears pricked, only to have a ShadowClan warrior ram into him, sending him flying.

Firestar shook his head and sighed. "We will have to do this the forceful way, yes?"

Brackenfur nodded.

"You first," Firestar meowed.

Brackenfur glared at Firestar, but he was staring intently at the battle. He turned to Hollypaw. "Stay here," he ordered, and he hurled himself at Birchfall. Brackenfur quickly grabbed him by the scruff, ignoring his protests, and dragged him backwards while fending off the ShadowClan warriors.

Firestar followed after Brackenfur and did the same to Berrynose. Hollypaw had to admit, he was pretty good at fighting. Maybe there _was _a reason to why he was chosen as leader…

The ShadowClan warriors stopped fighting as soon as they realized that the ThunderClan leader was in their presence.

"What is the meaning of this?" Brackenfur demanded.

"These idiots you call warriors were trespassing on our territory," a dark ginger she-cat snarled.

"Idiots," Berrynose huffed. "I'll have you know that-"

The rest was muffled by Brackenfur's tail. "Continue, Russetfur."

"And then they go and say the _we _were trespassing on _your_ territory and all that junk," Russetfur growled.

"You were!" Birchfall meowed indignantly, but was further silenced by Brackenfur's gaze.

"The next thing we knew it, we were being attacked by your young warriors here."

Brackenfur turned on Berrynose. "Is this true?" he demanded.

Berrynose cowered and flattened himself to the ground. "Y-yes, but-"

"No buts," Brackenfur cut in. Hollypaw couldn't help but twitch her whiskers at the scolding voice he used. It sounded as if he were talking to a naughty kit. "From what I hear, you were openly provoking these warriors as well as trespassing on their territory. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Berrynose looked down at his paws in shame.

Russetfur jerked her head towards Firestar. "Is your leader going to say anything?" she asked.

Firestar jumped slightly. "Ah, yes, I will say something, in fact. Maybe when we get back…"

Russetfur snorted in disgust and turned back to Brackenfur. "I expect we wont be seeing these cats on our territory anymore?"

"Of course," Brackenfur meowed.

"You must apologize," Firestar put in, trying to sound forceful. "What you did was totally uncalled for." He glanced at Brackenfur for approval.

Brackenfur gave the slightest of nods.

Firestar looked relieved. "Look up Berrynose. You too, Birchfall."

The two did so, taking their eyes off their paws.

"Apologize," Firestar ordered.

"Sorry," they mumbled in unison.

Brackenfur turned back the ShadowClan warriors. "They've apologized, and we're on our side of the border. I believe that it is time for you to move on."

"Actually," Blackstar appeared randomly from the bushes, "I will lead them back, thank you."

Firestar blinked. "Where did you come from?"

"Did you not just see?" Blackstar snapped. "The bushes!" He turned back to his warriors. "Come. I believe that Firestar will want us away from their sight."

Blackstar led them back into the bushes, and they disappeared within seconds.

As soon as the ShadowClan warriors were out of earshot, Brackenfur called for Hollypaw to come out. Berrynose and Birchfall both seemed surprised to see her there, but they didn't say anything.

"Now," Brackenfur turned towards Berrynose and Birchfall, "I believe that Firestar will give you your punishment." He nodded towards Firestar for him to speak.

Firestar stared off into space before seeming to realize that all of their attention was on him. He jumped. "Oh, ahem, yes, your punishment will be…" he trailed off in thought. "Doing apprentice duties for the next week…?"

"How about for the next moon?" Brackenfur suggested.

"Yes, of course," Firestar meowed quickly. "For the next moon."

Berrynose and Birchfall groaned.

Firestar's whiskers twitched. "Of course, your wounds need to be checked, yes? Come, we will take you to Leafpool."

…

Hollypaw trotted into the grassy clearing with Lionpaw, Poppypaw, Cinderpaw, and their mentors. Cinderpaw, as usual, was being a total chatter-box while her sister stayed quiet the whole time.

"So then, I tried to run away, but the retarded rabbit kept catching up with me! And it's beady red eyes shot out laser beams! It was so scary!" Cinderpaw exclaimed.

Lionpaw blinked. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"My dream, of course!"

"Hey!" Thornclaw called. "Are you four gonna stop gabbing? Get over here!"

"Coming!" Cinderpaw shouted, then turned back to Hollypaw and Lionpaw. "I can't wait to show you my moves!"

"You mean you can't wait to _show off _your moves," Poppypaw corrected.

"Exactly!" Cinderpaw exclaimed.

"Wait," Lionpaw meowed, "does anyone else find it funny that everything Cinderpaw's said so far ended with an exclamation mark?"

Hollypaw turned to stare at Lionpaw. "Um… what?"

"You know," Lionpaw mewed, "that person up there that keeps typing everything we say. She keeps putting an exclamation mark."

"You mean this guy's… all seeing?" Poppypaw asked fearfully.

Hollypaw gasped. "The stalker!"

"I know!" Lionpaw exclaimed.

"Hey!" Thornclaw shouted again. "Am I going to have to drag you by the scruff? Come on!"

Cinderpaw rolled her eyes. "Oh, okay, grumpy." She bounced over to the warriors with Poppypaw following more slowly.

Hollypaw sat down. "You think she can train with her leg still healing?" she asked curiously.

Lionpaw shrugged. "I'm sure she'll pull through. Jaypaw told me she should be alright as long as she doesn't push too hard."

Hollypaw nodded as Ashfur and Brackenfur took their places beside them.

"Watch carefully," Brackenfur instructed. "You might be doing this yourself one day."

Hollypaw wasn't so sure of that. The moves looked so complicated that she was sure that achieving anything of such was impossible. She watched in awe as Poppypaw came up at Thornclaw on the side, twisted, and landed perfectly on his back.

Lionpaw nudged her flank. "I bet I could do that. It seems easy enough." He flexed his muscles.

Hollypaw rolled her eyes huffed. "Lionpaw, you're such a show-off. You've got way too much self-confidence," she meowed. "Sometimes Berrynose is more humble than you."

Lionpaw's eye's gleamed as he detected a note of a challenge in her voice, and he grinned. "If I can do it, you owe me a mouse."

"And if you can't do it, I'll start telling all the apprentices about how full of yourself you are," Hollypaw meowed.

"Deal." Lionpaw turned to his mentor. "Hey, Ashfur, can I try a move that they did?" he asked.

Ashfur glanced at him disbelievingly. "You'd never do it," he muttered.

_Well, you've got a really encouraging mentor,_ Hollypaw thought.

Lionpaw lifted his chin. "I think I can," he meowed confidently.

Ashfur sighed apprehensively. "Fine. But don't be disappointed." He got up and stood near the center of the clearing. "Go ahead."

Lionpaw crouched for a moment, calculating his jump, ran at him from the side, just as Poppypaw had done, and jumped into the air. For a split second, Hollypaw thought he would fall on top of Ashfur instead of landing on all fours, but was surprised when he twisted at the last second and landed perfectly on Ashfur's back, flattening him.

"Ha!" Lionpaw mewed triumphantly. "Told you!"

"Yeah, yeah, you did it, now can you get off of me?" Ashfur asked impatiently.

Lionpaw jumped nimbly to the ground.

Ashfur got to his paws. "No offense, kid, but you were heavy. Might want to cut down a bit."

Lionpaw turned to Hollypaw and asked, "Do I look fat to you?"

"No," Hollypaw meowed without hesitation.

Ashfur snorted. "You may not _look _fat, but your body'll catch up later, trust me."

"Is that what happened to you?" Lionpaw challenged, and Hollypaw couldn't suppress a little laugh.

Ashfur bristled. "Watch it, kid, you don't want to mess with me," he growled.

"Empty words," Lionpaw huffed. "I bet you couldn't detect a challenge if it came up and clawed you in the face."

"I'm telling you," Ashfur unsheathed his claws, "knock it off."

"Oh, are you just going to back down like a coward?" Lionpaw asked clearly enjoying himself.

Ashfur snorted and turned away.

Lionpaw came over and sat back down next to Hollypaw. "Shorter fight than I wanted it to be," he commented, "but it felt good."

Hollypaw blinked in surprise. "Why would you want to provoke your own mentor?" she asked.

"He needs a taste of his own medicine," Lionpaw growled.

"Keep thinking like that, and you'll be dead in a moon," Hollypaw warned.

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "He's worse than you think," he muttered.

"Well, go on," Hollypaw urged, "tell me."

Lionpaw took a deep breath. "Okay, here it goes… He's lazy, he never wants to do anything with me, he never does anything voluntary, he spends, like, half the day sleeping, he snaps at me _way _too much, he thinks I'm fat- he mentions it a lot more than you think- he always seems wistful for no reason, he thinks he's _so _great, and he basically hates everything."

Hollypaw waited as Lionpaw gasped for breath. "Well…" she began, "I have… no comment on that…"

"And you get Brackenfur," Lionpaw snorted. "Lucky."

Hollypaw immediately sympathized with him. "Don't worry," she patted him on the back with her tail, "he'll loosen up. And if he doesn't, you'll still be a great warrior. You show true potential."

"You sure of that?" Lionpaw asked.

"Well… no, but it is my belief," Hollypaw meowed.

Lionpaw's whiskers twitched. "Well, I believe your belief, I guess. By the way," he added slyly, "you owe me a mouse."

Hollypaw narrowed her eyes. "Fine."

With that last note, they both turned back to watch Cinderpaw and Poppypaw train.

**See? Does that make sense? There were way too many subjects for that chapter. It'll be like that most of the time now.**


	18. Let's Break Some Rules

**So, just to let you know, this chapter contains some Bluestar's Prophecy spoilers, so read at your own risk. :D**

"Okay, Jaypaw, remember, don't say or do anything embarrassing," Leafpool instructed briskly as they exited camp.

"Got it."

Leafpool glanced over her shoulder. "And when you talk to others, remember to be respectful."

"…Sure."

"Try to drop compliments every once and a while as well," Leafpool added.

"What?" Jaypaw meowed incredulously. "I think being respectful already pushes it too far, but _compliments_? No. Besides, I've already been to Moonpool before."

Leafpool sighed. "I'm just trying to help you with your impression on other cats. Right, now, it's not so good."

"Yeah, but I don't care."

"Jaypaw, it is crucial that you earn the respect of others," Leafpool reminded him sternly. "Once you have earned a cat's respect, they'll basically listen to whatever you say, and as a medicine cat, that is something you need."

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Whatever…"

"You're not taking this seriously enough!" Leafpool snapped. "What I'm telling you is important, Jaypaw!"

Jaypaw couldn't think of anything to say to that that could possibly give him the upper paw, so he chose to be stubbornly silent.

Leafpool shook her head sadly. "I'll never get anything through your thick skull," she sighed. "You'll learn later, Jaypaw. It will be hard on you, but I guess it's your fault since you just wont listen…"

Jaypaw knew that Leafpool was trying to make him feel guilty of the apparent future that he was to suffer, so he tried not to let it get to him.

Jaypaw felt grumpier than usual for some reason, though. The cool night air felt add and weird and Jaypaw's fur was ruffle uncomfortably against the wind. Not being able to see anything provided no comfort, and Leafpool seemed determined to walk ahead of him, which was… weird.

But he was determined to see Rock at Moonpool. He needed answers. Tons of them.

They met up with Barkface and Kestrelpaw of WindClan along the way to Moonpool. Leafpool and Barkface immediately fell into step, discussing with each other what patients they had tended to in the past half-moon and all that junk, leaving Jaypaw and Kestrelpaw to lag behind.

"So…" Kestrelpaw began awkwardly. "Are you… uh…"

"I honestly think it's not worth trying," Jaypaw muttered.

"What's not worth trying?" Kestrelpaw asked in a confused tone.

"Trying to start a conversation with me. Duh."

"Oh."

Jaypaw had immediately put Kestrelpaw on his mental list of "stupid cats," right under Lionpaw, when they had first met. He decided to bump him up a space for his brother's benefit.

After a short silence, Kestrelpaw apparently had decided that he wanted to attempt a conversation again.

"What's it like being blind?" Kestrelpaw asked, then bit his lip, realizing what he had just said.

"Well," Jaypaw growled, the usual anger rising up, "it's really black, because I can't see anything, and it makes other cats feel sorry for you because they think you're a helpless scrap that can't take care of itself. And when you're not paying attention, you always seem to bash your head against some freaking tree. You basically don't know how _anything _looks like until StarClan pops up and shows off their sparkly pelts and wisdom. How's that for starters?"

"P-pretty good, I guess," Kestrelpaw stuttered, disturbed by his sudden outburst.

Jaypaw snorted and turned away, not wanting to talk to anyone at that moment.

The bushes rustled as Littlecloud silently stepped out to join them. Leafpool and Barkface greeted him warmly. Littlecloud glanced back at the two apprentices with a brief "Hello" before turning back two the older medicine cats, joining their discussion about herbs, sick cats, and whatnot. Jaypaw found that all boring.

He pricked his ears when he noticed Willowpaw creeping up on them. Only Willowpaw. What about Mothwing? Where was she? Did she die? Hopefully. But Jaypaw knew that that was too much to wish for.

Willowpaw jumped out and landed right in-between Jaypaw and Kestrelpaw. There was a considerably large gap from Jaypaw's purposeful drifting off. He merely flicked his ear in a sign of acknowledgement, but Kestrelpaw nearly jumped out of his fur from surprise.

Willowpaw burst out laughing, causing the older medicine cats to look back over their shoulders. "Man, you should've seen your face, Kestrelpaw!" she choked. "You were totally freaked out! And Jaypaw," she turned towards him, "you heard me before I jumped out, huh? You need to pay more attention, Kestrelpaw!"

"Where's Mothwing?" Littlecloud asked curiously. "I don't see her anywhere."

"Oh, she's sick," Willowpaw explained. "Couldn't make the trip, see?"

Littlecloud nodded. "Yes, I see," he meowed. "Well, tell her I hope she gets better. Sick medicine cats are never a good thing."

"Sure!" Willowpaw turned to Jaypaw eyes shining. "Are you still grumpy?"

"Yes. More than usual tonight."

"Okay!" She turned to Kestrelpaw. "Are you still innocently stupid?"

"Um… what?"

"Nothing, nothing." Willowpaw waved it away with her tail.

"O-okay." Kestrelpaw looked slightly startled.

"We've arrived!" Barkface announced. He paused for a moment as if waiting for something. "Um, cheesy hallelujah sound effects should be playing now…"

Some choir music started blaring, the sounds coming from all directions. Jaypaw flattened his ears to muffle the sickening voices out.

"How did you do that?" Kestrelpaw asked in awe.

Barkface stopped to explain. "We've recently purchased some water-proof speakers with the dollars Onestar stole," he meowed. "We snuck through ThunderClan's territory and hid them in the trees while you were all sleeping." He gestured towards the surrounding trees with his tail. "It starts playing when they sense us with this so called 'motion detector,' but we're still kind of figuring out."

"Why… exactly did you get these?" Leafpool inquired as the music died down.

Barkface shrugged. "I don't know, but Firestar agreed to it… So did Blackstar because he liked the dramatic effect. Leopardstar was the only one that refused, but it was three toms against one she-cat, so you can pretty much figure out what happened from there."

"They tied her to a tree against her will and started poking her with sticks until she agreed?" Leafpool guessed without hesitation.

Jaypaw pricked his ears, suddenly interested.

"Exactly," Barkface meowed, "and knowing Leopardstar's short patience, she snapped easily. I was there. She broke down crying and started confessing a bunch of personal stuff… Did you know that she loved Tigerstar?"

"Wow, really?" Leafpool asked, astonished. "I thought she was more sane than that!"

"It is easy to underestimate cats like her," Littlecloud commented.

Leafpool shrugged. "I guess so."

The cats made their way up the ledge to Moonpool. Jaypaw was happy when no one offered him any help, and when he made it up the ledge without a stumble.

He lay down on the cold stone and touched his nose to the pool without hesitation. He blinked his eyes open and found himself in the familiar forests of StarClan. Turning, he saw the cat he was hoping to find there in his ugly self; Rock.

"'Sup," Jaypaw meowed.

Rock shook his head and sighed sadly. "Do cats have no manners these days?"

"Since when did you start caring about that?"

"Oh, yes. You're right. Now, Jaypaw, what did you want with me? I have a tight schedule right now…"

Jaypaw hesitated for a moment, confused as to what could have possibly consumed any of the ugly cat's time, but decided to just let it slide. "Well," he began, "I don't really know _anything _about you except for the fact that you're old, you're ugly, and you're blind, which I think is all very accurate…So I want to know more about your past."

"Oh, so you want to know about a bunch of personal things that occasionally run through my mind?" Rock asked.

"Um, no," Jaypaw meowed, "I want to know… just the surface of your life, or something. Anything, really. I don't want to have to talk to you and know almost nothing about you. I mean, seriously, it's like talking to a stranger, right?"

Rock sighed. "No, it isn't like talking to a stranger, since you already know who I am. I am Rock. And if you want to know more about me, I suggest to go to the mountains and find out yourself."

"Oh, so you're from the mountains?" Jaypaw asked.

"Er, no, I'm not, but my descendants are… I will go now." Rock crawled under a bush and meant to have apparently disappeared, but Jaypaw could still see him.

Jaypaw blinked. _Stupid, _he thought, then sighed. Now, what would be a good way to convince his clanmates to go on an unexplained and dangerous journey to the mountains that might get cats killed? And how was going to the mountains even going to help if only his descendants that don't know about him live there? What, was Rock just gonna show up and tell him everything because he went to the mountains? If that was the case, then Rock deserved a place in his list of stupid cats.

He turned and jumped when found himself face to face with Yellowfang's scraggly self.

"Do you want to hear a story?" she asked calmly.

"What?"

"Do you want to hear a story?" Yellowfang repeated.

"I heard you," Jaypaw snapped, "I just don't understand."

Yellowfang shrugged. "Oh, we don't really know what else to fill your time up with, so I'm going to tell you a story. Sound good?"

Jaypaw shrugged. "Whatever," he muttered.

"Hey," Yellowfang cuffed him over the head with her paw, "loosen up with the attitude there, eh? It makes you sound like a spoiled brat."

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Just tell me whatever you came here to tell me."

Yellowfang sat down and patted the space next to her. "Make yourself comfortable. This one's wordy… kind of."

Jaypaw obeyed and grudgingly sat down next to her.

"Okay," Yellowfang began, "well, the others told me this might gross you out a bit, but what the heck, eh? Now, this one's about a ThunderClan leader. He lived when Bluestar was young… and you can imagine how old _that _is." Yellowfang cleared her throat. "Anyways, there was this other cat in the nursery just a few moons older than Bluestar. Her name was Leopardkit. No, not the RiverClan one, she'd be dead by now if she was that old. She was a young mottled black she-cat with green eyes. Their leader, Pinestar, was roughly… forty to fifty moons older than them. He was a big reddish-brown tom with green eyes as well, though his were a bit brighter than Leopardfoot's. Leopardfoot was Leopardkit's warrior name, by the way… Am I doing good so far?"

Jaypaw nodded stonily.

"Anyways," Yellowfang continued, "from what I've heard from Bluestar, she grew up to be a fine warrior. I mean, literally, she was okay. She was a good apprentice, a good friend, a good cat overall, but nothing better. One day Bluestar found out she was bearing Pinestar's kits."

Jaypaw's eyes widened.

"Ah, see? Surprised now, aren't you?" Yellowfang meowed. "Bluestar wasn't aware of any relationship between them until Leopardfoot had her kits. And guess who her kits were?"

Jaypaw pricked his ears. "Who?"

"The deceased ones were named Nightkit and Mistkit. But the one that grew up to be a warrior was named…" Yellowfang paused for a dramatic effect, "Tigerkit."

"You mean… Tigerstar?" Jaypaw asked.

Yellowfang nodded. "Yes, that is what he grew up to be. He started out as the weakest but became the strongest… he was a fierce little kit at the time. He could have been great were it not for his mentor. Now, Pinestar left to be a kittypet before Tigerkit was apprenticed- possibly a reason to why he despised half-bloods- so their leader was named Sunstar. Sunstar did the horrid mistake of giving Tigerkit Thistleclaw as a mentor. Thistleclaw was Bluestar's sister's mate, but he was no good. Almost right after his warrior ceremony, Snowfur told Bluestar she was having his kits… and I thought that was kind of wrong, do you agree?"

Jaypaw nodded, entranced.

"Thistleclaw was, too, a fierce warrior, and very loyal," Yellowfang continued, "but he was too harsh, too easily provoked. He died fighting over some worthless thing or the other. StarClan- I wasn't here at the time- decided that he was too cruel to have his place here, so they sent him to the Dark Forest. Anyways, he pushed Tigerstar too hard. Every day, he would come back to camp with his mentor tired and weary, almost completely depleted of all his energy. And Tigerstar learned to live with it. I think that was the thing that froze his heart. He had two mates but he never really loved them all that much…" Yellowfang trailed off. "And that concludes our story. It is time for you to go."  
Jaypaw snapped out of his trance and blinked. The next thing he knew it, he had jerked his head up to the same blackness he had always lived with.

…

Jaypaw heard Hollypaw draw in a sharp breath at the sight that stood at the camp entrance. "Oh. My. God."

"I can't believe you're still Christian," Jaypaw muttered.

"Hey, what Cloudtail said was pretty convincing, all right?" Hollypaw meowed irritably. "Besides, I believe in God _and _StarClan."

"Guys!" Lionpaw whispered. "Look at-"

"Why are you whispering?" Hollypaw asked.

"Oh yeah," Lionpaw returned to his normal voice, "See that? Those two rouges just barged into our camp!"

Brook gasped. "They're not rouges," she spluttered. "They're- they're-"

"Brook!" The two cats came up to greet her.

"It's so good to see you again!" the black one meowed.

The dark brown tabby nodded in agreement. "I still think that Stoneteller's for you to be exiled was unreasonable."

Jaypaw sniffed the unfamiliar scent, then asked, "Do you guys know who they are?"

"Jaypaw!" Hollypaw snapped with a note of urgency. "What goes through one ear seems to go out the other for you. Did you not just hear?"

"Hear what?" Lionpaw asked curiously.

Hollypaw spluttered, "What do you mean, 'Hear what'? God, you need to start paying attention!"

"Okay, okay calm down," Jaypaw hissed in an annoyed tone. "What, apparently, did we miss?"

"That brown tom just said that Stormfur and Brook were exiled! That's why they left to join ThunderClan!" Hollypaw exclaimed.

Realization struck Jaypaw like lightning. "Are you sure you heard correctly?" he asked.

"What do you think I am, stupid?" Hollypaw meowed incredulously. "I can't just imagine something like that!"

"Quiet down, guys, Firestar's speaking," Lionpaw meowed.

The three snapped their heads towards the center of the clearing.

"Why, hello strangers," Firestar greeted, "what can I do for you?" He tipped his head to one side. "Do I know you?" The question was directed at the brown tom.

"You do know us," the tom answered. "I'm Talon, and this is Night. We're from the Tribe of Rushing Water."

"You are, now?" Firestar murmured. "Doesn't quite ring a bell…"

"Speaking of bells," Jaypaw whispered. He quickly ran into the medicine cat den, and retrieved his bell that he had found while raiding a twoleg nest with Lionpaw from under his bed of moss. The bell had a thin, soft loop running through it that Jaypaw could use to hang it on to somebody. He skittered back out to his littermates.

"I need to stick this on to Firestar."

"Now?" Hollypaw asked, astounded.

"Why not?" Jaypaw meowed.

Lionpaw patted his back with his tail. "Good luck," he meowed earnestly.

"What- Lionpaw, you're in this, too?" Hollypaw gasped.

Lionpaw shrugged. "Like Jaypaw said, why not?"

"But-"

But Jaypaw was already striding boldly towards Firestar. He tapped Firestar on the shoulder with his tail.

"So you _live _on a 'rushing water,' now? Oh," Firestar turned to Jaypaw, "yes… Jaypaw, what do you need?"

"Put this around your neck," Jaypaw ordered.

"Okay," Firestar bent his head down for Jaypaw to put the bell on.

Jaypaw drew back once he had did so.

Firestar glanced down at the bell that he was now wearing. "Why do I need to wear this, exactly?" he asked.

"Medicine cat stuff," was Jaypaw's reply, and he trotted back to his siblings.

He sat back down. "That went well," he commented, hiding a smirk.

"Jaypaw, there are cats _staring _at you," Hollypaw whispered.

"For what, my reckless nerve?" Jaypaw snorted.

"Well… yes," Hollypaw meowed. "Aren't you worried or anything?"

"What is there to be worried about?"

"Well, of course there's- uh…" Hollypaw paused for a moment, in thought. "You know, that's a good question… Oh!" She jerked her head up. "When Firestar's out patrolling, he might-"

"He never does that," Lionpaw snorted.

"Yeah, but he did it with me," Hollypaw countered.

"Only because Brambleclaw forced him to," Lionpaw mewed nonchalantly. "There's nothing to worry about, Hollypaw."

"Then why am I still worried?" Hollypaw asked.

"That's just how you are," Lionpaw meowed. "You're always worried."

"Hey!" Hollypaw meowed indignantly.

"It's true!"

"Is not!"

"Is to!"

"Is not!"

"Is to!"

"Is-"

"Guys!" Jaypaw snapped when he noticed the conversation had stopped and the stares burning his pelt. "Be quiet, you're acting like kits."

Lionpaw huffed indignantly and Hollypaw turned away bad-temperedly.

"I'm going to find Mousewhisker," Hollypaw muttered, and she slinked off.

Jaypaw rolled his eyes.

Firestar turned back to his conversation. "So you live _near_ the waterfall, but you don't live _in _it, yes? I fail to see sense in why you live in a cave, but can still be called 'Tribe of Rushing Water.' Why is that, hmm?"

"I… don't know," Talon meowed, losing his patience, "but we didn't come here to talk about our name. We have a problem that we need help with."

Firestar tipped his head to one side. "Do tell."

Talon took a deep breath. "Well, there's this group of cats living on out territory… and we don't know how to get rid of them. They're taking all our food! The stuff we need to survive!"

"Then why don't you just move away?" Firestar suggested.

"Because we _can't_!" Talon sighed. "I told you, we just can't. There's no real reason, but… we can't."

"I am afraid that I'm lost here."

"We- oh, whatever." Talon turned to Brambleclaw. "You're his deputy, right?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," Brambleclaw confirmed with a nod.

"Why's he so stupid?"

"It's in his nature," Brambleclaw meowed dismissively. "You can talk to me instead if you want."

"Yes, I think we'd rather do that," Night muttered.

Brambleclaw nodded. "So you're basically trying to chase them off, right?"

"Right," Talon meowed.

"But you can't because…?"

"We're not strong enough," Talon admitted. "Or, at least, we don't know the right techniques."

"And you're asking us for temporary reinforcements?" Brambleclaw inquired.

"Yup," Talon meowed.

"Okay, sure," Brambleclaw sat back. "Now, about how many rouges are there? And how many cats do you have?"

"Well… it's pretty much evened out," Talon informed him, then added more quietly, "but they killed Jag."

"They did, now?" Firestar meowed. "Are you sure that he wasn't faking to get out of the fight for a while? I know a few cats that tend to do that. Got out nearly every time, so they did."

Talon's tail twitched irritably. "I'm sure that he wasn't faking, Firestar. We already buried him."

"Ah, but what if he-"

Brambleclaw cleared his throat. "We accept your request," he announced. "The cats that originally went to the journey to the sun-drown place will help you. We will ask them immediately."

"What?!" Stormfur yowled in outrage, which surprised Jaypaw a bit. "You exile us and then you come crawling back to us for help?"

"What's all this talk about exile?" Brambleclaw asked.

Brook explained, "Stoneteller, uh, exiled us because our technique for fighting the outsiders caused too much deaths and bloodshed…"

Firestar huffed. "I find that very unreasonable. He lost two cats because of his temper! And two more is better than two less, yes?"

Jaypaw was surprised by Firestar's somewhat intelligible logic, but kept it to himself.

Night just shook her head at Stormfur. "We are kind of 'crawling back to you,' but we were with you through and through, even after the fight. And Stoneteller didn't send us, we came on our own accord."

"Oh," Stormfur calmed, "well that's… nice to know."

"Squirrelflight, you go to WindClan to ask Crowfeather," Brambleclaw ordered. "I'll go to ShadowClan to ask Tawnypelt. We'll look less threatening if we go alone."

Firestar cleared his throat expectantly.

"Oh, yes… Firestar," Brambleclaw meowed with a hint of distaste, "you can go with Squirrelflight if you want. A deputy alone looks bad enough as it is."

"Of course." Firestar turned to Squirrelflight, who was hanging around the entrance of the warrior's den. "Come, Squirrelflight, we shall go and seek this… Crowfeather, yes?"

"Yeah, but I'm leading," Squirrelflight meowed.

"As you wish." Firestar dipped his head as Squirrelflight stalked past and out of camp, then followed after her.

"Graystripe," Brambleclaw meowed, "you will be in charge while we go to the mountains. Keep a close eye on Firestar."

"Yup."

"Night, Talon, you two can stay here while we prepare for the journey. And it's nice to see you two again." With that, Brambleclaw turned and disappeared out of camp.

Hollypaw joined her two brothers, having gotten over her annoyance. "That was interesting," she commented.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Lionpaw asked slyly.

Hollypaw paused in thought. Then her eyes widened and she backed away. "Oh, no. No, no, no, we are _not _doing it."

Jaypaw caught on. "It's two against one, Hollypaw, I think we _are _doing it."

"We'll be almost completely devoid of any apprentices if we die!" she exclaimed.

Lionpaw grinned. "Yeah, but what if we _don't_?" he asked. "We'll gain more experience than we ever could have by just staying here."

"I don't think it's worth the risk," Hollypaw muttered.

Jaypaw sighed and decided to come clean. "Okay, Hollypaw, I'll be honest with you; we _have _to go to the mountains. I need answers I tell you, _answers_!"

"Answers to what?" Hollypaw asked.

"A lot of things."

"Wait, hold up…" Lionpaw meowed thoughtfully. "Does this have something to do with that stick you seem to be attached to?"

Hollypaw stared at Lionpaw with a confused expression on her face.

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "I'm not _attached_, Lionpaw. But you're right, it does have something to do with the stick. It's also got something to do with, er, lost heritage."

"It really is your portal to the past, then?" Lionpaw asked.

"Duh."

Hollypaw looked even more confused now.

"Wow," Lionpaw murmured.

"Jaypaw?" Hollypaw asked. "What are you talking about?"  
"You were listening, right?" Jaypaw meowed.

Hollypaw nodded.

"Then you should be able to figure it out from there," Jaypaw told her.

Hollypaw narrowed her eyes, then sighed and shook her head quietly. "Whatever. I'll go along with you two if it makes you happy."

"Yes! I knew you'd give in!" Lionpaw exclaimed triumphantly.

"Well, don't go yapping it to the world," Hollypaw huffed. "God, I bet RiverClan could hear you. And they're on the other side of the lake."

Lionpaw rolled his eyes, then grinned. "Okay, since you just insulted me, you can go alone to follow Squirrelflight and Firestar. Jaypaw and I will follow Brambleclaw."

"I thought we were just going to ask if we could go to the mountains," Hollypaw meowed.

"Yeah, but don't you want to know if Crowfeather and Tawnypelt agree?" Lionpaw asked. He nudged her side. "Come on, let's break some rules. It's be fun."

"Well, what you think of 'fun' isn't my piece of cake," Hollypaw muttered.

Jaypaw tried his own approach. "Or maybe you're just scared," he jeered.

Hollypaw turned. "What?"

"Oh, yes, Hollypaw doesn't want to go because she's scared," Jaypaw continued. "How heroic. Everyone bow down to Hollypaw!"

Hollypaw bristled. "You don't have to be like that! I have freedom to do what I want, not be dragged along in your little games!"

"Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat!" Jaypaw shouted.

Hollypaw flattened her ears. "Fine!" she spat. "I'll have it your way. Happy?"

"Yup!" Lionpaw laughed. "Let's go before they make it to the camps."

He turned and ran off, Jaypaw on his heels in a determined pursuit. He burst out of the tunnel and heard as rustle as Hollypaw followed them out of camp.

"The scents lead away just up ahead," Hollypaw panted after a while. "I'll meet you guys back here later." She swerved to the left while Lionpaw and Jaypaw veered to the right.

They pushed onwards, Jaypaw copying every move Lionpaw made, and timing himself to jump just a bit after Lionpaw jumped to avoid obstacles. Lionpaw slowed down at one point to judge the jump for a river. He gracefully landed on the other side, and, gladly, Jaypaw made it as well, though he landed more clumsily. The two started to run again. Lionpaw slowed down after a few minutes and dropped to a crouch. Jaypaw copied him.

"He's just up ahead," Lionpaw whispered. "Be as quiet as you can."

Jaypaw nodded silently.

They crept forward slowly, careful not to disturb anything in case they made a rustling sound. Jaypaw was having a bit of a hard time on the "being careful" part, but he managed to move forward silently.

Lionpaw sniffed the air quietly. "Something's wrong," he whispered.

Jaypaw pricked his ears. "What?" he asked, a bit fearful.

"Brambleclaw, he's not…" Lionpaw paused to check again. "He's not there."

"You're right," suddenly, Brambleclaw was crouched right next to him.

Jaypaw nearly jumped out of his fur and Lionpaw yelped in surprise.

"Nice tracking skills, but you should've payed more attention to when you stopped blundering through the forest," Brambleclaw advised with a hint of amusement. His whiskers twitched. "I could hear you long before you chose to become silent."

"Oops," Lionpaw muttered.

"Now," Brambleclaw straightened up and took on a more stern tone, "what are you two doing here? And where's Hollypaw? Don't you usually drag her along on your little adventures?"

"We wanted to see if Tawnypelt would agree," Lionpaw admitted. "And… we want to come to the mountains with you…"

Jaypaw looked up pleadingly, though it really wasn't like him to beg helplessly. He just needed a better way to convince him. "Please?" he asked. "There's a really important reason."

"And would you care to tell me what this reason is?" Brambleclaw asked.

"I can't. Medicine cat stuff, you know?"

Brambleclaw stared at him, slightly wary. "You promise that that's the reason?"

Jaypaw and Lionpaw nodded vigorously.

Brambleclaw paused in thought for a moment. "Well… I see no harm of you two and Hollypaw tag along," he meowed reluctantly. "Try not to stir up too much trouble, alright?"

Jaypaw bristled a bit but forced his fur to lie flat. They were lucky enough as it was to be able to join the journey to the mountains. He didn't want to push it.

"Alright," they replied in unison.

Brambleclaw nodded, turned back ahead, and walked the few steps it took to reach the ShadowClan border. He sat down and pricked his ears for any patrols.

"What the- did we really go that far?" Jaypaw asked.

Lionpaw shrugged. "Apparently. The author just made it seem like it took shorter."

Jaypaw huffed. "You keep on going on about this 'author' that lives in the sky. Only StarClan does, silly." He shoved Lionpaw as hard as he could, but only managed to make him sway.

"Weak."

Jaypaw rolled his eyes then asked, "Lionpaw, can you tell me how their territory looks like?"

"Don't you have enough from its smell?" Lionpaw huffed.

"I want a detailed description. Now."

Lionpaw gave in. "Well," he walked up to the border a little ways from Brambleclaw, "it's… shady. Really shady. Probably 'cause there's a ton of foliage blocking the sunlight. In other words, the perfect place to sulk in peace…"

"You're horrible at this."

"I know."

"Oi!" A dark brown tom sauntered up to Brambleclaw. "What d'you want?"

"Move it, Toadfoot!" Russetfur snarled as she shoved past him. "I'm the deputy, so I do the talking. Duh!"

Toadfoot snorted and turned around. "Ivytail! Stop sniffin' them berries an' get o'er here!"

A tortoiseshell she-cat backed out of the bushes. "I wasn't _sniffing _them," she protested.

"So you were eatin' 'em?" Toadfoot taunted.

"Actually, yes."

Brambleclaw's eyes flickered to Ivytail, then back to Toadfoot. "Hey, what's up with the accent? I don't think I've heard you with it before."

"'S national roguish accen' day," he replied as if it were obvious. "Get a hint."

Russetfur rolled her eyes. "So, what do you want?" she asked none too politely. "Some of your warriors attacked us earlier, you know. We learned your leader is an idiot."

"And we learned that your leader is way over the top with drama," Brambleclaw replied smoothly.

Russetfur's tail twitched with irritation before she growled, "Okay- you know what?" she turned to Ivytail. "Go tell Blackstar that these cats think he's way in to drama. And step on it."

"But he _is_ way in to drama," Ivytail protested.

"I don't care!" Russetfur snapped. She turned back to Brambleclaw as Ivytail raced off. "Again, what do you want?"

"Um, to talk to Tawnypelt," Brambleclaw replied.

"Then why'd y' bring the little runts?" Toadfoot asked, more out of curiosity than suspicion.

Jaypaw bristled at the term "runts."

"They sort of… tagged along," Brambleclaw meowed hesitantly.

"So, two curious kits, eh?" Russetfur mused. "I admire that. We'll take you back to camp."

…

"Hello Blackstar," Brambleclaw greeted as they stepped into camp.

Blackstar was standing in the middle of the clearing, trying to look regal. "Brambleclaw. What do you want?" he asked in a "wise" voice.

Brambleclaw explained, getting quickly to the point, "Some tribe cats came upon our territory, and they need our help. Er, there are some other cats claiming their land."

Blackstar glanced at Lionpaw and Jaypaw questioningly. "Who are these two?" he asked.

"None of your business," Brambleclaw meowed. "So, anyways, the tribe is trying to run them off, but they can't because they're… weak."

"You mean weak as in never before having to face another enemy resulting in not training your kin for battle because of the lack of need?" Blackstar asked. "Or weak as in weak in numbers?"

Brambleclaw blinked. "Um, weak as in you haven't trained your… the first one."

The two cats went on talking back and forth about the tribe's problems. Haha, that sounds funny… "problems."

"Hey, stop fooling around!" Lionpaw shouted to the sky.

"StarClan, your brain's getting messed up," Jaypaw meowed. "I might have to dissect it."

Lionpaw's head whipped around. "What?" he gasped. "No! Do it to your food!"

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Gosh, you just don't know when I'm joking, huh?"

Lionpaw blinked. "Oh. Well, if you haven't noticed, it's kind of hard to tell the difference between you being sarcastic and you being…" he paused a bit confused, "funny? Okay, that sounds wrong.

"Hi!" someone mewed in a squeaky voice.

Jaypaw turned his head so it was looking downwards. "Who're you?"

"I'm Dawnkit!"

"Hello, Dawnkit."

Lionpaw came and stood next to him. "Aw, she's kind of cute…"

"Am not!" Dawnkit mewed indignantly.

The next thing he knew it, Lionpaw had drawn back his paw, hissing. "She bit me!" he meowed haughtily.

"Yeah, and that's what happens when you call a ShadowClan kit 'cute,'" Jaypaw meowed.

A ginger kit crept up on Lionpaw and jumped onto his back. "I'm a tiger! RAWR!"

"No you're not!" a dark tabby kit shouted. "You're an idiot!"

"Okay! I'm an idiot!" the ginger kit giggled gleefully, eyes shining.

Lionpaw looked over his shoulder to the ginger kit sitting on his back. "I'm not sure you know what 'idiot' means."

"It means somebody that's really stupid, right?" the kit asked.

"Yes," Lionpaw replied with a nod.

"And I'm really stupid!" he squeaked.

Lionpaw glanced at Jaypaw. "He's kidding, right?"

"No, he's serious," Jaypaw replied confidently.

"He's an idiot because he thinks he's a tiger! He's not a tiger!" the tabby kit mewed. "I am! 'Cause I'm Tigerkit, you know?"

"Oh, that's right!" Lionpaw looked around. "Where's Tawnypelt?" he asked.

"I'm right next to you," Tawnypelt laughed.

Lionpaw jumped a bit, and the ginger kit fell off with a _thump_. He got up and scampered away to play with his tussling littermates.

Lionpaw relaxed as he turned to Tawnypelt. "Oh, hi."

"The kit that was on Lionpaw's back must have been Flamekit," Jaypaw observed.

Tawnypelt nodded. "Yup. He's going to be a medicine cat, I think. He shows a, interest in it. Kind of."

"Um, su-," Jaypaw began, but Tawnypelt cut through him.

"Shh, I think they're _finally _getting to the point," Tawnypelt whispered.

They turned their attention back to Blackstar and Brambleclaw.

Blackstar was nodding. "I see. So you are asking for a cat to contribute to this… mission of yours?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"And you are thinking of Tawnypelt?" Blackstar asked.

Brambleclaw seemed caught off guard. "How did you know?"

"I know things like that," Blackstar meowed mysteriously.

"Actually, I told him," Russetfur snorted.

Blackstar turned on her furiously. "Great, now you ruined it!" he snarled.

Russetfur just shrugged carelessly. "Whatevs."

"Don't you 'whatevs' me!" Blackstar yowled. "Slang doesn't sound good!"

Russetfur shrugged again. "You're doing this in front of _them_," she reminded him, gesturing towards the ThunderClan cats, "Chill."

Blackstar took a deep breath and regained his composure before turning back to Brambleclaw. "Of course. She just has to agree, is all." He turned around. "Tawny-"

"Right here." Tawnypelt appeared beside Brambleclaw.

Blackstar swerved around. "Oh. There you are. Do you agree to this-?"

"'Course I do!" Tawnypelt interrupted.

Blackstar nodded. "Yes, okay. You can take her away."

Brambleclaw blinked, apparently surprised at the easy win. "You're really just going to-"

"Don't push it," Jaypaw heard Tawnypelt whisper, "you don't know how easily he snaps."

Brambleclaw closed his mouth reluctantly, then sighed. "Whatever you say."

"Do you need an escort?" Blackstar offered. "We have many cats to spare."

Jaypaw huffed. Blackstar probably just wanted to make sure they didn't get up to any funny business. Please! What would anyone want with this piece of trash they called home? Besides, Tawnypelt was with them, and she pledged her loyalty to her clan before her brother long ago. Stupid.

"Um… no, we don't _need _an escort," Brambleclaw meowed.

"Then you can go," Blackstar meowed dismissively. "Tawnypelt, make sure they don't do anything out of the ordinary."

Tawnypelt rolled her eyes.

Jaypaw felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned instinctively.

"Come on," Brambleclaw murmured. "We're going back to camp. Tomorrow, we'll set out for the mountains."

**Oh my gosh. That was longer than expected.**


	19. Journey To Help The Lame Weaklings

Lionpaw watched as Jaypaw pawed him some traveling herbs and wrinkled his nose. "Ew, do I have to eat _that_?"

"Yeah."

"Really?" Lionpaw groaned.

"Yeah."

"But it smells weird," Lionpaw complained.

"Yeah."

"Can I not?"

"No."

"Please?"

Jaypaw sighed then asked, "Do you want to embarrass yourself by suddenly passing out from exhaustion in the middle of the trip?"

Lionpaw opened his mouth to speak but Jaypaw cut in.

"I thought so."

"I didn't even say anything!" Lionpaw protested.

"You were going to say no anyways, right?"

Lionpaw paused in thought. "Well, yeah," he finally admitted.

"My point exactly."

Lionpaw turned his attention to Leafpool, who was pacing back and forth in the little space she had in the den. "Um, are you okay?"

She turned and lashed her tail. "No! Does it look like I'm okay?" she snapped.

Lionpaw took a step back. "Whoa, chill. I just asked if you were okay."

"I will not 'chill'!" Leafpool spat. "I refuse! Now get out!"

"You should listen to her," Jaypaw whispered. "She can get a real temper when she wants to."

"Yeah…" Lionpaw backed out of the medicine cat den with Jaypaw following. He turned to Jaypaw. "What's got up her tail?"

"She's having one of those moments when duties overwhelm her," Jaypaw meowed nonchalantly. "Like that hole in the roof? She's probably worrying that it's gonna rain or something. It's annoying to have to hear her rant on about things that don't matter every other day, really."

"Wow. She's got an ugly side."

Lionpaw heard a rustle and turned to watch Firestar, Squirrelflight, Crowfeather, Breezepaw, and Hollypaw step into camp. Hollypaw spotted them and trotted over. "Hey," she meowed, sitting down. "We got 'em. But god, Breezepaw is a brat."

"Why'd he have to come?" Jaypaw growled.

"It was stupid, really," Hollypaw sighed, then she brightened up. "Here, I'll show you!" A red button randomly appeared in front of her, and she made as if to press it.

"Wait!" Lionpaw shouted. "I thought only WindClan could do that! Where did you learn?"

Hollypaw sat back, letting the button wait. "Well, see, I saw Heatherpaw there, so I decided, what the heck? And she taught me."

"Man, you've _got _to tell me how to do it," Lionpaw meowed enviously.

"Um, no. Can't. It's kind of weird, too, so…" After a moment, Hollypaw pressed the button.

The world started to bend, the colors changing and shifting until they finally settled down to a few hills just outside of WindClan's camp. But there was something wrong… the sky was a dark orange, not blue. And Hollypaw was white instead of black. Lionpaw blinked at her strange appearance.

Hollypaw apologized, "Sorry, I'm still working on it… Everything that's blue will be orange, and everything that's black will be white in this flashback, I guess."

Jaypaw snorted. "Do you know how to do that thing that gets rid of my blindness?"

"Oh yeah, that's easy!" Hollypaw flicked her tail. "There."

Jaypaw blinked rapidly, so Lionpaw assumed that it had worked.

"Wow. This world looks mixed up…" Jaypaw murmured.

"Don't rub it in!" Hollypaw spat.

Jaypaw shrugged.

Hollypaw slapped the ground with her tail and the scene paused to let her talk. "Okay, so what happened before this… Firestar spotted me. I guess that it was pretty easy 'cause of all the open space. He decided that they wouldn't wait for a patrol and that he basically had a free pass because he was leader, and Squirrelflight 'agreed' with him just to make him happy. They were pretty lucky that they weren't spotted by anybody. Anyways, Squirrelflight decided that it was alright to let me come when I told them you two were going after Brambleclaw… I guess she knew that he would allow you guys to come and thought that it was only fair to let me as well… Uh, yeah, that's it." She slapped the ground with her tail again and the scene resumed.

Firestar sauntered into camp with Squirrelflight and the white Hollypaw in tow, ignoring the hostile stares. "Onestar!" he yowled loudly, causing many cats to flatten their ears.

Onestar emerged from his den calmly. "Yup?"

"May we borrow Crowfeather for a few days?"

"Yeah, sure." Onestar turned and motioned for Crowfeather to step forward. "Anybody you wanna take?"

Crowfeather blinked his orange eyes. "N-"

"You'll take Breezepaw, then."

A white Breezepaw bursted out of the apprentice's den. "_WHAT_?" he shrieked. "I'm not going with that idiot! He ate my brownie!"

"No I didn't!" Crowfeather spat, searching for someone else to blame. "H-Hollypaw did!"

Breezepaw's eyes practically shot daggers at her. "_You_ ate my brownie?"

Crowfeather quickly took on his lie. "Yeah, she and her siblings did."

"Wait, what's a brownie?" Hollypaw asked.

Breezepaw leaped towards her with an angry growl but was knocked to the side by Heatherpaw, who had followed him out of the den. He thumped to the ground and Heatherpaw quickly sat on his back.

"Gosh, I thought you'd had enough trouble when you started that skirmish with RiverClan!" she exclaimed.

Breezepaw struggled wildly to get out of her grasp. "Let me up! I need to avenge my brownie!" he growled.

Heatherpaw smirked but didn't step off. "Do you know how funny you sound right now? 'I need to avenge my brownie!'" she mimicked in a high-pitched voice. Breezepaw stopped struggling then muttered, "Some friend you are." His gaze turned sharp. "But I _will_ avenge it one day. Nobody steals my brownies and gets away with it! Now, let me up!"

Heatherpaw rolled her eyes but stepped off.

"Weirdo…" Squirrelflight murmured.

Hollypaw nodded in agreement, then turned as Heatherpaw approached. They started to converse.

Breezepaw and Crowfeather walked up to the ThunderClan cats.

"Let's get this over with," Crowfeather growled. "I want to be separated from _him _as soon as possible." He meant Breezepaw.

"Me too," Breezepaw pouted.

Firestar chuckled good-naturedly. "I am afraid that you are mistaken with the length of time this task is meant to be. You will easily be gone for half a moon, if maybe more. But it creates time for bonding, yes? You two don't seem to be in the best of places with each other."

Crowfeather and Breezepaw gaped at him for a while, the shock clearly etched on their faces, but quickly recovered and started muttering some lame excuses to stay in camp.

"No, no," Onestar meowed sternly, "you are going whether you like it or not."

"And what made you so quick to agree with this outrage?" Crowfeather snapped, gesturing towards Firestar.

Onestar blinked. "I don't know, really. But you should go. Like Firestar said, it creates bonding time!"

Squirrelflight quickly picked Breezepaw up by the scruff and started dragging him towards the entrance. "_NO!_" he yowled. "No, please! I don't wanna go! Where's Nightcloud? Nightcloud!" He looked around frantically.

"She's on a patrol you idiot," Crowfeather snarled.

"B-but-"

"But nothing," Crowfeather spat. "There's nothing you can do, so get over it!"

Breezepaw glared at him then twisted out of Squirrelflight's grasp to catch up to the head of the group.

The white Hollypaw broke off from her conversation, mewed a hurried goodbye, and pelted towards the entrance.

The world started to bend again and Lionpaw relaxed, but the real and black **(This sounds racist for some reason) **Hollypaw was looking around frantically. "Oh, dang it," she murmured nervously.

"What?" Jaypaw asked.

"I did it wrong, we're going to-"

At that moment, it seemed as if a great wind were sweeping them away, choking them. Lionpaw gasped for breath, but couldn't get any air into his system. His littermates were clearly facing the same situation. Then the colors settled down into the ThunderClan clearing after what seemed like forever, and he and his littermates collapsed on the ground gasping for air.

Lionpaw was the first to recover. He stood up shakily and looked around, hoping that nobody had noticed, but his wish was to no avail. Every single cat's eyes were trained on them, confused and worried.

"U-um…" Lionpaw stuttered. "We-"

"-were having a contest on who could hold their breath the longest," Jaypaw finished.

The cats shrugged and returned to whatever they were doing.

"Huh," Jaypaw murmured, then turned to his siblings. "Okay, I have to finish passing out herbs and whatnot… see ya." He padded towards the medicine cat den, only to come back a few moments later. He sat down heavily and hunched his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" Lionpaw asked.

"Leafpool already passed out the herbs," Jaypaw muttered. "A long time ago."

"And…?" Lionpaw meowed expectantly.

Hollypaw gasped. "Oh god, no. Man, this is embarrassing…"

"I know," Jaypaw snorted.

"What?" Lionpaw asked, utterly confused.

Hollypaw whipped her head around. "You know what this means, right?" she asked without waiting for an answer. "Leafpool finished passing out herbs _a_ _long time ago_. But Jaypaw had just started doing it before I showed you guys my flashback!"

After a long while of thinking, Lionpaw gasped. "Oh man! You mean we were just standing there? Like, frozen?"

Hollypaw nodded. "I think so."

Lionpaw scuffed the ground with his paws nervously. "StarClan, do you know what this means for my social life? I'll be marked out as a weirdo for moons!"

"I've been marked out as a weirdo my entire life," Jaypaw growled. "Don't fuss over it. We'll be going to the mountains, so we wont be there to remind them of it anyways. They'll probably have forgotten by the time we get back."

"I don't know…"

"Hi."

Lionpaw turned. "Oh, hello, Mousewhisker. Come to hope we don't die?"

"Um, where'd you get that from?" Mousewhisker asked.

Lionpaw shrugged, grinning. "Just popped into my head." He whipped his head around as he heard Brambleclaw calling the cats together. "You're here for Hollypaw, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Mousewhisker looked embarrassed.

"Hey, no sweat, man. You're just saying goodbye to a friend that might possibly die." Lionpaw patted his back with his tail. "C'mon, slave," he meowed to Jaypaw.

"I'm not your-"

"WAIT!" Cinderpaw boomed. She ran up to them at top speed.

Lionpaw stepped out of the way just in time, so she slammed right into Jaypaw instead. "What the-" Jaypaw began but was interrupted by Cinderpaw.

"I just wanted to tell you that when I break my leg again, it's not your fault!" Cinderpaw meowed happily, looking down on Jaypaw.

"What? No!" Jaypaw yelped. "Don't you dare break your leg again! Do you know how much of a pain it was the first time around?"

Cinderpaw blinked. "Wh-what do you mean?" she asked nervously, "I don't wanna break my leg again!" She stepped off of Jaypaw and looked around. "Wait, how did I get here?"

Jaypaw stood. "Okay… I hope you want to get away from her as much as you do," he muttered to Lionpaw, backing away.

"What, you afraid you're gonna catch her stupidness?" Lionpaw teased.

"Well, she's not stupid, just _way _too optimistic. It's weird."

Lionpaw shrugged and walked out of camp with Jaypaw following.

There, they found Crowfeather in a rage. "We're going to the _mountains_?" he shrieked incredulously. "Fox-dung, I can't do that! Do you know how easy it is to _die_ there? Why are we even risking our lives for some cats that can't even take care of themselves?" Many of the cats were keeping their distance except for a brave few.

"Now there's a guy with some sense," Jaypaw murmured.

Lionpaw pricked his ears. "I thought you wanted to go?"

"I do want to go, but not to help the tribe. They can die for all I care. I'm doing it to help my knowledge. Me."

"Wow."

"Calm down," Talon meowed cautiously, "you don't want to overwork it."

"What is there to overwork?!" Crowfeather screeched. "I don't want to be dragged along on your foolhardy quests!" He was panting hard now.

"And he's gone," Talon murmured.

"What are you-" Crowfeather's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he slumped to the ground.

"How manly," Jaypaw muttered. "I can see where Breezepaw got the fainting thing from."

Lionpaw twitched his whiskers in amusement.

Jaypaw raised his voice. "Okay, make way!"

The cats separated to make room for Jaypaw to walk through. He trotted up to Crowfeather's side and checked his pulse, then sat back with a look of amusement.

"He passed out from stress," Jaypaw announced. "You really don't want to go, eh?" Lionpaw could see that Jaypaw could barely contain his laugh. "Now, I need a rock."

"Here." Tawnypelt rolled a rock about the size of her head forward.

Everyone stared at her.

"What?"

"Sure, that'll do," Jaypaw meowed, despite being unable to _see_ the rock. "Kick it at him. And aim for his head."

"That's gonna hurt," Tawnypelt meowed uneasily.

"And it'll be hilarious. Do it."

She didn't move.

Jaypaw sighed. "Okay, here's the explanation that makes sense, if that's what you want. When we hit him with a rock, he'll be in too much of a daze to argue with anybody, and that equals happiness. For us, not him."

"He'll be spitting fire when he recovers," Tawnypelt warned.

"I'll give you a cookie."

"Okay!"

"W-wait!" Night meowed. "What are you-"

Tawnypelt kicked the rock towards Crowfeather's head. He instantly shot up screeching in pain, then a cloudy look took over him.

"Whoa…" he murmured. "Butterflies… Dynamite…"

"What did I tell you?" Jaypaw meowed.

"Okay," Brambleclaw stood, "that's enough. Let's go." He looked around. "Where's Hollypaw?"

"Here." Hollypaw appeared next to Lionpaw looking startled. Her fur was fluffed up, making her look even _more _fluffier than usual.

Brambleclaw nodded. "Good, everyone's here." He turned with his head held high and led the way through the forest.

Well, he was going to the mountains, and Lionpaw didn't even feel the slightest bit excited. Was that strange? Naw, everyone else seemed calm enough. Jaypaw probably felt differently because of his need of "answers."

Lionpaw and Jaypaw fell into step with Hollypaw. "What happened to you?" Lionpaw asked.

"Something very… mentally dramatic. A change of the mind; for better or for worse, I do not know."

"You sound like some oldie," Lionpaw snorted. "Thomas Jefferson or whatever."

"Who's Thomas Jefferson?" Hollypaw asked.

Lionpaw paused. "You know, come to think of it, I don't really know."

Hollypaw blinked then turned back forward. "Anyways… kind of life-changing."

Jaypaw perked his head up. "Anything dangerous?"

"No…?"

"Killjoy."

"What?" Hollypaw protested. "It's the truth!"

"Hold up, what happened?" Lionpaw asked.

Hollypaw shot him a glance. "I don't wanna talk about," she mumbled.

Jaypaw gasped loudly. "No…"

Hollypaw's expression filled with panic.

"What? What is it?" Lionpaw asked expectantly.

Jaypaw broke into a grin. "You can't be serious, Hollypaw! You-"

Lionpaw gasped even louder than Jaypaw did. "Jaypaw, you're grinning!"

Jaypaw blinked, then wiped the smile off his face. "Is there anything wrong with that?" he snapped.

"Whew. I thought you were going soft there. So, anyways, go on."

"No!" Hollypaw shouted. "No, no, no! Please don't tell him, Jaypaw, it's _so _embarrassing."

Jaypaw blinked. "Well, right now, I'm torn between keeping a secret from one of my siblings or ruining one of their lives. So… guess a number between one and ten."

Lionpaw hesitated, then shouted, "One!"

"Ten!"

"It was ten. Hollypaw wins."

"Dang it!" Lionpaw spat.

"Lionpaw, you should know by now that I always pick ten."

"Well, how was I supposed to know that you wouldn't change that?"

Jaypaw shrugged, then cringed.

Hollypaw stopped. "Are you okay?"

"Keep going, I'll be fine," Jaypaw meowed through gritted teeth.

Hollypaw blinked. "If you say so." She walked away.

Lionpaw made as if to follow, but felt Jaypaw's tail on his back. "I'll need you to help me with this thorn," he meowed a bit too loudly. He paused for a while making sure the other cats were out of hearing range, then turned to Lionpaw, apparently uninjured.

"Um," Lionpaw began uneasily, "so where's this thor-"

"I'm fine you idiot!" Jaypaw snapped. "I just needed an excuse to stay back."

Lionpaw blinked. "For what?"

Jaypaw narrowed his eyes. "Keep being like that and Kestrelpaw'll soon be below you again."

"What?"

"Nothing. Now, you want to know what happened to Hollypaw?"

Lionpaw's eyes widened. "But I thought you were going to keep her secret! She won fair and square."

"Well… I lied. It was one, so you won," Jaypaw meowed lamely.

Lionpaw's whiskers twitched. "Jaypaw, even I'm not stupid enough to know that your lying."

Jaypaw growled and sat down. "Okay. Fine. I can't keep secrets," he admitted. Well… that was kind of obvious. "Now, do you want to know or not?"

Lionpaw nodded eagerly.

"Okay, so-"

"No!" Hollypaw randomly sprang from the bushes and pinned Jaypaw down. "Don't you _dare,_ traitor! Filthy liar!"

"Let me up!" Jaypaw growled.

"No!" She shoved his head further into the ground.

Jaypaw spat out some dirt. "You're really taking this seriously, aren't you?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Hollypaw asked. "You know, there's another thing Heatherpaw taught me."

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "And what's that, Hollypaw?"

"THIS!" Hollypaw slapped her tail on Jaypaw's head. "HAH!"

"Lame," Jaypaw snorted.

Hollypaw stepped off of him. "You can tell Lionpaw, now."

Jaypaw got up and shook out his fur. "Tell him what?"

Lionpaw went wide-eyed.

Jaypaw's head whipped around. "What're _you_ looking at?"

"Dude, you seriously don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Whoa…" Lionpaw turned to Hollypaw. "You've got to teach me how to do that!"

"It's like the flashback thing, Lionpaw. So no."

Breezepaw randomly ran up to them and screeched to a stop, kicking up a cloud of dust on Jaypaw. Jaypaw, in turn, sneezed on Breezepaw's face.

"Ew!" Breezepaw backed away.

Jaypaw sniffled and wiped his nose with his paw. "Serves you right."

Breezepaw shook out his fur. "Bleh, whatever. Anyways, you gonna catch up?"

"Um, sure," Lionpaw meowed. He walked forward.

Breezepaw growled. "And remember, I'm still out for revenge."

Jaypaw blinked. "For what, your brownie?"

"Duh! What else?"

"Wow, you're a sad cat," Jaypaw meowed sympathetically.

"Shut up!" Breezepaw spat. "Just hurry up!" He turned and stalked away.

Hollypaw shrugged and walked forward, Lionpaw and Jaypaw on either side of her. They quickly caught up to the rest of the group and they crossed the WindClan border. Jaypaw got stuck a lot and bumped into tons of things from trees to other cats' butts, but it always made out. Lionpaw saw Night and Talon giving Jaypaw dirty looks whenever he made a mistake. Um, ever heard of being nice? Gosh. But he could kind of understand why they were acting like that… not really. They passed WindClan territory and had to cross a few thunderpaths. It was okay, except for the _absolutely disgusting _smell. Couldn't those stupid twolegs make it smell like… flowers or something? How could they even stand that smell? Bleh.

After a while, the cats' pace started to get slower and slower, and Lionpaw had to contain his impatience more and more up until the point where he was bursting to do _something._ These cats were so weak! They had only been walking for, what, half of the day? Lionpaw looked up squinting to check where the sun was, only to realize that it was the evening. Okay, a little more than half of the day, but so what? He was just an apprentice still practically radiating with energy, and these cats seemed actually _tired_! What the heck?

He had to hold in his exasperated growl when Brambleclaw held up his tail for them to stop. Brambleclaw turned to face to group. "Okay, I'm tired and hungry, and you probably are too, so we'll stop here for the night."

They were in some random clearing with flattened grass… and nothing else.

Crowfeather looked around. "Where'd that fluffy thingy go? Where? Where?" He was still in a daze. Lionpaw wondered if he was talking about Hollypaw.

"Jaypaw, I think you might have permanently damaged him," Lionpaw murmured.

Jaypaw shrugged. "Tawnypelt kicked the rock. When the lawyers come, all the evidence will be pointing to her."

"Yeah, but you told her to do it."

"And she had the choice whether or not to listen to me. All I have to do is give her a cookie and I'm basically free of any charges. That's how it works, right?"

Lionpaw hesitated. "Well… you'd better ask Hollypaw about that. She's good with all that law stuff…"

Jaypaw shrugged. "Sure, I guess. Catch a mouse for me, will you?" He turned and went to look for Hollypaw.

Lionpaw rolled his eyes and turned and went out for hunting. **What? No! I'm not going to write about Lionpaw's hunting! That's boring. So, random time lapse goes here. It is night.**

Lionpaw walked back into their temporary camp with a mouse and a vole clutched in his jaws. He slapped the mouse down in front of Jaypaw moodily, who was staring off into space, and sat down heavily next to Hollypaw.

"Hey, what's up with the sudden change of mood?" Hollypaw asked, looking up from her mouse.

"I don't know," Lionpaw growled. "I just feel grouchy."

"You tired or something?"

"No," Lionpaw huffed, "I just… dunno."

Hollypaw turned away and shrugged. "Whatever you say." She gulped down the rest of her mouse and yawned. "You said you weren't tired?" she asked.

"Well… I guess I kind of am," Lionpaw admitted. He pricked his ears. "Hey, Hollypaw, I think Crowfeather and Breezepaw are actually having a conversation! Wanna eavesdrop?"

Hollypaw lay down, head on crossed paws, and rolled her eyes. "_You_ can do it. I'd rather stay out of trouble."

Lionpaw made a sound between a snort and a huff. "You never want to do anything fun, Hollypaw, you're always sticking to the rules… like glue."

Hollypaw glanced up at the stars for reasons unknown to Lionpaw. "I can have fun," she retorted. "I've had fun tons of times."

"Only ever since Jaypaw convinced you," Lionpaw snorted.

Hollypaw closed her eyes with a sigh. "Whatever, Lionpaw, I'm tired, so leave me be, will you?"

"Fine." Lionpaw picked of his vole and sat somewhere else slightly closer to Crowfeather and Breezepaw. He bent down to eat and pricked his ears to listen.

"-stupid really," Breezepaw was saying. "I mean, what gives the cat a right to force others into doing stuff they don't want to do? We have freedoms, I tell you, freedoms!"

"We don't abide by that twoleg constitution, we abide by the warrior code," Crowfeather snorted.

"There's something in the warrior code about freedoms, right?"

"No."

"What?!"

"You need to start paying attention to your mentor," Crowfeather snapped. "Whitetail's probably been drilling you with this stuff."

Breezepaw snorted. "She's way too dreamy and carefree. Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, I've seen her, but I don't pay attention to her."

Breezepaw rolled his eyes and bent down to take a bite out of his rabbit. He swallowed and meowed, "Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, why should we even help these cats? We don't owe them or anything."

"Yeah we do," Crowfeather growled. "Apparently you haven't listened to those stories of the journey either."

"What journey?"

"What jour- what do mean, what journey?!" Crowfeather spluttered. "StarClan, you're more stupid than I thought. At this rate, you'll never become a warrior. "

For a moment, Breezepaw's eyes were filled with hurt, then he growled and stalked away, leaving his rabbit behind.

Lionpaw blinked. _Wow. They really need to sort things out, huh? I wouldn't want to be like that with _my_ dad… But then again, I'm not Breezepaw, and I'm not bratty, so I'm fine. _He padded wearily back towards Hollypaw, finally realizing how tired he was. Then he glanced at Jaypaw who was still staring off into space, his mouse untouched, and decided to make a detour instead.

He sat down next to him. "Jaypaw!"

He jumped, then blinked. "Lionpaw," he growled, "what is it?"

"I gave you a mouse and you didn't eat it."

Jaypaw blinked again. "You did, now?" He put his paw forward and felt the still body. "Oh, you did. Well, thanks, I guess."

"Yup. And don't forget to go to sleep. It's nighttime."

"I know," Jaypaw growled, "stop acting like my mother."

"What's that, Jaypaw?" Squirrelflight meowed drowsily from a few tail-lengths away.

"Um, nothing," Jaypaw muttered.

"Sure."

Jaypaw turned and quickly took a bite out of his meal.

Lionpaw stood up and padded toward Hollypaw again, satisfied that Jaypaw was finally eating. But how he could sit down and just do… _that_ for so long impressed him a bit. I mean, who stares off into space? Thinking? _Only_ thinking? Lionpaw blinked as he realized that many other cats did, in fact, stare off into space thinking every once and a while and that he just didn't have the patience to do so. Maybe when he was wisdom crazy, yeah… but otherwise, no. That was kind of sad.

Lionpaw lay down and pressed his pelt against Hollypaw's and slowly drifted off into sleep filled with fuzzy unicorns, rainbows, and machine guns.

**Happy Valentine's Day, people. I wont be posting any new chapters for, what, two weeks? I'm going on vacation, baby! A very long vacation. So, stay happy, and don't let those kids that deliver stinging comments to you from across the hall get to ya.**


	20. Purdy the Rambler

**I see there were no reviews on the last chapter. Phooey. And yeah, I know I said I wouldn't post another chapter in two weeks, but... well, I made quick work of this one.**

After a few, um, forms of time, the journeying cats' eyes were greeted by the twoleg place. Hollypaw stared at it with wonder. It was so freaking big that she thought anything of the sort should have been impossible.

Lionpaw glanced at her. "No offense, but you're surprised pretty easily."

"You don't give anything enough thought, Lionpaw!" Hollypaw retorted. "Imagine how much work… how _long_ it took to make all this! It's amazing! Don't you understand?"

"I understand that you're now thinking of twolegs as creatures of higher intelligence, yes," Lionpaw meowed.

Hollypaw gaped at him. "Oh my god. That must've been the best sentence you've ever said in your life."

"Oh, so you think I'm not capable of that sort of thing?" Lionpaw meowed hotly. "I _am _for your information."

Hollypaw blinked, then shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, you're capable."

"Hey, Hollypaw," Jaypaw caught up to them, "can you describe how this place looks? I need things to add to my knowledge. And Lionpaw's horrible at it. Really… 'It's shady.' What were you thinking?"

"Don't rub it in, Jaypaw."

"Whatevs."

"Well," Hollypaw interrupted, "I'm not that good either, but here goes… there are tons of these boxy thingies with see-through squares on their sides. They're all different shapes and sizes like, tall and skinny, short and wide, and some of them have those see-through squares on the entire thing… Wow, how do you even get privacy in there? And the thunderpaths; there're more there than we've even crossed during this journey, and there's a lot more monsters on them. Er… I think those are sticks sticking out of the ground… Yeah, really tall sticks. And they've got strings connecting them together, but there aren't that much. Oh, look, there's a twoleg climbing up on one of them, I think… Oh, man, he fell off! Dear Lord, that must've hurt. Too bad they don't have tails to help them land on their feet, eh? Anyways, there's tons of twolegs and trash… Bleh… I don't like the smell coming from there either, do you?"

Jaypaw sniffed. "Ugh. Smells icky. I'm glad we're not going in there. But, yeah, that was a pretty good description, Hollypaw. Way better than Lionpaw's, anyways."

"Hey!"

"'Hey' doesn't make me stop insulting you," Jaypaw huffed. "If you want, go to a barn and get some hay to make yourself happy."

They continued walking along the outskirts of the twoleg place until they saw an old hag step out of the bushes. They watched silently as the twoleg passed and continued as soon as he was out of sight. Then they saw another old hag step out of the bushes, except this one was a cat.

"Why, hello there, strangers," the cat greeted in a country accent. "Y' look well-fed, so yer obviously not from 'round here."

"Purdy!" Brambleclaw gasped. "It's us!"

"Hello, Us, what c'n I do fer you? An' how'd y' know my name?" Purdy asked.

"Whoa," Lionpaw murmured, "an old cat with a country accent named Purdy living in the twoleg place? Weird…"

"What's so weird about being named Purdy?" Hollypaw asked.

Lionpaw snorted. "Oh, come on, really? It's obvious! It sounds like 'pretty' in a country accent!"

"Oh." Hollypaw meowed lightly. "You're right, then. That is weird."

Purdy flicked his ear. "I c'n hear you, youngsters. I aint as stupid as I looks, y' know. Age don't damage my brain, oh no it don't! Unlike little Miss Fluffy. That 'un's as deaf a doorknob and nearly as blind!"

"Why are we even bothering with this old hag?" Breezepaw snarled. "C'mon, somebody kill him already!"

"That really how this gen'ration acts, now, eh?" Purdy meowed to Brambleclaw. "Well, I'd hate to be you right now… Brambleclaw, is it?"

"Yes, and I'm glad you remember me," Brambleclaw meowed with a nod.

Talon interrupted. "Look, I bet this reunion could go on all day, but we really don't have that much time, so if you could just-"

"No, he can join us," Brambleclaw meowed. "At least, until we get to the mountains. You'll want to stay back, right?"

Purdy nodded. "Yup. An' I can't leave my sweets. Nope, that wouldn't be nice."

"You've got a mate?" Brambleclaw asked, surprised.

Purdy blinked. "Wha-? No! I ain't gettin' involved in all that mushy stuff… urgh." He shuddered visibly. "No, my sweets are my little flowers, see? Got a whole garden of 'em. Jus' so pretty, I couldn' help myself."

Jaypaw smirked. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" he whispered.

Hollypaw shook her head. "No, what are you thinking?"

"Gay, duh," Jaypaw meowed with certainty. "And if he's not gay, he's at least feminine. I mean, seriously, what tom tends to a garden of flowers?"

"You're going to tend to a garden of herbs in the future, hypocrite," Hollypaw pointed out.

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like we'd need to do that. What makes you think so?"

"I have an all-knowing mind. Deal with it."

"Okay…"

Purdy willingly joined with the group for reasons unknown to Hollypaw. Breezepaw seemed completely clueless as to why the others were making such a big deal out of seeing Purdy, and showed many signs of being annoyed by the old cat, as did Lionpaw and Jaypaw. The only thing that Hollypaw could see that was annoying was his continuous rambling… but, yeah, that was pretty annoying. The more she had to listen to Purdy yak his head off, the more she started to agree with Breezepaw. _I don't wanna know about a squirrel you caught… I don't wanna know about a cat you fought… I don't wanna know about some embarrassing moment you hated… I don't wanna know about all the she-cats you dated… Hey, that rhymes! But I'm still annoyed._ Hollypaw felt on the verge of running up to Purdy and knocking him out with a giant stick just so that she wouldn't have to listen to him anymore.

"Hey," Lionpaw whispered, "you annoyed, too?"

"You bet," Hollypaw muttered. "If I have to listen to another story about his precious flowers…"

Jaypaw snorted. "Yeah, and what're you going to do about it? Go up to him and tell him to shut up? I really can't think of any polite way to ask him."

"That's because you're not a polite cat," Hollypaw meowed. "It's a fact of life."

"True. But-"

"Hey look, cows!" Tawnypelt shouted. "Did you know that their farts make up, like, half of the atmosphere? At least, that's what I think."

"Ew," Night gagged, "I did not need to know that."

"Yes, you did, silly, our mentors teach us everything about nature and chemistry, and we can't pass our assessments without knowing stuff like this."

"But I don't live in your clan."

"Oh yeah."

"Okay, everybody," Brambleclaw meowed, "don't go near those things- I mean, cows. They're extremely fat and heavy, and you know what that means."

"No, what does that mean?" Squirrelflight asked.

Brambleclaw sighed quietly. "It means that if you go near them, your might catch their obesity and die!" he exclaimed. "StarClan, I couldn't have made it more obvious."

"Brambleclaw, I don't think that obesity is something that you could catch- like greencough. It happens when you eat too much, and only kittypets do that. Remember that YouTube video I showed you of the fattest cat in the world? Now _that's_ obesity."

"Well- fine," Brambleclaw gave in, "but still, don't go near them. Anything could happen, you know."

Hollypaw blinked at the black and white animals with weird pink thingies sticking out from their bellies. There were a bunch of flies buzzing around their butts. What would smell that bad…?

Hollypaw sniffed, then coughed at the disgusting scent. "Gross!"

"I know right!" Lionpaw exclaimed. "It's nothing like what we smell at home."

"Hey," Breezepaw doubled back and nudged Lionpaw, "let's go commit suicide!"

"What? Why?" Lionpaw asked.

"I'm hungry. Isn't that enough? My stomach feels like an endless pit!"

Lionpaw blinked. "But I thought you were plotting against us because we apparently stole your brownie."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm starving, seriously!" Breezepaw meowed. "So, suicide?"

"Dude, your overreacting; suicide's going a bit too far. If all you want is food, then I have a better idea."

Breezepaw pricked his ears. "What?"

Lionpaw quietly explained: "Okay, it's _really_ close to committing suicide, but it isn't! See that barn over there? It's kind of like that place where Barley and Ravenpaw live at the old forest; tons of mice. Now, we could go straight there and not get into any trouble, but what the heck? We'll take the more longer and treacherous way! Brambleclaw just said that we shouldn't go near those cows, so we will! And when we get to the barn, there'll probably be one or two dogs there waiting for us, so it makes it even more suicidal! Makes sense, right?"

Breezepaw nodded in agreement. "Okay, let's do it!"

"Oh no you don't!" Hollypaw interrupted. "Are you completely crazy?"

Lionpaw looked up. "Oh my gosh! Eavesdropper!"

"I wasn't eavesdropping, I just happened to be walking really close by," Hollypaw meowed.

"Oh, okay. So, you wanna join us on our epic and almost suicidal quest?" Lionpaw asked.

"You can't have a quest in a journey, it's not natural," Hollypaw meowed. "But anyways, I'm not doing anything until you either give me a reasonable explanation as to why your going against Brambleclaw's orders or face my full fury."

"We're hungry?" Breezepaw tried.

"Er, nope, not good enough. Lionpaw?"

Lionpaw blinked. "Um… we'll gain experience, and we'll… we wont be hungry so we can keep up with the others…? I mean, we haven't eaten since, like, two days ago, so…"

Hollypaw paused in thought, then nodded approvingly. "Okay, sure, that's good enough. I'll join you, then. I'm hungry, too."

The three slowed their pace until they were at the back of the group and ducked under the fence separating them from the cows the first chance they got. They weaved in and out from underneath the cow's bellies as quietly as they could. Hollypaw tried not to inhale to much of their sickly scent. The cows smelled like the dirtplace times a thousand. After a minute or two, they finally made it to the barn, but the stench there was just as bad.

Breezepaw's stomach growled. "Shut up!" he snarled at it angrily.

"Breezepaw, your stomach can't talk, nor can it obey you," Lionpaw meowed. "If you really want it to shut up, you can-"

"I know that," Breezepaw snapped, "I just feel like yelling at somebody. I'm so dang hungry."

"Well," Lionpaw drawled, "you can yell at Hollypaw. I'm sure she won't mind. You won't mind, right?" He glanced at Hollypaw.

"I do mind, in fact, thanks for asking, Lionpaw."

Lionpaw blinked. "Well, okay then. Breezepaw, you can yell at a wall, I guess. Or maybe your prey. They'll probably listen if you try hard enough." Hollypaw couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

Breezepaw growled. "Your not the boss of me. The WindClan leader is!"  
"Onestar?" Hollypaw meowed disbelievingly. "He's not that much of a leader if you ask me. He's just as stupid as Firestar."

Breezepaw rolled his eyes. "Whatever, this is pointless. I'm going to hunt, I guess."

Lionpaw sniffed the air for prey and froze. "No, wait, bad timing, dude. The dogs are coming. We should be running for our lives right… now."

Two golden-pelted dogs burst out of the barn yapping their heads off, paws drumming heavily against the ground. Their tongues lolled out the sides of their mouths, and one of them had drool running down its cheek.

The three apprentices hesitated for a moment, surprised that Lionpaw had been true to his word, then took off as fast as their paws could take them. Breezepaw was in the lead followed by Lionpaw and Hollypaw who were running side by side.

"Crap," Hollypaw spat, trying to hide her fear, "now what? We can't run straight to the group 'cause the dogs'll follow us, and we can't fight them, either."  
Breezepaw looked over his shoulder. "Well, thanks Mister Obvious, I didn't know that until now," he meowed, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm a Miss!" Hollypaw spat, glancing over her shoulder at the dogs. "You got anything, Lionpaw?"

"Well, we could… uh…" Lionpaw trailed off in thought, then perked his head up. "Oh! We could get the cows to trample them!"

"Yeah right," Breezepaw snorted, "we've got a better chance of flying than getting those fat cows to move fast enough and step on those dogs."

"Flying…" Lionpaw mused thoughtfully. "Sure, let's try that."

"What?" Hollypaw meowed.

Lionpaw shrugged and nearly lost his balance. "We'll do what the cowards do, of course; climb a tree. Dogs can't climb, right? We'll try to lose them from there."

"Or, you c'n have me help you," Purdy meowed, suddenly running alongside Hollypaw.

She jumped in surprised, and Lionpaw widened his eyes. Breezepaw glanced back over his shoulder and doubled back until he was running alongside them.

"Afore y' ask any questions, I over'eard you three yappin' on about yore little adventure. I told you I had good ears. Reminds me of The Three Musketeers, 'cept for the fact that there's a she-cat in it." Purdy twitched his whiskers in amusement. "Jus' foller me, an' we'll be out o' the doggers' ways in no time."

"Wha- how're we gonna get away from them?" Hollypaw asked.

"Well," Purdy began thoughtfully, "y' want the short explanation or the long un? I c'n tell you that the long un is a mighty ole tale, so it is."  
"The short one!" all three shouted immediately.

Purdy blinked. "Well, if yer in that much of a rush, shore. See, those doggers only want t' protect their land, so, once we're unner an' out that there fence, we're home free."

Hollypaw glanced over her shoulder at the loudly barking dogs wearily. "How did I get into this mess again?" she panted.

Lionpaw smirked. "I used my awesome powers of persuasion, of course! I can't believe you actually listened to me. You should know better from the other times I got you to do dangerous things."

Hollypaw frowned and swerved to avoid a cow. "There were other times?"

"Yup. Tons of other times."

They neared the fence and scrambled under it not a moment too soon. The dogs skidded to a halt and stared at the cats through the fence intently.

Hollypaw shook the dirt out of her fur and blinked. "Okay, that kind of creeps me out." She took a step to the right and the dogs' eyes followed. She took a step to the left and the dogs' eyes followed again.

"Dang it!" Breezepaw spat. "I tore my tail!"

Lionpaw whipped around excitedly. "Really?" He sounded happy. "Let me see it!"

"NO!"

"Hey, guys," Jaypaw greeted, stepping randomly out of the bushes to Hollypaw's left. "You went on and got into trouble without me? I'm hurt."

Lionpaw turned, surprised. "Dude, how'd you find us?" he choked.

"Purdy talks to himself when he's not talking to others, and he smells like the twoleg place times one hundred. I think that's all you need to know. Now," Jaypaw turned to Breezepaw, "I'm the medicine cat here, so I'm gonna have to take a sniff or two at your tail, okay?"

Breezepaw looked reluctant. "But what if you try to steal my brownies again? Nightcloud made them just for me! They're mine!"

Hollypaw blinked. "Where would you keep brownies? I don't see any."

"That's because they're in my invisible lunchbox," Breezepaw hissed sarcastically, "where else? Seriously, it's _so _obvious."

"No it's not. C'mon, just tell me."

Breezepaw narrowed his eyes. "If you really don't have a clue, then I don't think you don't want to know."

Hollypaw exchanged glances with Lionpaw, then shrugged in a "whatever"-like way. "If you say so… but this'll probably haunt me forever."

"Good."

"Okay," Jaypaw straightened up from inspecting Breezepaw's tail, "I'm going out to get some chervil. Alone. So don't even think about helping unless you want to get your face clawed off. And I've got some great vocabulary. Oh, the rest of the group's waiting for you up ahead. Brambleclaw's mad. Very mad."

"What kind of mad?" Breezepaw asked.

"Shut your face," Jaypaw snapped. He whipped around and stalked away the in opposite direction he had come from.

Purdy blinked at where Jaypaw had disappeared. "Well, you 'eard 'im. Gotta get goin'. This'll make a great story t' tell the others."

Hollypaw sighed and they followed Purdy back to where the group was waiting. Brambleclaw advanced on the two while Crowfeather led Breezepaw off somewhere else. Probably to give him the lecture of his life. Lionpaw glanced down at his paws guiltily, and Hollypaw stared warily at Brambleclaw.

Brambleclaw's first question was directed at Lionpaw. "I thought I told you not to get into trouble," he meowed with clear disappointment.

Lionpaw shrugged. "You said not to get in _too much_ trouble, not that we couldn't get into any trouble at all," he retorted.

Brambleclaw opened his mouth angrily, then closed it with reluctance. "Okay," he began quietly, "I see that you've found a loophole… You'll be let off this time, I guess, because I can't find any words to respond to that, but if this happens again, your punishment will be more severe."

Lionpaw pricked his head up hopefully. "We're not getting any punishment, right?"

Brambleclaw snorted. "Heck no, what sort of father would I be? You'll hunt for Purdy and have his leftovers if he has any, but that's all you get to eat."

"Aw, but we're starving!" Lionpaw whined. "You know we haven't eating since, like, two days ago, right? I'm gonna die if this goes on!"

Brambleclaw blinked. "Really? I don't feel hungry." He turned to Hollypaw. "Do you feel hungry?"

Hollypaw nodded vigorously. "You bet!"

"Well, then this makes this punishment all the more better," Brambleclaw concluded. "Hunt for Purdy, then eat his leftovers. If you're still hungry, we'll find a place to hunt at sundown. Make sure Breezepaw gets the message as well."

Lionpaw and Hollypaw groaned.

Brambleclaw's whiskers twitched with amusement. "Oh, don't act so depressed. Usually we can go on without eating for a week or two; this is nothing."

"No, it's not that," Hollypaw groaned, "it's the fact that _Breezepaw_ has to hunt with us that's so bad. He's not as desperate anymore now so he'll be more of a jerk, and he thinks we stole his brownies!"

Brambleclaw tipped his head to the side. "You really hate him that much?" he asked curiously.

They both nodded.

Brambleclaw shrugged. "Yeah, I hate him, too," he agreed. "He may be Crowfeather's son… but he's a brat. I'd hate to see what he turns out to be."

Hollypaw gaped at him. "R-really?"

"Hey," Brambleclaw gave her a fatherly smile, "just because I'm moons older than him doesn't take away my right to hate him. And no one can like everybody. That just wouldn't be real."

Hollypaw closed her mouth. "I guess… well, it's nice to know we're not alone."

Brambleclaw nodded. "Now, go thank Purdy. I think he deserves one after he saved you three from getting yourselves killed."

"We could have escaped on our own," Lionpaw muttered.

"No you couldn't have. You would have fled at first like you already did but later come to the conclusion that the only way to get rid of them was to fight them off. Then you would have gotten seriously injured whether you drove off the dogs or not because of your lack of experience. This would result in you slowing us down and making our journey all the more longer, and I really want to get this over with. You both know very well that the only real reason we're doing this is because we owe the Tribe of Rushing Water a favor, do you?"

Hollypaw was a taken aback by both Brambleclaw's lengthy prediction and lack of wanting to help the Tribe. "Uh… sure," she stuttered.

She and Lionpaw were dismissed to hunt for Purdy after they said their thanks, but Breezepaw refused to thank Purdy which resulted in more yelling from Crowfeather. Jaypaw arrived a while later with chervil for Breezepaw's tail and had him stay back while Hollypaw and Lionpaw hunted, which made no sense since Jaypaw thoroughly despised him. Brambleclaw let the others hunt since they would be stuck there for a while to let Jaypaw apply the chervil to Breezepaw's tail. By the time that they left that spot, every cat was no longer hungry. Purdy had eaten all of his mouse, leaving nothing for Hollypaw, Lionpaw, and Breezepaw, but Brambleclaw finally gave in, feeling sorry for them, and let them hunt.

The next day, they reached the edge of the twoleg place where they said their goodbyes to Purdy. Personally, Hollypaw was thankful that they were finally rid of him and his babbling. But he had saved her life, so that should've counted for something.

At around nightfall, they reached the foot of the mountains. Hollypaw had to stretch her neck all the way up in an attempt to see the top, but she still couldn't. God, that was a tall mountain! There must have been nothing in the world that was taller; not even the perfectly squared twoleg nests that twolegs built. But we all know that Hollypaw was wrong. Mt. Everest. Duh. Anyways, Brambleclaw wanted to stop for the night, but Talon urged them to start climbing until they finally gave in. That Talon guy could be really stubborn when he wanted to. The mountain was scary in a way Hollypaw had never experienced before. It seemed like there was nowhere safe. In the forest you could, like, hide under a bush or something, but the bushes on the mountain were half bare, so there was no hiding in there. The fact that they were climbing on a narrow ledge did nothing to comfort Hollypaw. The higher they climbed, the colder it got, and the farther they went, the more Jaypaw seemed to get nervous. Hollypaw had never seen him that jumpy. They came across a gap in the path, and Jaypaw had been reluctant to cross. It wasn't that far, really, but if by some chance you _didn't_ make the jump there was a one hundred percent chance that you would die. Sad.

After a while more of climbing, Talon and Night turned around abruptly, about to announce something. Brambleclaw jolted to a stop just in time, but Squirrelflight bumped into Brambleclaw with a startled yelp, Stormfur accidentally pushed Squirrelflight to the ground, Brook bumped into Stormfur and whipped her tail across Crowfeather's face, Crowfeather stumbled backwards a bit, dazed, Breezepaw bumped into Crowfeather's butt, causing Crowfeather to turn around, Tawnypelt nearly squashed Breezepaw because of her larger size, Jaypaw stopped and laughed at them only to have Lionpaw stumble on top of him, and Hollypaw just stood back and watched the scene play out, laughing like a maniac.

Lionpaw stood and shook out his fur. "Whew. Sorry about that, Jaypaw. It's a good thing that this ledge is so big. But you know you can laugh and walk at the same time, right?"

"Never thought of that," Jaypaw muttered sarcastically, getting to his paws. He turned on Hollypaw. "It's not funny, you know."

"Y-… yeah it is!" Hollypaw gasped, struggling to catch her breath. "Hahaha! It's like… something you'd watch on TV!" She went and stood next to Jaypaw, still giggling. "You're okay, right?"

Jaypaw suddenly reached up and nipped her hard on her ear.

Hollypaw yelped loudly with pain and rubbed her head with her paw. "Fine, I guess you're not okay," she muttered.

"Hey," Night came up beside Hollypaw, "be quiet. Those rogue cats might be nearby. Then they'll start harassing us, and I don't like harassing."

Hollypaw blinked. "Okay, but shouldn't you be-"

Tawnypelt gasped. "You're right, Night! They're right over- wait, that rhymed! Cool! Did you hear that?"

Night nodded impatiently. "Yes, I heard, now can you tell me where they are? Oh, wait-" she sniffed the air and turned around, "yup, I smell them now."

A large silver tabby tom jumped out at them. "Hello," he meowed calmly.

"Bah!" Talon jumped backwards then narrowed his eyes. "Where's the rest of your group?"

The tom shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh, they're coming. I can bring more if you want. I mean, there're only four of us here right now, but there's tons more."

Talon shook his head. "No, I'm good."

A light skinny brown tom and a dark brown and white she-cat appeared on either side of the tabby tom, who was apparently leader of the three. "Hey, Stripes," the she-cat greeted. "I see you've found us some cats to play with."

"Oh, good, you're-" Stripes hesitated, "wait, where's the other one?"

"Oh," the she-cat flicked her ear nonchalantly, "she died. Fell off the mountain, see? You didn't hear her scream? It was more pitiful than most."

The grey tom blinked. "No, I didn't hear her scream, but that's fine, I guess." He turned to Talon, who now had Night at his side. "Wait- I've seen you before… Allen, right?"

Talon shook his head. "No, it's Talon, but that was a good guess, I suppose. So, uh, can you let us through? We're heading home, and, you know, it's not much of a crime or anything."

"Well, of course we're not letting you through!" the she-cat hissed. "We need to harass you first! We don't even know who you are!"

Night sighed with exasperation. "See? They always harass us! It's so annoying." She turned to the she-cat. "You know what, I might just give you my birth certificate so you always know who I am."

The she-cat rolled her eyes. "I don't want your stupid birth certificate, it'll probably be as boring as every other one I've seen. I mean, who _needs_ a birth certificate? If you're alive, you were probably born, so why put it on some piece of paper? You know-"

Stripes nudged her. "Stop ranting about birth certificates Flora, it's weird. Even Flick doesn't talk more than you." He gestured towards the brown tom.

"Yeah, well, Flick doesn't really put up that much competition. He hasn't said anything this whole time."

Hollypaw huffed and rolled her eyes as the two started to fight about who talked more while Flick stood by awkwardly. It was almost pitiful of how stupid they were.

Talon and Night glanced at each other and made their way around the cats, the others following close behind. Stripes and Flora were in too much of a heated fight to pay attention, and Flick didn't stop them from passing.

Lionpaw doubled back beside Hollypaw when the rogues were out of sight. "If all of them are like this, then I don't know how the Tribe couldn't beat them," he muttered.

Hollypaw just shrugged. "Well, now that _we're_ helping, I'm sure it'll be a lot easier to drive them off."

Lionpaw laughed. "Agreed."

**You know, this just popped into my head. My username isn't a warrior name if you were wondering. No, that would be just weird. My friend thought of it a long time ago when she was little, and I didn't really know what to use for my username, so I just typed the first thing that popped into my head, which was "alleycute".**

**Hmm... I'm losing my immaturity... and that means- GASP! I must get it back! I shall not rest until I do so! But I need to go to sleep. 'Night.**

***Update* I have gotten my immaturity back! Yay! It took me a whole twenty-four hours! So, the next chapter will _definitely_ be better. This one's boring!**


	21. The Tribe of Crazy Partiers

**Okay, people, I hope this one's less boring and more funny. :D**

"Yes! We made it!" Lionpaw gasped, scrabbling to get a foothold on the rocks. "We're finally here! I can't believe we've made it, guys, I thought we were going to die on the way up."

Hollypaw glanced up at the stars. "Yeah. We're finally over this ledge. Don't celebrate, we've got, like, six more to go."

Lionpaw groaned. "But I don't _wanna_ do it. I don't wanna!"

"Stop whining, kit," Jaypaw muttered.

"I'm not a kit!" Lionpaw whined, but he followed the others anyway.

Finally, after one whole minute, they _finally_ made it over the _second_ ledge! Five more to go! Lionpaw looked up. Wait- Hollypaw was wrong. There was actually… SEVEN LEDGES?! What kind of mixed up world is this? They had _six _more ledges to climb instead of _five!_ So, it took twelve minutes to climb the next six ledges, an extra five minutes to help Jaypaw along, two minutes to check that no other rogues were around, and one whole hour to calm Lionpaw down after discovering that there was one more ledge than he thought there were. But who wouldn't totally freak out at that? It was like the apocalypse that Mousefur thought was happening every day and worse!

Lionpaw gasped and panted as he tiredly hauled himself up the seventh and _last_ ledge. Whew. What a work-out. But it was finally over. The others were panting beside him, too. _But wait… no, it can't be… StarClan, you're dragging this on too long… an EIGHTH LEDGE?! SHIT! I don't care if this is rated K+! I demand change! _And so, the author changed the rating to T to let Lionpaw curse his heart out when he felt mad. What he thought was the final ledge was the second to last. Pity…

By the time that Lionpaw made it up the _eighth _ledge- man, what a big number- his breath was coming in ragged gasps and he was starting to feel dizzy. He collapsed on the ground that he stood. Even this was too much for him.

He checked to see the condition of the others; Brambleclaw was panting heavily and looked tired, as did Squirrelflight, Tawnypelt, Breezepaw and Crowfeather had fainted, which was to be expected, Hollypaw and Jaypaw had collapsed on either side of him, and Talon, Night, Stormfur and Brook were… _flying?!_ Wait, no, hallucinations, sorry. They were standing calmly, watching the cats rest and hardly panting.

Then he finally noticed the waterfall. Yes, loud as it was, Lionpaw's mind refused to notice that it was there until now. There were few things to say about it. It seemed to have a limitless supply of water, and it was sprinkling him lightly with misty water- in other words, getting him wet. Both weren't very good things unless you were sweaty and dying of thirst… Oh, and there were colorful lights coming from behind the sheet of water, but that probably didn't matter.

A pale grey tabby tom covered in mud padded up to them with mild confusion. "Hello Talon, Night. I thought you two were dead or something. And Brook? Stormfur? I thought you were dead, too. Guess I was wrong."

"Hello, Gay," greeted Night.

"Wait, Gay?" Lionpaw spluttered in-between pants. "As in-?"

"No," Gay sighed. "My full title is Gay Sky Before Yawn. It means 'happy'. Wasn't my fault my parents were idiots, okay?"

"Sure," Lionpaw choked out, trying not to sound like he was laughing like mad. He failed.

Gay rolled his eyes and turned back to Night and Talon. "I'm assuming that you want to come in, right?"

"Heck yeah!" Night exclaimed. "Do you know how _good_ it feels to finally be back home?"

Gay shrugged. "Sure, I guess. Don't worry, we didn't eat your feather, Night. Stoneteller said it was magical and went on to explain how it was in a way that made no sense. But at least it's still there."

Night nodded with narrowed eyes. "Good," she drawled, "'cause I'd kill if somebody ate it."

At the back of his sight, Lionpaw saw Crowfeather's attention flicker towards the river bank. Crowfeather's eyes widened. "Ooh, pebbles!" He leaped over to the bank and started fiddling with random stones he came upon.

Tawnypelt noticed Lionpaw staring at him. "He's always been fond of pebbles," she explained. "It takes nearly all of WindClan's warriors to restrain him from running to the shore during Gatherings… It's really funny, though!"

Lionpaw blinked and nodded. "Okay…" He could make a connection from Crowfeather to Jaypaw; they both loved inanimate objects. Jaypaw and his stick… they were destined to be together. Forbidden love with a stick! So cute… And Crowfeather looked like he was in StarClan.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Jaypaw yowled. "What do you mean, 'forbidden love with a stick'?!" Cats started staring.

Lionpaw blinked. "S-sorry, I mean, I don't really think you're-"

"NO YOU IDIOT!" Jaypaw snarled. "IT ISN'T FORBIDDEN! LOVING A STICK IS TOTALLY FINE!"

"Really?"

Hollypaw checked the "medicine cat" section of the warrior code book. "Yup," she confirmed, "it says very clearly here-"

"I thought only medicine cats could read!" Lionpaw gasped. "You learned to read! You broke the code, hypocrite!"

Hollypaw flipped to a different page. "No, it says that you can learn to read as long as you don't use it to threaten, kill, murder, assassin, or commit suicide in any way. So it's totally fine! Anyways," she flipped back to the "medicine cat" section, "it clearly states here, 'Medicine cats are not allowed to fall in love or mate with other cats from ThunderClan, WindClan, ShadowClan, RiverClan, StarClan, SkyClan, the Tribe of Rushing Water, The Tribe of Endless Hunting, outside, twoleg nests, or basically anywhere on the face of the Earth. However, they _are _allowed to fall in love with inanimate objects for a reason you do not want to know because it would probably scar you for life.'" She slammed the book closed with finality, and it poofed away. "See?"

Lionpaw nodded dumbly.

"Wait, you're in love with a stick?" Breezepaw laughed.

Jaypaw gasped. "You were all watching?! No! POOF! You don't remember anything! I mean- bah!" He fiddled with a pure golden stopwatch and clutched the chain in his jaws, swinging it back and forth.

All the cats slowly became mesmerized by it, except Lionpaw, Hollypaw, and Crowfeather. Lionpaw and Hollypaw had seen this feat before, and Crowfeather was too busy with his beautiful pebbles.

"You are getting sleepy," Jaypaw murmured. "Very sleepy… like, 'I was on a sugar-high all last night and today, and I didn't get any sleep so now I'm very tired' kind of sleepy."

The cats' eyelids started to droop.

"When I say… um, baloney, you will fall into a deep sleep. When I say spatula, you will wake up and not remember anything that happened that past four point zero-zero-two-eight-five minutes." He paused, then added, "You will also confess all of your deepest and darkest secrets… Baloney!"

The cats dropped to the ground. Some started snoring, and some started drooling. Others murmured, "candy…" in their sleep.

"Hmm…" Hollypaw inspected every cat, ruffling their fur to see if they had and pockets disguised as their pelts to hold anything. "Good, nothing illegal. I have the Tribe edition of the warrior code, and it says that you are not allowed to bring phones here because it might explode, and the radiation attracts a bunch of weirdos."

"Oh, really?" Lionpaw pulled out his iPhone and stared at it's black screen. "It hasn't blown up yet…"

Hollypaw gasped. "No! You'll jinx it! Put it back! Throw it off the mountain!"

"Fine, but-" _BOOM! _His phone exploded. Lionpaw's face was covered in ash. He coughed and a puff of smoke escaped from his mouth. "Okay… oops."

Hollypaw growled. "Aw, that was your birthday present! You'll have to apologize to Leafpool for that!"

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Jaypaw smirked evilly. "Okay, anything you guys want to do to them?" he asked. "We've got all the time in the world."

Hollypaw snorted. "Yeah, until Crowfeather gets tired of his pebbles and comes back is definitely all the time in the world. He'll come back sometime, I know it. What would we want to do to them, anyways?"

Jaypaw shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I was thinking of some pretty wrong things, but I'm guessing no, right?"

"Right."

"Wait!" An idea popped into Lionpaw's mind, and he uncapped a neon blue sharpie with his jaws, grinning. "You guys up for it?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah!" Jaypaw uncapped his dark green sharpie that he kept with him at all times. "This will be hilarious. Imagine them waltzing in to the Tribe's camp with sharpie all over their faces! Hollypaw?"

"Wait…" Hollypaw muttered, checking her warrior code book. "Nope, nothing, surprisingly. At least nothing specific. This code allows tons of loopholes!" She took out her hot pink sharpie with an uncharacteristically devilish grin. "I call Brambleclaw!"

The three cats ran to their sleeping companions' sides and drew all manners of moustaches, goatees, eyeliners, tattoos, cuss words, bushy eyebrows, and messy makeup on their faces. They decided to take it to the next level and draw fake earrings, nose-rings, shoes, and stripes on the rest of their pelts. Lionpaw framed Crowfeather by writing "CROWY WUZ HERE!" in big and messy letters on their sides. They stepped back and admired their artwork for a while.

Lionpaw spat out his now inkless sharpie from his aching jaws. "I can't wait to see the look on their faces… Jaypaw?"

"Got it. Spatula!"

Brambleclaw jumped up and looked around. He looked hilarious when he was wearing nerdy glasses and a nose ring with dark green lipstick. Then he spotted Jaypaw and started blurting out all his deepest secrets at a very rapid pace. "You know, once, I saw this RiverClan chic at a gathering, and she was just so pretty, so I was like, 'Oh my StarClan, I have to see her again!' and I asked her if we could meet somewhere, and we did, but she died one day, and I was really sad, but then we went on this whole journey thing, and I kinda liked Feathertail, but she was already taken, so then I had Squirrelflight, and she was perfect! But I feel really guilty because the others dared me to feed her this herb that made her lose the ability to sneeze, but I don't get why it's so bad, I mean, sneezing is annoying, and anything that makes Squirrelflight less annoying is good- wait…" He fainted.

Lionpaw blinked. "Was that supposed to be part of the hypnotizing?" he asked Jaypaw.

"Yeah, he'll be in a neutral state until the others confess."

The others had much to tell. Squirrelflight had to take medicine every other week to keep herself from going absolutely nuts, Stormfur had serious ADHD and some other minor (major) mind problems, Brook had a bad habit of secretly sniffing everything including the "unsniffable," Breezepaw literally hated everything in life except the color light brown together with blue and deathberries (because they were just _so _pretty!), Tawnypelt only joined ShadowClan was because she was a hardcore emo cat and was once gay, Talon had major anger issues and had once thought that a chunky rock was a beautiful silver she-cat, Night had went through several eating disorders by only eating snow and the occasional leaf, and Gay was colorblind, though it didn't really matter because the only colors you really saw on the mountain were blue, gray, and brown.

Lionpaw and his littermates collapsed laughing at every one.

Brambleclaw was the first to wake up, being the first to confess. He blinked around drowsily, then jumped quickly to his feet. "What…" he gasped, "is… this…?"

"Crowfeather did it!" the three meowed in unison.

Brambleclaw's head whipped around to face Crowfeather, who was still by the river playing with the pebbles, and growled, "That bastard's getting it…" He stomped off.

The three watched as the cats awakened one by one.

Squirrelflight stood slowly and blinked, looking around. She looked like a deranged clown with a _very _bushy unibrow. "This was bound to happen someday," she sighed.

"Are you kidding me?!" Stormfur jumped up. A mix of neon blue, dark green, and hot pink scribble were all over his face and pelt. "Man, I must look ridiculous. Do I look okay?"

"Um, sure, you look fine," Brook meowed lamely. She was completely polka-dotted in green, and was apparently wearing pink Nike sneakers.

"Lies!" Stormfur whimpered. "All lies…"

Brook tipped her head to the side. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Well… I had a dream," Stormfur's eyes went round, "and I was eating a p-peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich… a-and the peanut-butter was sticking to the roof of my mouth! I couldn't get it off! You know I've arachibutyrophobia."

Brook sighed. "Of course- I know every phobia you have…" she muttered. "But it was all a dream, so don't worry. I told you that I'd make sure nobody ever fed you a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, and my promise had held out so far."

"Oh my-…" Breezepaw gaped and looked around.

Lionpaw could barely contain his laugh. Breezepaw had gotten the worst of it. He had green cuss words all over his fur and super-long blue eyelashes, like Kim Kardashian, with tons of make-up, plus a hot pink "KICK ME" written in big bold letters on his rump.

"What the hell?!" Breezepaw yelled.

Tawnypelt laughed at him. "Gosh, you look _hilarious! _I wish I had my phone, this would be great for my Facebook account!"

"Well, look at you!" Breezepaw spat. "You've got a goatee and fighting stick figures all over your fur." He looked more closely and went wide-eyed. "Whoa, that's graphic…"

Talon raised his head. He looked like a tiger with green stripes, dark eye-shadow, and a curly pink moustache. "Wow, I was having this great dream, and I- wait…" He looked around and blinked. "Am I still dreaming? 'Cause if this is one of those continuous dreams, I'll kill."

"It's not," Night yawned, "this is totally real. But you look kind of funny…" She blinked, then looked around. "Wait- _everyone_ looks funny. HOW DO _I_ LOOK?! Oh my gosh, please don't tell me…"

Gay snorted and sat up. His whole body looked like a kaleidoscope. "You look like a hardcore punk. Go look in the river, you're covered in neon blue."

Night cried out and ran to the shore where Brambleclaw was fighting with Crowfeather; claws sheathed, of course.

"I-I didn't do it, I swear! I was here with the pebbles!" Crowfeather cried, but just got a blow to the face. "WHAHAA! PLEASE, STOPPIT!"

And so Brambleclaw stopped. "Wow, you broke your snappy demeanor and started crying like a kit? I guess it wasn't you, then. Sorry for beating you up."

Crowfeather crumpled to the ground and whimpered pitifully.

Breezepaw blinked. "Wait, if it wasn't Crowfeather, then it was…" He gasped loudly. "GAY! HOW DARE YOU!"

"Do you _see_ me right now?" Gay spluttered. "It was those three, duh." He gestured towards Lionpaw and his siblings.

Lionpaw blinked and smiled sheepishly. "Heh heh…" He nudged Jaypaw.

Jaypaw jumped. "Did somebody just throw a rock at me?!" He shrieked indignantly.

"No, I nudged you, you idiot!" Lionpaw snapped.

"THROW ALL THE EVIDENCE OFF THE MOUNTAIN!" Hollypaw cried loudly and flung her pink sharpie away with her jaws as hard as she could. It slapped into Lionpaw's face.

"Wait!" Brambleclaw called. He stomped over to the three. "I won't do anything now since we're so close to where the Tribe is, and it's night and we're all tired, but when we get back, we'll arrange a punishment. Got that?"

They nodded.

"Good. Now, I'll have to tell you three that the Tribe can be very… unpredictable at times… You'll know what I mean later. Just warning you, okay? And for StarClan's sake, don't get involved with their random parties, like the one they're having right now. They're weird."

Lionpaw stared blankly at him. _Uh… what?_

"Oh, hey!" a dark brown tabby cat slurred. He stumbled up to them. "Wassup?" He turned to Stormfur and Brook and squinted, getting a little cross-eyed. "Oh, I remember ya… you got alla mah cats killed! Kill her! Or him… Hey, if ur a she-cat, can I-?"

"Hey, no!" Gay hissed. "Back! Back! Back into the cave! You're being _very_ bad, Stoneteller! Go back to your stupid party!"

Stoneteller grumbled and slid back behind the waterfall.

Talon blinked. "Well, then… we came right in the middle of a party, eh? Are cats still up this time of night?"

"Yeah, but a few of them fainted earlier," Gay meowed in a conversational tone. "It's only midnight, so most of them are probably still up."

"Ah." Talon nodded. "I need to get myself a watch. Let's go in, then."

Lionpaw blinked at the flashing lights coming from behind the waterfall, finally realizing why it was there. "Are you sure what they're doing is… appropriate?" he asked.

Gay laughed. "Of course not! Don't worry, we shove the to-bes into the Cave of Pointed Stones, or the C.P.S., with a few cats that aren't interested in partying to keep them company. Then we have fun all night until we all pass out, and the to-bes come in to clean up our mess. You'll be in the C.P.S., I guess."

"And there's nothing in their rule book about this…" Hollypaw murmured as they followed the Tribe cats into their cave.

Inside was a riot. The music was cranked up as high as it could go, and it vibrated through the ground._ So this is how partying is like? Cats everywhere eating catmint, jumping on each other, fighting, cursing, and… oh my- no, no, no! Man, that's just wrong… _Lionpaw closed his eyes tightly and followed Jaypaw and Hollypaw's scent into the Cave of- the C.P.S. He finally opened his eyes and gasped for air as he realized that he had been holding his breath as well.

Then he noticed that the name Cave of Pointed Stones was very literal. There were pointy stones sticking randomly out of the ground and ceiling that made him go like, _THIS ISN'T NATURAL!_ and mentally run off crying.

"Oh my god," Hollypaw gasped, "that was horrible! Did you _see_ what some cats were doing? And they were breaking their own code, too!"

"I closed my eyes," Lionpaw panted.

"Lucky you."

"I'll go get Stoneteller," Gay meowed, and he disappeared back through the tunnel. He came back a few moments later with Stoneteller stumbling behind him.

"'Sup?" Stoneteller murmured. "Man, that wuz… that wuz… wat's dat word again? Somebody get me mah dic-… dic-shun-areey… Iz dat how u say it?"

Night frowned. "We'll need to shock him back to sanity. LEMONADE!" she called.

A to-be came forward carrying a bucket of yellow liquid and set it down at Stoneteller's paws, then backed away quickly.

"Drink," Night ordered firmly.

"Heck, no, dat looks like urine. An'… an' urine's yucky…" Stoneteller's gaze flickered and his eyes went wide like saucers. "OMTOEH, IZ DAT A PURPLE PEGASUS?! C'mere, pretty, pretty!" he coaxed.

Night sighed. "Okay, I guess that never works. Here, I got this one, guys." She jumped on top of Stoneteller forced his head into the bucket.

Stoneteller came up spluttering a moment later, yelling, "MY EYES! AH, DAMN THAT HURTS!" He ran around frantically for a while, then calmed.

He sat down heavily and panted. "Whew. That party's going hardcore! Totally better with the new lighting… Wait, why are you all covered in sharpie? Bra-… Brambleclaw, right? You look nerdy…"

"Let's skip that part, shall we?" Brambleclaw meowed sharply.

Stoneteller blinked, then shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, man. Hmm, tell me, Burp, am I getting too old for this? I'm afraid that the music'll do some damage on my ears."

"Burp?!" Lionpaw spluttered. "Man, what is up with your names?!"

Stoneteller sighed. "I know, I know. Burp That Denies the Wind… we don't have the brightest cats around here, but they're good all the same. Now, Burp," He turned his attention back to a grey-brown tabby she-cat, "_am_ I getting too old for this? I mean, I don't even know how old I am…"

"Er, no, I don't think so."

Hollypaw tipped her head to the side. "I don't know about you, but he _is_ old," she murmured to her littermates. "He's gonna die in Sign of the Moon from old age and sickness. Then Crag's gonna be Stoneteller, I think."

"You know what- I'm not even going to ask," Lionpaw sighed.

"Show these four where they'll sleep," Stoneteller ordered. "Then we can all party, eh?" He glanced at the clan cats invitingly.

Brambleclaw swallowed. "Can we… can we sleep, too? I mean, it looks pretty intense out there, and, uh, I don't think… Um, we're tired."

"Nah, we don't have enough space in here to make a place for any of you to sleep. Your to-bes- er, apprentices over there are the limit. But come on, it'll be fun! Just try not to eat too much catmint if you want to stay clean, you know? But I've got Thai Tea!"

Lionpaw watched as Stoneteller herded the clan cats back out into the main cave with Gay, Talon, and Night hard on his heels. _StarClan knows if they'll ever return…_ Lionpaw thought wistfully._ Wait, nah, that's stupid._

"Okay, well…" Burp began slowly, "we don't really have a proper place to sleep here… we just lie down on the ground. I'll warn you though, it's kind of hard to get to sleep with that stupid music blaring in your ears. Good luck with that." She lay down on the ground and closed her eyes.

Breezepaw shivered. "Ugh, now I'm the only one here covered in sharpie! And it's all _your_ fault!" He whipped around to face the three.

Jaypaw shrugged. "Hey, if you expect us to give you something in return for trashing your beautiful fur, you better start expecting a bunch of snappy words etched into your brain for eternity. I can change your whole life perspective, buddy."

Breezepaw growled and went away to sulk about how much his life sucked and how much he hated everything in a dark and remote corner where nobody could find.

"Hey!" A pale grey she-cat jumped randomly in front of Lionpaw. "You're from the clans, right? I want to know EVERYTHING!"

A black tom sauntered up to them, a small light-brown tabby she-cat with blood-shot eyes close behind. "Stop it, Puffball, that's creepy," the black tom meowed.

"Puffball," Lionpaw repeated blankly. "You're teasing her, right?"

"Nope, my name's Puffball That Drowns In Mountain," Puffball meowed. She bowed her head and stuck out her front paw.

Lionpaw eyed the gesture. "Do you want me to lick your paw or something?"

"No, that would be stupid," Puffball laughed. "It's just this thing that Stoneteller makes us do because he thinks it's 'cool'."

Lionpaw blinked. "Okay."

"Anyways, that stupid lump of a tom is Speech of Mangy Towel, my brother. That means he rants a lot. And that she-cat with the stubby tail's Trash When Fish Pee! Now, can any of you tell me why your names are so short?"

"Can you tell me why your names are so long?" Jaypaw retorted. "I don't know, it's just how we do things. But who names you cats?"

"Our parents!" Puffball answered.

"Our parents were high on catmint when they named us," Trash murmured. "Please, can we go to sleep now? I'm exhausted."

"But there're _clan cats_ here! You can't sleep through that!" Puffball exclaimed.

"Burp did." Speech gestured towards the snoring she-cat with his tail. "But I do want to know more about you cats before we go to sleep."

Hollypaw shrugged. "Well, what do you want to know? If you want, I can loan you a book about our ways of life. There's only one thousand, six hundred twenty-four pages in it with a font of twelve and a width that takes up ninety-nine hundredths of the page, but the extended version-"

"Um, no thanks," Speech cut in. "See, we don't really know how to read, and we don't have that much time to anyways. But if we ever _did_ learn how to read, and if we had enough time, we would probably put it off because of our super-lazy powers. The only-"

"See, I _told_ you he talks a lot!" Puffball meowed. "Why do your names change all the time, though? I've heard that some of your names change, like, _four times_."

Jaypaw shrugged. "Same thing. It's just how we roll."

Trash groaned. "You know, we could just sit around comparing our ways, or we could _get some freakin' sleep_. We have a long day of cleaning up tomorrow, you know."

"One more thing!" Puffball pleaded.

Trash just rolled her eyes. "Fine."

"Okay," Puffball turned to Jaypaw, "why do you look like your always daydreaming?" she asked quickly.

"I don't know, maybe I am."

Lionpaw huffed. "Naw, he's blind, duh. See this?" He waved his tail in front of Jaypaw's face but accidentally hit his eyes.

Jaypaw hissed and cringed. "Ugh, you're making me even more blind than I already am! Ever heard of 'keep your tail to yourself'?"

"But all you see is black! You can't get more blind than that!"

"Midnight snack!" Speech slapped a skinny rabbit onto the floor, sending up a cloud of dust. "If you want, we can sleep after this, Trash. I just wanna eat, I haven't had a decent meal in days…"

"I'm not hungry," Trash mumbled. "I'll just go to sleep while you do… whatever you're going to do. But don't blame me if you're tired when we have to clean up after the prey-hunters and cave-guards."

"Okay." Speech ripped a chunk of the rabbit out and chewed. "I'm done," he managed through his mouthful. "'Night, then." He sauntered away.

Hollypaw eyed the rabbit. "Hmm…" She prodded it's side, then propped open its mouth and peeked in. "It's skinny, it's dry-mouthed, it was independent with no mate… That means it used to live in a bush," she concluded, straightening up.

"Uh, okay, that's nice to know…" Lionpaw meowed.

Jaypaw took a bite out of the rabbit and chewed carefully. "This tastes like dirt."

"It does? That's my favorite flavor!" Puffball squeaked. She bent down and ate her share. "Mmm, so good…"

Lionpaw and Hollypaw stared at her, then reluctantly bit a piece out of the rabbit. It_ did_ taste like dirt. Bleh. Hollypaw took the leftovers and threw them at Breezepaw, who was still sulking about how much his life sucked and how much he hated everything in a dark and remote corner where nobody could find him. But Hollypaw found him, somebody _could _find him.

"Okay, let's go to sleep now!" Puffball meowed and threw herself at where her brother was sleeping.

Jaypaw shrugged. "Sounds good to me." He collapsed on the floor snoring, and his littermates did the same. They slept so soundly, that even the mini-bombs the partying cats were setting off didn't wake them.

**Anything to clear up on? Let's see... "OMTOEH" stands for "oh my Tribe of Endless Hunting", and the cats are magical, so they're able to poof thieir things to where they are whenever and wherever they want. But why must the cats party? Life can be dull up in the mountains.**

**I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE LAZY, JUST READ THIS:**

**Okay, I need to ask you something, people. While the cats are still with the party crazy Tribe, what couple do you want me to include? I'm deciding on both Lionpaw/blaze and Jaypaw/feather. Tell me in a review or a PM (I'd prefer a PM) for Lion, Jay, or both. I'll pick the most popular and most sensible. I really want to make sure that I write what you would like in the Warriors series, whether or not it is what the Erin Hunters did. The deadline to give me your opinion is... well, whenever the cats get back from the Tribe. If nobody gives me their request, then I'll just choose who goes with who myself, but it might not be what you like.**


	22. Meanwhile (Special Chapter)

**Wow, it's been a while. Sorry 'bout that. I had, like, no free time from school, and we had a family reunion (I hve no idea why). Hope this special chapter makes up for the wait, though!**

"Yeah bro, let's do this!" Berrynose laughed, jumping up and down like a kit.

"I don't think so…" Mousewhisker mumbled, pawing the "sodium chloride"- whatever that meant. "I mean, snails are friendly. Sort of."

"Yeah," Hazeltail pouted, "I like snails."

"You like everything," Berrynose groaned. "It's always I like flowers, I like clouds, I like life, I like cats, I like chemical reactions backfiring on imaginary unicorns-slash-octopuses!"

"I think it's octopi," Hazeltail corrected.

Berrynose shook his head. "No, it's octopuses."

"Actually, it's both!" Brackenfur called from across the clearing.

The three rolled their eyes.

"Come on," Berrynose pleaded, "hand over the salt."

"I thought it was sodium chloride?" Mousewhisker asked.

Berrynose frowned. "They're both the same thing, right? See, Mousewhisker, I just know things like this. That's why I passed the chemistry course a moon before you did. Now give me the salt."

Mousewhisker grimaced. "But you know what 'salt plus slug' equals…"

"Yes, I do."

"I'd rather not."

"I rather would."

"You know, I think this slug would like it better if we didn't kill it slowly… I mean, snails don't go to StarClan, do they?"

Berrynose gave him a hard stare. "Mousewhisker. Give. Me. The. Salt."

"No. Hazeltail, you're on my side, right?"

"Well, yeah!" Hazeltail exclaimed. "I mean, who doesn't like slugs? They're slimy!"

Berrynose spluttered. "Well, I'm going to do this before the slug gets away."

They glanced at the slug making it's progress across the ground. Oh yes, it was it was now or never.

"Seriously?" Mousewhisker meowed in monotone. "'Before it gets away?' God, you're so stupid sometimes."

Berrynose narrowed his eyes. "Well, look at you, you're becoming Christian just because _Hollypaw_ is."

"You know that's not true," Mousewhisker huffed.

"You always talk about her, admit it."

Hazeltail sighed. "Don't tease him, Berrynose. You've got love interests, too."

"Yes, I have love interests, plus two she-cats padding after me," Berrynose meowed sarcastically. "And you're never going to have a mate."

Birchfall joined them, laughing. "Yeah, and there's an evil force that we don't know about made up of dead cats waiting to destroy us by turning our own cats against us and making us think we're doing the right thing when we're really not! Haha, like that's ever gonna happen!"

They stared at him.

Berrynose scooted to the side. "Dude…?"

"Uh, don't ask."

Berrynose shrugged and turned back to the slug which had progressed two inches in the time they had been distracted. "Sure. But hey, Birchfall, wanna pour salt onto this slug?"

Birchfall brightened up. "Oh, yeah!"

Mousewhisker pulled the salt towards him with his tail and shielded it protectively. "You're not getting this salt without going through me!"

"But Mousewhisker!" Berrynose whined. "I'm gonna post this on the internet to become more popular! You're crushing my dreams!"

"Well, you should search for a dream that's actually _possible_," Mousewhisker retorted. "You will never become popular."

Berrynose's ears drooped. "I won't?"

"No, you won't."

Berrynose turned to Hazeltail.

Hazeltail shrugged. "I know I'm supposed to be the go-lucky and happy one, but it's kind of true."

Berrynose's ears drooped even more. "You leave me choice," he meowed solemnly. He turned away, then whipped around a second later with full on shiny puppy-dog eyes.

"AH!" Mousewhisker turned and stumbled backwards, shielding his eyes with his tail. "IT BURNS!"

Berrynose quickly swiped for the salt and spilled all it's contents onto the slug. He threw the empty container to the side and cackled evilly. "MUAHAHAHA! YES! Birchfall, get your camera out!"

Birchfall obeyed and recorded everything with his black Canon camera, eyes shining. He crouched down to see the screen. "Who's the one missing out now, Spiderleg?" he murmured.

"NO!" Hazeltail shrieked with a pained expression. "COME BACK LITTLE SLUG, COME BACK! FOR THE LOVE MOTHER NATURE, COME BACK!"

Cats started staring at them because of the shouting. Then they glanced at the slug and gagged.

The slug doubled over, the salt slowly bubbling white all over it's body. It was getting more swollen by the minute.

Hazeltail backed away. "THIS IS SO DISGUSTING!"

"Dude, are you getting this all on the camera?" Berrynose asked excitedly.

"Every second," Birchfall answered with just as much enthusiasm. "Even Hazeltail's outbursts!"

"Haha, yes! This'll score us some major points, bro!"

Mousewhisker stared at the slug's swollen corpse with wide eyes. "That was… disturbing." He pushed a stick forward and fiddled with the dead slug. There was tons of slime, and the snail was as stiff as an oak.

Hazeltail's eyes started to water. "Oh, StarClan…" She gagged and ran into the medicine cat den.

"And… that's a wrap!" Birchfall pressed the button to stop recording. "That was awesome!"

Brackenfur trotted over and stared at the dead slug. "And that, kids, is science," he concluded. "You should bury this slug before Ashfur comes back from his patrol. You know him and his trigger-happy attitude."

Berrynose and Birchfall quickly disposed of the corpse.

Mousewhisker stared at the little mound they had made. "Berrynose," he sighed, "I'll come clean with you. You have no heart. Good luck finding a mate."

Berrynose patted his back with his tail solemnly. "You too, Mousewhisker, you too."

"…Idiot."

…

Dustpelt demonstrated the use of a hunting rifle to Graystripe. "…And see! Voila! Aim for that bird and pull this trigger."

Graystripe was crouched down with the rifle between both paws. He squinted up at the bird. "Yup, I got it…" he murmured.

_BAM!_ The bird dropped down dead. Dustpelt and Graystripe went over to inspect if the bird was edible.

Graystripe's eyes lit up. "Wow! And it's only ten cents a bullet in ShadowClan!"

Dustpelt frowned. "I don't know. The ones from WindClan have better dynamics. These are a bit rusty."

"Well, if you'd rather pay ten dollars instead of ten cents, I wouldn't stop you."

Firestar passed by humming some weird alien tune. "I should've bought you flowers… and held your hand… Hmm, hand? Oh, hello!" He turned to the two. "I smell delicious blood! Ah, you are using a hunting rifle instead of your claws to shoot down birds, yes? Clever."

Graystripe frowned. "Actually, Firestar, it was your idea."

"No, I don't think so." Firestar padded up beside them and glanced at the rifle. "Is this considered… manly? Sandstorm tells me that I am a 'wimp'."

Dustpelt held back a snort. "Firestar, you're so much more than that…"

Firestar blinked gratefully. "Why, thank you, Dustpelt, it's nice to know that someone thinks so good of me."

"Actually, I meant that-" Dustpelt began, but Graystripe coughed and nudged him in the side. "I mean- your welcome."

Firestar sat down. "You see, I was hoping you two would have advice in becoming… ah, 'manly'," he meowed.

"Well, why would you ask us?" Graystripe asked. "I don't think I'm that manly."

Firestar stared at him incredulously. "You've had two mates, Graystripe, and both were and are great she-cats. Dustpelt, you've fathered seven kits! All I have is Sandstorm the Incredibly Grumpy. But her opinion still matters to me all the same, yes?"

Dustpelt shrugged. "Okay, sure, I guess," he meowed. "Well, first thing's first: you sound all eighteen hundreds. You've gotta catch up to _modern_ times. The way you talk makes you seem weak."

"Weak?" Firestar squeaked indignantly. "I'll have you know that-"

"Dude, you're not actually weak," Graystripe sighed. "You just sound like it. There's a difference, you know."

"Oh." Firestar relaxed. "Of course. Er, I'd rather not change the way I'd talk- it would be a hard habit to break- but do teach me how to use that contraption over there, yes?" He glanced at the rifle.

Graystripe sounded uneasy. "Um… you really don't wanna do that. It's kind of dangerous, you know. You might hurt… something."

"Are you saying that I am incapable of taking care of myself?" Firestar challenged. "If anything, I am the exact opposite of that, thank you very much! Now, be a good cat and show me how I shall use this."

Dustpelt padded forward wearily. "Well, if you lose a life trying to shoot a rifle… it's not our fault."

"I will not hold you guilty of anything," Firestar promised. "Er… you pull this thingamabob, yes?" He reached for the trigger.

"Yeah, but you-" Dustpelt's eyes widened, "no, no, no, don't-!"

_BAM!_ A small bullet hole appeared in the base of a tree.

"-pull the… Great, you pulled the trigger." Dustpelt glared at Firestar. "You need to get it in the right position before you shoot, or else it goes off willy-nilly."

"I see…" Firestar stared blankly at the hole he had made. "…Tell me, Dustpelt, how strong are these things?"

"You mean the bullets?" Dustpelt shrugged. "Oh, they're pretty strong, I guess. ShadowClan makes them especially sharp. That one probably went through a few trees."

Firestar nodded and went over to inspect the tree. He sniffed it a few times and circled the trunk, taking in every detail.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Graystripe asked.

Firestar peered up through the tree's leafy canopy. "Do you think I killed any bugs?" he asked curiously.

Graystripe sighed. "Firestar, I don't think you should really care about that," he meowed. "They're just… bugs. And-… and they bug you."

Firestar looked back at Graystripe. "They do bug me…" he murmured absently. "Oh, I see what you did there. Wait here, yes? I will be back in a moment." He started climbing up the tree.

Dustpelt glanced at Graystripe, and he shrugged. "He's just weird like that, I guess," Graystripe whispered.

A cat screeched and Poppypaw fell to the ground with a _thump_. Firestar jumped down after her.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Dustpelt asked with surprise.

Poppypaw rolled over. "I wanted to see a rifle, genius," she meowed flatly.

Dustpelt bristled. "Don't talk to your seniors like that!"

"Oh, hell no, Dustpelt's gonna chew me out," Poppypaw continued sarcastically. "I'm terrified."

Dustpelt narrowed his eyes. "Keep talking like that, and we'll see where that gets you," he growled.

"You're threatening an apprentice? Bad show, Dustpelt."

"Hey, hey," Graystripe stepped between the two, "what's bothering you, Poppypaw? You're acting like and elder."

"Why should you care, bitch?!" she spat and stomped away.

Firestar stared after her. "Hmm," he meowed with disapproval, "the apprentices were never dirty mouthed in our day, yes? I think I should set up some rules."

"Yes," Dustpelt jumped at the chance, "you should. Er, why don't you go to camp and announce some now? Thing like this can't wait, you know!" He gave a false smile.

"Yes… you're right. Shall we continue this tomorrow?" Firestar stared at him expectantly.

Dustpelt blinked and shifted. "Um… no, I have- patrols, and, uh- training. So I'll be busy…"

Firestar frowned turned to Graystripe. "And you?"

"Er, haha, same here…"

"Well, that is too bad, I suppose," Firestar sighed with a slight pout. "I was hoping to become manly. I'll ask Cloudtail to teach me."

Dustpelt started coughing. "Good luck with that," he muttered under his breath.

Firestar pricked his ears. "Sorry?"

"Uh, nothing…" Dustpelt turned to the rifle and pretended to reload it to hide his smirk.

Graystripe glanced at him, then looked back to Firestar. "Okay, well… bye," he meowed awkwardly.

Firestar waved his tail. "I will see you… well, whenever I see you, yes? Good-bye." He turned and walked away towards camp.

"And good riddance," Dustpelt sighed once Firestar was out of earshot. "So Graystripe, you want to try this again?"

…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cinderpaw rolled around the clearing laughing. "You're comparing me to _Berrynose_? You know we're nothing alike, stupid!"

"Really, now?" Poppypaw growled. "Look who's talking."

Cinderpaw calmed herself. "But seriously, what's wrong? You've been acting like- like Jaypaw or something."

Poppypaw groaned miserably. "I'm nothing, that's why. Nothing."

"I don't get it," Cinderpaw meowed blandly.

Poppypaw rolled to her side. "Well, y' see- Honeypaw, get off your iPhone!"

Honeypaw didn't look up. "But… I just need to beat this level! It's SO hard to get to, and if I shut this off, I'll lose all my progress!"

Poppypaw lunged forward and turned off her iPhone.

"Hey!"

"You'll rot your brain from all that… _stuff_," Poppypaw growled. "And the radiation will heat up the atmosphere, causing even more global warming, and we'll all _die_ from the heat."

Honeypaw blinked. "But… it's just me playing all day long."

"And then everyone will start thinking like that! Use your brain, Honeypaw." Poppypaw turned back to Cinderpaw. "But anyways- uh, what were we talking about?"

"The fact that you're nothing."

"Right! Yeah, I feel like nothing because I'm just… a normal cat, you know? I'm not really going to make an impact on this clan whether I live long or not."

"Poppypaw," Cinderpaw sighed, "now _that's_ stupid. Of course you'll make an impact! If you died right now, we'd have one less apprentice to carry out the warriors' orders!"

"That's… real nice, Cinder."

"I know." Cinderpaw smiled.

"Ugh, you're horrible at this." Honeypaw nudged her to the side. "Listen, here's how it goes: I can't really comfort you in any way without making it sound sappy or sentimental, but what I can say is that you _do_ make an impact. On us. You know, 'cause you're usually, like, the boss of us and all."

"Wow. That was oddly comforting and satisfactory," said Poppypaw.

"I know." Honeypaw smiled, then frowned. "It's too bad though; Hollypaw said that I'll die from a poisonous snake almost right after I become a warrior."

"What?"

"I gave her five dollars to tell me something about my future," Honeypaw meowed casually. "Turns out she was in a bad mood."

Cinderpaw nodded. "Yeah, she likes to take out her anger on other cats or things. She told me I would break my leg again."

Poppypaw rolled her eyes. "Well, everyone knows that her predictions aren't true. That's never going to happen, Cinderpaw."

"Phooey," Cinderpaw pouted, "I already told Jaypaw that I'd break my leg."

"Oh really? And what did he say?" Honeypaw asked.

"That I was a pain the first time 'round."

Poppypaw snickered. "Ooh, burn… He should feel lucky that he doesn't have to sleep in the same den with you every night. You snore, Cinderpaw. A lot."

Cinderpaw looked sad. "I snore?" she asked. "So much for being elegant."

Poppypaw lifted her head pricked her ears. "Now, what's all this about being 'elegant'?"

"Don't _you_ want to be elegant?" Honeypaw gasped.

"Ugh, no, that's just stupid." Poppypaw rolled her eyes.

Honeypaw's eyes almost literally popped out of her head, and she started panting heavily. "You… you…?"

"Um, are you okay?" Cinderpaw asked uneasily.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I'm-…" Honeypaw's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fainted.

"Wow, you call that elegant?" Poppypaw scorned.

Thornclaw walked to where the three were sitting and glanced at Honeypaw. "Oh, look at that, Honeypaw fainted. And I was about to get her to bring me some water. You should bring her to Leafpool."

"Why don't you get off your lazy butt and do it yourself?" Poppypaw growled.

Thornclaw's lip started quivering and his eyes watered.

"She's in a bad moon," Cinderpaw said quickly. "Um… yeah, I guess we'll bring her to Leafpool."

Thornclaw calmed and nodded. "Good. I have to go cry in a corner now because I'm single and have literally no friends. Well, except for my imaginary one named Awesomely Invisible Guy Named Bud Who Lives In A Rock That Is Underwater And Eats Pineapples Because He Likes Them… Um, bye." He walked away.

"Weirdo," Poppypaw huffed. "Okay, now, I know how to wake Honeypaw up _without_ having to feed her some disgusting herb."

She motioned for Cinderpaw to wait, and went into the warriors' den without permission. She emerged a few moments later kicking a piece of moss in front of her.

Cinderpaw stood and made as if to pick the moss up, but Poppypaw whacked her face. "Don't! You'll gag on the high disgustingness levels!"

"What do you-?" Cinderpaw sniffed. "Oh, I get it now. Wait, you're going to shove this in her face?!"

"Bingo." Poppypaw kicked the moss into Honeypaw's face, and she instantly jumped up gasping.

"THAT'S DISGUSTING!" she gasped.

Cinderpaw wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I know right! I wonder how long that thing was in the warriors' den?"

"Huh?" Honeypaw blinked. "Oh, no, I'm talking about the fact that Poppypaw doesn't want to become elegant. I mean, come on! It's every she-cat's dream!"

"Well, not this one," Poppypaw huffed. "This she-cat wants to be an awesome warrior and stay happily single for the rest of her life."

Honeypaw gasped. "You… want to be…?" She fainted again.

"Okay, here we go." Poppypaw shoved the piece of moss in Honeypaw's face and sat back as she revived again. "Honeypaw, you have some issues with acceptance," she meowed seriously. "I think we'll have to work on them later."

…

The crickets chirped. "CHIRRRRP! CHIRRRRP! CHIRR-"

"SHUT UP!" Sandstorm hissed. She was on guard duty, so she was extra cranky. "You're making me edgy!"

The crickets stopped chirping.

Millie appeared at the nursery entrance. "No, you shut up! I can't even get any sleep with all your yapping!"

"Then ignore me, idiot!" When Millie stayed glaring at her, Sandstorm growled, "You do _not_ want to mess with me when I'm in this mood." She showed off her pearly whites in a snarl.

Millie blinked. "Did you get an advanced dental hygiene?"

"Why, yes! How did you know?" Sandstorm asked.

"I just wanted to tell you that it failed miserably."

Sandstorm snarled angrily. "Well, I'm not the one that stays in a literally stinking den all day with a stomach growing fatter and uglier by the minute from Graystripe's stupid KITS, when I could have been actually useful."

"Oh, you did not," Millie sassed. "You're the one that mated with that _retard_ called Firestar."

"Hell, your douche bag is even worse than Firestar!"

"UGH," Spiderleg groaned, who was also on guard duty. "I'm in a clearing with IDIOTS, that's where I am."

Millie and Sandstorm whipped around to glare at him.

Spiderleg blinked, realizing his mistake, and started slowly backing away. "Ahem, I mean- wait, I'm a _tom_, and I'm backing down from she-cats?" he thought aloud.

Sandstorm drew her lips back in a snarl. "Yeah, and you'd better be scared, Ciderkeg."

Spiderleg frowned. "It's Spiderleg, not-"

"I KNOW THAT, IDIOT!" Sandstorm shrieked.

Millie groaned angrily as a white cat stepped out of the warriors' den. "Nice work, Sandstorm, you woke up Cloudtail."

Cloudtail frowned grumpily. "Are you trying to say that you _don't_ take pleasure in seeing me?"

"Yeah, and what're you gonna do about it, you white freak?" Millie growled. "Go to Firestar and tell on me?"

"I'm not that stupid, Millie, everyone knows that Firestar wouldn't care."

"DON'T SASS ME, YOUNG MISTER!"

Cloudtail growled. "Hey, I wasn't-"

"OH MY STARCLAN, CIDERKEG, ARE YOU PICKING YOUR NOSE?!" Sandstorm screamed.

Spiderleg sneezed into his paw. "No…?"

"HE'S PICKING HIS NOSE!" Millie and Sandstorm yowled.

"It's unsanitary and disgusting!" Sandstorm added.

"CHARGE!" Millie shrieked. She tried to heave herself out of the nursery but flopped to the ground. "UGH, CURSE MY STUPID FATNESS!"

"No, curse your stupid kits," Sandstorm growled.

"YOU SHUT YOUR-"

"ORDER!" Leafpool appeared in front of the medicine cat den and started slamming a bung mallet on the ground with her tail. "Everybody calm down! I've studied in the art of law and am a verified lawyer! Now, Spiderleg, what happened?"

Spiderleg hesitated at the randomness of Leafpool suddenly claiming to be a lawyer. "Um, Millie and Sandstorm started fighting."

"Because…?" Leafpool pressed.

Spiderleg frowned. "They were in bad moods?" he guessed.

"Okay, never mind, you're useless." Leafpool turned to Cloudtail. "Do you think you're sane?" she asked.

"I'm Firestar's nephew; what do you think?"

Leafpool shrugged. "Sure. Go back to sleep, then."

Cloudtail turned back into the warriors' den.

"So, what's got you all worked up, Mom?" Leafpool asked Sandstorm.

"Don't call me 'Mom'," Sandstorm growled. "And what's got me angry is this stupid night watch. Who cares if this dump of a clan gets attacked by some other blood-hungry freaks?"

Leafpool blinked. "Wow, you're really mad, aren't you?"

"Yes, and those-… those _crickets. _They drive me crazy. It sounds too happy!"

"Well, the solution is simple," Leafpool meowed. "We'll never put you on night watch ever again and kill all the crickets in the world."

"I like crickets," Spiderleg commented.

Leafpool stared at him. "Um…" She turned to Millie. "Millie, get back to sleep. Those kits are due in-… Uh, soon. 'Night!"

Millie grumbled some cuss words and backed back into the nursery.

The crickets started chirping again.

Sandstorm's eye twitched. "That's it…" she whispered.

"Hey. Mom. Get it under control," Leafpool warned. "If you want, I can give you your anger management pills…"

"Don't… need… those…" Sandstorm panted. Then she let out a ferocious yowl and flung herself into the thorn barrier. The crickets' chirping faltered.

"Whoa," Spiderleg breathed.

"Yeah, that's Sandstorm for you," Leafpool sighed.

Spiderleg shook his head. "No, nobody else woke up yet…"

Leafpool looked around. "Oh, yeah, you're right," she meowed. "By the way, you didn't make it to the Gathering. Firestar said you acting too cowardly when he dared you to jump in the lake."

Spiderleg crumpled to the ground crying. "BUT HE SAID HE WOULD TRY TO DROWN ME!" he sobbed. The event of Firestar giving him a dare was obviously very traumatizing for him.

Leafpool stared at him in surprise. "StarClan, this shouldn't even be possible…" she murmured. "Cats can't cry."

"Yes they can!" Spiderleg cried (literally).

Thornclaw appeared at the camp entrance, back from his reflective walk about how much he wanted a mate, and gasped. "You have emotional problems, too?! Buddy!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, FOOL!" Spiderleg shouted, still crying.

Thornclaw's lip quivered. "B-but I need a buddy! All I have is Awesomely Invisible Guy Named Bud Who Lives In A Rock That Is Underwater And Eats Pineapples Because He Likes Them!" He stopped abruptly. "…Um, bye." He turned and disappeared into the warriors' den.

"No, wait!" Spiderleg yowled. "I do need I buddy! Come ba-"

"Okay!" Thornclaw bounded back out. "We're buddies!"

Leafpool watched the budding bromance with vague interest. Then she turned and went to her den to go to sleep, feeling the problem had been resolved.

…

Firestar bounded up to highledge. "All cats old enough to steal another clan's prey, gather beneath my shadow for a clan meeting!"

The cats gathered and scrabbled for place beneath Firestar's shadow.

"Oh," Firestar meowed, "I am sorry, ThunderClan, I meant, 'Gather beneath highledge'! Remember, not literally. We can't have cats buried alive, yes?"

The cats calmed and backed into a more comfortable position.  
Firestar cleared his throat. "We are to be going to the Gathering!" he announced. It was noon.

Graystripe crept up beside him and whispered something in his ear.

Firestar paused, then nodded. "I see," he murmured. "Well then, this is quite silly, yes?" He raised his voice. "As I was saying, we are to be going to the Gathering! In nine hours!" He turned and went back into his den.

Nine hours later, at nighttime, Firestar climbed back up highledge. "All cats- oh, I see you are all already here. I suppose it is because I said specifically 'nine hours', yes?" He stared at the cats below. "Anyhow, I have realized that I have not formally announced the cats going to this sacred Gathering… I needed more practice to memorize all of those names, of course. Ahem, the cats going to the Gathering are Gaystripe, of course, Brackenfur, Ashfur, Birchfall, Mousemousta- Mousewhisker, Berrynose, Hazeltail, Cinderpaw, and Poppypaw. Everybody is content, yes?"

"No!" Graystripe spat. "I'm not gay!" (Haha, you look back and notice I wrote Gaystripe on purpose…)

"How come I couldn't come?" Thornclaw asked. His eyes started watering as if he were about to cry. Remember- emotional problems.

Firestar stared at him. "Er… you're not going to cry, are you? I am afraid we have run out of handkerchiefs and the more modern… tissues." He coughed the word out like it was something disgusting.

"Firestar," Brackenfur called out, "tissues were introduced for blowing noses in the early mid-nineteen hundreds…"

"Ah, and that is modern, yes?" Firestar meowed. Without waiting for an answer, he leaped down from highledge- meaning he jumped off the edge and into the crowd of cats. He landed on his paws but accidentally knocked over Thornclaw, who had broken down crying, then stalked out of camp, his temporary deputy and chosen cats following behind.

Firestar paused. "Graystripe?" he called looking around.

"I'm behind you."

Firestar turned around. "Oh, Graystripe, I was afraid something happened to you. We couldn't have our temporary deputy killed, yes?" he meowed. "Ah, I think I can vaguely remember something Bluestar taught me… but I can't put my paw on just how to do it."

"How to do what?" Graystripe asked.

"Tele-… te-le-por-ting." Firestar sounded out the word slowly. "I have heard that it is so high-tech, it hasn't been invented yet! Er, that _is_ good, yes?"

"Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's good."

"Yes…" Firestar looked around. "I think it had a bit to do with… twisting something?"

"That's what she said," Berrynose snickered.

Firestar looked over his shoulder. "I think that I am a 'he'," he corrected, "but Sandstorm did say that I was also bit too feminine for a tom…" He gasped.

Graystripe tensed and looked around wildly. "What?"

Firestar shook his head. "No, no," he meowed, "I have recovered the way to teleport from the depths of my mind! Do you have an empty vial, Graystripe?"

"Well… I have vitamin water," Graystripe offered. An almost empty bottle of pink liquid magically poofed into existence, and Graystripe dumped the remnants of the water onto the forest floor.

Firestar nodded. "Good, good. Now, you must screw the cap off. With a screwdriver."

Graystripe blinked. "Um…"

"That's what she said!" Berrynose laughed.

Hazeltail and Mousewhisker rolled their eyes.

"Now, find some sunflowers," Firestar continued, "and dig up some dirt."

**Five minutes later…-**

"NO!" Lionpaw randomly shouted. He tore the "**Five minutes later…**" from the screen and clawed it to little black shreds. "They only put that in Spongebob cartoons, not actual literature!"

Birchfall sniffed the remnants of the "**Five minutes later…**" text. "Where the heck did _this_ come from?"

"The screen."

Everybody looked around.

"There's no freaking screen," Ashfur growled. Then he blinked, looking confused. "Wait, aren't you on another suicidal quest?"

"Yeah, but I can go wherever I want, 'cause I'm just that awesome." Lionpaw smiled winningly. "And I'm single, too, you know," he flirted to Hazeltail.

"Nah, I'm good," Hazeltail meowed.

"Phooey."

"How's Hollypaw doing?" Mousewhisker piped in. "She won't answer my texts."

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "Well, there's this dumb rule about not being able to bring phones into the Tribe's territory because of… radiation? Yeah, radiation. I brought mine, and it exploded. And Hollypaw- eh, she's fine." He shrugged. "Still raging on about her beloved Warrior Code and rules and whatever."

"Tell her I said 'Hi'."

"Okay. Well, I'll be getting back to the Tribe, then." Lionpaw poofed away in a flurry of confetti.

Firestar watched the confetti rain down. "Well, that was interesting, yes? And a perfect example of teleporting." He turned to Graystripe. "As I was saying, we shall need sunflowers and dirt."

Five minutes later, they had a plastic container full of something that looked like a milkshake and a jacked up bottle cap that had become trashed by bad handling of a screwdriver. But they're cats, so, you know.

"Ah, and the final step," Firestar sighed. "This one might be a bit offensive. For us to teleport the Gathering, I will need a very unmanly tom to drink this concoction." He blinked. "I suppose that Lionpaw knew that he is not as great as he acts like he is."

"Whoa, hold up," Poppypaw meowed. "You're telling me that if we want to magically poof into the Gathering, we'll need some girly tom to chug down a bottle that had its cap screwed off with a screwdriver full of mouse guts, dirt, sunflowers, and exactly ninety-nine hundredths of a cup of spit?"

"In short, yes, that is exactly what we are doing."

Poppypaw face contorted into an evil smirk. "Well, this'll be entertaining."

Firestar nodded in agreement. "I suppose it will. Now, any candidates for an unmanly tom? Don't be afraid to speak up. We'll keep this secret, yes?"

"How about you?" Ashfur asked politely.

Firestar shook his head. "No, I am afraid that that would just hurt our Clan's pride. A leader throwing up in the middle of an announcement would bring bad publicity, yes?"

Hazeltail and Mousewhisker shoved Berrynose forward. "Hey, what the heck!" Berrynose spluttered. "Aren't we _siblings_?"

"Nah, we always gang up on you!" Hazeltail laughed. "You're just so weird sometimes, you know? It's kind of hard not to pick at that."

"What?!"

"Ah, a perfect choice!" Firestar praised calmly. "I couldn't have chosen anyone more unmanly than Berrynose."

"Excuse me?!" Berrynose shrieked.

"Graystripe, Brackenfur, pin him down, if you would please," Firestar ordered. "He might try to run away."

Berrynose went wide-eyed. "Wait-!" Graystripe and Brackenfur pinned him down, each taking one side.

"Believe me, I think this is stupid, too," Graystripe murmured.

Firestar walked to Berrynose's side and clamped a clothing pin to his nose.

"Ouch!"

"Bluestar told me that it slightly subdues the rancid taste if you breath out of your mouth," Firestar explained. "Now, open wide, yes?"

"You'll never get me to drink that alive! I have… I have firecrackers!"

"Firecrackers?" Firestar mused. "Now, what kind of a warrior name is that?"

"No you idiot, it's-!"

Firestar shoved the liquid down Berrynose's throat, and Graystripe and Brackenfur released their hold.

"Well, then," Firestar threw the empty vitamin water container aside, "that went well, yes?"

Berrynose stood shakily and swiped the clothes pin off his nose. "That… was the most disgusting thing ever invented in cat history," he panted. Then he started glowing white. "What the-"

"Do not worry, Berrynose, it won't hurt much," Firestar assured him.

"It won't hurt _much_?" Berrynose wheezed. He was glowing even brighter now.

"Yes."

"You've got to be-" Berrynose exploded in a white flash, and disappeared, the rest of the group gone as well.

The cats reappeared in the empty clearing for the Gathering with a burst of confetti.

"That was amazing," Cinderpaw whispered.

"That was funny," Poppypaw snickered.

"That was horrible!" Berrynose coughed. Sparkly confetti rained out of his mouth. "I felt like I was on fire."

"Oh, but you were!" Firestar meowed. "For a split second, you were completely enveloped in fire. It was a good feeling, yes?"

Berrynose started sway and look dizzy.

"Oh great," Mousewhisker sighed. "Hazeltail, let's get him to the bushes so he can… you know."

"Sure!"

The two hauled Berrynose to the side of the clearing for him to throw up.

"Well, I'll be taking my post, I suppose," Firestar meowed. "Come, Graystripe!" He strutted away with Graystripe close behind.

Suddenly, heavy mist formed around the clearing, and Blackstar stepped out of it slowly. The rest of his cats came soon after, looking annoyed.

"ShadowClan has arrived!" Blackstar announced. He looked around, like he was expecting applause or something. "Oh, I see," he growled. "It's just ThunderClan. Well, that explains a lot."

He made his way towards the oak tree and jumped onto a lower branch opposite of Firestar, the mist disappearing behind him.

"Hello there, Blackstar," Firestar greeted.

"Um, hi."

Russetfur sat under the oak, keeping her distance from Graystripe. "Did Brambleclaw finally die?" Russetfur asked.

"No, he's on that suicidal quest, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

The ShadowClan cats in the clearing kept their distance from the ThunderClan cats. It was like they had rabies or something.

"What, you don't want a piece of me?" Birchfall called to the ShadowClan cats. He struck a pose.

Ivytail shrugged. "I don't think you would taste very good. Not as good as berries."

The ShadowClan cats groaned. "It's always berries with you!" one called out.

Ivytail looked around. "Who said that?! Berries are amazing! You're just jealous because you don't have the guts to try it!"

"How about I feed you some deathberries?" Smokefoot growled.

"Well, I don't eat _all_ berries, but- wait didn't you fall off the mountains and die a rocky death?" Ivytail asked.

"Buh, wh-what? N-no I didn't," Smokefoot chuckled nervously. "Um, I'm going to… eat berries." He disappeared to the side of the clearing, but came back out screeching. "EW, EW, EW! WHO THREW UP IN THE BUSHES?!"

Berrynose fidgeted nervously. "Hey, Birchfall, RiverClan's more late than usual, huh?" he tried to meow casually.

"AGH!" Smokefoot stormed to the other side of the clearing.

As soon as Smokefoot had disappeared, Leopardstar stumbled into sight. Her fur was smoking and covered in ashes, and her whole pelt was messily ruffled.

"WHO DARES THROW SMOKE BOMBS IN RIVERCLAN?!" she roared, eyes blazing. She coughed. "Whoever did so will be cruelly punished!"

Firestar snickered, and Blackstar suddenly looked amused.

The rest of the RiverClan appeared, their sleek fur totally trashed. They looked very angry. Even Mistyfoot looked vengeful.

Then Onestar barreled in, breathing heavily, along with his deputy and WindClan cats. "Haha… HAHA… Leopardstar! We… Did you like our smoke bombs?" he panted.

Leopardstar's tail twitched. "Did I… HOW DARE YOU!" she shrieked, then groaned, frustrated. "Is this really what the Clans have become? YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF IMMATURE FREAKS!"

Firestar tipped his head to the side. "Really, now, Leopardstar, this is nothing to start a fit over. I think throwing smoke bombs into your camp was a wonderful idea. It must be tiring to always have such slimy fur, yes?"

Onestar jumped up to the big oak and hi-tailed Firestar. "Nice one, bro."

Leopardstar's expression became murderous, but she climbed up the oak tree anyway. "I'm going first," she growled.

"Aw, come on!" Onestar whined.

"I don't care if you want to go first, I called it." Leopardstar cleared her throat. "Our prey is fine; once we zapped the fish with the growth laser, they have become extra fat."

"Have you gained weight, then, Leopardstar?" Weaslefur called out. "You're looking a little flabby tonight."

"SHUT UP," Leopardstar snapped, her ash-stained fur bristling. "Anyways, we are having major problems with bad wi-fi signals, but we're calling up someone to fix that problem. Er… Brackenfur? Yeah." She nodded to Blackstar.

"What? I wanted to go!" Onestar yowled indignantly.

Blackstar ignored him. "We have recently found a two ton block of metal in the branch of a tree, and we are using it for more sharp weapons to play with. The kits will be given scissors, not swords, don't worry. By the way, we're still selling knives if anyone needs it!" He looked around and frowned. "What, nobody likes knives? Okay, then. Firestar, you can go."

"SERIOUSLY?!" Onestar shrieked.

"Don't worry my friend, you can go first next time, yes?" Firestar meowed. He cleared his throat. "We have three new warriors; Berrynose, Mousewhisker, and Hazeltail! No, don't cheer! It _is_ a bit boring, is it not?"

"Curse you, Firestar," Berrynose muttered.

"I have nothing else to report, I think," Firestar finished. "You can go, Onestar."

"Finally," Onestar sighed. "Okay, well-" He paused. "Uh…"

Ashfoot, who was banging her head against the oak tree, paused and looked up to Onestar. "Don't tell me you've forgotten," she growled through gritted teeth.

"But then I would be lying."

"UGH." Ashfoot resumed to bashing her head against the big tree.

"Well," Onestar began, "haha… this is pretty embarrassing. Uh, Kestrelpaw's a verified brony! His favorite character is Rarity!"

"Huh?" Kestrelpaw looked up. "I am?"

"You are!" Onestar laughed. "Let's go, WindClan!" before anyone could make a comment, they had rushed out of the clearing.

Firestar blinked. "Well, then. ThunderClan, I suppose we'll be going as well, yes? Berrynose! If you would please?"

"Hey, I really have no idea how to do that glowing thing," Berrynose huffed.

"It's simple." Firestar jumped down from the branch and walked over to Berrynose. "You need to flirt with a she-cat. It will be easy after that."

Berrynose stared at him. "You're kidding me."

"Now, why would I kid with you?"

Berrynose sighed. "Okay, whatever." He turned to Poppypaw. "Is you're face from McDonalds? 'Cause I'm lovin' it."

"Flattering," Poppypaw meowed sarcastically.

Then Berrynose started glowing.

"What the hell?" Toadfoot called out.

Berrynose glared at him. Then he exploded in a white flash of confetti, and he and the ThunderClan cats disappeared.

"Artistic," Blackstar praised.

"Idiotic," Leopardstar growled.


	23. Lionpaw's Bad Day

"Wakey, wakey, sleepy-heeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!" An old, gray and toothless cat grinned down at Jaypaw. "Time to wake up my prettyyyyyy!" he hollered in his ear with annoyingly high-pitched voice.

Jaypaw blinked his eyes open and looked around. They were on some random stony cliff surrounded by mist so that you cold barely see two tail-lengths ahead of you.

"Hey, who are you calling p-?"

"Follow me!" the old cat cackled. "We go see something private!" He stumbled off, and Jaypaw had no other choice but to follow him.

"Where am I?" Jaypaw asked, breathless.

"You in the Tribe of Endless Hunting!" the old cat croaked gleefully. "And I show you something private, pretty! Very, very private, pretty!"

"Can… can you stop calling me 'pretty'?"

"Nope!"

Up ahead, Jaypaw could start to make out the figure of two cats through the mist.

One of them was speaking: "…know we're supposed to be you're life-saving ancestors and all… but we can't really help you here. I got nothing."

"Advice?" the other asked, and Jaypaw recognized Stoneteller's voice.

"Er, nope, I dunno. I wouldn't listen to those clan cats if I were you. I mean, you've got help handed to you on a silver plate, and that always means you have to secretly deny it!"

Stoneteller shrugged. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey- I think I'm waking up from being knocked out by one of those mini-bombs… Yup, I am. See ya!" He disappeared.

Jaypaw glanced to his side, but the old retarded cat had vanished. He blinked at the spot where he had been. "Hmm…"

The Tribe of Endless Hunting- wait, you know what? Tribe of Endless Hunting is now TEH. Anyways, the TEH cat looked his way and strode over. It was then that Jaypaw noticed that his pelt was… grey. Great. Was every cat's pelt in this place grey?

"Hello there!" he meowed a bit too cheerfully. "Wanna see something pretty?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Okay, we'll go!" he announced. "See, it's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, reeeeaaaalllllyyy sane!" (And you were probably too lazy to read the whole thing. But if you did, good for you!)

"Okay, I get it, it's sane," Jaypaw muttered. He paused. "Actually I don't get it."

"It's where all the sanity goes," the TEH cat explained. "If cats are with the Tribe long enough, they lose all their sanity! And that'll happen to you, too."

"But…" Jaypaw blinked, "some of the cats in the Tribe seem sane enough…"

"Hah!" The cat laughed his weird laugh. "Well, they've got stronger minds. But they're not _entirely _sane, see? If you just breeze through life and go with the flow, you're probably going to end up completely crazy. Now, follow me to the Pool of Beauty and Sanity! Or the P.B.S.!"

Jaypaw frowned. "What is it with you cats and shortening names? And… that sounds like the kits' channel- PBS Kids." There was also the adults' channel, but whatever. He wanted to pick on this freaky dude. The guy seemed gullible.

"Do not mock the P.B.S.!" the tom warned. "It might take away all your sanity late- sooner than it's supposed to! Now, do you want to see it or not?"

"I'm not following you without a name," Jaypaw growled.

The TEH cat tipped his head to the side. "A name? Who's name? Hey, I don't have time for this. We must go see the P.B.S.! It's really cool, honest!" He smiled.

"Listen," Jaypaw began, "um, can you poof me back to the waking world or whatever? I don't really need to see this Pool of Beauty and Sanity. I'm beautiful and sane enough as it is."

The tom's eye twitched. "Excuse me? Are you saying that you don't _want _to?"

It was only until two seconds later that Jaypaw noticed how creepy that sounded. "Hey, you're not going to get mad, are you?" he asked nervously. "Uh… we can work this out- make a compromise, you know? Nobody has to get hurt here…"

"No, no, no." The cat gave a forced laugh. "I don't think you understand. You _need_ to see the Pool of Beauty and Sanity. We need your sanity! You don't have that much beauty, though, so you can keep that."

"My _sanity_?!" Jaypaw yelped, backing away. Now, this cat was _literally_ freaky as well. "No thank you, I'm keeping that!"

"Oh, don't worry," the TEH cat said calmly, "it won't hurt. And we're only taking your sanity! Who cares about that? Without sanity, you live life without that voice in the back of your head telling you what's right and what's wrong. Don't you think that would be better?"

Jaypaw growled. "The only cat who thinks life without sanity better is you. My sanity is the only thing that makes me actually helpful! Without it, I'd be dead back when I was a kit."

"Well, then," the tom sighed almost sadly, "we'll have to do this the hard way, will we?"

"Hey, stupid!" A brown tabby she-cat strode forward. "You harassing our visitors again? Remember, I've got razor-sharp claws! RAWR!"

"But we need his sanity for the P.B.S.!" the tom protested.

"You're too obsessed with that pool," the she-cat growled. "We already have enough beauty and sanity in it. No talking for a week or you're screwed!"

The tom opened his mouth to speak, but didn't seem able to get any sound to come out. He narrowed his eyes angrily and stalked off to who-knows-where. The place was just a foggy desert.

The brown she-cat turned towards Jaypaw and nodded. "Sorry 'bout that; they get restless. Cats 'round here entertain themselves by mentally trashing the living. Oh, and we'll clean up after that party for you with our sparkly magic because we're just that awesome. Wake up!"

And then Jaypaw woke up. "What the heck just happened?" he muttered. Of course, he knew what happened- he was just really weirded out. It looked- _seemed_ like they had to get this whole "Save the Tribe!" thing over with, or they'd go completely nuts.

Hollypaw rolled to her side and groaned. "Ugh, they started setting off bombs in _here_. Where do they get those things?"

"One landed on me." Lionpaw shuddered. "It was so _loud_!"

"What do you mean, 'loud'?" Hollypaw coughed. "It _hurt_! It was… it was like ten paintballs shot into every single part of your body!"

Lionpaw shrugged. "Yeah, it hurt. I still feel sore from it, actually. Oh, by the way, Mousewhisker said 'Hi'. Weird thing to say, but he said it."

"What? How did you-"

"Oh joy!" Puffball bounced around the pointed stones. "We don't have to clean up! The Tribe of Endless Hunting must have felt sorry for us and did it for their selves!"

"You're a dreamer," Speech muttered. "Those magical birdies did it. You know, the ones that dance around the sky when we're knocked out? They must have flown off from their rotation and decided to clean up."

Trash scoffed. "Yeah, right. You believe in too much fantasy, Speech, I knew we shouldn't have shown you that documentary."

"EH? What documentary?" Speech asked. "Did I sleep through another lesson again? Oh, please don't tell me-!"

"Don't worry," Puffball laughed, glancing nervously at Trash. "You didn't miss anything." Ooh, did they do hypnotism?

"Whew. Okay. Hey," Speech pricked his ears, "I think Stoneteller called a meeting. I thought he'd be in too much of a hangover to do that!" He scampered out the main cave.

The others followed and found Stoneteller standing with a circle of cats around him. "These clan cats have offered to help us," he announced, "so instead of rejecting because of pride like we usually do, we're going to let them help!"

There were a few gasps from the crowd.

Jaypaw knew that the old retard was lying because he was just told by his "wise" ancestors to always secretly deny help for no reason.

"We might die," Stoneteller added, "and It's always better if we drag other cats down with us in our failure. Bramble… Brambleclaw will tell us what we will do."

Brambleclaw straightened up and lifted his head. "We'll need to take a look at all the territory you have, even though you consider this mountain your private property. Then we'll figure out how much territory you need to live and mark some borders because it's so much more scarier when you scent a strong odor of your enemy when trespassing. You'll continue marking borders and whatnot for the rest of your lives and your kits' lives and so on."

"You make that sound like an order," a cat grumbled.

"Who's he?" Hollypaw asked.

"That's Crap Where Eagles Pissed," Speech muttered. "He's having that time of month when he has the need to feel negative about everything."

"Why?" Jaypaw asked, even though he totally supported being negative for no reason. That was basically his life.

"He doesn't have a mate. He thinks he's screwed for life without a she-cat to care about him. But he might just be having a hangover."

"It _is_ an order," Brambleclaw meowed. "I _am_ giving out orders, right? What I said is what you will do because I said so." He coughed. "Sorry. Tongue-twister."

"But you're not our leader; we only take orders from Stoneteller," Crap hissed.

Brambleclaw narrowed his eyes. "And Stoneteller said that you will take orders from me," he said slowly. "Heck, if you're going to get pissed off about everything I say, then you're just being useless."

Stoneteller looked up from picking his dirty claws. "Okay, you heard him! Better do what he says because I don't a have ready back-up plan if this fails!" He turned and walked away.

Lionpaw stared at where Stoneteller had been standing. "Is he always that terse?" he asked curiously.

Trash shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah," she mewed, then turned to Puffball. "Okay, Puffball, you won the bet, I guess, so we'll do the banana war."

"Yes!" Puffball poofed up a banana. "You grab one end, and I grab the other," she instructed.

Jaypaw snickered.

Trash picked up one end of the banana in her jaws, and Puffball did the same. "Okay, now we pull as hard as we can!" Puffball grunted.

Jaypaw laughed, then stopped himself when he felt Hollypaw's glare.

So the two pulled on the banana for a moment. Then it ripped in half. Trash slammed her head against the cave wall, and her half of the banana slid out her mouth.

"Thanks!" Puffball started tearing the skin off the banana and eating it.

Trash shook her head, clearing it. "What was the point of that?" she asked wearily.

"It's so much easier to rip the banana in half instead of peeling it," Puffball chuckled. "Do you know how _hard_ it is to peel a banana? I get my paws all dirty because of it!"

Hollypaw watched them thoughtfully. "Hmm… I'll have to use that strategy back at home. Wait-" She flipped through her warrior code book. "Aw, we're not allowed to rip bananas in half! Something about trash building up… oh well."

Breezepaw dragged himself up to them gasping and panting, a sickly and gassy odor coming from his pelt. "You dare leave me alone with-… with _that _psychopath?!" he hacked. He collapsed on the ground coughing.

"There was a psychopath in the Cave of Pointed Stones, and I didn't know about it until now?" Jaypaw mused. "And this cat was hurting Breezepaw?"

"You don't have to say that in front of me," Breezepaw spat from below. "I've got a soul, you know! A soul with feelings!"

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but no heart."

"But I love Nightcloud's brownies!" Breezepaw protested.

"Hey, why can't we whistle?" Lionpaw thought aloud. "I just noticed that. We know what whistling is, but we can't do it!" He turned, and saw Breezepaw, only just noticing him. "Oh, hey, Breezepaw. Who hurt you?"

Breezepaw sat up. "Oh, well, you know that dude that always hangs around in the shadows? Yeah, it's that guy. He threw a stink bomb at me."

Hollypaw blinked. "But the detectors should have sensed that at the mountain's border! You sure it was a stink bomb?"

"What, you wanna smell me?"

Hollypaw wrinkled her nose. "No, thanks, I already can."

"Hey, you three!" Brambleclaw sauntered up to them.

"What?" Jaypaw asked.

"Oh, sorry, Jaypaw, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Hollypaw, Lionpaw, and- um, the other one." Brambleclaw nodded towards Breezepaw, then gagged. "Ew, you ever wash, man?" He caught himself. "Sorry. Anyways, you guys think you can train the to-bes some fighting moves? We'll be busy with the dopes and all that."

Lionpaw shrugged. "Sure."

"Oh, no, Lionpaw, you're joining us on a boring patrol to start marking borders."

"NOOOOOO," Lionpaw groaned trying to drawl out the word as long as possible. He literally dragged himself forward, his hind-legs seemingly useless. "Can't I stay here? I'll be slowing you down at this pace!"

Brambleclaw laughed. "No you won't!" He grabbed Lionpaw's scruff, dragged him outside to the edge of the mountain, Hollypaw and Jaypaw following, and magically strapped a cat-sized rocket to Lionpaw's back. "This'll make you go extra speedo if you're to lazy to get off your stupid butt and walk for yourself!" He lit a match with his jaws and lit the rope thingy on the rocket. "You've got… er… ten seconds… starting now!"

"Wh-what? Hey, Dad, I was kidding! Get me off of this thing!" Lionpaw started struggling, but the rocket weighed two tons, even though it wasn't that big. "It was only one little mess-up, Brambleclaw!"

"Haha! Son, this is what you get for being stubbornly lazy. We can't afford to have that right now." Brambleclaw licked his paw and drew it over his ear casually.

_Oh yes, this'll be wonderful,_ Jaypaw thought. He loved it when tragic things happened to other cats because it made him feel mentally better than them.

Brambleclaw started counting down, almost bored. "Seven…"

"Hollypaw! Jaypaw!" Lionpaw yelled. "You guys gonna help me?!"

"Six…"

Hollypaw shrugged helplessly. "You expect me to lift a two ton rocket off your back? Nuh-uh, that ain't happenin'."

"Five…"

Jaypaw flattened his ears. "Hollypaw, your girly talk can wait for when your around other she-cats, alright?" he growled.

"Four…"

"HEY!" Lionpaw shouted at Hollypaw. "Isn't there something in that rule book about launching cats off a mountain with a rocket?!"

"Three…"

The Tribe edition of the warrior code poofed in front of Hollypaw. "Well, let's see… 'Explosives Section'…" She flipped through the bulky book.

Jaypaw hoped that Hollypaw wouldn't find anything against the Tribe's law. That would just spoil his fun. He didn't like it when his fun was spoiled.

"Two…"

"Hurry up!" Lionpaw urged.

Jaypaw took out his camera. If he was lucky, he could tape a video of Lionpaw and put it on YouTube! That would lead to his brother's embarrassment and possibly end up in a long-running feud, but hey… YOLO, right? Yeah, that was kind of old, but whatever. He had to make the most of life before that whole prophecy thing really took over.

"One…"

"HOLLYPAW!" Lionpaw shrieked desperately.

Jaypaw started praying. _Please, StarClan, if you are ever actually _nice_ to me…_

Hollypaw shut the book. "Nope, there's nothing wrong with launching cats off the side of a mountain with a rocket. They do it often, actually." Jaypaw then realized that she had looked all of that up in only two seconds.

"NO!" Lionpaw cried.

Jaypaw frowned. _Wow, this moment is really drawing out,_ he thought.

Brambleclaw grinned. "Zero!"

Lionpaw shot forward, screaming like a she-cat, and Jaypaw recorded everything, a smirk on his evil little face. The rocket zipped randomly through the sky like a totally jacked up roller coaster- even more crazy than the ones at… wherever they have crazy roller coasters- Los Angeles? When Lionpaw had become just a dot in the sky, the rocket decided to randomly explode in a flash of fire, and Lionpaw was poofed back to the ledge.

"How did that feel, Lionpaw?" Brambleclaw asked sternly.

"Brambleclaw… _PLEASE_ don't do that again…" Lionpaw panted.

Brambleclaw mocked him. "Lionpaw…. _PLEASE_ don't be immaturely lazy again…"

"Fine. Deal."

Brambleclaw nodded. "Good to know that you finally decided to think sense." He led Lionpaw away to a group of waiting cats while Jaypaw poofed his camera to somewhere safe.

"Well, better get back inside and train the to-bes," Hollypaw said with false cheerfulness.

Jaypaw huffed. "You don't have to speak your thoughts out loud; I already know."

Hollypaw frowned. "Um… that sounds kinda creepy," she meowed slowly. "But anyways, the _readers_ need to know, 'cause it's your turn to get your mind dissected. Sort of."

_Seriously?! _"Oh great, so you have to go and do it, too?" Jaypaw growled, anger flaring up inside him.

"Do what?"

"YOU BROKE THE STUPID WALL!" Jaypaw yelled. "It's bad enough that Lionpaw does it, but now you?"

"I broke the stupid law?!" Hollypaw gasped, horrified. "I mean- not stupid! Sorry!" She glanced up at the sky.

"No!" Jaypaw hissed. "Are you deaf or something? I said wall!"

"Oh," Hollypaw calmed, "you mean the fourth wall?" She laughed. "Ha, there's no rule going against that… unless you make direct contact to a Siberian individual, I guess…"

Jaypaw blinked. "I have… no idea what you just said. But I don't care, either! Just stop breaking the fourth wall, though. They're getting angry, and those idiots are blaming it on me." The ground rumbled. "Fine, fine," he muttered.

"What? Why?"

Jaypaw shrugged. "I dunno, but I think they hate me." His nostrils flared. "I really don't get what's so bad about… _me._"

"Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror?" Hollypaw asked.

"Pffft. No. I'm blind, idiot." Jaypaw turned and walked back into the cave, Hollypaw following. He seriously didn't understand why cats kept calling him ugly, though, and it was getting harder to keep his anger issues down. First that demented TEH cat, and then his own sister. He must have been really ugly if cats just _had_ to bring it up.

"By the way," Jaypaw meowed, "I'll be… there when you're training the to-bes. I've got nothing else to do- this place is a dump."

Hollypaw sniffed. "It doesn't smell that bad."

"No, I mean-" Jaypaw lashed his tail and sighed. "Never mind…"

They reached the place where they had last left the annoying black dude and the to-bes. Jaypaw sat to the side to… listen.

Hollypaw stepped forward. "Hello again annoying black dude." She nodded at the others, ignoring Breezepaw's. "To-bes. Brambleclaw was just launching Lionpaw off the mountain. No worries."

"Racist," Breezepaw muttered. He raised his voice. "Okay, cats, I guess we'll show you everything we know."

"No, first, they'll show us everything _they_ know," Hollypaw interceded. "Then we'll know what we have to teach." Good. She was making Breezepaw feel stupid. It was so much fun to pick on him for some reason.

"Sure!" Puffball meowed. "So, cave guards learn how to do THIS." She leaped into the air and clawed at a fire-breathing dragon that was about to swoop down and disintegrate the entire mountain. That was what she was thinking, anyways. Jaypaw knew. He seriously loved being a powerful nosy stalker.

"And this is how you catch a rabbit," Trash added. She crouched and went still, then pounced on Breezepaw, flattening him.

"What the- get off me!" he growled.

"Okay, okay, sheesh, Mr. Grumpypants." She stepped back and sighed. "If only you were real food. You'd feed us for moons."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Breezepaw growled.

Hollypaw interrupted them. "Sure, we could use that in a battle. You'll just have to get used to tearing your prey to shreds."

They then did some stuff, and some other stuff, plus some more stuff that fell into the category of "learning". Hollypaw had Breezepaw trained the prey-hunters because they were less experienced in fighting and harder to train. She had the easier cats; the cave-guards. Jaypaw approved of almost everything he heard.

"Okay, lets take a break," Breezepaw panted. The prey-hunters had really wore him out. "I… I need some water…" He dragged himself outside to drink by the river.

"What? I don't feel tired," Hollypaw meowed. "You guys feel fine, right?"

Screech shrugged. "Breezepaw got annoyed a lot, but I guess I feel okay," he replied. "I'd rest if I could, though."

So they rested for, like, five minutes. Then Breezepaw came back from getting a drink, but nobody paid him any attention. Of course, this maddened him, so crept up behind Hollypaw and pinned her down. Yes, just so he could get attention. Jaypaw knew. Again.

Still, nobody looked at him.

"Um, can you get off now?" Hollypaw grunted. "You're cutting off my blood flow."

Breezepaw glared down at her. "Are you suggesting that I'm _fat?_"

"Yes. Now, get off you lump!"

"Fine…" Breezepaw stepped back.

"WE'RE BACK!" Brambleclaw announced. He then walked purposefully towards a wall.

Lionpaw followed, limping. "Jaypaw, slap on a few things and get rid of this blood, will you?"

Jaypaw and Hollypaw left the training session and joined him. "What happened?" Hollypaw gasped. "Are you hurt?"

"Stuff. Just a little fight. And of course I'm hurt! Do you see the limp?" Lionpaw raised his hind leg for them to see.

Jaypaw sniffed his pelt. Just a sore leg. "Er, let's see… You want me to slap on a few things, huh? Let's go outside, I need to get some stuff."

Lionpaw and Hollypaw slipped through the narrow pathway behind him, and waited patiently. Oh, he was going to slap on a few things, alright. Lionpaw would suffer for making him sound a like weak servant.

He searched for a few things; a head-sized rock, mud, and… ah, perfect. Jaypaw took the herbs, too. He'd record this and slap it together with his rocket video! He could almost smell the humiliation.

"Guys!" Jaypaw walked awkwardly over to Lionpaw's side, holding up a paw for the mud, kicking the rock in front of him, and clutching the dark leaves in his jaws. "Hollypaw, kick this rock at Lionpaw's leg." He secretly poofed his camera into existence behind him.

Hollypaw reached for the rock. "Sure."

"How would that help?" Lionpaw gagged.

"I'm the all-knowing medicine cat, Lionpaw. Don't question my motives." Jaypaw raised his mud-stained paw. "Eat this," he ordered.

Lionpaw frowned. "Uh, Hollypaw?" He turned to his sister. "I won't die if I eat mud, right?" Jaypaw pressed the button to start recording with his hind leg while Lionpaw was looking the other way.

"That's stupid, Lionpaw, of course not!" Hollypaw laughed. "A little won't kill you."

"But a lot?"

"It would make you sick. _Then_ it would kill you."

"You just make everything sound so great," Lionpaw muttered.

Hollypaw shrugged. "Hey, for your information, you're the one that asked."

"Oh, yeah. So, Jaypaw," Lionpaw turned back to him, "uh… let's get this over with."

Jaypaw nodded. "Hollypaw!"

Lionpaw gasped as the rock hit his sore leg, and he fell to the ground. He gritted his teeth. "Aw, fu-"

Jaypaw shoved his mud-covered paw into his mouth. "Now you've got a dirty mouth in both ways!" He smiled at his own joke, but he knew Lionpaw would see it as a grin from the devils. "Remember, Lionpaw, you have to _eat_ it." He withdrew his now slobbery paw.

Lionpaw swallowed painfully and sat up. He tried to keep his mouth open, no doubt trying to ignore the taste. "Okay… are you sure this is supposed to help?" he panted.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO QUESTION MY MOTIVES!" Jaypaw roared. He caught himself when he remembered that he was recording the whole thing. Eh. He'd cut that part out. "Ahem, okay, last thing." He picked up the dark leaves that he had dropped. "Open wide."

"My mouth?" Lionpaw clamped his jaw shut.

"Uh, let's just say… your cornea."

Lionpaw did the mistake of widening his eyes with surprise. Ah, stupid Lionpaw. Well, he probably didn't know what a cornea was anyway.

Jaypaw slapped the leaves onto Lionpaw's eyes. "This'll make you feel all better!" he said with false cheerfulness.

Hollypaw shifted. "Um, Jaypaw, you know what you're doing, right?"

Jaypaw sighed in exasperation. "I've said this once, I've said this a million times; don't question my motives. You probably already know what they are, anyway."

"I guess I do," Hollypaw meowed with a frown of disapproval.

Jaypaw turned back to Lionpaw. He had been completely still the whole time, and Jaypaw was starting to feel uneasy. "Lionpaw. Snap out of it." He paused. "I know you're trying to scare me." Yes, he did the mind-reading thing again.

"Jaypaw," Lionpaw growled slowly, "I've tried to tolerate you for my entire life, and I was hoping that you'd finally realize how stupid you were." He swiped the leaves off of his eyes. They were red and a bit puffy, and his eye-lids were twitching a bit. "But no! You go on trying to ruin other cats! ESPECIALLY ME."

"But I'm blind."

"Dude, that's the worst excuse ever. We all know that." Lionpaw gave him a hard stare. "If you actually _cared_ about your kin, I bet your life would be a lot easier, too."

"Hey, I try to get along with you sometimes," Jaypaw defended. "But your idiocy kind of makes it hard to listen."

"'Idiocy'?" Lionpaw spluttered. "Tell me, Jaypaw, who's the one that goes around thinking he can do _whatever_ he wants 'cause he's freakin' BLIND?"

"If you're talking mentally, then I think that's you."

Lionpaw growled impatiently. "Well-" he glanced around for inspiration, and- uh-oh. Busted. "Is that a…?"

Jaypaw tried to pretend like nothing was there. "Uh, yes, Lionpaw, that is my leg. Why? Do you think it's beautiful?"

Lionpaw's tail twitched, and his eyes turned even redder through the puffiness. "You're… RECORDING THIS?!" he roared. He started cursing. "DAMMIT, JAYPAW, YOU'RE A REAL BITCH!"

"Uh-huh."

This made Lionpaw even more angry. "Sometimes, I feel like any fucking brother is better than YOU- EVEN THAT JACKASS BERRYNOSE!" He gritted his teeth. "Because unlike a true clanmate or _brother,_ all you care about is your own shitty needs!"

_Now, that's just sick,_ Jaypaw thought. Lionpaw was probably just letting out his anger in gibberish.

"Hey, hey, Lionpaw," Hollypaw meowed nervously. "Calm down. I think it says somewhere in the Tribe rule book that you can't curse until you're-"

"AND YOU!" Lionpaw whirled to face her. "You're always going on about your precious _warrior code_, and-" he mimicked her voice, "oh, no, you can't do that! That small little slip-up might cost you your goddamn _life!_"

Hollypaw opened and closed her mouth, then opened it again. "Well, I don't think I-"

"Really, Hollypaw?" Lionpaw interrupted. "Just earlier you were talking about how we're not allowed to rip bananas in half. Do you remember that?"

"Y-yes."

"Think about it, Hollypaw, really _think,_" Lionpaw meowed. "Maybe your demented mind will finally realize how stupid it all is." He glared at Jaypaw and stalked back inside the Tribe's cave.

They were silenced for a while.

"Sounds like Lionpaw's having a bad day," Jaypaw muttered.

Hollypaw sighed. "But he's right. You _do_ only care about yourself."

Jaypaw huffed. "Oh, what, so now you're both ganging up on me? He was criticizing you, too, you know."

"I'm not deaf," Hollypaw snapped. Wow. Lionpaw's words must have done a number on her. "And maybe he has a reason to say all that."

"Yeah," Jaypaw agreed. "He's stressed out, bored to death, and annoyed by my little games."

"No," Hollypaw meowed slowly, "maybe it's because he wants you to stop being such a…" She seemed hesitant. "…To stop being such a bitch."

Whoa, the goody-goody Hollypaw cursed! It dawned on Jaypaw that they might actually have meant what they said… But he didn't only care about himself! Where the heck did they get that from?

"Okay…" Jaypaw drawled. "That's… nice to know. But evidently, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just blind."

"Yeah. In both ways." Hollypaw stalked back the Tribe's cave as well.

Jaypaw frowned. "Hmm. That was a bit too deep for me."

Squirrelflight randomly stepped out from behind the waterfall. "Jaypaw!" she called. "I don't think the Tribe can ever learn our ways. They really failed in that fight Lionpaw was in."

"Okay…"

Squirrelflight turned and walked back into the cave.

_Whatever,_ Jaypaw thought, returning to the subject of his suddenly angered siblings. _The Tribe must be really killing them._ His littermates were having bad days. Tomorrow, it would be like nothing had happened. That's how is usually went, anyway.

But he didn't get what the big deal was. Only caring about yourself wasn't really a bad thing, right? It wasn't like it'd kill somebody…

_Eh. _Jaypaw let it rest. He needed to edit his video of humiliation. If he was lucky, his blindness wouldn't interfere and he'd actually be able to hit the right keys.

So he stood and made his way back to the Tribe's cave.


	24. Word of the Day: Stupid

_Stupid Jaypaw, _thought Hollypaw. He was being a selfish jerk. _And_ he made her curse! This went against all of her life traditions! She'd made an oath to never say that in her life, but NOOOO, Jaypaw just had to go and act all stupid! Her innocent brain was initially forced to make that cursed word come out of her mouth!

"C'mere, cats!" Stoneteller yowled from the center of the cave. A crowd of cats started to form around him. "Er… Squirrelflight! I slept with your son Jaypaw last night. That's okay, right?" He blinked. "I mean, not in that kind of way. That's gay."

Squirrelflight just shrugged.

"Okay!" Stoneteller turned back to the crowd. "Anyways, um, I wanted to announce that we're moving. All this border junk is stupid. You all agree, eh?"

"That's 'cause you haven't seen it for yourself," Brambleclaw meowed. "Why don't you break your Tribe's sacred rules and traditions and go outside of the cave to take a look at the almost meaningless borders we set?"

"Sounds good to me," said Stoneteller with a shrug. "Grab some random cats and we'll go outside."

So Brambleclaw grabbed some random cats and went outside. Hollypaw and Lionpaw were included in the random cats assortment. Hollypaw was glad that they didn't have to stay in that StarClan cursed cave. So stuffy... not good for her fur. Brambleclaw told the cats to split into two groups to make marking the borders quicker, so Crowfeather led half of the cats in a different direction.

That is where Hollypaw and Lionpaw went their separate ways. Sob. It was going to be uncomfortable hanging around with (almost) complete strangers. After all, "BEING UNCOMFORTABLE IS A SHE-CAT'S DEATHLY WEAKNESS" was written in really big font in the book, An Idiot Tom's Guide to Gaining a Mate. That one sentence was literally all it said in that book, and it had almost nothing to do with the title. Well, unless… OH GOD, NO. That was wrong. Honestly, Hollypaw didn't even know why she bothered to pick the thing up, but it had a flashy cover. Who wouldn't glance at a book that shot out fireworks?

Oh? What was that? LIONPAW WAS COMING WITH HER?! Yessss! Then she wouldn't be uncomfortable! But Breezepaw was coming, too. Bah, the annoying lump. Oh well. She'd survive if she thought happy thoughts.

_Um… Ice-cream…? _All the snow reminded her of ice-cream. It was a delicious but recently forbidden twoleg dessert. Some cats had really weird allergies.

Brambleclaw led their half of the patrol one way while Crowfeather and his cats went the opposite. They eventually made it to a big and tall rock where Lionpaw stepped forward without permission to demonstrate how to mark a border. Brambleclaw didn't stop him for some weird reason.

"Breezepaw, c'mon, I'll need your help." Lionpaw beckoned him forward with his tail.

Breezepaw joined him reluctantly. "You're not going to trash my dignity again, are you?" he growled.

"No way!" Lionpaw forced out a laugh. "It's not like I just got into a fight and need something to let all my anger out at! That's just ridiculous!" He cleared is throat and put on a serious face. "Breezepaw, drop a marker next to this rock."

Hollypaw didn't understand why Breezepaw would obey, but he threw a black sharpie at the rock with his tail anyways. It plopped back into the snow. "There," he grunted.

"And that's how idiots set a marker!" Lionpaw announced. "No, _this_ is how you do it." He uncapped the fallen sharpie and grasped it in his jaws. He then started writing something on the rock.

"Lionpaw," Brambleclaw began uneasily, "that's not…" He gave up. A sensible thing to do when your son was up to no good. Lionpaw would learn the consequences through self-experience. At least, that's what Hollypaw had read from Brambleclaw's parenting guide.

After a long while, Lionpaw dropped the sharpie. "There! This is the proper way to set a marker, cats!" He stepped back for the Tribe cats to see. "You don't have to make it this long, but you get the idea, I guess."

The rock read, "triybs theretoree DOO NOT TRESPAS! is entiyerlee leeghalee ownd- duhckreed biy now partihckyuler gofherment tat I now of stepeng over boardr wil resalt in punismen of beeng frown of te meawntan an left to bee consoomnd by madjeckhal helfier." Lionpaw was still learning to write, and his words were sloppy, but Hollypaw could still read it. That was an improvement.

"Eh, yeah, we don't know how to read," Stoneteller sighed.

"Oh yeah," Lionpaw murmured. "Well, it says, 'Tr-… Tri-…" He narrowed his eyes in concentration. "Tribe's… ter-ri… tor-y… D-'"

"I'll do it," Hollypaw interrupted. Lionpaw would take up the whole day trying to read his own writing. "It says, 'Tribe's territory. Do not trespass… Is entirely legally owned- decreed by no particular government that I know of. Stepping over border will result in punishment of being thrown off the mountain and left to be consumed by magical-'"

"Hellfire," Lionpaw finished with a grin.

Brambleclaw padded to Lionpaw's side and patted his son's back with his tail. "That's… that's nice, Lionpaw." He forced a smile. "Um, I'll take it from here."

"Okay!" Lionpaw said cheerfully. He hurried back to Hollypaw's side and groaned quietly, slumping his shoulders. "Man, I made a fool of myself."

"You thought you'd seem all intelligent?" Hollypaw laughed softly.

"Well… yeah…" Lionpaw muttered. "But cut me some slack, 'kay? I'm not really considered that smart anyways…"

"Don't worry, you'll look back at this and laugh."

"Okay. I'm looking back at it." Lionpaw frowned. "I'm not laughing."

"No, wait a few moons. Then you'll laugh."

"Aw, okay."

"Mark the rest of the borders yourself," Brambleclaw ordered as he finished demonstrating. "Our scents should already be there- a little bit faded, but there. I'll point them out to you."

Lionpaw shivered as the group moved forward. "Man, I can't take this temperature," he complained. "I'm gonna get a cold or something…"

"Then jump into a pool of mud," Puffball suggested, speeding up her pace to match theirs.

"But that'll ruin my fur!"

Puffball glanced past Lionpaw. "Oh, Hollypaw, can you move back a bit?"

Hollypaw obeyed and looked to where Puffball had glanced at. There was a wide and shallow dip in the ground filled with mud just a few tail lengths away. _Ah, I see… _But what she didn't see was how Lionpaw didn't see it…

"Thanks!" Puffball meowed. "Lionpaw, stop here for a second, will you?"

Lionpaw frowned. "Sure…?" He stopped. "What do you- AHH!" Puffball shoved his side as hard as she could, and Lionpaw staggered into the pool of mud, falling on his side.

Breezepaw stopped as he walked by and laughed. "Who's the ugly one now, Lionpaw?" he called.

Hollypaw sighed. _Annoying. Think happy thoughts. Mice. Big fat mice._ That reminded her of Mousewhisker, save the fat part. And he wasn't that big either. But ever since she'd gone through her "change of the mind" back in chapter nineteen, she'd been all like, "Haha… hot…" in her mind whenever she was around him. Which was only once… Romantic background music had started randomly playing in the back of her head even though she'd never even heard the song before, and her heart started thumping. I mean, he was _cute._ And a great guy-friend.

Lionpaw coughed out some mud and sat up. "Very funny!" he growled sarcastically. "So, funny, that I'd laugh along with you if I weren't looking at your face. But dude, you would look even uglier than me if _you_ were covered in mud." He quickly glanced at Hollypaw.

She got the message, and she gave a slight nod of acknowledgment. "INCOMING!" She hurtled towards the mud pit at full speed and slammed into Breezepaw, knocking the breath out of him. They both fell into the mud beside Lionpaw.

Hollypaw jumped nimbly off the black tom. "You were good for breaking my fall," she commented.

Breezepaw staggered upwards and growled. "I'll get even with you for this… plus everything else. And my brownies will be avenged!" He coughed some mud out of his mouth.

Jaypaw rolled his eyes. "Seriously?" he meowed. "Still?"

Lionpaw bared his teeth. "Shut up, Jay-" He stopped abruptly. "Wait, how did you get here?"

Jaypaw's eyes widened, as if just remembering something. "Oh, crap, uh… Hollypaw, you're hot and fluffy! YOU'VE SEEN NOTHING!" He poofed away in a flurry of confetti.

"Ooh!" Puffball batted at the sparkly stuff drifting slowly towards the ground.

Hollypaw blinked some of the confetti out of her eyes. "What'd he just say?" she asked dazedly.

"He did that teleporting thing, and you have to flirt with a cat of a different gender to get back to where you started…" Lionpaw explained. "I don't know exactly how it works, but it's pretty cool."

"No… he said that I'm"-Hollypaw's muddy tail twitched-" _fluffy_!" She groaned. "Why does everyone have to keep reminding me of my obscenely fluffy fur?!"

"'Cause it's fluffy," Breezepaw scoffed. Then he coughed some more mud out of his mouth.

Hollypaw sighed. "I'm gonna need to see a therapist about this," she muttered.

"Hey! Stop playing in the mud!" Brambleclaw called. "You're holding us up!"

They rushed back to the group. Later, they found Crowfeather's scent on a border and decided that they had done their half, so they went back to the Tribe's cave, where Stoneteller called yet another meeting. Heh, major scene change.

"Tribe," he sighed. "I'll have to say that I'm sorry." He looked around at the cats solemnly. "I've decided that we can't..." He swallowed painfully and started again. "We can't have any more random parties until this crisis has been resolved."

"What?!" one cat yowled incredulously.

"MUTINY!" shrieked another.

Everybody started shouting at once. Hollypaw didn't get what the big deal was. I mean, it was just parties… where they went high… and woke up with very heavy hangovers… And that created problems. Like… what if they were too high to realize that a bunch of twolegs were coming to take over and blindly surrendered? What if they were _still_ high after that and "accidentally" threw each other off the mountain? What if they then left their dead bodies to be eaten by their newly-built, half-steroid, half-mechanical, laser-shooting, venom-spitting, dirty-farting, randomly-cursing, semi-modern eagles? _AND THEN_ what if the remaining survivors randomly decided to become vicious cannibals and invaded every cat and twoleg civilization in existence, eventually taking over the _world?!_

Hollypaw blinked. _No, that's silly… _she thought, ashamed of her stupidness._ What if they eventually took over the UNIVERSE?!_ That made more sense.

"NO!" Stoneteller shrieked, bringing Hollypaw back to reality. "SHUT YOUR FREAKIN' MUZZLES AND CALM DOWN! I SWEAR, I _WILL_ CUT YOUR TONGUE OFF!" He wielded a large butcher's knife with his tail threateningly. Everyone was instantly silenced.

Stoneteller continued more calmly, stowing his knife away. "So, in conclusion, we'll have to be… more… mature," he choked out. "Ahem. Sorry 'bout that. Anyways, I don't like the borders because they're basically just more work. I mean, who cares about scents?" He laughed. "Psshh, seriously?"

Brambleclaw glared at him.

Stoneteller's smile faded. "Oh, sorry… no offense or anything. I just think it's kinda stupid."

Brambleclaw paused. "Stupid…" he murmured, stroking his chin with his tail in a thoughtful manner.

_Uh-oh. _Hollypaw knew what this meant. It was a trait shared by many toms to voice out their thoughts before announcing a totally stupid but (not) genius plan.

Brambleclaw gasped. "By golly, I've got it!" he exclaimed like some guy from the eighteenth century.

_Oh, please no, _Hollypaw thought. _PLEASE no._

"We'll go to where the intruders are and go all 'TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER', and try to talk them into leaving or something!" Brambleclaw beamed. "Then we can leave and never come back!" He stopped abruptly. "B-because you won't need us anymore, of course."

Stoneteller shrugged. "Okay. Take the cats you need and go." Wow, that tom was a really go with the flow guy.

Brambleclaw looked around. "Uh, questions?"

Squirrelflight immediately raised her tail. "I have one… Where did you put my medication?" She glared at Brambleclaw. "You don't want me to go nuts, do you?" she asked testily.

Brambleclaw shifted. "Er- that's not the type of question I'm talking about." He gave a crooked grin. "Heh, let's talk about this later, shall we?" But his eyes clearly said, _We _will_ talk about this later. _Talk about controlling.

"Anyways," Brambleclaw turned back to the crowd of cats, "we'll leave tomorrow, 'cause I'm kinda tired right now. 'Night." That ended the meeting.

Hollypaw immediately started… you guessed it. Worrying. None of the other cats ever seemed to worry, so she did all the worrying for them. Balance, cats. Balance.

Anyways, Hollypaw's worrying- right… What would the intruders' reaction be if they went all Star Wars on them? Or… where ever the "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER" thing came from. They might as well have planned to say, "WE COME IN PEACE! Just kidding, we're totally lying. We just wanted to say that because it's really cool and in right now."

Plus, according to her psychic powers, they wouldn't even get to talk to the dang cats. The intruders would just be all like, "Oh, NOOOOOO! We ain't lettin' you talk to NO ONE 'cause we're just too independent and awesome for you! Hee, hee!" Some cat would say exactly that, but Hollypaw just didn't know who… Probably a she-cat. Not a tom. That would be gay.

_I just jinxed it, didn't I?_

Yes you did, Hollypaw, yes you did.

**One day late-** Oh, I forgot. Lionpaw gets really nasty when I do that. Heh, moving on…

One day later, Brambleclaw stupidly had a stupid group of thirteen stupid, unwilling cats to stupidly join the stupid patrol; himself, of stupid-course, Crap, Talon, Speech, Trash, Stupidfur, Crowfeather, Tawnypelt, Squirrelflight, Hollypaw, Lionpaw, Breezepaw, and Jaypaw for some stupidly stupid reason. Hollypaw didn't even stupidly get why Brambleclaw brought him. Jaypaw was stupid. And it was stupid that Brambleclaw stupidly added him on the patrol on the last stupid second to make the stupidly stupid unlucky number of thirteen stupid cats. _And_ it was stupid to stupidly have half of the stupidly stupid cats be stupidly stupid apprentices and to-bes.

In case you were wondering, Hollypaw had stupidly woken up on the wrong side of her stupid nest that morning and was stupidly in a typical, stupid bad mood that she-cats her age stupidly went through often. Suddenly, everything seemed so stupidly stupid to the point where stupidness was the only apparent action in the stupid world.

The cats set out tracking a group of stupid intruder's scents, Brambleclaw stupidly forgetting to talk to Squirrelflight about her stupid medicine, Breezepaw stupidly remembering that his stupid precious brownies were stolen and stupidly bugging everyone about it, Stormfur stupidly recounting every stupid mental problem he had out loud, Tawnypelt stupidly accidentally flirting with Trash in a totally stupid, gay way, and Jaypaw stupidly being ignorant, selfish, and stupid. They stupidly lost the trail of the stupid intruders they were stupidly tracking, but Hollypaw found it again because the others were too stupidly stupid to even stupidly stumble upon it. Stupid.

Hollypaw then followed the stupid scents, the other stupid cats behind her because apparently, they couldn't use their stupid noses to stupidly sniff out the stupid odor for their stupid selves. They found the stupid camp, which was stupidly "hidden" behind a stupid rock that was too stupid and puny to even hide a stupid cockroach. Behind the rock were some stupidly-built dens and some stupidly-built cats that stupidly seemed to have no life- not even a stupid one- in their stupidly stupid little stupid world. The stupidness of it all almost made Hollypaw stupidly laugh, but she wasn't stupidly stupid enough to make a stupid sound before her stupid Dad, king of all stupidness, stupidly said so.

They stupidly waited, because for some stupid reason, they weren't going to do the stupid thing that Brambleclaw stupidly announced at the stupidly stupid meeting that the stupid cat called Stupidteller stupidly called for… "TAKE ME TO YOUR STUPID LEADER". No. That wouldn't even stupidly happen in a stupidly stupid world… But _this_ world was stupidly stupid, wasn't it? Hmm…

"Stop thinking about stupid stuff, stupid," Jaypaw whispered. "It's stupidly clogging my brain."

Hollypaw hissed back, "Yeah, well maybe you should shut your stupidly stupid mouth and stop being the stupidest stupidly stupid and ignorant retard in this stupidest stupidly stupid world, because honestly, if there were a stupidly stupid voting for the stupidest stupidly stupid cat in the world, you would be the stupidly stupid dope to win it with a stupidly stupid universal record-breaking stupid-score of twenty on a stupidly stupid scale of one to ten from every stupidly stupid voter, and in the end, your stupidly stupid prize would be a stupidly stupid black pegasus that you could stupidly fly to the stupid, lonely, and unsanitary island of Stupidis, the stupid land of the stupidest, where stupid cats go to be stupidly stupid to every stupidly stupid jerk there is around the stupid place and stupidly rename each other stupidly stupid names like Steve because they're just- that- _stupid_." She finished, panting. _That should show him._

Jaypaw's stupid mouth was agape. "I've never heard that many 'stupids' in one sentence," he mumbled stupidly.

"OH MY GOSH!" A stupid tortoiseshell she-cat about Hollypaw's age stood in beside the stupid rock stupidly gaping at them. "How did you find us?!" she stupidly gasped.

"Great," Crowfeather hissed stupidly at Hollypaw and Jaypaw. "You two need to be _quiet_ when we tell you to." He had his stupid angry/grumpy/bothered/really annoyed that he wasn't obeyed/stupid face on.

The stupidly stupid she-cat stupidly interrupted before Hollypaw could even speak a stupid word. "Our camp is hidden behind this giant boulder! You couldn't possibly have been able to find it!"

Hollypaw felt so stupidly angry at the stupid she-cat's act of sincere stupidness, that she just couldn't keep her stupid trap shut. "No," she growled, back fur bristling. "That stupid rock is _tiny._ And your stupidly stupid odor _reeks._ You stupid cats are too stupidly caught up in your stupid little world in there, that you don't even _care _to keep track of where your stupid scents are left!"

The stupid tortoiseshell stupidly flattened her stupid ears. "That's it, I'm tired of being treated like a piece of crap by every cat I meet," she snarled. "Just because _some _idiots have really strong beliefs in gender discrimination, it's like I'm trash! I fell off the mountain and nobody even missed me! My own freaking _brother_ rejected me!"

Brambleclaw stupidly blinked. "Hey, we don't need your whole life story here, we just want to talk to your leader." His stupid eyes darkened. "Otherwise… I'm ready to do a B and E."

Hollypaw rolled her eyes. Brambleclaw stupidly watched too much of that stupid Dane Cook. Really, who was stupidly stupid enough to stupidly realize that he didn't want to do a stupid breaking and entering until he'd stupidly kicked down a stupid door?

The stupid she-cat stupidly growled and stupidly looked over her stupid shoulder. "HEY, GUYS! INTRUDERS OF PRIVACY, HERE!" she yowled, then stupidly looked back to them. "Don't you see the sign?" She gestured with her tail stupid towards a stupidly stupid wooden post with a stupid board stupidly nailed to it.

Hollypaw turned and read the stupid sign. "PRIVATE PROPERTY" was stupidly etched into it with a stupid Ticonderoga pencil. Now, that was just stupid. The stupid Tribe had never even stupidly agreed to any stupid terms like that.

Lionpaw was stupidly the last to finish stupidly reading the stupid thing. Well, second to last, because stupidly stupid Jaypaw couldn't see it. "Aw, c'mon, they totally stole my idea!" Lionpaw stupidly whined to her. Hollypaw ignored his stupidity.

The stupid rogue they had stupidly seen earlier, Stripes, now renamed Stupid (in Hollypaw's mind), stupidly padded towards them, yawning. "'Ello," he meowed stupidly. "You here to try to get us out of your territory again?"

"You got it," Brambleclaw confirmed with a grin. "Or we'll do a B and E!"

A stupidly stupid, random white tom stupidly ran in. "Oh, NOOOOOO! We ain't lettin' you talk to NO ONE 'cause we're just too independent and awesome for you! Hee, hee!" He stupidly ran away. So, Hollypaw's somewhat stupid prediction had been stupidly correct, but the stupidly stupid event meant literally nothing.

Stupid stupidly laughed in a totally not-humored and stupid way, ignoring the stupid gay tom that had stupidly popped up. "Of course you will…" he said sarcastically. "Listen, I don't have time for this, okay? Next time, give heads up, and maybe we'll respond. But right now"- he stupidly glanced back at the stupid place he stupidly called "camp"-"we're having tea."

Talon stupidly frowned. "What, really? You're kidding me, right?" He skirted around stupid Stupid and stupidly peeked around the stupid rock. His stupid face went slack. "What in the world- ARE THOSE BISCUITS?!" He stupidly whipped around to face Stupid. "Where the hell did you get biscuits?!"

Stupid stupidly shrugged. "We know some pretty good pastry stores around here. Biscuits happen to be only ten cents each." He pushed forward stupid small thingy that looked like a stupidly stupid piece of stupid bread. "Would you like one?"

"ARE YOU OFFERING ME A BISCUIT?!" Talon stupidly screeched. He stumbled backwards and stupidly bumped into stupid Speech, who was stupidly staring at some stupid bird that was stupidly being stupidly stupid and stupid.

Speech stupidly turned. "Hey, watch where you're-"

"WHAT KIND OF A GODDAMN WORLD IS THIS?!" Talon shrieked. "CATS EATING BISCUITS AND DRINKING TEA?!" He stupidly sank his claws into the ground, his stupidly stupid eyes lit with some sort of stupid craziness, and his stupidly stupid legs stupidly twitching.

"EVERYBODY, RUN!" Crap yowled. "IT'S HIS ANGER ISSUES!"

Crap knew about stupid Talon's stupid anger issues? But he stupidly said that it was one of his deepest, stupidest secrets during his stupidly stupid hypnotism! Oh, wait, it was because he was stupidly Talon's stupid brother. Stupid.

Stupid's stupid eyes stupidly flashed with surprise, and he stupidly ducked back into his stupid camp, the stupid tortoiseshell she-cat stupidly following. The rest of the cats stupidly ran for cover to stupidly wait like stupid cowards until stupidly stupid Talon calmed down. Jaypaw, Hollypaw, and Trash were the only stupid ones left with stupid Talon. Hollypaw's stupid morning phase was only just starting to stupidly wear off, and stupid Jaypaw was obviously, of course, feeling the stupid need to be stupidly obnoxious. Hollypaw had no idea about that stupid Trash, though. That was weird... and stupid.

"Trash!" Speech stupidly hissed from beneath a stupid bare bush. "You get-… ugh." He glanced at the stupid raging Talon, who was stupidly cursing and shouting stupid things. The stupid guy could really get stupidly worked up about biscuits.

Speech stupidly nudged Breezepaw forward. "Go on!" he growled. "Get out there and drag them back!" His stupidly stupid face had "don't be stupid enough to disobey me, stupid" stupidly written all over it.

Breezepaw stupidly flattened his stupid ears. "Fine, fine, whatever." He stupidly crept out from the stupid bush and stupidly crept up to the three. "Hey, you guys want to get killed by an idiot with anger issues?" he stupidly spat.

Stupid mistake.

Talon stupidly whipped around and stupidly roared at stupid Breezepaw before anyone could stupidly answer. "YOU CALLIN' ME STUPID, KID?" His stupidly stupid eyes blazed threateningly.

Breezepaw took a stupid nervous step back. "No, I'm- I'm talking about Jaypaw." He stupidly glanced at the blind tom. "He's got anger issues… Heh…"

Hollypaw felt satisfied that stupid Jaypaw was insulted. He flattened his stupid ears and stupidly meowed, "Excuse me?" Then Hollypaw stupidly realized that stupid Jaypaw was talking to her.

Talon stupidly shrieked, "LIES!" and pounced on stupid Breezepaw. They rolled away, Breezepaw stupidly scrabbling to get free, but stupid Jaypaw hardly seemed to stupidly notice.

"I don't get it," stupid Jaypaw stupidly growled. He lashed his stupid tail. "You and Lionpaw are acting like I'm a big bully or something; avoiding me, snapping at everything I do, acting like you _hate_ me- I didn't do anything wrong!"

"You're a stupid idiot, Jaypaw," Hollypaw meowed harshly. "That's the stupid problem. You're, self-centered, ignorant, selfish, and above all, _stupid._ And Lionpaw and I want you to change. Or at least to give us a stupid apology."

Stupid Jaypaw stupidly bristled. "Oh, what, so you want me to say, 'Oh, I'm _so_ sorry for being so utterly _stupid_. I guess that who I pretty much am is revolting. I didn't know there was so much wrong with me!'"

Hollypaw gritted her teeth. "Jaypaw, you're being kittish. If you'd actually thought about what you were doing before you acted, maybe Lionpaw and I wouldn't feel this way."

"_But what did I do wrong?_" stupid Jaypaw asked, frustrated.

_That's it._ "You really don't know?" Hollypaw meowed quietly. "Well, here's a few. You don't care about what others would feel when you do something as long as you get a benefit. You're so conceited, that even when you fail, you think you've won. You're always the one to make bad situations seem even worse. You're never satisfied with what you have, no matter how great it is. You're always so helpless and needy even if others need more. You just like to tag along on things to prove that you can be strong, when really, the whole time, you're useless. And worst of all, you're oblivious to your flaws. _All of them. _It all just shows for how much of a burden you are to us."

Jaypaw stared blindly at her, silent. Hollypaw almost gasped when she saw the hurt in his eyes- it was so unlike him- and she immediately felt bad for what she had said. "Oh… Look, Jaypaw, I'm-"

"Sorry?" Jaypaw finished bitterly. "Of course, _now_ you are." His voice quivered. "You don't know me like you think you do. Nobody does. And it's because nobody knows how it feels like to be freaking blind and useless." Jaypaw swallowed back a sob. "Knowing that your littermates hate how you are so much doesn't help, Hollypaw. It doesn't help at all."

Hollypaw wanted to say something, but her mind kept drawing a blank. There was nothing she could think of to say that would help.

"I'll go now," Jaypaw choked out. "Then there won't be thirteen unlucky cats for you to worry about. And you won't have to bear my stupidity." He paused. "You're fluffy, Hollypaw. _Really _fluffy." He poofed away in a burst of confetti.

Hollypaw stared at where he'd disappeared, sat down heavily, and sighed. Now what?

"That was awkward," Trash mumbled.

"Wha-" Hollypaw whipped around. "You were here _the whole time?!_" she gasped.

"Um, yeah, is there a-?"

Squirrelflight darted from behind a rock, laughing hysterically. "Bet you can't catch me, Tawny! Bet you can't catch me! CHASE ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She started running around in circles. "Look at me, I'm a bird!" She jumped into the air and landed in a pile of snow piled against the side of the mountain. She lifted her head and shrieked, "I'M A BIRD!"

Tawnypelt pelted to Squirrelflight's side. "BRAMBLECLAW!" she yowled. "WHERE THE DARK FOREST DID YOU PUT HER FLIPPING MEDICINE?!"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW!" Brambleclaw yelled back. He was standing right next to her.

Breezepaw was bodily thrown through the air, and he slammed against the mountain wall. He landed in the snow pile next to Squirrelflight, staining the white with red. "That… guy… is… CRAZY," he gasped out painfully.

"There's a reason he's called Talon of Swooping Eagle," Crap sighed, then added bitterly, "At least he got an actually normal name…"

Talon trotted, panting, to Crap's side. "Sorry 'bout that," he grunted. "I haven't had a fit for moons. Needed to let it out." He seemed back to normal now, save his extremely messy fur.

"LOOKIE, A BABY FOXIE!" Squirrelflight cackled. She started pawing Breezepaw's face and licking his blood. That seemed demented to Hollypaw. Breezepaw tried to get away, but every time he moved, he flinched from his wounds.

Screech bowled into Trash and started batting her head with his paws. "YOU IDIOT!" he hissed. "When we say that you need to be more courageous, we do _not_ mean that you should almost get killed by a guy with anger issues!"

"GET OFF OF ME!"

Stormfur was crouched next to the rock "hiding" the intruders' camp with a haunted look in his eyes. "Biscuits…" he muttered fearfully. "Tea…" He shivered. "England…"

"What is it this time?" Crowfeather growled. "Another stupid mental problem?"

Stormfur flattened his ears. "I have anglophobia," he admitted. Hollypaw had no idea what that was.

Crowfeather growled bad-temperedly. "I don't get it! What kind of kit-hood trauma did you go through to get all this!" He batted Stormfur's head.

Stormfur ignored it and frowned. "You mean you don't know?"

"We went on a journey together, not a bonding vacation."

Stormfur blinked. "Oh, well-"

Lionpaw flopped down in front of them. "MERCY!" he cried as Brambleclaw fought him with sheathed claws. "I SWEAR, I DIDN'T KNOW!"

Brambleclaw went on tormenting him relentlessly. "Lionpaw, the first thing you were ever taught in your entire life was to _never eat things if you don't know what they are._" His eyes flashed angrily. "And I don't get how you can think that PILLS WITH BLACK SKULLS, CROSSBONES, _AND_ WARNING SIGNS PRINTED ON THEM CAN POSSIBLY BE CANDY!"

Lionpaw tried to push his father off of him, but he was too nervous to gather the strength. "Man... I'm not gonna die, am I?" he whimpered pathetically.

Hollypaw rolled her eyes. They were all stupid. Just stupid.

**Yes, I meant for Hollypaw to lose her grumpy morning phase in the middle of the fight. And two or three more chapters unitil I've finished making a parody of the whole book of Outcast! That's half way through! :D**

**And wow, I can't believe I've never did this before, but... Reviews, anybody? I wanna know if you people are actually still reading this. So type some pros and cons about this fanfiction if you will. I'll add a please. ;)**


	25. Battling the Warrior Way

Thankfully, Brambleclaw chose to let Lionpaw's punishment be the near death he was about to face. He was going to be suspended to shamefully standing in the middle of the clearing for a day with Hollypaw because of the suicide thing anyway. Stormfur only just built up the courage to drag himself back to the cave with his haunting memories of biscuits, and Squirrelflight- this is the part that made Lionpaw really feel sorry- would be completely nuts until they got back home. Breezepaw would have to bear with his wounds (happiness), Tawnypelt was still flirting with Trash, Hollypaw seemed quiet for some reason, and Crowfeather… he was Crowfeather.

After everyone- at the most- had calmed down, they headed back to the cave. It was a failed mission, basically because Talon's anger issues had to act up because of those stupid biscuits. What was wrong with biscuits? They tasted horrible and were incredibly fattening… but it wasn't something to get mad over or anything.

_And_ that retarded Jaypaw had poofed away in the midst of all the craziness.

Lionpaw growled softly. _Once I see that damn cat, I swear, I'm beating the crap out of the lump,_ he thought darkly. _Verbally or physically- _whatever. _I'm doing it._

Maybe Hollypaw would know where the guy went? He'd remembered her talking to Jaypaw or something. Probably giving him a few words of "wisdom", whatever she thought that was.

"Hey, Hollypaw!" Lionpaw hissed.

Hollypaw, who was walking a few paces ahead of him, didn't turn around. "What?" she asked miserably. Her head was down and her tail dragged along the ground.

Lionpaw hesitated and decided that where Jaypaw went could wait. He sped up his pace to match hers. "Uh, what's with the long face?" He nudged her side with his shoulder. "Come on."

"You can't even see my face," Hollypaw muttered, still not meeting his eyes. She obviously didn't want to talk. Meh.

Lionpaw sighed slowly. Well, she _was_ going to talk because he wanted her to. That was how it had to work sometimes. "Hollypaw, I'm not good at these things, but others seem to do this a lot at times like this… It's fine if I do this in front of other cats, right?"

Hollypaw shrugged moodily.

"Okay… here it goes." Lionpaw paused to add a dramatic effect. "Hollypaw… What has four legs, lots of fur, meows a lot, thinks a lot, looks like a cat, smells like a cat, eats like a cat, acts like a cat, and even _is_ a cat?"

Hollypaw seemed startled. She finally looked up and into his eyes. "Um… a cat?"

Lionpaw then remembered that he was supposed to come up with a cunning answer that everyone could laugh at but couldn't guess. Dang it. "Well… yeah, you're right." His face heated up with embarrassment.

But to his surprise, Hollypaw smiled. No, wait, of course… because apparently being stupid was funny, too. He did that easily for some reason. Well, then there was no harm done. Sort of. "Lionpaw, you idiot," Hollypaw laughed. "You need to grow a brain." She sniffed. "But thanks for trying to cheer me up."

Lionpaw tried to look confused. "Buh… what? Ch-cheer you up?" Yes, he was a horrible actor.  
"It was obvious by the looks you were giving me," Hollypaw sighed. "But… it was Jaypaw. I think we were being a little too hard on him."

"What, he go all sad faced on you?" Lionpaw snorted. "He'll make you do anything if he brings out the blind disadvantage thingy and makes you feel all guilty. Or his golden stopwatch." He resisted a shudder. That shiny thing kind of scared him.

"No, he was serious!" Hollypaw insisted. "I know he was. I mean… he's him, right? We shouldn't try to change who he is. No matter how much we want it." She looked down again. "But we _should_ get an apology."

Lionpaw huffed. "I don't care about apologies. I just want to start being treated like family instead of another cat that's fun to tease."

Hollypaw shrugged. "I think that'll come in time. We're still pretty young, you know, we're not all serious about important stuff that should mean a lot to us yet." And we all know how wrong she is. I mean, if you've read the entire Power of Three arc and everything, you'll know, but if you don't- well, just play a-… Um, I'll stop now.

They halted in front of the Tribe's cave.

"OKAY!" Brambleclaw gasped, letting go of Squirrelflight's scruff. He'd been literally dragging her the whole way. "Now… get… IN THE CAVE!" That gave Lionpaw a distinct thought about pedo bear, but he pushed the weird thought away.

Brambleclaw stumbled over to the river to get a drink. The Tribe cats were the only ones that obeyed him, willingly rushing back into their heavenly cave.

Squirrelflight giggled and pawed at the air. "Aw, you pretty, pretty little thing!" she cooed. Then she gasped. "NO DON'T FLY AWAY!" she sobbed. "FOXIE, WHERE'D IT GO?"

For some reason, Squirrelflight had been calling Breezepaw "Foxie". "It died," Breeze- no, haha- _Foxie_ muttered. His fur was clumped together from his dried blood. "It died in a deep, dark, smelly hole, lured by the intoxicating smell of dandelions. A magical stick used its sparkly powers to be incredibly flexible, wrapped itself around its neck, and choked it to death while horrible music by Rebecca Black played in the background. You know what the stick did after it'd killed it?" He sat down and hunched his shoulders. "It ate it."

Squirrelflight gasped. "No…" she whispered.

"Yeah, that's right, the stick ate it," Foxie growled. "When it was finished, all that was left were its bones and fat. The remains were cast in a sparkling green pit of doom where it was reincarnated into the most ugly, scariest thing you've ever dreamed of." He went for the epic-serious look.

"A-a burned marshmallow?" Squirrelflight whimpered fearfully.

Foxie blinked. "Y-yes. A burned marshmallow. And the stick is going to throw it at you one day because it… it didn't like what it ate and wants revenge."

Squirrelflight collapsed to the ground, crying. "NO!" she sobbed. "YOU WERE ALL THAT EVER MEANT ANYTHING TO ME!" She buried her face in the snow, from which huge sniffles were heard.

"Idiot," Foxie muttered, and he slid through the narrow pathway behind the waterfall and into the Tribe's cave.

Brambleclaw came back from getting a drink and had to drag Squirrelflight back into the cave. The rest followed as Stoneteller… yes, called a meeting. Lionpaw settled down next to Hollypaw and the to-bes to listen. Oh, and Breezepaw. Sure.

"EVERYBODY!" Stoneteller screeched. "I CAN'T FIND MY COMPUTER! WHOEVER STOLE IT IS SCREWED!" He looked around. "Cough up, cats! The punishment will be horrible!"

Nobody moved.

"Good, 'cause it's right here." Stoneteller held up his laptop with his tail. "Anyways, Brambleclaw's here, so we'd better listen to him again." He coughed.

Brambleclaw eyed him. "Um… yeah," he muttered. "Okay, well, bad news- Talon's anger issues acted up because of cats drinking tea and eating biscuits, and Squirrelflight's nuts 'cause Lionpaw just had to eat her darn medicine." He glared at Lionpaw. "So we pretty much failed at talking to the intruders. They kinda got scared when Talon started screaming and everything. So in the end, I have resolved to the random conclusion that we have to fight them for your territory. Everybody like war?"

"OOH, OOH, ME! I LIKE WAR! THE BLOOD AND SCREAMING IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND-"

"I'm not talking to you, Squirrelflight," Brambleclaw growled. "Ahem, but I'll let you all decide if you want to have a random war. You can just run away like cowards if you want."

Stoneteller looked around. "I don't know about you guys, but the coward thing sounds pretty heroic to me." He grimaced. "War is weak."

Lionpaw sunk his claws into the ground, even though it should have been near impossible to do that, what with the stone cave and everything, but he did it, so. Yeah. He hoped they chose war. He wanted to totally show off his awesome muscles and youth to everybody and be the heroically heroic hero that saved the day. No doubt that was definitely going to happen.

"We'll have a voting session!" Stoneteller announced. "Everyone who wants to abandon this dump, throw a rock at the cat you hate the most. Everyone who wants to stay and possibly die for a cold and prey-barren mountain, throw a rock at the cat you like or love the most." He seemed to be trying to make leaving sound better.

Nonetheless, Lionpaw pawed a random rock tensely. Nobody had moved yet- probably still taking in the fact that they had to throw a rock to vote- and he had no idea how Stoneteller would keep track of all of this, but he already knew exactly who he would throw the rock at.

But first, he needed a distraction. "Hey, Hollypaw, you know where Jaypaw went?" Lionpaw whispered.

Hollypaw shook her head. "No, but he might be out on a random, reflective, and dangerous walk right now, so I wouldn't bother with- MMFF!" A bird-sized rock (that wasn't Lionpaw's) slammed into her face, and all the cats in the cave turned to look, not having thrown anything yet. Lionpaw joined in and threw his rock at her as well.

Hollypaw staggered backwards as the rock collided with her face, spat out a tooth, and rubbed her muzzle. "Oh, god… Lionpaw, he said only _one_ rock!"

"The first one wasn't me." Lionpaw glanced around and noticed that Breezepaw looked away. He snorted. "You really don't want to stay and fight, coward?"

Breezepaw looked back with a scorn on his face. "What are you talking about?" he growled. "Of course I want to fight! What made you- AHH!" Ten rocks pelted him at once, knocking him over. No doubt because ten smart cats hated him. But that also meant that ten dumb cats wanted to leave, too.

The cave burst into loud wails and caterwauls. Rocks flew everywhere, back and forth, and into walls when cats stupidly missed who they were aiming at. Stoneteller whirled around trying to keep track. Oddly, no cat seemed to want to throw a rock at him.

Squirrelflight fainted, then stood back up again. She then walked around the cave uselessly. I have no idea why I wrote that.

Lionpaw glanced to the side for no reason and spotted Brambleclaw trying to pin Squirrelflight down. "J-just CALM DOWN!" he pleaded. The she-cat growled, slipped from his grasp, and darted behind him. Brambleclaw whirled around to face her. "Can't you stay put long enough for me to throw a freaking _rock_ at you?!"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Squirrelflight crowed, holding her head up triumphantly.

"Yes I will!" Brambleclaw flicked his tail towards the Tribe's giant gold bank vault that they had drilled into the cave's wall. It was where they kept their stash of money for flash parties. "I know the passcode to that thing," he growled.

Before Lionpaw could see the outcome, a few rocks hit him- for what reason, he didn't know. Then he got distracted by a bloody rage and started clawing at random things. By the time that the rock-throwing had died down, he was mostly uninjured, but he noticed that the Tribe's bank vault was half torn out. It was still closed for some reason.

Stoneteller fell to the ground from dizziness. "I'VE GOT IT, CATS!" he croaked. "THE RESULTS ARE TEN CATS TO LEAVING AND ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-SEVEN CATS TO STAYING!" Man, they had a lot of cats. It was then that Lionpaw noticed that ten rocks had hit Breezepaw. Ten cats. Look back up.

Stoneteller stood again, swaying slightly. "I guess that means you all want to _die_," he said. "But that's fine, as long as some cat is willing to be used as a shield." He looked around. "Anybody? It's either that or flee."

Squirrelflight piped up with a retarded look in her eyes. "OOH, OOH! ME! ME PLEASE!" She jumped up and down like a kit. "OH, PLEASE PICK ME, I REALLY, REALLY WANNA-!"

"No, Squirrelflight!" Brambleclaw meowed sternly. "You're staying in the cave because of your craziness."

"AW, BUT BRAMBLEYYYYY!" Squirrelflight whined, spinning around like a top. "IT'LL BE FUUUUNNN! DON'T YOU WANNA HAVE FUUUUNNN?"

Meanwhile, two hundred thousand ThunderClan Territory-lengths away, Jaypaw was standing at the VERY edge of a snowy cliff thinking about suicide. And how weird it was. Who would kill themselves on purpose? Forget about pain- what happened to that running away and starting over cliché? Didn't they put that in movies anymore? Great, now he sounded like some old dude that lived under a rock.

He turned and walked away from the cliff, not even realizing it was there. Then he randomly jumped on a big, round piece of bark because he sensed some sort of ancestry to his stick in it and started sliding at a fast speed towards the edge, still not realizing that the cliff was there. Jaypaw uncharacteristically laughed with joy at the thrill, the wind in his fur. Then he shot straight down the edge and died.

Hollypaw whacked Lionpaw in the head for no reason, snapping him out of his *random and *weird (*BEWTEEFULL! ABSOHLUTLEE BEWTEEFULL! [Get off, Lionpaw. -_-]) daydream. "Hollypaw, you're a Mary-Sue," Lionpaw muttered.

"I don't even get why you said that, but I'll take it as an insult and a compliment."

"How about you, eh?" Stoneteller was looking right at him.

Lionpaw was caught off guard. "Huh?" he said in a very unawesome voice.

"You can be my shield!" Stoneteller meowed enthusiastically. "C'mon, it'll be awesome!"

Lionpaw took a step back, even though he was nowhere near the old cat. "No thanks, I've got a life to look forward to…"

"Yeah, well now you don't!"

"Okay, random cats!" Brambleclaw called. "You know the drill!" The half torn out bank vault shuddered. "No, not you, Squirrelflight," he sighed. There was a whimpering noise.

Brambleclaw looked around. "Well… I see that everyone else is too stupid to know exactly what the drill is. So, uh, me, Tawnypelt, Crowfeather, Stormfur, _not_ Squirrelflight, Crap, er, Gay I suppose, Talon, Night, all the apprentices and to-bes because I'm feeling risky, and anyone else that wants to volunteer. Um, talk to me outside if you want to come, and we'll talk it out. We're leaving at nighttime because it's cooler that way." He walked away, the entire Tribe- save the ten cats, Stoneteller, and the ones already chosen- following behind him.

Lionpaw then did some stuff.

…

"Lionpaw, Hollypaw, Puffball"- Brambleclaw snickered-"_Foxie_, go in there and freak them out with your bratty screaming," he ordered. "I want them to be terrified enough to stumble into our obviously planned trap."

The ground was covered in a thin layer of snow. The mountain was lightly illuminated in the moonlight. That is all I will say.

Puffball looked scared and uneasy for once. "W-wait, wait," she panted, looking around wildly. "Guys, I think I can hear something."

Everyone pricked their ears. Lionpaw heard a bird squawk from nearby, followed by a flapping of wings as it flew away pointlessly. "Yeah… a bird," he clarified. "We eat them."

"We… Yes, we do," Puffball sighed. "Okay, I think I'm ready now." She peeked around the rock that stood in front of the intruders' camp. The place was really just a bunch of rocks, dirt, and a few straggly dens.

Lionpaw flicked his tail and led the way in camp, wanting to get the whole thing over with. "Uh, don't go near the queens or kits or anything like that," he whispered, stopping right inside. The intruders still hadn't noticed them, despite the wind blowing in their direction. Maybe it was the darkness.

"Duh," Foxie snorted. "Let's just start screaming foolishly and get out of here."

Hollypaw shrugged. "I'm all for it, I guess. Okay, when I say go, scream like-… like someone just stole your brownies." She seemed to glance pointedly at Breezepaw, and Lionpaw shifted impatiently. Hollypaw began slowly. "Ready… Set… G-!"

"Wait, wait!" Puffball whispered furiously. "I… I think I can hear some cats _talking!_"

Lionpaw's sanity snapped. This cat was drawing out the tension too much! "Yeah," he growled, "you wanna know why? THIS WHOLE F*CKING PLACE IS FILLED WITH _CATS! _STUPID. FILTHY. _CATS!_"

At this, all the stupid, filthy cats in the clearing turned to stare at them, confusion written all over their stupid little faces. Hah, they were so dumb, they probably didn't realize they were intruding their camp.

At least, that was what Lionpaw thought, until the tortoiseshell she-cat they'd seen earlier leaped forward. "IT'S THEM!" she screeched angrily. "THE CATS WE'RE TRYING TO UNFAIRLY DRIVE OUT! GET THEM!"

The cats in the clearing hesitated. Then realization dawned on their faces as they probably realized that Lionpaw and his group been standing there for a while. They masked their surprise with anger and stopped whatever they were doing, immediately hurtling forward at full-speed, all the while making loud and unnecessary noises. But they kept tripping over one another in the moon's dim lighting and turning back to help each other up while muttering some polite apology.

"Great, look at what you've done," Foxie hissed. "You totally ruined our plan!" He looked like he was going to do one of those last stand thingies.

"No I didn't," Lionpaw replied, backing out of the intruders' camp. His eyes were glued on the approaching cats. "Guys, listen to me, we can make them go faster if we just… RUN!" He tried to make sound like he was scared, and he turned tail and scampered past the tall rock. After a moment's hesitation, the others quickly followed.

Lionpaw and the three made a mad dash for the bend where Brambleclaw and the rest of the group were waiting, their paws kicking up showers of snow. They screeched to a stop at the turn, then regained their footing and stumbled onto the crowd of cats.

"Hey, move it!" came Brambleclaw's muffled mew. "You don't want to get hurt by one of these things!" Oh yeah; they were attacking with cannons and grenade launchers.

Lionpaw rolled off of him and tried to catch his breath. That was awesome. (Whoa, that sounded wrong…)

Brambleclaw shifted the launcher strapped to his back with his shoulder blades. "Get one of these for yourselves you four. The ammo's burning in the fire, just pick them out with the sticks." He peeked out at the approaching cats and raised his voice. "Okay, cats! When I give the signal, jump out and ready your fire! Aim for the closest targets!"

Gay's voice cracked with panic (possibly for the first time in his life), his grenade launcher sagging off his back at an awkward angle. "I don't even know how to work these things!" he whimpered.

"Then throw down your gun and help pull out the cannons!" Brambleclaw meowed. He glanced out one more time. "Okay, go! Move it!"

The cats ran out- each armed with a grenade launcher, some helping to pull along the cannons- and disappeared around the bend. There were some loud fires and screeches as the intruders got hit. Oh yes.

"Here!" Puffball grabbed Gay's fallen grenade launcher in her jaws and tossed it to Lionpaw. It plopped in front of him on the snow. "Use this one. It already has full ammo in it."

"Thanks." Lionpaw slid the gun onto his back and waited as the others pawed the burnt marshmallows from the glowing fire and loaded them into the oiled and greased guns. Burnt marshmallows as ammo. Yup. Even Squirrelflight had expressed some fear towards them, even though she was… mental for the moment. Plus, the things were sticky, and nobody wanted to get _that_ in their pelt. Lionpaw shuddered at the thought. It would take forever to get it out of his fur…

"Crap!" Hollypaw hissed as her gun poked her in the eye. "I'm telling you guys, this isn't the proper way to fight…" She rubbed her eye with her paw, then resumed to struggling in getting the grenade launcher in the right position. Lionpaw made no move to help because that wasn't the plot of the chapter. I'm warning you, Lionpaw.

Puffball reached out a paw. "Let me help!" She slapped the launcher and ended up knocking the gun into Hollypaw's head. "Hmm, you have a weird back," Puffball commented with a frown.

Hollypaw coughed.

Foxie growled impatiently. "Okay, here." He did exactly what Puffball did but somehow managed to get the gun to fit in the right direction. "Um, I think when you bend your front leg in the right position, the launcher comes to your face so you can start shooting…" Yeah, it was called advanced technology. So much better than what the stupid twolegs had.

"Can't believe you actually knew that," Hollypaw muttered.

Foxie pricked his ears. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, I heard you, I just wanted you to feel ashamed of yourself for saying such a thing to a handsome devil like me." For some reason, Foxie grinned. Oh wait- no, he…Man, that little bitch!

"Let's go," Lionpaw interrupted. "Uh- I wanna use this thing before the battle's over." Then he realized that he could've just walked away without waiting for them. "Actually, I'm just gonna walk away without waiting for you." He walked away without waiting for them.

They were doing good with blinding the enemies with giant bubbly marshmallows, but some cats were dodging and advancing towards the cannons. Bah, of course- because nothing was _ever_ flawless.

_Except for me!_

Lionpaw bent his front leg, brought the grenade launcher to his face, and noticed that that pointless brown dude, Dick or something, was already tackling Speech nearby the line of cannons. _Oh yeah?!_ Lionpaw crouched. Click-BOOM. He shot that guy off with a black marshmallow to the face. The idiot ran around in a frenzy and plummeted right off the mountain. Served them right for making camp right on the edge of a cliff. He was on battle mode, baby!

Then he suddenly heard Hawkfrost's annoying voice in his ears whining to Tigerstar about one thing or another. Man, that dude had enough hair spray as it was! He heard Tigerstar snap back a biting response, then start talking to him. "Lionpaw, can I borrow fifty bucks?"

Lionpaw snorted, looking around for another enemy. "Since when did you need money? I thought you rented out apartments in the twoleg place. You said you made good cash out of that."

"Yeah, well… the goverment found out I was a cat, and the apartment I bought doesn't allow animals… Something about hypocrisy." There was sudden a high-pitched ringing sound, but it quickly died out.

"Shoot!" came Tigerstar's voice. "We've got crappy connection here, sorry. Anyways, if you've got any money to spare, help me, 'cause Hawkfrost's annoying the heck out of me with his need for hair spray." He huffed. "Now he wants some fancy-shmancy designer edition or something… Hey, no!"

"LIONPAW!" Hawkfrost shouted. The ringing noise came back, and his voice went all fuzzy for a moment. "LIONPAW, LISTEN TO ME. GO TO THE NEAREST HAIR SALON AND-"

"That's it, I'm turning this off!"

"NO, I'M NOT DONE! I-"

There was a clicking noise. Then silence. Lionpaw was left wondering what the hell just happened.

Lionpaw then noticed that Gay and some random black-and-white she-cat were having an intense battle, like, two inches away from him. Hah, easy. He crouched, aimed, and pulled the trigger. Six times. The cat couldn't even move when he was done with her.

Hollypaw walked up to him and held up her tail for a hi-tail. Slap. Oh yeah, that's right. "Breezepaw kept trying to terrorize other cats with his basket-ball, so I decided to ditch him," she muttered, and snorted. "Trying to act all cool…"

Lionpaw rolled his eyes. "Some cats," he agreed. But inside he was like, _Oh, so that's how you want to play it, jerk? Bring it on!_ He was then distracted by another bloody rage. "Give me a second, Hollypaw…"

"Um-" That was all he remembered her saying.

After who knows how long, he felt Brambleclaw whack his head with a paw. "Snap out of it, the fight's over," he hissed. "We won, and we still have some fresh leftover marshmallows we can eat."

At this, Lionpaw halted. "Marshmallows?" he meowed excitedly.

"Yeah, we can have some later, son. Stripper just wants to have a few dramatic last-words to try to freak us out." Brambleclaw shook his head. "Bear with me on this, I have no idea why that guy thinks words would ever work."

"Uh, Stripper?" Lionpaw repeated.

"Oh, sorry, I meant Stripes."

"AHEM," Stripes coughed loudly. Once he had everyone's attention, he began. "I see that you will not willingly surrender," he meowed silkily. "That's fine. We will respect your borders as best we can… as long as you don't randomly attack us again, 'cause damn, I hate random things." He stopped as he realized that he had stepped out of his calm tone. "Er… I mean- oh, whatever." Stripes lashed his tail. "Just don't do anything rash or unexpected like… _marshmallows_, and-… and we might leave you alone. Got it?"

Crap pricked his ears. "Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm deaf, I couldn't hear a word you said." He looked like he was about to crack up, but he sucked it in. "But, yeah, sure we'll try not to do anything random." His muzzle twisted into a grin. "We'll try," he repeated.

"And you'd better try hard," Stripes growled. He flicked his tail and headed back into his awesomely concealed camp, his straggly group following.

Then Crap whistled in a tone that you would say "Whew," and Lionpaw instantly became horrified. Impossible! "HE WHISTLED!" Lionpaw screeched, scrambling away from him. "GUYS, THE DUDE JUST WHISTLED!"

Realization struck their faces like lightning. "Oh my god," Hollypaw whispered in astonishment.

Brambleclaw grinned. "Nice! Can you teach me?"

"I-it's not natural!" Stormfur whimpered while Brook stroked her tail along his back comfortingly. That guy's mental problems were starting to get on Lionpaw's nerves- he didn't act like that at _home._ It was like the Tribe triggered some traumatic memory… Oh.

Crap looked confused. "What? Oh." He held up an iPhone with his tail. "I must've gotten a message or something, cats can't whistle."

Stormfur sighed in relief, but Hollypaw blinked in confusion. "I thought that phones exploded if they were brought onto this mountain! How come yours didn't blow up yet?"

Crap frowned. "Exploding? But I've had this for, like, two weeks!" Either one of them must have jinxed it, because just then, his phone exploded in his face. A lesson, kids: don't bring your phone to the Tribe's mountains unless you want an excuse to get a new one.

Crap's jaw dropped. "I need to warn Stoneteller."

Lionpaw looked around. "Speaking of the guy, where'd he go? I thought I was supposed to be his shield or something."

He just shrugged. "Maybe he chickened out."

As the group began to roast and eat the marshmallows, Lionpaw heard the crackling of Tigerstar and Hawkfrost's phone. "HELLO?" Tigerstar yelled. "CAN YOU HEAR- oh, good. Did you totally dominate them?"

"I did," Lionpaw replied smugly. "Marshmallows work better than I thought."

"Okay, good. Uh, Hawkfrost says hi."  
"No I didn't, I said for him to-"

"Shut up," Tigerstar snapped. "Okay, so, Hawkfrost said for _me_ to ask you… Is your refrigerator running…? I don't know…"

Lionpaw blinked in confusion. "Um… I don't think we have one."

"Oh, well, you should buy one, then, 'cause I got one off Amazon for, like, twenty dollars."

"NO, NO, NO!" Hawkfrost yelled. "Gimmie that!" There was a static-y whooshing noise as he stole the phone from Tigerstar. "Let me try this again," he sighed. "Lionpaw, uglyguysayswhat?"

"What?"

"YOU'RE UGLY!" he laughed. Click.

Lionpaw frowned. "Huh…"

"Hey who were you talking to?" Hollypaw asked, speeding up her pace to match his.

"Buh…" Lionpaw searched for an excuse. "Thornclaw's friend, Awesomely Invisible Guy Named Bud Who Lives In A Rock That Is Underwater And Eats Pineapples Because He Likes Them, befriended me in the two minutes we were walking," he finally said.

"Oh… that's nice."

"So who were _you_ talking to?" Lionpaw asked randomly.

Hollypaw began a long and unnecessary speech. "Well, I tried talking to Puffball, but she was too happy, so then I tried talking to Speech, but he ranted too much, then I tried talking to Foxie, but he's… you know… him. And then I tried to use my psychic powers to figure out what our immediate future would be." She smirked. "It was pretty funny."

"What did you see?" Lionpaw asked.

Hollypaw continued smirking. "You ran into a rock."

"Oh, that's-" Lionpaw blinked. "Wait, wha-?" SMACK. He felt something hard ram into his face. "Owm… yoo wher 'ight…"

Hollypaw just laughed.

**Thank you to those of you that posted reviews! It was happiness. :3 I'm getting the feeling that only two or three people actually read this fanfic, but... whatever. :P It's fun writing. So yeah, have a happy Saturday, people!**


	26. From Outcast to Eclipse

After hours of wandering around aimlessly and unconsciously eating snow, Jaypaw finally realized what he had never thought of ever before in his lifetime. Maybe he _wasn't_ right one hundred percent of the time! _Oh my StarClan, that was so hard and unobvious to come up with! But why didn't I think of it before? And why the heck did I have an emotional breakdown? That is _so_ not like me! I need to get back to the cave and set things straight!_

Jaypaw stopped in his tracks, realizing he had no idea whatsoever where he was. He was definitely somewhere wet, but for some reason the water was warm and smelled weird.

As a last resolve, Jaypaw risked taking out his iPhone and calling on Siri. "Where- is- the- Tribe's- cave?" he asked slowly. He listened as the "di-di" noise sounded.

"_I don't get it,"_ answered Siri in her robotic voice._ "But I can check the web for 'Hair is in the bride's shave' if you like_."

Jaypaw lashed his tail in frustration. "You're stupid," he hissed.

"_Uh oh, something's wrong. Can you-"_ His iPhone exploded in his face with a loud BOOM.

Jaypaw tried for an angry kick at the remaining ashes, but he missed. "StarClan curse this shitty phone!"

Then he heard a flash-y noise and felt random confetti rain down on him. "GOD, THAT TASTED HORRIBLE," a familiar voice gagged disgustedly.

Jaypaw knew only one cat that used the word "god" so frequently. "What the heck are you doing here, Hollypaw?" he growled, hostility thick in his voice. "How'd you find me?"

Hollypaw straightened up and wiped her muzzle with her paw. "Well, your phone exploded, so I used the Tribe's convenient radar system to track you down." She narrowed her eyes at Jaypaw's weirded out expression. "Don't ask. And… I'm here because Lionpaw ate Squirrelflight's meds and got poisoned, so now he's kinda dying. Stoneteller's being completely useless, so you need to, like, do whatever you do to dying cats." Jaypaw felt distress crackling from her pelt, despite her light tone. He decided that for now, he'd have to let the memory of their fight go.

"Okay," he sighed submissively. "But…" A weird voice popped into his head: _Dude, this is the worst possible time to say that. Save it for later, you dunce._ "…But I need to chuck this rock off the mountain out of angst," Jaypaw saved. He chucked a rock off the mountain.

"Um… cool," Hollypaw meowed with a slight frown. She wiped it off her face as she continued. "Anyways, we've got a bunch of herbs in the cave, so you don't need to run around or anything." She sniffed for no reason. "Huh, you smell weird." She leaned towards his paws. "Is that-?"

"Mm'kay, let's go," Jaypaw cut in.

Hollypaw straightened up and forced herself to flirt with her brother. "Um, being blind is hot…?"

Jaypaw gritted his teeth. "Wow, why'd you have it make it _that?_"

"Sorry…" Hollypaw's magical words flashed them back to the cave, showering the surprised cats in confetti. She continued talking as if nothing had happened. "Okay, so Lionpaw's in Stoneteller's cave where Stoneteller's apparently 'curing' him… But really, he's just…" She shook her head. "Just get in there."

"Yeah. But you're coming with me 'cause I need help with herbs."

Hollypaw seemed surprised, but after some creepy in-the-eye staring from Jaypaw, she followed him into Stoneteller's small cave. There were other random as to reasons why he wanted her to join him, but that would have to wait until after he made Lionpaw throw up whatever he'd gotten in his system. Stupid Lionpaw. He hated getting the puke all over his paws. But first, he needed to have a talk with Stoneteller.

When he stepped into the smaller cave, Jaypaw noticed an uncomfortable stuffiness, very close to suffocating. Not good for a dying cat.

He heard Stoneteller trying to "cure" Lionpaw nearby. "Um… here, how about this rock?" Jaypaw heard something hard thump into Lionpaw's stomach.

Lionpaw gasped in pain. "That only makes it worse you idiot!" he choked out. He seemed too much in pain to even curse. Must've been pretty bad.

"Hey, hold up," Jaypaw ordered, stepping between Stoneteller and where Lionpaw lay on the ground writhing in agony. "Stoneteller, I don't care if you're millions of moons older than me, but we need to have a talk. Hollypaw, get Lionpaw outside in the fresh air." When Hollypaw didn't move, Jaypaw sighed and added unwillingly, "Please…"

"Sure, Jaypaw." Hollypaw walked over and lightly grasped Lionpaw's scruff, trying to drag him out as gently as possible.

Stoneteller watched them in amusement as Hollypaw awkwardly pulled a groaning Lionpaw out of the den, then turned back to Jaypaw with an annoyed air. "What do ya want?" he asked impolitely.

Jaypaw began with what was bugging him the most at that moment. "First off, I want to get the Dark Forest out of this stuffy cave, if it's not too much to ask."

Stoneteller shrugged. "Whatevs. Lead the way."

Jaypaw led the old cat into the C.P.S. (Cave of Pointed Stones, if you forgot), and continued talking. "Second…" He swiped his paw at Stoneteller's head, holding in a smirk of satisfaction as he flinched. "What in the world is wrong with you?!" he growled in a deliberately angry voice. "Wanting to abandon your own birth-place? Throwing random parties? Having no knowledge in just making a cat _throw-up?_ I thought leaders were supposed to be _good!_"

Stoneteller hesitated. "But the Tribe of Endless Hunting's fine with everything we've decided to do," he answered as if it were obvious. "They even said so themselves."

"Yeah, well just because _those_ idiots are 'fine with it' doesn't mean that you should actually do this stuff! Hasn't any cat died from your bad leadership yet?"

Stoneteller nodded with a conversational air. "Oh yeah, tons. But it's fine, 'cause we do a lot of force-mating." He narrowed his eyes. "The Tribe of Endless Hunting's fine with that too, you know."

At this, Jaypaw was almost at a loss for words. Force-mating…? That meant that you'd do… something, even with cats you hated. "You're all screwed up," he finally muttered. "Your entire race should be wiped out by now."

"We're that awesome, I know." Stoneteller's voice held some kind of note of agreement.

Jaypaw sighed, then saw Rock pop in out of nowhere. The apprentice greeted the ugly tom. "Oh, hi. What is it?"

"You may go home now, I think you've done your part against the intruders."

Stoneteller's eyes flickered to where Jaypaw was staring. "You gone nuts or something?" he meowed warily. "Look little guy, I'm sorry if a scarred you for life with the force-mating thing, but-"

Jaypaw held up his tail for silence. "Be quiet, will you?" He turned his attention back to Rock. "Is… that it?"

"I'm quite sure, yes."

"It shouldn't be," Jaypaw muttered. "Remember? The reason I came here? I wanna _know_."

Rock frowned. "Know what?"

"You told me that you'd tell me about the past and everything. Duh."

"Oh, yes, that's true. I think my memory's getting ragged…" Rock's mood darkened. "You're thirst for knowledge will be the death of you," he said mysteriously.

"Mmm hmm. Now shoot." Jaypaw corrected himself moodily when Rock's stern gaze prickled his pelt. "Please…"

Rock nodded. "That's better. Well, in short, the Tribe of Rushing Water used to live where you are living right now. There were two other tribes neighboring them, but we ditched the cats. That prophecy that you're worrying your head over and planning to tell your siblings in a few minutes also originated from where I lived… And that is all," he finished.

Jaypaw hesitated for a heart-beat. "That was… short…" he meowed disappointedly. "And kind of crappy, no offense." He couldn't believe he'd been stupid enough to travel all the way to the mountains for just _that._ He was sick of this place.

"I'd be lying if I said that no offense was taken," Rock sighed. "You'll stop taking things for granted in time… If you'll excuse me, I have to fiddle with your future…" He quickly faded away, and the world went black again.

Jaypaw noticed Stoneteller still staring at him like he'd died and come back to life. "I'm done now," Jaypaw growled bad-temperedly. He turned to the disgusting leader. "I really don't get why I wanted to talk to you… I shouldn't even care what happens to this dump."

"Haha, yeah…" Stoneteller skirted around Jaypaw to the cave's exit like the apprentice had rabies or something. "I'll be glad when that nut-head and his clan get out of here," Jaypaw heard him mutter as he shuffled out into the main cave.

_You're the nut-head you idiot, _Jaypaw wanted to snap back, but he decided it wasn't worth it for no reason.

He slipped behind the waterfall/exit and gingerly made his way to where it seemed that Lionpaw was having a seizure. Hollypaw kept feeding him snow, but Jaypaw knew that would do no good whatsoever. It was funny to hear/sense/whatever her trying to force it down his throat, though.

"Calm down Lionpaw," Jaypaw soothed in a "calming" voice. "The only side-effects the pills have are swelling throats, nauseousness, running noses, heart-attacks, weird itches, dry eyes, low blood-pressure, dry mouths, white fur, paralyzed tails, high fever, uncontrollable sweating, loss of will to live, suicidal thoughts, murderous reactions, and slow, painful deaths, but there isn't anything about seizures."

Lionpaw's eyes bulged even more, but other than that, he just continued choking and writhing on the ground.

Jaypaw studied his brother with his senses for a moment, Hollypaw leaning forward anxiously. "Well, here's my conclusion," he finally said. "Because I'm just that amazing, I can tell he's got an aching stomach, a swelling throat, a fever, and a few annoying itches." He flicked his ear nonchalantly. "So he'll live."

Hollypaw nodded. "Oh, okay, that's good. I thought they were going to cruelly kill him off or something, even though he's one of the main characters in this book… Hey, wait"- she blinked- "we're nearing the end of Outcast. Shouldn't there be some big event that ends the book with a note of finality?" That she-cat…

Jaypaw ignored her. "Let's see, I'm gonna need… Wait, actually, you know what?" He poofed up the herbs he needed with a flick of his tail. "There. Hollypaw, feed him the coltsfoot and juniper berries… please," he added unwillingly. He waited for her to move. She didn't. "And you don't know what they… of course."

Hollypaw shrugged helplessly. "Sorry, but there's a reason why I dropped out of medicine cat apprenticeship."

Jaypaw sighed. "Well, you know what borage leaves are, right? And poppy seeds? They'll help bring down his fever."

"Psshh, duh…" Hollypaw scuffed her paws around in the snow.

"You don't actually-"

"Yeah, sorry."

"Mmm. Okay, this obviously isn't gonna work in time." Jaypaw flicked his tail again, and the herbs disappeared. "We'll use some anesthetic and mouse bile instead." He glowered at his sister as best as he could. "We all know which one of them comes _first._ Right?"

Hollypaw nodded. "Yup. Totally. I totally know. I'm even thinking of it right now."

Jaypaw's paw twitched. He suddenly had the urge to bash his head against something hard. "Hollypaw, throw a rock at my face. Please." This time, he didn't have to force the magic word out.

"W-well…"

"Guys," Lionpaw coughed out weakly. "I'm- _dying_-over here!" He started coughing again.

Jaypaw frowned. "Wow, I actually forgot you were there. Here, have some anesthetic." He held up a sharp shot thingy with his tail. "I promise, it'll be easier to eat the mouse bile after this."

Lionpaw started gasping for air, and he tried to drag himself away. But with a flick of Jaypaw's ear, Hollypaw was pinning him down. "SHIT!" was all Lionpaw managed to say before Jaypaw inserted the anesthetic.

Jaypaw stepped back and threw the shot thingy aside. "Hollypaw, shove the mouse bile down his throat before he starts getting drowsy." She didn't move. Jaypaw lashed his tail. "There's no time for the magic word, 'kay? It's kind of life and death here?"

Hollypaw did as she was told. Seconds later, the snow was warm and sticky with puke, and Lionpaw was fast asleep. Then Jaypaw remembered that he was supposed to tell his littermates about the whole "power of stars in our paws" thing. _Shoot. I should've let him suffer._

Jaypaw sat down and was about to shove Lionpaw's face in his own puke in hopes of waking him up when he sensed Squirrelflight strolling by with a weird, foreign-smelling animal and a lollipop.

"What's that?" Hollypaw called to her.

Squirrelflight turned to the apprentice with a lop-sided grin. "A lollipop. Taste's good." She thrust forward her tail in which she held a large sucker. "You want some?"

Hollypaw took a step back and coughed slightly. "I meant… that fat thing you have with you."

"Oh,"- Squirrelflight patted the fat animal's furry side with one of her paws- "her name's Rose. She's a lion." As if on cue, Rose roared like the lion in that thing you see before movies. No idea what it's called, sorry.

Then Lionpaw woke up. "Oh cool, a lion!" He jumped up and started to pad towards his namesake, but Rose swatted him off the mountain. There was a pause of awkwardness. Then Lionpaw reappeared. "Aw c'mon, that's the second time this week," he grumbled.

Squirrelflight shrugged and led Rose into the Tribe's cave. There immediately came shrieks of horror as cats flooded out of the narrow exit, but most of them just jumped into the waterfall, miraculously surviving the fall.

Speech came up to Jaypaw and whacked him in the face in horror. "Did you see what that nutcase has?! It's banned! Dangerous! _DEADLY! _She should be chucked off the mountain! Stabbed with a knife! Cursed for eternity!" He went on fearfully ranting about what they should do to Squirrelflight.

Trash shoved Speech aside and looked around frantically, stubby tail twitching. "She…" she whispered. "She… SHE HAS A LOLLIPOP!" Her voice cracked. "You guys, _run for your lives_!" She began to sob in fear as she dragged a hypnotically ranting Speech into the waterfall with her.

Once most of the cats had chucked themselves into the water Jaypaw turned back to his littermates. "'Kay, guys, first off… I know that I've been really pissing you guys off lately, and… I'm…" He hesitated. "Sorry" was a last resolve. There were ways he could do this without seeming sincere. "…I'm a jerk. I mean, no, you already knew that-"

"You got that right," Lionpaw snorted.

"Shut up and let me freakin' finish, will you?" Jaypaw snapped. He took a deep breath. "So yeah, I use my blindness card on basically everyone to get what I want. But don't blame it on me 'cause genetics decided to go all wacko when I popped up. Um…" He tried to think of something else to say.

Hollypaw sat down. "In other words, you're saying sorry?"

"What? No! Did you hear me say sor-… the 's' word? I don't think so. I just… feel bad, okay?"

She shrugged. "It's fine, I guess. That's a good enough apology- the best we're ever gonna get out of you, anyway." She glanced at Lionpaw.

"Fine," he growled. "But it ain't over, dude."

Jaypaw nodded. "Sure." Now that he'd gotten _that_ over with, it would be easier to tell- _show_ them the prophecy. "Last thing guys-"

"Oh my god," Hollypaw meowed.

"StarClan, what now?"

She blinked in confusion, then seemed to realize something. "Oh, no, you just started looking all dramatic, so I figured something weird would happen."

Jaypaw gritted his teeth. "Anyways, guys… there's something that I need to tell you that will probably affect our immediate future, if not save our lives one day. And I recorded it on my camera."

His littermates blinked in confusion while Jaypaw poofed up his camera and felt around for the buttons. He fiddled around with the mechanism for half an hour until he finally found the right video.

"You know, I could've gotten rid of your blindness for a few minutes," Hollypaw meowed once he was finished. "Here." She flicked her tail.

Jaypaw blinked rapidly at the sudden light, then glared at his fluffy sister. "Now you do it, huh? I just wasted half an hour of my life, dammit."

"Well, at least I did it. God."

Jaypaw could think of no response, so he muttered "No filter" and played the video.

_"Aw crap, I'm in another stalker dream aren't I?" came Jaypaw's voice. The camera swerved around the drab place. "This place isn't even realistic." He kicked down a cardboard bush._

_Then the camera zoomed in on an old, scarred, and dark gray cat sitting in a hollow tree trunk. The tom dug his claws into the ground and looked around with a retarded air. "I've told them a million times… deathberries cure mice from catching leaves… but no, they think I've gone nuts, huh? I'm not nuts! I've never eaten them in my life! Gay they call me? They haven't seen that orange one with the striped gray! The orange one is mine! I-in a totally straight way!"_

_Jaypaw let out a snort of laughter from behind the camera. "I knew it…"_

_Then Firestar appeared at the corner of the screen, and he strolled to where the gray cat was. "You called, Skywatcher?"_

_Skywatcher gave a crooked grin, seemingly forgetting that he opposed himself as being gay. "Oh, yes, orange one, I was thinking we could meet up sometime- somewhere private, you know?" He purred. "Just you and me." Firestar just stared at him blankly, and the camera shook as Jaypaw let out a small gasp of hysteria. "Fine, whatever," the scarred cat sighed. "I guess you don't get the concept of whack."_

_Firestar nodded. "Oh, yes, I know how to play whack-a-mole. But I seem to continuously hit my face with the mallet when I try." He shuddered. "I was hospitalized for two moons… Unless you are talking about the-"_

_Skywatcher held up his tail for silence. "It's fine, I'll try this again later. By the way, thanks for re-building SkyClan." He winked. "You did a great job, being strong an' all." Firestar stared at him blankly again. "You don't know flirting either, huh?" the gray cat muttered. "Okay, we'll cut straight to the point, then… Haha, you get it? Straight?"_

_"I'm so putting this in the internet," Jaypaw breathed._

"Wait, wait, wait." Lionpaw tapped the screen to pause the video. "Jay, I don't get how the fact that there are a lot more gay cats in this world than we thought there were could save our lives one day."

"It could save your life," Jaypaw meowed simply.

Lionpaw seemed confused at first. Then his expression became one of horror as he seemed to realize what his brother was talking about. "Oh…" he mumbled, then in a stronger voice, he said, "Oh."

"We're exposed to reality far too young," Hollypaw muttered.

"Yeah." Jaypaw caught himself. "I mean, no. No, I didn't show you guys this video to tell you that Firestar and some random cat are gay, that's stupid. There's more to it." He tapped the screen to resume the video.

_"Anyways," Skywatcher stood and kicked the fake tree trunk aside, "apparently, I'm here to tell you some junk prophecy instead of…" He looked up and started drooling. "Those beautiful… green eyes…"_

_The camera shook so hard that it dropped to the ground with a crunch on the plastic grass. There came Jaypaw's muffled cursing as he picked the camera back up. Apparently though, the two toms were still oblivious to any watcher._

_Firestar had taken a step back. "Are you catching any sickness?" he asked with concern, resting his tail on the scarred cat's forehead. Skywatcher purred. "If you are, we have quite an experienced medicine cat. She is my daughter, in fact-"_

_"Your daughter," Skywatcher cut in with a sneer. He swiped Firestar's tail away with his paw. "Yes, I know her. I look down on the pitiful thing." He leaned forward. "I wonder if she sometimes wants to die… you know?"_

_"She gone through many hardships, yes?" Firestar agreed solemnly. He frowned. "I never knew that you took to stalking my offspring."_

_Skywatcher leaned away. "Ahem, yeah. Er, well, here's the prophecy if you're still interested." He cleared his throat and began importantly, slowly: _"There will be three, kin of your kin, who hold the power of scars in their claws."

_Firestar cringed. "Well… That seems rather violent, yes?"_

_"Shoot, uh… no, I mean, 'stars in their paws' not… Ah, whatever." He waved his tail dismissively at Firestar. "I hope I can meet with you again, orange one. Maybe somewhere more… appropriate." He scuffed the fake grass disgustedly. "Seriously, I'm delivering, like, the most important prophecy of all time, and all they give me is this crap. So what if I'm crazy? Don't they like my laugh? Here, I'll do it for you! HAHAHAHAAA!"_

_Firestar leaned away. "You're laugh is… truly unique, Skywatcher, I'm sure. But it wouldn't hurt to take a breath freshener every once and a while, yes?"_

_"Hahaha… I can do that for you," Skywatcher panted in a daze. "_Anything_… Haha… Ha…"_

_Jaypaw snickered. "Wow…"_

_Firestar looked up. "Oh, hello, Jaypaw!" He leaped over a fake bush and strolled over to him, seeming to completely ignore the camera. "You are here to wake me up from this horrid dream, yes?"_

_"Oh, yeah, of course. Um-"_

The video ended.

Hollypaw and Lionpaw stared at the screen in astonishment. "Jaypaw," Lionpaw croaked. "You're sure it's us?"

"Well, duh, it's not like I showed you this 'cause I thought it was for some other three cats that were coincidentally littermates and Firestar's kin." Jaypaw rolled his eyes. Then his vision went dark again. "Aw, crap."

Hollypaw fainted on the spot from shock and Lionpaw hurled himself off the mountain, yowling gibberish. Jaypaw smirked, stood, thought the common words of cliché- _That went well_- and reached a paw towards his camera. But he missed by a mile and hit something wet instead. It was also cold. And lumpy.

Jaypaw drew back, hissing. "EWW, LIONPAW'S PUKE! Dammit!" He ran off blindly with no intended destination in mind and suddenly found that he wasn't running, but falling. "Gah, curse this waterfall!" Then, fifty-seven seconds later, he hit the bottom of the waterfall with a stinging splash.

Rock appeared, floating in the air at his side, as Jaypaw resurfaced. "Congratulations, Jaypaw!" he praised. "You have successfully made it through Outcast. Only nine more multi hundred-page books until you fulfill your prophecy!"

Jaypaw groaned and sank below the water's surface again.

**Whoo, okay, sorry for a late update. I was writing the first chapter of The StarClan Awards, which I ask for you all to check out if you have the time. :) The next chapter'll probably come sometime during the beginning of summer break 'cause I need to think of what to do with ****Eclipse****...**

**Also, I have to say, thank you to everyone who's still reading. I know a lot of stories sort of stop before they even make it through the first ten chapters for one reason or the other, and all the views this story gets is one of the things that gets me motivated. About five thousand... is that a good thing? And the reviews are awesome, too, thank you for that! I smiled when I read them, really.**

**Well, I'd better hit the hay or Dad's gonna slam the computer shut on my fingers. Thanks for reading! ^_^**


	27. STUPID PLOT

She was flying. And it was wonderful. Clouds like fluffy marshmallows before they burned up, the wind in her fur, the feeling of being weightless… There were so many she-cats she knew that wanted that. The weightless thing. Hollypaw flew high into the sky where she met a flock of eagles… They were… eating each other. Violently. _Aww, how cute! _She flew closer and noticed a random sleeping cat in the middle of the flock. And God was that cat ugly! Like, really ugly- it didn't have any fur or anything. Ew. But she weaved her way through the fighting eagles and flew closer- just out of curiosity. Then the cat slowly opened its eyes and craned its head to look at her. Hollypaw recoiled, horrified. What kind of a cat got eye tattoos?!

Then a beautiful she-cat appeared flying alongside her. No wait, it was Lionpaw. He was actually very graceful for a tom. No wonder the teleporting thing worked for him. He whacked her on the head. Gracefully. "What the heck is wrong with you?" he hissed. "Wanna die or something?"

Hollypaw blinked and looked down. She was teetering on the very edge of the mountains, approximately twenty-hundred feet in the air. She gasped and stumbled backwards. "H-how'd I get here?"

"She was day-dreaming about stupid stuff and stuff," Jaypaw said, joining them. "We're part of a prophecy that says we have more power than our ancestors, but that doesn't necessarily mean we can fly."

"Well, obviously, _Lionpaw_ can't fly." She shot him a glance. "How many times off the mountain now? Like, six?"

"Actually, just three times…"

"Yeah." Hollypaw turned back to the clouds below. "But _I_ might be able to fly…"

Lionpaw's eyes widened. "No, dude- _don't_ do it, Hollypaw. There's only a one in a million chances that you'll be able to poof yourself back up here, trust me. I checked the Wikipedia. It's all there."

Hollypaw glared at him. "And you were able to do it three times in a row? I know, really unlikely that I'll survive."

"That's only because I had a bunch of evil dead cats on my side."

Hollypaw pricked her ears. "What?"

"Oh, look, Tawnypelt's dragging Jaypaw away!" Lionpaw exclaimed. He whipped around, and Hollypaw followed his gaze. Jaypaw was allowing himself to be dragged to check on Squirrelflight by Tawnypelt. They were making slow progress, and Jaypaw was obviously choosing to be a pain in the butt by being too lazy to stand up. He looked bored. Squirrelflight stared across at them with creepy-bulgy-cross-eyed face.

"Oh… sure." Hollypaw's green eyes flickered with confusion.

"Oh yeah! You guys are hunting with Breezepaw!" Tawnypelt called over her shoulder.

Oh God. Hollypaw was getting seriously creeped out by the tom. What made it worse was that she didn't know anything about his obvious secret because the plot made things that stupid. Hollypaw hated the plot. But she quickly forgot about it because the magical magic did magical things to her brain that made her loose memory. Do not question the magical magic.

So they had to go hunting with Breezepaw even though the mountains were obviously barren and unsustainable for any kind of life. The warriors were hungry though, so the slaves set to work lest they got whipped. After what seemed like days, they had finally hunted for a whole sixth of an hour; Hollypaw caught a mushroom, Lionpaw ate a quart of snow, and Breezepaw was fed a slightly poisonous spider. At least, that's what Cinderhella had said. She had a weird warrior name for someone that lived as a hobo.

That sixth of an hour really drained the energy from them, so they stopped to take a break. Lionpaw and Hollypaw started talking about the prophecy even though Breezepaw was still there, but they were so psyched that they didn't really care whether or not any other cat heard.

Lionpaw sat down in a patch clear from snow. "You know, I wonder if we each have the same power or different powers, or whatever? 'Cause I think I have the power of hotness. But you guys don't seem to have that."

Hollypaw rolled her eyes. "You're not hot, you don't even look good. I mean, if I weren't, like, your sister, I wouldn't go for you, no offense. You're more graceful." She shifted under his glare. "Well, you were in my hallucination. I actually thought you were a she-cat at first, but then I realized that she-cats don't look like my brother."

"Guys, what the f*ck are you talking about," Breezepaw cut in. He said it more like a statement then a question.

Lionpaw waved his tail without looking at him. "Shut up," he briskly said to the other tom, then he said to Hollypaw, "Okay, we don't really know what we can do yet, I guess… But do you think we'll feel it? I mean, when we do whatever we do. Kind of like a tingly feeling or whatever."

Hollypaw shrugged. "No idea. Like, when I do predictions and stuff it kind of comes naturally. It pops in my head and then I have the urge to tell someone for some reason."

"Well, then I finally know why you talk so much."

Breezepaw glared at the two of them. "What the f*ck are you two saying. You sound like gibbering idiots." Lionpaw just waved him away with his tail again, and Breezepaw's fur started bristling. "Will you answer one damn question for this guy here?!" he yowled.

They stopped talking abruptly and looked around. "What guy?" Hollypaw asked upon seeing no other cat.

"Me!"

She blinked. "Oh." She decided whether or not she really wanted to bother with him… Nah. She and Lionpaw started talking again.

Breezepaw's nostrils flared, and is short temper snapped. He started stomping around and screeching in an annoyingly bratty way. They still didn't look up. "STARCLAN, WILL YOU MAKE THESE IDIOTS STOP?!" No answer. "I SWEAR, WHEREVER YOU GUYS ARE, I WILL-"

Hollypaw listened with one ear. He didn't know that StarClan wasn't there. It was the Tribe of Endless Hunting's grounds. That was what Jaypaw had said, anyways. She had no real reason to believe his brother, but she did because the voices threatened her to. She forced back a shudder.

They went on talking and ignoring Breezepaw's angry rants for about two minutes, then decided that it was time to start scouring for imaginary food again. Hollypaw picked up her mushroom, and Breezepaw threw up the poisonous spider. Lionpaw slipped on his puke and fell off the mountain again, so they had to wait for him to poof back up. But it took longer than usual for him to get back to the ledge. Soon, they started to get worried. Sorry, Hollypaw started to get worried.

Hollypaw padded cautiously to the edge and peered over the side, anxiety building up inside her. Nothing. Just grey and clouds. "Darn it, he ditched us and poofed back to the group!" she snarled. Now she'd have to baby-sit that Breezepaw over there. Great.

Breezepaw blinked. "Wait… so it's just us?"

"Duh, it's not like Cinderhella's coming back, the creeper. Come on, let's go hunting."

He scoffed. "There's nothing here, stupid. We should just go back instead of wasting our time."

Hollypaw set her mushroom down and stared at him defiantly. "Hey, you know what, why don't we eat this mushroom right here and now because of how lame it is and go back to our masters without any food at all? Then we can be released to their ultimate fury and watch our very life drain before our eyes. It's not like dying is a big deal, we've got nothing to loose, so let's go commit some good old suicide! Won't that be fun? It would be lots of fun wouldn't it? I mean, it's better to waste our time getting killed instead of chasing imaginary food for about an hour to make it seem like we were making an actual effort. It's not like StarClan keeps secret records about us or anything, right? Only twolegs do weird things like that. But you're right, that's a great idea, let's go back. I'll split this mushroom in half right now. You want the bigger piece or the smaller one? Yeah, probably the bigger one, you'll want to make your last moments last."

"Can you shut up," Breezepaw grumbled.

"'Can you'? 'Can you'?! Put in a 'may' for God's sake! Who taught you your manners? Wait no, I don't want to know, it'll probably make me hate that cat for the rest of my life; one for not teaching you right, and two for actually attempting to teach you. Manners really matter, Breezepaw, you're not gonna get anywhere if you don't have any. Cats are gonna just stroll by while you bleed to death before their eyes because you never said anything-"

"Okay, okay, _may_ you shut up?!" Breezepaw snarled. "You're doing this on purpose aren't you?"

"Doing what on purpose? I'm not doing anything purpose, what are you talking about?" She glared pointedly at him. "Just let me be the annoying know-it-all that I am, okay?"

"No."

"Oh, sorry, wrong answer. Maybe you'll get it right next time."

Breezepaw rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll hunt," he said grudgingly.

So they "hunted" for another sixth of an hour. Nothing… Hmm, nothing… OH! Aw, no, that was just Cinderhella again. They actually stumbled upon a mouse and killed it, but it tore open to reveal a vegetable-stuffed inside. Gross. They left the mouse alone, and it came back to life and ran away.

But then - GASP - Hollypaw caught a rabbit with her Mary-Sue powers! Naw, she stepped on its dead corpse, but that still counted as catching it in her world. Breezepaw sniffed the rabbit and gagged dramatically until Hollypaw told him to grow up.

"Whatever," he muttered. "The only thing really good about that rabbit is that it's fluffy. I'd leave it alone."

"No. We'll take this back, this is good enough." She adjusted her grip on the decaying thing and gave him a strange look. No really, one of her pupils literally disappeared. "Since when was fluffy a good thing?"

Breezepaw shrugged. "Tastes better. But I don't expect you to know anything about rabbits 'cause you're too busy with your fat little mice."

Hollypaw's pupil turned back to normal. "Take a look at yourself in a pool. There's a reason why you're so skinny."

"Why, _thank you_. I'm so glad I'm not like a kittypet."

"That was never a good thing."

"I was being sarcastic, idiot."

"I was trying to make you sound stupid."

"Well, why don't _you_ take a look in a pool and see how obscenely fluffy you are?"

"I thought you said that was a good thing!"

"For rabbits!" he hissed. He sounded off and uncertain.

Hollypaw narrowed her eyes. "You're lying."

"Well, damn-"

Lionpaw shoved between them in a miraculous come-back. "Ah, nope! I don't think so, guys. That was way too close."

Hollypaw craned her neck. "Hey, I was just having a good fight, and you just randomly appear out of nowhere to stop us?" She hesitated and took a step back. "Wait, you really did appear out of nowhere."

"I did, didn't I? Hollypaw, I'm disappointed in you. You should stop being such a Mary-Sue, or you'll die and nobody'll care." He turned on Breezepaw and added angrily, "And _you_ need to lay off. It's never gonna happen, man, not in a million moons- not _ever_."

"Where did your fat, golden ass get its permission to shove into my business?"

"Good idea, let's go back. I'm sick of this place." Lionpaw poofed them back to the group before Breezepaw could say anything. Once there, the two toms walked away to complain to some cat or the other. Hollypaw immediately deposited her decaying rabbit in front of the warriors with her head bowed, then backed away muttering about honorable stuff.

Brambleclaw pushed to the front of te group and nudged the rabbit disgustedly. "Is this all thou hath to offer?" he demanded.

Hollypaw didn't look up. "Alas, Master Bramble, the land is barren. We scoured the land, but no prey is to be sought from the ground thou stands on to thy Tribe's territory."

Brambleclaw's eyes narrowed. "Shall I interrogate thou for thy truthful words? Or are thy words truthful?"

"Thy latter mentioned, Master Bramble."

"Okay, then our reenactment is over. You can share this with the other apprentices." Brambleclaw nudged the rabbit forward, then turned back to talking about whatever he was talking about with whoever he was talking with, wherever he was talking, however he was doing it, whenever it was, wherever it was, whenever it was…

Hollypaw feigned gratefulness as she took the rabbit but secretly threw it over the edge of the mountain. Nobody would want to eat that junk, bleh. Lionpaw complained about how the rabbit was perfectly fine and how hungry he was and how he was going to die in, like, one minute until Hollypaw told him to grow up. In fact, everybody needed to grow up.

They later said goodbye to Stormfur and Brook, who had chosen to stay with the Tribe. That was a stupid idea; they'd die of starvation and Stormfur's issues would continue to bother others as long as he stayed there. But it might have been for the best, because Brook had said they were following their hearts. Hollypaw had never been able to grasp the concept of a slimy, blubbery organ being able to choose the path you went, but the world only made so much sense.

In truth, Hollypaw was glad to be rid of Stormfur. The tom was a wimp, and he acted gay and soft all the time. Like once, they were fighting with some random patrol that had commented on how spoiled they were about their one-week trip to Disneyland, when Stormfur, who was leading the patrol, broke down and said sorry and ran away. Then Firestar took him to a one-star therapist and accidentally scarred the half-Clan tom for life, physically and mentally.

The same went for Brook. That she-cat spent way too much time worrying and hyperventilating about random stuff, like a dying blade of grass. And she was sure to get diabetes or something like that one day because of all the sugar she ate. A whole gallon of home-made lemonade… every night. Not to mention the ten pounds of sugar she inhaled at each meal- and she wasn't even near obesity. And when all those candies and sweets she lived on took over her system… it took literally _forever_ to find her. I mean, who hides underwater for three days? That was like being a RiverClan god. But whether it was just the side-effects of being born in the Tribe, Hollypaw didn't know.

So, yeah, then they went home in full relief because the Tribe had become that irritable to them. Jaypaw kept falling into wet stuff (that I will not mention) and tripping over rocks and stray cannonballs, complaining the whole time about how short the trip back was compared to the time it took to get to the mountains. They all listened with one ear, and while the guy had a point, they didn't want to answer him in fear of breaking the fourth wall. It had been happening too much lately.

Finally, after five whole hours, they made it back to the holy lake, Jaypaw literally screeching in every cat's ears that he was right about the ridiculous non-logic the trip had. They still ignored him and just stared out dramatically into the distance.

…

Hollypaw rejoiced in Squirrelflight's cure of idiocy. The whole Clan did, actually, even though she'd been fed her medicine within three minutes of entering camp. Upon returning back to normal, Squirrelflight had seemed confused at first, but nobody wanted to bother with explaining what had happened to her because of pure laziness, so she just shrugged it off and returned forgot it ever happened.

Firestar then strolled up to highledge and made a long speech about things nobody cared about.

"Hi, Hollypaw," someone said quietly.

Hollypaw jolted and looked around. "Mousewhisker?"

"Yeah." He sat himself next to her, staring straight ahead of him as Firestar droned on about frogs. "I'm glad you're all back earlier. I thought one of you would die or something 'cause you fell off the mountain…"

Hollypaw gave a short laugh. "Oh, Lionpaw fell off the mountain, like, ten times, but poofed himself back up every time."

"FOUR." Lionpaw shoved his head between them. "Four times. Get your facts straight, gosh…" He withdrew himself. "Well, I'mma go hunting. See ya." And he stalked away.

Hollypaw glanced at her brother's back. "Uh, yeah, four times off the mountain. Survived every time because of his unmanliness."

Mousewhisker finally looked her in the eye. They were such a perfect shade of green… Hollypaw licked up her drool before it came out. I know, bear with me. "…Can we, uh, talk somewhere else?" Mousewhisker asked. "Berrynose is taping us from on top of Birchfall's head over there for some reason." He jerked his head to his left. Hollypaw leaned forward to see, and sure enough, Berrynose was recording them from the vantage point on his friend's back. He waved his tail in greeting when he saw her.

"Sure…" She followed him to just outside of camp to a fairly soft clump of grass. They sat down and Hollypaw started as Mousewhisker barreled her with questions.

"How was the Tribe like? Were they mean or anything?" Hollypaw opened her mouth to speak but he cut through her. "No! I mean, how was it like with different cats and Clans and everything? Actually, tell me everything!"

"Geez, slow down," Hollypaw teased. She heated up under her fur at being alone with him, but she tried to hide it with a casual attitude. Typical. "Okay, well, to begin with, there's this WindClan apprentice that we had to travel with. He was a total pain in the… Uh…" She glanced at Birchfall and Berrynose, still on his friend's back. They were recording them. "…Can I help you?"

Berrynose stepped on his friend's head, jumping off his back from there, and got a close-up of Hollypaw's face with Birchfall's Canon camera. "Whoa, dude, check this out."

Birchfall scrambled to his friend's side. "What, what? Oh my…" He snorted, then rolled on to his back and started laughing loudly. His tail slapped into Mousewhisker's face, and the other tom jerked away. "Haha! Dude, that is the _biggest_ booger I've ever seen in my life!"

"What, really?" Hollypaw rubbed her nose with her paw in embarrassment. "Is it gone?"

"AWW, SHE FELL FOR IT!" Berrynose half-shouted, half-laughed. He high-tailed his bro. Hollypaw gave them the death stare. "Haha, dude, dude, let's get outta here!" Then they ran away, laughter echoing through the trees.

Mousewhisker stared after them. "My brother's an idiot," he muttered. "His friend's an idiot. That idiot Internet's an idiot. So yeah, as you were saying?"

Lionpaw strolled out from the bushes carrying some type of bird that nobody cared about describing. "Oh, hey, Hollypaw, you busy? Good, let's go look at this huge thrush I caught!" He steered her away with her tail. It was getting to be more than a coincidence that everyone kept interrupting her any means of conversation with Mousewhisker. Hollypaw gave her brother a weirded out look, but he ignored it.

Mousewhisker stared after him in annoyance. "Um, look, I think we were-"

"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH," Lionpaw cawed over his shoulder.

The young warrior frowned. "No, I mean it, we-"

"BLAH, BLAH."

"You know, it would be nice if you-"

"BLAH-BLEE-BLOO."

"Can you-?"

"BLAH."

Mousewhisker sighed grudgingly. "Okay, fine, fine, I-I'll-"

"BLAH BLAH."

"I'LL GO!" Mousewhisker shouted angrily. "Sheesh, don't loose your head about it." He moodily tagged along to an unnaturally conveniently-timed patrol just exiting camp.

Lionpaw blew a raspberry at his back and led Hollypaw into camp. "Wait while I throw this thrush at Mousefur, then we can isolate ourselves for no reason. That sound good?"

"What was that all about?" Hollypaw demanded.

Lionpaw shrugged. "Meh, I don't know." Hollypaw waited for him to continue. He didn't. "Oh, no, that's it." But Hollypaw's perceptiveness was of a low-average ability, so she could easily tell that he was holding back something. She glanced at his paw on a sudden instinct sent by a hyperactive kit fooling around with the controls in StarClan. Oh, he was holding something back. Lionpaw glanced down as well. He was in a guilt-tripping situation, so he grudgingly let the trail of ants he was holding up with his enormous paw go- but not before he whipped out his magnifying glass and burned one of them in a… burning death. Just to set things straight that his intelligence was higher above ants. Yeah, not really.

"Okay, well… sure. If you wanna. About the isolation." Hollypaw guessed that it was probably Lionpaw's time of month. Whenever that had started. She was actually kinda tired 'cause they'd just gotten back from a really long-short-normal-suicidal trip, so isolation sounded sort of appealing at that time.

Lionpaw grinned and threw the thrush high into the air, so high that it actually became almost invisible to the cat's eye. Hollypaw, surprised, started forward, but Lionpaw held her back with his tail. "Wait for it," he murmured with pricked ears. They suddenly heard a loud thump, and Mousefur's angry ranting immediately rang from the elders' den. "I'm awesome," Lionpaw sighed. "Hmm, I should get the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song for my ring-tone."

"But your phone blew up."

"Aw man, you're right. I'll get Leafpool to get me a new one. She does everything for us doesn't she?" Hollypaw didn't say anything. She was already getting light-headed from lack of sane sleeping and, um, stuff. "Huh, I'm tired. Let's go to sleep," Lionpaw suggested to fill in the space. He let loose the biggest yawn ThunderClan had seen in its existence to prove it and casually dragged himself to the apprentices' den, if it was possible to drag yourself casually- I don't know.

Hollypaw was about to stumble into the apprentices den when her ears were brutally stabbed with the most obnoxious thing to hear when you're tired. "Hi, hi! Hollypaw! Hey!" Cinderpaw jumped in front of her. "You're back! You're alive!" she exclaimed happily. "Sorry for all the exclamation marks, but guess what Cloudtail gave me! Guess! Guess!" She bounced on her paws giddily.

Hollypaw yawned. Her vision blurred in front of her. "Cinderpaw…" she slurred sleepily. "Look… It's pretty obvious that you've just had… I dunno, five cartons of ice-cream or something, but I'm pretty darn tired here. Can you save it for later?"

"No," Cinderpaw meowed incredulously. "Look!" She pushed forward a… jar of honey. "Do you _see_ that, Hollypaw? I'll shove your face into it if you don't see it, I swear."

"Yeah, yeah… some… twoleg thing," Hollypaw mumbled. She looked longingly to the apprentices' den. "That's real nice… I'll see you later, Cinder." She took a step forward.

Cinderpaw jumped in front of her again. "No!" she cried desperately. "I mean it, look. It's _honey_. Like, the most delicious thing in the world. And" - she jumped in front of Hollypaw again when she tried to skirt around her, though her attempts were lame because of her drowsiness - "I want you to _have some._"

"I didn't want to have to do this, Cinder," Hollypaw sighed regretfully. "But you leave me no choice… Jaypaw!" Before Cinderpaw could do anything, Jaypaw was there complaining to the gray apprentice about things that bugged him and other obvious stuff no one cared about. He'd been promised to be payed fifty dollars every time he did this for his littermates. It was a very efficient method.

He sat himself down in front of a confused Cinderpaw. "You know, I've always hated racism for some reason. I really dunno why, but there's something about judging other cats by the color of their pelt and other that stuff that bugs me, like how white cats with blue eyes are supposedly always blind. I mean, that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard in my life. Is Cloudtail blind? No. They might just be albino or something, and as far as I'm concerned albino doesn't mean _blind_. And when we had to study the history of black-pelted slaves about a moon ago; I swear I was ready to rip somebody's throat out. It's so unfair, you know? Being treated differently because of some stupid feature you have, or disability- like being naturally blind, for instance, on a totally unrelated subject…"

Hollypaw zoned out and slunk to the apprentices' den. Cinderpaw was actually listening, which was even better. She smirked. The other she-cat would be sitting there for a long time. Abrupt ending.


	28. Notice How Many Gays I've Been Including

**Meh late update, sorry. Summer's more busy than I thought it would be.**

"Jaypaw, help me!" Lionpaw sobbed wretchedly, waving his paw at him. He flinched as pain shot through his veins like snake venom. "Get the thorn out, it hurts like Tigerstar tormenting me when he secretly trains me in the Dark Forest! I-I mean it hurts like a thorn should, 'cause I'm a normal douche bag of a cat!"

"I'm just going to ignore that for the sake of the plot," said Jaypaw. "Wimp," he added under his breath as he prepared the herbs needed for treatment.

"I'M NOT A WIMP, YOU SON OF A BITCH."

"We have the same father, so that technically makes you a son of a bitch as well."

"Bitch?" Toadkit repeated from Jaypaw's emo corner. He had a swollen shoulder the size of an apple, which looked pretty big on a such a small body. Bee allergies were very inconvenient. "Why does nobody tell me what that means? Father keeps saysing it, but he doesn't tell me about it. What it mean?"

Toadkit flinched away as Jaypaw's face shoved into his and the blind tom hissed, "Fix your grammar you little brat, you're lucky to be living in such a censored yet uncensored environment!" This totally pissed Leafpool off, so she stabbed her apprentice with a stick and moved on with her life.

"He's just a kit, Jaypaw," Cinderpaw reminded him chidingly.

"And I fell off a fucking cliff when I was a kit," he shot back. Lionpaw's whiskers twitched in amusement as Leafpool stabbed his brother with a stick again, hissing about saving innocence. "Innocence!" Jaypaw spat once his ego recovered. "We've got cats cussing left and right, gays walking around like StarClan doesn't have a problem with them, and giggly she-cats reading fan-fiction about yaoi and porn! You really think innocence _exists_ in this place?!"

Toadkit whimpered and backed away in fear. But then he decided to be heroic and stuff, and he leaped for Jaypaw's tail.

"StarClan, you son of a-" Jaypaw whipped around and roughly smacked the kit into the den's wall. Despite the cruelty to the kit, Cinderpaw and Lionpaw laughed their asses off. "Oh shit," Jaypaw said.

"YOU FOX-HEARTED EXCUSE FOR CAT!" Leafpool raged, stabbing her apprentice repeatedly with her stick. "Can't you tell that he's just a kit, Jaypaw?! You need to be more tender!"

Jaypaw lazily shielded his face with his paw like his mentor trying to stab him with a stick was a normal thing. "StarClan no, cats would think I'm gay or something," he growled.

Leafpool ignored his comment. "And you two! Wipe those smiles off your muzzles, or I will _tear them off myself!_" Lionpaw thought about what a wonderful warrior she would have made. "NOW, GET OUT!" She literally kicked all three of them out of her den, then returned to a frightened Toadkit, reassuring him sweetly. Which most likely only scared him more.

Lionpaw scrambled to his feet and hissed as a sharp pain throbbed in his paw. "Dammit, this thorn's still in my pad," he muttered.

"Well, it's about time to suck it up and face it like a tom." Jaypaw stood. "Seriously, it was like your life was going to end."

_Well, someone woke up in a bad mood,_ Lionpaw thought. _Oh wait, he's always like this, isn't he. See, I'm so cool that I don't even need to put a question mark, and I have lonely conversations with myself in my head._ "Man, really? When did I give you that idea?"

"The first paragraph, you dumbass."

"See ya guys, I'm going out for an assessment!" Cinderpaw waved her tail. Then she jumped onto Cloudtail's wagon/motorcycle and raced away. Lionpaw sniffed. Huh. Vegetable oil.

"Well, Leafpool's not letting me back in any time soon, so I'm dragging you and some random warrior to the lake to gather mallow, when really, I'm visiting my precious- uh, my stick." He didn't wait for Lionpaw's consent and proceeded to interrogate the first warrior he sensed. "Hey, Mousewhisker, come with me to collect mallow or loose everything dear to you."

"Uh, okay."

And then they walked out of camp.

Lionpaw glanced at Mousewhisker, and his tail twitched in anger. _This_ was the guy that made his sister more of a Mary-Sue. During this thought, he completely looked past the fact that Hollypaw was lovingly obsessed with the warrior code and her own psychic powers, but that was too complicated to include into his thoughts in his stage of intelligence. By any means, he didn't want his sister to be a Mary-Sue, so he immediately became angry with anybody who helped that fact. Very deep and complicated logic in his mind. And Breezepaw. Bah. He made her even more of a Mary-Sue because a love triangle in fanfiction always meant an instant replay of Twilight. Naturally, that filled his hatred for the two to the brim.

Jaypaw stopped. "Wait, screw mallow, I've got a better idea." Lionpaw opened his mouth. "Shut up, nothing intelligent comes from that hole."

Lionpaw pouted. Jaypaw was being a big bully. That meant his brother was in a seriously bad mood today; usually it was just annoying and constant defensiveness. Huh, thinking logically was starting to give himself a headache.

"Okay guys, grab Hollypaw while I try to figure out where Cinderpaw is. We're going on stalker mode." Jaypaw slipped on a pair of black sunglasses and grinned. Lionpaw took his sunglasses back.

Hollypaw jumped down from the heavens. "Hi guys," she chirped. "I'm ready to stalk my best friend."

"What the fuck," Lionpaw stated. His sister slapped a sticky-note on his muzzle with CENSORED written on it. He spat it off. "Fine bozo, it's G-rated for the rest of the chapter…" That was the day he lied. He lied the next day, too, it was pretty predictable.

So the three let a blind medicine cat apprentice lead them to where Cinderpaw was because it was so much more logical that way. In fact, only a few minutes later, they had wasted a few minutes of their life.

And at that moment that marked a few minutes later, Lionpaw's inner awesomeness decided to temporarily kick in for an entire chapter. "Oh, bloody hell, I have to speak in a British accent for the rest of the chapter and Cinderpaw's coming! Everybody, loudly stumble into that conveniently placed bush over there!"

"Too late," Jaypaw said.

"Oh, hey!" Cinderpaw skipped up to them. "You're standing in the middle of the path! I'm not suspicious of anything!" She narrowed her eyes. "Move out of the way, bitches, I take assessments seriously."

"I haven't said anything in forever," Mousewhisker said.

Lionpaw glared at him. "Well, nobody gives a damn you bloody Mary-Sue supporter," he spat. He blinked. "Suddenly, I feel like eating biscuits."

"Wow, you sound gay," Cinderpaw meowed, interest heavy in her voice. She tipped her head to the side. "I saw you, like, what, a few minutes ago? What came over you, huh?"

"The bloody awesomeness," Lionpaw growled. "And since I have acquired a British accent, I will be saying the word 'bloody' an unnecessarily large amount of times."

"That makes no sense," Cinderpaw purred. She suddenly gasped, eyes rolling to the back of her head, and face-planted the ground. A bayonet stuck out from her recently healed leg.

Lionpaw gasped and jumped back. "Oh, god dammit! Wha- why does this British accent make me suddenly speak Christian junk? To hell with this!"

"On the bright side, it makes you sound smarter," Hollypaw tried.

"Oh. You're right, there, chap."

"You idiots, can't you see that someone's just gotten struck by a bayonet?!" Jaypaw hissed.

"Oh, we can see, brother, but you can't," Lionpaw mocked, smirking.

"Screw your gay accent, we've got a cat down, here!" the medicine cat apprentice snarled impatiently. "It's that World War reenactment again, isn't it? Isn't it! Where's her freaking mentor?! Cloudtail, you irresponsible son of a kittypet, get over here!"

"Oh, how I hate when cats torment me about that," Cloudtail sighed. He glared down at the blind apprentice. "Stop ranting like that, it makes you sound like a brat."

"Yeah, and why would you care?"

"I _am_ your mother's father's sister's unwanted son, you know, we're basically family."

"Oh, shoot, I'm beaten." Jaypaw expressively rolled his eyes. "Make yourself useful and carry this dying deer back to camp."

Cloudtail frowned down at him. "Is that really how you portray her?"

"Shut up and get to work, kittypet."

Cloudtail grimaced. "Sheesh. Do you hear this guy? Never heard him this snappy. Tell me, who dumped mouse bile on you this morning?"

"I feel angry and resentful for no reason. Get over it."

"Blimey, Jaypaw," Lionpaw muttered as Cloudtail hefted his apprentice onto his back. "I need to learn how to talk like that."

…

"And now, Poppypaw, your name shall be Poppyfrost, yes?" Firestar looked down at the she-cat. "I designed said name specifically to drive away toms by the sheer stupidity of it. Like you wanted."

"Fuck yeah."

"Ah- Honeypaw, you will be Honeyfern, because ferns taste like honey and honey tastes like fish." _Blimey, that's sexy,_ Lionpaw thought. "Now, I am greatly aware that this moment has no real importance to the plot, so let us end this short and sweet. Do not shout out their new names, it annoys me. But if it pleases you, you may jump into the lake and yowl about them there." He jumped into the crowd and turned to Brambleclaw. "Arrange the patrols while I sit in my den and do absolutely nothing, please."

"Yessir."

"No, I'm gay." Lionpaw watched in shock as his leader made his way to his den.

"I'm going on a patrol, bye!" Hollypaw said as she whizzed past her brother. Ten minutes later, she came back, along with the rest of the patrol, and Lionpaw was sitting in the exact same spot. "Ugh- Lionpaw! WindClan was, like, totally stealing our prey!" she complained. "It sucked, really! I mean, they went as far as to ripping out the intestines of an obese mouse and plastering its guts all over a tree spelling a message that said 'barnyard is in' and stapling the fur of the mouse to a random dead cat."

"How threatening! Those bloody cats need to go to hell!" Lionpaw gasped, beginning to bristle. Then he calmed a bit. "But I still don't give a damn. You should try not caring, too, Hollypaw, it reduces a great amount stress."

Hollypaw seemed horrified. "Never! You know, these days, it seems like no cat cares about what happens to anything, but I believe in two religions, and that means that I make sense! Why don't you try making sense, huh?"

"Because, shut up."

And that ended the semi-important plot point.

…

"Hello, Lionpaw, insert witty comment here," Tigerstar growled menacingly.

Lionpaw recoiled in hurt. "But I have a British accent!"

"Stop bringing that up, it makes you sound like a douche." Tigerstar grinned. "Oh wait. You already are. Evil laugh, I'm so smart. Tomorrow, we'll learn about how much better Christianity is than believing in StarClan, okay?" He began walking into the shadows. "By the way, you'll be training with just Hawkfrost tonight. I have to make things black and white between me and your idiotic leader."

Lionpaw blinked. "What is there to set straight? You're bloody evil and Mary-Sue's the heroic hero."

"Yes, but he's gay. Try to figure that out." He disappeared into the darkness.

Lionpaw's eyes widened as his awesomeness figured it out, and he decided to say it aloud. "By the blood and thunder, he's a-" Hawkfrost slammed into his side and pinned him to the ground. "Dammit, Hawkfrost, I was so close to figuring something out!"

"_Who cares, I just inhaled forty-five cups of coffee, and that means I suddenly have to right to do whatever I want,_" he rasped, bloodshot eyes bulging.

Lionpaw's eyes widened again as he realized another thing. "Wh-why the hell are your bloody quotes italic?!" he gasped.

"_Because, shut up_." He slashed at the apprentice's cheek, instantly drawing blood.

Lionpaw slowly looked back up. "Oh. I see what you did there."

Meanwhile, twelve dreams away in a perfect, lush, springtime-y forest, things were happening.

"I don't care how sexy I am, I am your _enemy,_ you dolt," Tigerstar sighed. "And according to the plot, we both die enemies, so… not happening."

"Do you not get the Romeo and Juliet references?" Firestar asked, voice almost pleading. "We both die, Tigerstar! Loving each other! And even as our hearts fail, the love still beats strong!"

Tigerstar rolled his eyes indifferently. "Don't you already have that gray guy you're trying to get? What's his name… Joey?"

"Graystripe."

"Oh, yes. Gaystripe. Why don't you go annoy him with your gay needs?"

"Ah- but I already do!"

"Then settle with him, for God's sake!" huffed Tigerstar.

"It is possible to love more than one tom!" Firestar defended.

"Then I'll shoot you with this pistol every time you decide to show up in my afterlife for romantic purposes!"

"B-but I love-" Tigerstar shot ThunderClan's leader with his pistol, and he slumped to the ground, dead. That, kids, one of the many ways Firestar lost a life off-screen.

Tigerstar blinked down at the leader's stiff body. "Huh, I should've thought of doing that earlier."

Back in the Dark Forest, Hawkfrost continued to relentlessly torment Lionpaw until the apprentice realized that he had the power to wake up. So he woke up and hissed like a vampire at the sudden bright light filtering into the den. Then he also realized that he still had his wounds.

"God dammit, I'm too bloody awesome for this!" Lionpaw hissed.

"Hey, Lionpaw!" Hollypaw poked her head inside the apprentice's den. "You're finally awake from your haunting nightmare! I'm going to ignore the fact that you're bleeding all over and tell you to join me and our mentors on a patrol of WindClan's border. We're looking for more of those threatening barnyard messages."

"Why can't we just get over it and not give a damn?" Lionpaw complained.

"Because that's not how Clans work, silly brother, we have to be overprotective of our territory and pride, or it's just not interesting for the readers. Now, come on, we don't have all day."

Lionpaw sighed and shook off a few drops of blood before following his sister to where their mentors stood near the camp's exit. He glanced at Ashfur disgustedly, who gave him a lazy greeting in return. Bah, why did Firestar have to give him this guy? He was totally awesome enough to get some better cat as his mentor, like Ferncloud or something. Oh yes he did.

"Hey, kid, stop looking at me like that, it's freaking me out," Ashfur growled as they exited camp. Lionpaw ignored him, of course. "We're doing battle training this afternoon, by the way. Today is the day that I teach you the art of laziness."

"Blimey, laziness? Oh joy, I get to do absolutely nothing!"

"Laziness is laziness, but it doesn't mean nothing, got it?" his mentor snapped. He glanced at his apprentice's indifference. "Look, even if we disagree with each other and can't stand the other's company we still have to learn from each other. Otherwise, our time is just wasted, and I've had enough wasted time in my life."

"My bloody time is wasted by just talking to you," Lionpaw muttered. He already had Tigerstar, anyways, and that was pretty much all he needed to be a successful bitch.

"You want me to explain laziness to you, kid? It's actually pretty simple."

"Fire away," Lionpaw sighed.

Ashfur smirked as if he were about to prove his apprentice wrong. "First off, there's getting rid of an opponent you have no chance of winning against."

"Uh huh." He didn't need to know this child's play. He was part of a goddamn prophecy, and he was going to be a successful bitch. An invincible successful bitch.

"All you have to do is to get that cat to stumble into someone else and run away."

Lionpaw frowned. Huh. "But it would be bloody hard to push that cat if you had no chance of winning against them, wouldn't it?"

Ashfur's dark blue eyes glowed triumphantly. "Hah, I never said _you_ had to do it."

He thought for a moment. "…Oh." By the blood and thunder, that was the first time in his life Ashfur had been right about something! And it had actually been intelligent, too!

"You gotta pay more attention, kid," Ashfur told him with a smirk.

"I can do what I want, dammit!" Lionpaw snarled. "And… I refuse to talk to you anymore!"

Ashfur just rolled his eyes. "Look, kid, you're sister's reading a book"- "Warrior code," Hollypaw mumbled hypnotically- "and Brackenfur's… being himself. Do you really think that's any better than talking to me?"

"What the bloody hell's wrong with Brackenfur?"

At that moment, Brackenfur poofed up a syringe and brutally stabbed Hollypaw's floating Warrior Code book with a glowing pink liquid. The book poofed into a rabbit and hopped away, causing Hollypaw to abruptly break out of her hypnosis, but before she could do anything rash, her mentor whacked her on the head. The she-cat blinked stupidly and looked forward again as if nothing had happened.

"Okay, fine, he's got problems. But why would you even give a damn to explain your lazy tactics to me?"

"My sister told me to."

Lionpaw stared at him. "You have a sister?"

"Yeah, Ferncloud, and I ain't proud of it either." His mentor looked up. "Oh, look at that, we're here."

While the warriors were checking the WindClan border and finding more barnyard messages, Lionpaw inconspicuously walked away and randomly found the tunnels again. Oh, how he wished that dynamite wasn't illegal anymore. Then he'd be able to cosplay Minecraft in a more violent way. Oh, and Heatherpaw. Yeah, he missed her, too…

While Lionpaw was staring intently at the tunnels, Hollypaw snuck up behind him, having found his trail of bread crumbs he'd left in case he got lost. She then used her marshal arts abilities to temporarily paralyze him and dragged her brother away by the tail.

…

Lionpaw was greatly surprised when Ashfur actually called him out of the apprentice's den for a _training session_. So surprised, actually, that he bitch slapped his sister and angrily asked her what kind of joke she was playing. She just took a picture of him in his raging state and walked out of the den. Lionpaw sunk his claws into his nest of moss. What kind of wizardry was this? Ashfur actually keeping his word and getting off his lazy ass for something as insignificant as a training session?

He hissed in surprise when his mentor poked his head inside the den. "Hey, I don't have all day, kid. There's my therapy session with Littlecloud in a few hours, and I ain't keen on missing it."

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, actually taking me out for a training session?" Lionpaw demanded.

"Taking my sister's advice is what I'm doing." Ashfur rolled his eyes. "Look, Ferncloud's got a sound-sensitive tracker injected in my spine, and she's gonna break it in half if I don't teach you anything useful. So get your royal fatness off that moss and get over to the training grounds."

Lionpaw reluctantly stepped out of the den and slowly followed his mentor to the mossy hollow. "Your bloody sister seems to like meddling with your life a lot," he muttered.

"Teh. Tell me about it. I'm glad she's in the nursery giving birth to Dustpelt's kits all the time instead of being a warrior." Ashfur didn't speak anymore until they'd reached the training hollow. Once there, he backed up against a tree and sat down. "Well, first lesson I can think of; getting out of a tight corner. Come at me, kid."

Lionpaw just stared as Ashfur licked a paw and drew it over his ear. "Aren't you supposed to attack me first?"

"StarClan, no, _I'm_ the one in the tight spot, here." He kicked at the tree behind him. "That's why I'm standing here. Besides, attacking's too much work."

Lionpaw sighed as Ashfur glared at him to start running. This was idiotic. If you were trapped, then it was either "yay, I won!" or, "shit, I'm dead." And because he was trained by the Dark Forest to be a successful bitch, he was most definitely going to win. Easy.

He ran at his mentor without hesitation, paws pounding rapidly against the ground. As he got nearer, he could see his mentor bracing himself to move, and at the last moment, Ashfur dodged aside- predictably. Lionpaw swerved to the side with him, a triumphant light in his eyes, but he hesitated when his mentor kept running in the opposite direction.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Lionpaw called.

Ashfur skidded to a stop, then turned around and began walking back to him. "When you're in a tight spot, just run away and find some other cat. You probably wouldn't have the skills to beat the guy, anyways, and it's probably not worth it if you do 'cause injuries really slow you down."

…Well, Lionpaw had to admit that he did have a point… Wait. He had a point. What the bloody hell was going on? "But what if I have the skills, eh?" the golden apprentice challenged.

"You wouldn't 'cause I've never trained you before." Ashfur frowned down at him. "Seriously, you need to lower your ego, kid, it's gonna kill ya one day." _Blimey, nobody can know about that Dark Forest affair, forgot. _"I'm done with this, let's go hunting," Ashfur yawned. "Ferncloud probably wants me doing more than teaching that one battle move."

"You call that a battle move?" Lionpaw demanded. Battle move- hah! It was just being lazy. He preferred Tigerstar's training over Ashfur's; it was much for satisfying and efficient.

"In my life, a battle move's anything that helps you and not your opponent." He rolled his eyes at his apprentice's snort of contempt. "Get used to it, kid, I'm not your normal gotta-work-hard teacher."

So they went out hunting- something Lionpaw had to learn from Hollypaw during his free time- but Ashfur's constant muttering was scaring all the prey off. "What do you mean?" he'd say as Lionpaw crouched downwind of a mouse or something. "StarClan, no way, I'm not doing that…" And all that other junk.

"You talking with your imaginary friend?" Lionpaw had to comment after getting up from yet another failed attempt at catching prey.

"J-just hold on a sec," Ashfur muttered, then glared at his apprentice. "No way, kid, I'm not as stupid as Thornclaw. I just didn't mention that Ferncloud stuck a Bluetooth in my ear as well."

Lionpaw began walking. "Well, chap, you're scaring off all the prey."

Ashfur's eye twitched. He turned his head away and hissed, "Fine!" then after a moment asked Lionpaw, "You noticed how close Thornclaw and Spiderleg are getting?"

Lionpaw almost smirked. "Your sister seems bloody attached to you, eh?" he commented.

Ashfur stopped walking for a moment to put a paw over one ear. "Just go along with it, kid," he whispered. "This she-cat ain't gonna be satisfied if we don't make conversation." He began walking again, eyes practically yowling at him to speak, and Lionpaw had no choice but to do so.

"Um… yes. It's bloody weird," he said after a moment.

"Yeah, more like gay," Ashfur snorted.

"Gay? That's Firestar and Graystripe, if you ask me."

"Well, I never asked you." Ashfur flinched and turned his head again. "I-I got it, I got it, okay?" he growled. "Gosh… Well, I guess, but it's one-sided. Those other two are practically in love with each other, just take a look at 'em."

Lionpaw opened his mouth to say something, but he felt something warm and furry, then suddenly wet under his foot. He looked down and raised his paw to see a mouse slowly bleeding its life out below him. "…What the bloody hell?" Ashfur began laughing the shit out of himself.

"'Ey! What's so funny?"

"Hahahaha! Wow, kid, it really sucks for you!" He continued to laugh.

"Tell me, you bloody bitch, I don't get it!"

"K-kid… Haha…" He laid a tail on his apprentice's shoulder. "You've been working hard trying to catch prey, yeah? But suddenly you get something without doing anything! Hahaha!"

Lionpaw blinked. "I… What's so funny about that?"

"Haha, hah… Ahh, kid. Hate to break it to ya, but you've got no sense of humor. Now, pick up your mouse, we're going back to camp." Lionpaw watched as he began walking back, obviously not caring to know if he was following.

Lionpaw bent down to pick up his randomly-caught prey and couldn't help but grin a bit. No matter how weird it was… he was starting to take a liking to his mentor.

**I've always wondered how it would be like if Lionpaw actually liked his mentor. Cuz in my mind it made me go "AWWWWWW- Hell, I'm doing this." So yeh.**

**Don't forget to review what you think about it. :3**


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